Wife Seduces My Friend
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Wife Seduces My Friend
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I CAUGHT my friend having sex with my wife after a drunken night out together.
I’m 36 and my wife’s 34. We’ve been married for nine years and have a daughter aged seven.
We went out with friends one night and a few of them came back for a nightcap.
My wife had been drinking quite heavily. She started nodding off so I sent her to bed. Our friends drifted off home, apart from one, an old friend of mine from school. He went to the bathroom while I started to tidy up. I suddenly heard a banging noise coming from my bedroom.
I opened the door to our room and saw my friend having sex, lying on top of my wife’s naked, unconscious body.
My wife’s arms were around him. I shouted at him to get off. My wife opened her eyes and they rolled back in her head.
I shouted again and my wife said to my friend, “You’d better stop.” He slowly got up and started to get dressed. He then walked out of the bedroom apologising. He said he didn’t know what had happened.
My wife couldn’t remember much the next day. She is embarrassed and ashamed but doesn’t want to go to the police.
She insists that nothing is going on between them. Meanwhile, I’m full of anger and rage.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re shocked, furious and feel betrayed, and you can’t just brush this under the carpet. From the sound of it they were both very drunk.
If your wife was too drunk to give meaningful consent, it was rape clear and simple, but it is very common for raped women to feel somehow responsible, especially if they have been drinking.
If she finds it too hard to talk about this openly with you, urge her to talk to Rape Crisis ( rapecrisis.org.uk , 0808 802 9999). I doubt your friendship is going to survive this but for your daughter’s sake it is important that your marriage does.
Get Relate’s help to work through all the feelings that have been stirred up. (see relate.org.uk , 0300 100 1234).
MY dad nearly drove us both off the road in a panic when I told him I knew he’d been cheating on Mum.
My sister found some texts on his phone five years ago and it was obvious he’d been seeing somebody else.
She was 20 at the time and I was 23 and we decided not to say anything to avoid upsetting Mum.
We then had a string of silent calls to the house. Mum answered the phone one day and this woman told her everything.
My sister said she’d been sleeping with my dad for a year and that he had given her spare keys to our holiday flat.
My mum told my sister and she confessed she’d known about it for ages.
Mum said they were too old for her to do anything and she wasn’t going to leave him – they’re both 64.
Dad now has cancer and the prognosis isn’t looking good.
I’ve always been a fairly dutiful daughter but we were arguing about something unrelated in the car on the way to the hospital and I bit back at him about the affair.
Some things had gone missing from our holiday home – I knew it was this other
woman – but Dad ducked and dived and had an answer for everything.
I feel so angry that he may pass away and not admit to Mum he’s treated her badly.
DEIDRE SAYS: By all means tell your dad you think he should say sorry to your mother while he still can but if they both find denial more comfortable, you need to let it go.
Nobody can truly know what goes on in someone else’s relationship and if your mother is trying to protect herself from more hurt, that is up to her.
Your father knows the truth and it is on his conscience.
It could help to talk your feelings through with Family Lives ( familylives.org.uk , 0808 800 2222).
I ONLY found out that my partner was married when his teenage daughter turned up at our house.
I’m 45 and my partner is 48. We’ve been together for 12 years and have a five-year-old son together.
One day I was confronted by a girl demanding to see her dad. My partner came to the door and this girl went mental at him.
My partner then told me the truth – that he was married.
His daughter is 14. I felt betrayed. I keep imagining him and his wife having sex while I was on my own.
That was three months ago. I haven’t slept in his bed since.
DEIDRE SAYS: Being deceived for so long is devastating but it’s going to serve no one, least of all your son, to let your relationship freeze.
Ask him why he kept this secret. It’s no excuse but maybe he was frightened to lose you.
If you can be grown-up about this, the children might even enjoy having a half-sibling.
I TOOK an overdose when my boyfriend dumped me but he was then very sympathetic and we still have sex.
He’s got another girlfriend though.
I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 25. We were together for a few months two years ago.
We split due to my mood swings and constant paranoia.
I took the split badly and made an attempt on my life. My boyfriend was so supportive and confided in my friend that he was still in love with me.
He got back in touch with me a few months ago and we’ve had sex a few times since.
I know he still cares, but he’s going out with another girl at the moment.
Could he be scared to commit to me because of what I did?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your suicide attempt must have been very scary for your boyfriend.
I hope you are now getting the help you need. Often the underlying problem is your own lack of self-esteem.
And I worry this is leading you to have sex with him even though he has another girlfriend now.
Tell him he has to make a choice and don’t have sex with him again unless he
commits to you.
I’m sending you my e-leaflet on Raising Self-Esteem.
MY husband hasn’t so much as touched me since I gave birth to our baby boy six months ago.
