Wife Turned Me Bi
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So my my wife and I have been together for almost 7 years. About a year ago she told me she has been curious and may want to see what it is like to be with another woman. She say she has had these feelings since high school but never came out with them. I tell her if she wants to act on em let me know first about the other woman and please let me her first. I realize that if she wants to be with another woman than that is something that I can not satisfy her with and she wants to find a woman for her needs than I am fine with it as long as she doesn't hide it. She tells me she actually wants me involved in the relationship and wants her, me and the other woman to have threesomes( as long as there is no contact between the other woman and I). Naturally I was very aroused by this and told her when she finds a woman let me know.
The other night she goes out dancing and drinking with some of her friends, and one of them is a bisexual woman. My wife told me about her and they have ben good friends about 6 months but my wife says she is not attracted to this other woman at all. My wife comes homes about 6 in the morning yesterday (clubs here don't close until 5), still drunk and stumbles in. She lays down half asleep and say don't be mad but this bisexual woman and I made out at the club and fooled around more on the party bus ride back home. She didn't go into much detail about what happened at the club or how anything happened or how much happened on the ride back home. My wife has acted very quiet and weird the past couple of days and wont even look me in the eye. At first I wasn't mad but it has been eating at me a couple days for a few reasons. I know like many people after a few drinks she gets very horny, and my wife is a horn dog to say anyway so after a couple drinks she is dragging me to the bedroom. So is this first time she has got out dancing and drinking when I wasn't around and had some sort of a one nighter before. We both usually go out and enjoy a couple nights on the town with friends and without each other a month, but then I think about the times i don't even know she went out. I used to be in the military and went overseas, I used to go out for a month when i was deployed with no phone, limited mail ( I mean we weren't showering for month we were so for out and about). Even today since I left the military, I cant talk a lot about it, but I leave for several weeks at a time and I am not always at a place where I can call my wife. This is just making me wonder how many times has she gone out and did this sort of thing with another woman, especially if she has been attracted to other woman since high school, or how many time has she gotten drunk and found another guy? When I always leave its not like I am out drinking for a month, Im doing my job and its demanding and there are reasons I cant always call.
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My question is what are the chances this was her first time doing this, she only told me because she was drunk. Since then she wont talk about it.
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While I don't think she has gone off with another guy, I would think maybe she has done this with a woman before. If she does hook up with women, do you feel like it's cheating or are you ok with it?
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It depends to me, if she hides it or is only willing to say when she so drunk so she wont remember the conversation then yes i would. I she would let me know there is another woman beforehand than no i wouldnt.
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I think you're doing more damage to your marriage than you realize, or the fact that you have been apart for such long periods of time. That you've grown apart? Possibly your wife thinks that this is just a jerk off fantasy for you, nothing more. That you don't really care if she sleeps with other women because you are aroused by that, but would feel cheated upon if it were a guy because that prospect isn't arousing. I think that could be the reason why she doesn't want to talk to you about it.
A good frank discussion is in order about what it is that your marriage means and what you mean to one another.
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How My Sexuality Changed After My Husband Became My Wife
How My Sexuality Changed After My Husband Became My Wife
When I was a teenager, I met the person who would become my husband who would later become my wife.
Our first meeting took place in our high school psychology class and we soon became friends, talking a lot on the phone, as teenagers did back then. We dated briefly, but our relationship was short lived.
After some time apart after I went off to college, we reconnected, and after that, it all happened quickly: Our relationship bloomed, we fell in love, and we moved closer to one another to be together. After three years, I was proposed to. I knew this was who I was supposed to marry because we had split up once and gotten back together, unable to be apart.
But when my spouse came out to me as transgender, and later made a gender transition, my world was thrown upside down.
There was a lot that changed, but what I didn’t anticipate were the questions and public scrutiny that would surround my sexuality. I had only ever identified as straight, but by staying in a marriage with a trans woman, this identification was challenged.
According to gay people, I had to identify as a lesbian in order to validate my wife’s gender identity. But according to the court of public opinion on the internet, by doing this, I would single-handedly prove the conservative opinion that gay people can change their sexuality — that being gay is a choice.
Straight people just had questions; they could not wrap their heads around how I could be attracted to the now-feminine body of my wife when I was, for all intents and purposes, only attracted to men.
So what am I, and where do I stand? What does this say about the nature of sexuality? Is this about love, or is sexuality truly fluid and our physical attractions change over time?
Well, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been forced to dig deep and make evaluations both of myself and of society as a whole. And as a result of much introspection, I am beginning to look at sexuality as more fluid than people seem to realize it is.
I have a friend who identified her whole life as a lesbian, but fell in love with and married a man. I know a person who, after divorcing her husband, ended up in a relationship with her best female friend. I have multiple friends who left heterosexual marriages when they realized they were gay.
I know other women like myself whose spouses’ transitioned genders, and who stayed post-Gender Confirmation Surgery. I can’t speak to their experiences or sexuality, but I can say that I personally stayed because I loved my husband and I knew I could love my wife as well. My spouse, regardless of gender, makes me laugh, is kind to others, is politically active, shares the same political opinions as me, and has the same geeky loves as I do, including, but certainly not limited to, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Doctor Who. We had a great life together and a beautiful son.
I didn’t want to leave. And so, I stayed.
Physical differences in my wife are becoming more apparent by the day. At first it was the removal of hair, the application of makeup, and the growth of her head hair. Then came the changes of medical transition: the growth of breasts, the development of hips and a waistline, and the softening of her facial features.
Through these changes, I’ve remained attracted to my spouse. I find her new look to be beautiful in the way I have always been able to find other women beautiful, but the attraction is deeper since we have an emotional connection as well. The fact that I love her and care about her deeply translates into physical attraction; our love was always more than skin deep. I joke that I married her so that my children would have her eyes, and that is one part of her physical appearance that has not changed. She still has those beautiful blue eyes, with those gorgeous long eyelashes.
There was a time when I mourned the loss of her more manly features — even her chest hair, which ironically prior to coming out I was not a huge fan of — but that longing is gone.
I don’t understand why or how I still find her sexually attractive; all I can say is that I do. It does not mean I find cis women appealing in the same way, which is why this attraction may stem from the love I had for my wife prior to transition.
Staying with a trans woman means going against what we are taught by society about sexuality and gender. In an ideal world, people would fit nicely into one category: gay, straight, bisexual... but they don’t. I learned this the hard way, by being thrust into the world of unknown sexuality.
And now, having explored my sexuality in an entirely new way, I wonder: If people were not put into these boxes — if people truly were able to enjoy what they do and love who they love regardless of gender identity or sexuality — what would the world look like? Would it be a better place? Would everyone be happier?
At the end of the day, all I know is that sexuality is deeply personal and private. I know that I now identify as queer, and that no well-defined box can contain me.
And, really, that’s all anyone needs to know.
This piece by Amanda Crose originally appeared on The Establishment, a new multimedia site funded and run by women.
Sign up for membership to become a founding member and help shape HuffPost’s next chapter
History-Making Transgender Politicians
New Zealand’s Georgina Beyer became the world’s first openly transgender MP when she entered Parliament in 1999. At the time, the media heavily emphasized Beyer’s past as a sex worker, but she said the scrutiny “did not make enough of an impact to destroy my credibility as a human being, as a person, as a politician. Which is remarkable.’’
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Wife Turned Me Bi
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