Wife Refuses Sex Bible

Wife Refuses Sex Bible
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by
Lee

·
August 10, 2017

John and Mary have been married for over 28 years and for the past six years, Mary has refused to have sex with her husband.
She does not seem to have any interest in sex herself nor does she have any desire for pleasing her husband.
After becoming devastated emotionally and having constant blows to his self-esteem, John decides to move out of the house and file for divorce; he cannot take it any longer.
To add fuel to the fire, Mary goes to her friends at church and tells them that she does not know why John left her and that she only has suspicions—everyone needs to pray for him and his sins.
John has a dilemma, from a marital standpoint as well as a religious one; he really wants to go to church and defend himself from his wife’s accusations, but he also does not want to cause a scene or make matters worse.
How would you feel if you were in John’s shoes?
Would you have allowed the sexual rejection to go on for so many years and how would you deal with the issue?

From a religious standpoint, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

A possible modern translation to this verse:
If you marry a person simply and solely for sexual fulfillment and your spouse does not want it, then communication and/or mediation need to happen to get everyone on the same page.
Both partners should fulfill each other’s sexual needs; do not deprive one another unless there is a legitimate reason to do so, and that should only be temporary.

If you and your spouse do need a limited time off from sex, then both need to agree to this and to the terms.
During this sexual hiatus, pray about your relationship together and create a goal surrounding the marriage bed.
Do not let Satan tempt you with a lack of self-control during this time of sexual absence.

A few reasons where this action would be reasonable are sickness, injury, grief, new baby, etc. Some other reasons for withholding sex from a spouse could be marital or sexual dissatisfaction, physiological problems, mental or physical issues, anger, manipulation, control, or hygiene issues.
Adultery is another common reason for withholding sex from a partner, whether it be from the shame and guilt of the act or thinking that your spouse will find out.
Whatever the case may be, adultery is a violation of the marriage contract.
In the Bible, this is called sexual immorality.
In addition, refusing to have sex with your spouse, based on the passage above, is also a violation of the marriage contract.

It definitely may be difficult getting into bed with someone who is treating you badly or with someone you suspect to be having an affair, but it is still important that you communicate with your spouse and find the help that you need.
In many of these cases, especially any surrounding health or mental health, an underlying issue needs to be determined and a professional may need to be sought out in order for the marriage and sexual relationship to mend.
This may even take place within the church if there is a pastor, priest, or professional leader who is trained on helping married couples with sexual issues in a Christian setting.
There are also Christian sex therapists out there who are capable of dealing with this problem.
If you are experiencing a similar circumstance like John and Mary, seek someone out who can help, whether that be from a religious standpoint or not.

Regardless of what marital issues John and Mary are having, each spouse has a responsibility to treat the situation with care and respect.
Mary needs to see how her actions are hurting her husband, and John has a lot to think about and a big decision to make.
If Mary will not listen to and understand where John is coming from as well as take the Bible seriously, then unfortunately John might need to continue in his efforts in filing for divorce.
If a marriage contract is broken and one spouse is not willing to reconcile and receive the help the marriage needs, then the best decision might be to divorce.
Coach Lee helps people get their ex back after a breakup. No matter the situation, there is hope with the appropriate response. Rely on Lee's 18 years of experience in working with couples in troubled relationships. His website is MyExBackCoach.com.
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I have to keep reminding myself that Christian blogger and professional mommy-shamer Lori Alexander (a.k.a. “The Transformed Wife”) is a real human being because her blog usually reads like a parody. She says all the things you would say if you were trying to mock the very idea of a Christian mommy who wants to tell you how to live your life.
She also makes videos, and in her latest one, she responds to the criticism she’s received for telling married women they should have sex with their husbands even if they don’t want to. Not in the mood? Too damn bad. Is that marital rape? Hahahahaha, absolutely not, she says.
Her explanation of all this, of course, doesn’t make her sound any more sensible.
At first, she treats sex like a chore, comparing it to going to work and cleaning the toilet. Who cares if you don’t feel like doing it? It has to get done!
See?! She’s not saying women have to have sex when they don’t feel like it. But they should have sex even if that’s the case because that’s what God wants.
… I teach women what the Bible commands. The Bible commands that we do not deprive our husbands of sexual intimacy. This is from God. It’s not from me.
And if you want to have a miserable life — lazy life — then you live your life by your feelings. You don’t feel like giving your husband sex for a year? Then go, fine, don’t give your husband sex for a year. But see how great your marriage is after a year.
The weird thing is she takes a nugget of truth and then bends it out of proportion to accommodate her interpretation of the Bible. If you and your spouse aren’t having sex regularly (much less a year), then there may indeed be a problem in the relationship. But Alexander takes that idea, insists it’s always the wife’s fault, and says she needs to just get over it and let her husband have his way with her.
Her response to claims that she advocates “marital rape” are no better. She just says she’s speaking to women, not men, so how could she possibly be telling people to rape their significant other?! Even though her advice sends a message to women that their husband’s desires matter far more than their own, and that kind of mentality is often held by victims in abusive relationships.
If the wife really doesn’t feel like having sex, she says, she needs to just obey God.
… We live our lives by doing what’s right, by obeying God, even when we don’t feel like it. Yes, and that even includes sex. You know, how long does it take?!
Got it, ladies? It’ll just take two minutes. What are you so damn upset about?!
She tells the story of a woman who said her husband began having sex with her in the middle of the night without her consent. She wanted to know if that was considered rape. (Answer: Yes.) Alexander says it’s not, though, because, “Well, do you feel like you need to call the police and have him locked in jail?” Because True Rape™ would involve the police and a stranger. (She literally used those two words. Together. Like there’s such a thing as False Rape.) By her definition, no man in a marriage can ever rape his wife. ( That’s a lie. )
She ends with a rousing argument for why women should just shut up and deal with sex.
… You know, this doesn’t take much time or effort , even. But it makes them happy. And this is what God calls us to do as their help-meet women. So don’t live your life by your feelings. Instead live your life in obedience to the Lord because you love your husband…
Sex that doesn’t take time or effort. Truly the height of lovemaking right there…
Good god, she’s as awful a person in her videos as she is on her website.
If you’re in a situation where your partner won’t have sex with you even though you want it, you should talk about it. If communication like that isn’t an option, find a professional to help you. Whatever you do, please don’t listen to anything this Christian woman says.

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But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ...

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ...

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord .

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do no
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