Wife Passed Around At Party

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Wife Passed Around At Party

Wife came home drunk at 2am with carload of guys
relationship_advice
Original (deleted)

My wife (38f) and I (40m) have been married 15 years and been together since our teens. She is normally a bit conservative a has only been with me. I bust my ass and make good money, nice, house, nice cars and we have two great kids (12&14).
She works part time jobs for extra income and to get out of the house. In the beginning of June she started working a few days a week at a new company and became close friends with a woman there named Misty. She constantly talks about her and texts back and forth every night, but I hadn't met her yet.
Last Saturday night my wife wanted to go have a food and drinks with Misty at a local gastropub. I was totally cool with her going and she said she would be home by midnight. Her car was in the shop getting some minor paint work repaired so she drove my truck.
At 12:45am she still hadn't come home, so I sent her a text. She never replied to my text, so I stayed up watching TV till she arrived. At 2am I hear a car pull into the driveway and looked out and I could see her and the female driver exit the car. I could see that there were three other people still in the car.
I could tell that my wife could barely walk as the two of the approached the front door. I was concerned, but I figured that her friend being nice enough to make sure that she made it into the house safely. When I opened the door, her friend says " Hi, i'm Misty your wife best friend". I look at my wife and she is completely trashed, barely knows where shes at.
Then her friend says "we are here to get your ROKU (streaming device for Netflix)". I said "yeah, I think we are gonna call it a night". Then Misty says "we are going back to my place to watch Stranger Things. I said"not tonight". Meanwhile, my wife is totally out of it, I have never seen her this way.
Misty grabs my wifes hand and says "we don't need your permission" and starts leading her back to the car. I walk after them and see that there are actually three guys sitting in the car, two in the back and one up front. as I approach them I grab my wife hand and tell Misty to "Go the Fuck Home".
My wife at this point has enough sense to walk back over to me and then one of the guys in the car starts running his mouth. This asshole has the audacity to says "you don't own her". Hes talking about my Fucking WIFE, the mother of my two children. Then hes says "do you want me to kick his ass?"
At this point I lose my shit and reach in the car and grabbed him by his neck. I could see the fear in his eyes and the other two seemed like they wanted nothing to do with this. By, now my wife is walking back in the house and her friend Misty is calling me a violent controlling abuser.
I tell them all to get the fuck off of my property and I go inside to find my wife puking in the shower. I put her to bed and waited for Sunday morning to talk. When she woke up, I asked where is my truck and who the fuck were those guys? She says "what guys", I say the fucking guys who brought you home to get the ROKU so you guys could Netflix and Chill at Mistys' house."
Shes like "they came here?" I said "OH YES". She claims that her and Misty were having a couple drinks after eating and these guys kept coming over to "talk with Misty". She remembers having a few drinks with them but claims to not even remember getting in the car.
I asked her if she did anything that I should know about and she swears up and down that she would never. I told her that this was complete BULLSHIT and that this shit will never happen again. Then I told her the entire story about her friend coming to get the ROKU and she thought that I was joking.
I showed her the actual ring doorbell recording. She was in complete shock at herself and couldn't believe the shit her friend was saying. I told her that she could drop the friend or move the fuck out. She chose to drop the friend and even agreed to quit the job.
Then Misty started blowing up her phone and my wife blocked her. Later on Sunday a police car showed up and I thought for sure I was getting arrested for choking that asshole, but Misty had called in to have a wellness check on my wife because she thought she was in danger. Today that bitch Misty called me at my job and said "I know shit about you".
I told her to fuck off and that I would get a restraining order if she ever contacted us again. I asked my wife WTF she was talking about and she acted like she had no idea. Now i'm not 100% sure that my wife is as innocent as I thought. Not sure what to do next.
If your wife is telling the truth, which I believe she is. You said she’s conservative, which to me translates as: lightweight. She was under the influence. I don’t think she cheated on you though but that’s just me
I kinda got that vibe too. Also, studies of drink spiking have shown the most common drink spiking agent is more alcohol. Buying people doubles when they want singles, adding vodka to beer, that sort of thing. Also just peer pressure to drink more than someone is capable of.
If they had roofied her I don't think they would have driven back to the marital home, they would have just gone someplace private.
Either way, that crowd seem sketchy as fuck, and someone in the group definitely had plans for the drunk girl. Probably the one who got all agro. And Misty sounds like someone who loves drama and saw the whole corrupting the conservative chick thing as a fun hobby.
Also just peer pressure to drink more than someone is capable of.
Probably this specifically rather than the other ways of spiking with more alcohol. Getting someone another round when they didn't ask for it, "let's all do shots!" etc.
That crowd was definitely sketchy as fuck and that guy did not get all aggro for no reason. Misty sounds awful. Why would you want to keep your shitfaced friend around a group of sketchy guys she doesn't know? Nevermind the fact she doesn't usually drink, nevermind the fact that she's married. Why would you put a friend in danger like that? They're not drunk 15-year-olds. Adults should know better.