I am 24 and my husband is two years older.
We have been married for three years and our relationship has always been good – until now.
I have done everything I can possibly think of to initiate sex with him but nothing works.
It is really starting to affect my confidence and I am sure our lack of
closeness will be having a bad effect on our baby.
I am especially worried because he has started coming home late – and always seems keen to get out of the house at every opportunity.
DEIDRE SAYS: Sexual guilt leads some men to find it difficult to link sex with the mother of their child.
Some can’t get the image of childbirth out of their heads or feel guilty about having put you through a painful experience.
But of course you need to talk with him about what’s going on.
Maybe he is also feeling pushed out and rejected.
Then try the tactics in my advice line Sex Play Therapy. Ring 09067 577 162.
MY ex has told our children she’s pregnant and I’m worried she will start to neglect them once the baby arrives.
We divorced three years ago. Our children are seven and five and they live with me and my lovely partner most of the time.
My ex has the kids a couple of nights a week but often says she can’t cope.
She’s had many boyfriends since the divorce, and our kids don’t even know the surname of the dad-to-be. Should I insist we meet up to discuss this?
DEIDRE SAYS: Meeting up sounds sensible. But offer extra support rather than accuse her. Is the unborn baby’s dad still about? If so, invite him too.
Family Lives can help you negotiate this tricky situation ( familylives.org.uk , 0800 800 2222).
I WAS totally shocked to discover my widowed dad has been viewing gay websites.
I’m 43 and my dad has been widowed for the past two years after a long and happy marriage.
He bought a laptop recently and I often check my emails during visits. Pop-ups for a gay website appeared last week.
I checked the browsing history and my dad had been viewing gay websites.
Should I raise it with him or ignore it?
DEIDRE SAYS: Assuming the participants were of age and the material is legal, then it’s none of your business.
Many straight men look at gay porn, so don’t jump to conclusions, and I think it will embarrass you both if you ask him about it.
Tell me what you think on my Facebook page today .
You can follow my life and sex tips on Twitter @deardeidre
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For the last 6months I have been beside my self as to what to do. I am finding your replies very helpful so thank you and please keep them coming I promise to let you all know what the outcome is when I have settled this
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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By
Jnkomo007, August 11, 2015 in Infidelity
Been with my wife for almost 15 years now married her 9 years ago.
About a year ago my best friend let his wife have sex with another guy while he watched and sent pics to my wife. A couple of months later my wife finally told me about it. not only was I shocked, but surprised that he told and showed my wife and not me, and she asked me no to speak to him, so he doesn't know that I do.
At the beginning of the year my friend started talking to my wife about wife swopping or her having sex with another guy, when she approached me in another kind of direction, I kind of said no also because I had at this stage had some suspicions.
Cutting a long story short.....I managed to look at her phone messages and they had sent naughty pics to each other, my wife's was just her breasts and he kept trying to talk flirty, all my emotions came in, anger, sadness, shocked.
Reading through it all it all seemed to stop around the time I had said NO to sex with other people or more accurately I said " I don't think I could deal with another guy having his way with my wife while I watch. then fast track to now and he is trying to flirt again talking naughty like "I want to bend you over my knee pull up your skirt and spank your bare bottom......" kind of talk and asking her to send more naughty pics. She has not sent any flirty replays to his texts though so I kind of feel she is liking the attention which I'm worried will escalate, but it is clear that she is not initiating it at all and that he is.
What also puts gasoline to the fire is that my friend is trying to offer her a job its a good job and we need the money but after reading all the messages I'm against it. I NEED help with the following
A Do I speak to both of them at the same time
D Or do I just speak to my wife get her to make him stop
Which ever the answer how do I approach it.
I love my wife and and can forgive my friend I care for him and his wife they are a big part of my life but I just don't know how to handle this and turn it around so that we don't lose each other.
You need to speak to your friend and ask him to stop. I'm surprised you'd still want him in your life, no friend of mine would do that. I think you're taking this lightly, especially where you refer to flirting, what you wrote is a lot more than flirting. Sexual harrasment & your wife cheating. Your wife disrespected you and your marriage. You talk to her separately.
I'm not sure this job is a good idea, but then you know your friendship, better.
First off maybe there is more under the covers than you think is going on. I would sit down with both of them right after another and confront them. Don't admit you have evidence (or at least limit your evidence and ask them about the things you do know that they don't know you know) but say you suspect something is going on and get them to spill the beans. Do that to each person and see what they admit or do not admit. This might give you some idea who is lying and who is telling the truth. Don't give them a chance to stick to the same story so do it quickly to both sides.
Once you have done that now you can go back and ask about all the discrepancies if there are any. I think this is the only way you will find out the whole true because I suspect there is going to be a lot of what they call trickle truth (little by little releasing small pieces of truth). Once you get to the bottom then you all need to talk about your expectations of one another including your friends wife. Sounds like your friends are swingers so if that doesn't appease to you then the best thing might be to part ways. You wife has majorly cross boundaries that she should not have crossed and the same for your friend.
You really need to talk to your wife.
Sounds like she and your best friend are on dangerous territory here.
Is she bored with your sex life? What can you do to spice it up? Do you need to flirt more with her?
Think of the things you would do when courting her that you don't do any more... try doing those again.
The job? I have to say it sounds like its being offered under false pretences... Be wary.
What you can't do is nothing. I guess its a good sign that your wife told you about it, the bad is that she is interested in him sexually. I think you have to decide what's more important him as a friend or her as a wife. They have crossed lines and I don't think it wise to let this go unchecked.
Been with my wife for almost 15 years now married her 9 years ago.
About a year ago my best friend let his wife have sex with another guy while he watched and sent pics to my wife. A couple of months later my wife finally told me about it. not only was I shocked, but surprised that he told and showed my wife and not me, and she asked me no to speak to him, so he doesn't know that I do.
At the beginning of the year my friend started talking to my wife about wife swopping or her having sex with another guy, when she approached me in another kind of direction, I kind of said no also because I had at this stage had some suspicions.
Cutting a long story short.....I managed to look at her phone messages and they had sent naughty pics to each other, my wife's was just her breasts and he kept trying to talk flirty, all my emotions came in, anger, sadness, shocked.
Reading through it all it all seemed to stop around the time I had said NO to sex with other people or more accurately I said " I don't think I could deal with another guy having his way with my wife while I watch. then fast track to now and he is trying to flirt again talking naughty like "I want to bend you over my knee pull up your skirt and spank your bare bottom......" kind of talk and asking her to send more naughty pics. She has not sent any flirty replays to his texts though so I kind of feel she is liking the attention which I'm worried will escalate, but it is clear that she is not initiating it at all and that he is.
What also puts gasoline to the fire is that my friend is trying to offer her a job its a good job and we need the money but after reading all the messages I'm against it. I NEED help with the following
A Do I speak to both of them at the same time
Yes, you need to speak to them both at the same time. It's the best way to confront two people who have betrayed your trust as a best friend and a husband. If you give them any leeway at all, they will try to deflect their blame and guilt back to you -- to evade feeling bad for going behind your back.
This is your opportunity to tell them how their actions have made you feel, and what the consequences of their actions are:
- end the friendship with your best friend, for example.
-marriage counseling with your wife
Invite her over so the four of you can talk openly about this behavior. She needs to know what her husband's doing behind her back too. As I said, don't give your wife or best friend any leeway of talking to them one-on-one or they will lie to you and to the other wife even more, to cover their tracks.
Then, whatever happens let your best friend work out his marriage problems with his own wife. That's not your problem to solve.
No because if you do that, they will conspire to lie to you about their involvement, when you speak to them each separately. I've read enough posts from cheaters here and people cheated on, to know that strategy never works.
When you confront them together, it's a way to call them both out on their behavior with nowhere for them to run and hide. They can't conspire in front of you. Sure, one of them could lie to you, then the other could back it up. But seeing them both sitting in front of you allows you to read their body language and facial expressions enough so that you can spot when they are lying to protect each other.
D Or do I just speak to my wife get her to make him stop
Which ever the answer how do I approach it.
No because she clearly likes his attention, so she will cover up his contact with her so that you don't know it's continuing. She won't make him stop unless you confront them both together. If she values her marriage to you over his fawning attention, then confronting her and him sitting down together will show you their true feelings for you and for each other.
I love my wife and and can forgive my friend I care for him and his wife they are a big part of my life but I just don't know how to handle this and turn it around so that we don't lose each other.
Frankly, I don't think your best friend respects you and you seriously need to reconsider this friendship with him for going behind your back the way he has. Sending your spouse dirty photos of himself, is not the behavior of a friend who respects you or his friend's wife. Yuck.
Okay, first off. That's not flirting. That's cheating. There is no coy little touches or innuendo's or questionable comments. That's nude pics, sexting and attempting to convince you to do something you don't want to do orchestrated by them.
A good definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do infront of your significant other. You don't have to have sex with someone in order to cheat.
it starts of as flirting than later it ll be something behind your back ...
sounds like your best friend is married, so call his wife over for a talk w/ your friend along w/ your wife ( already has been mentioned ). and tell them at how you feel regarding the situation w/ also making his wife know ...
because I think ( IMO ) your doesn't respect you and if he did, he w
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