I also wonder if Misty tried to coax information out of the wife when she was drunk that was blown out of proportion by Misty, or just plain misconstrued.
Misty: You're so much fun when you're drunk! Why do we never do this?
Wife: Oh husband and I aren't big drinkers. This is rare for me.
Misty: You're husband doesn't let you go out with your friends? He's so controlling!
Seriously if a friend is on that level of drunk, drugged or not, you get them home (or to a safe place) and make sure they have water and support.
One of the worst things a friend has ever done to me was leave a party without telling me (I had asked him to let me know when the group was walking home so I could go with them) purposefully to leave me alone with the dude who had been hitting on me all night, because my friends all thought I should hook up with him. I was pretty high, but I had repeatedly told my friends that I was not going to do that as I had a boyfriend. Ended up walking home by myself at like 4 am but I was pissed the next day.
Long story short, good friends don’t leave you in questionable environments when you’re intoxicated. They get you the fuck home.
Seriously if a friend is on that level. . .
I mean, it sounds like she hasn't know her for long and this bitch said
uhhh. . . yeah, sure you are. . .two months doesn't make you a best friend. . .
I mean Misty is clearly not a good friend. That was my point.
JFC, they knew you had a bf and still tried to hook you up with that guy?
Yeah I was pretty mad. My boyfriend and I were long distance, but monogamous.
I realized the friend trying to set that up was toxic as hell. He’s gay, and was sort into the guy he wanted to me to sleep with, and basically wanted me to do on his behalf??? It was weird. And definitely inappropriate.
The other friend I was with was too drunk to know what was going on so I don’t blame her. I’m just glad I wasn’t too high to walk myself home.
I shouldn’t judge people I don’t know but those sound like some shitty friends
Me and my mates had a hard rule of “never leave someone alone at a party” if there was 5 of us walking in, and 3 left, the last two would leave together, no matter what.
Being fucked up drunk/on drugs alone is not good
That should be the norm. In college I remember this lesson vividly because as a freshman we had an incident where a guy was left by his buddies, drunk, at a frat party and tried to walk back to his dorm in the middle of winter. He walked into a field of deep snow, passed out, and ended up paraplegic for life. 1 mile from town/campus.
I’m in my 30’s now and making sure everyone gets home safe, even though we’re all “old boring” fogies, is still a paramount priority for me. Take keys, call Uber’s, get water always , whatever you need to do, if it’s your friends group. If you don’t have friends who would do the same, they aren’t your friends.
Yeh it was just a no question rule with us. No matter what, no matter how fucked up the night got, there was always 2 minimum. We’d be out until well past daylight more than I want to admit, but always go home with a buddy.
Also, Misty bringing a trio of sketchy guys to a house willing to fight a man/husband that is caring for two adolescents. That shit really erks me.
They could, actually. I got roofied then the guys insisted on leaving me at my father's house, after other stuff happened (I didn't give my own address cause I was scared they'd try to find me again). It can happen.
My guess is Misty definitely knew the guys and was trying to instill trouble between his wife and him, and that they did drugged her. Awful people.
Yeah, particularly with the calling him at work and attempting blackmail type threats. No one does this unless there is already something wrong with their behavior to start. Like their bar for escalation is already higher than normal if this were the chosen next steps.
calling him at work and attempting blackmail type threats. No one does this unless there is already something wrong with their behavior to start
this, so much this! I know people who begin to freak out when they feel like they might get into some real legal trouble. They start trying to act tough and give out the "don't play with fire" vibe. . .
I am a young male bartender. I have never seen anything out of the ordinary but have heard 3 women/friends share roofie stories. It's more common than people like to think.
I have an ex whose drink was spiked. She hysterically begged me to pick her up from a bar because she felt in danger due to random dudes in her group. She was totally wasted. We drove away, she asked me to pull over. She puked violently and looked at me afterwards and said slowly, "Where the hell am I? I was having drinks and..." and she blanked.
Yeah I’ve had that happen to me before. Now I straight up don’t go out. It’s absolutely scary.
that is seriously fucked up, I'm glad you got her out of that situation
I've had the vodka to beer one happen to me. An honest thanks for adding it, it's the first time that incident has ever felt validated to me.
...fuck, this just puts into perspective something that happened to me like two years ago
This was my exact reaction to reading the drink spiking comment. I always felt dramatic calling it “drugging” but now I feel extremely validated that, yeah, I was purposely drugged. Damn.
I agree with the loving drama comment about the friend. I have an ex best friend who was incredibly affectionate and caring but LOVED drinking and soon loved that and the drama which comes with it which started to drift into her sober persona too. Sounds like the wife may have initially found a similar great friend who becomes a manipulative drama queen with drink.
Someone she could take under her crusty wings
They are however a danger as they were spiking her drinks and threatening police action over a fight they started over trying to potentially rape a woman
How much info does the doorbell have, audio? Is it enough to get them arrested?
Honestly never thought about spiking being something like buying doubles. That's kind of our perspective on some stuff I've been through
This was my first thought too. Misty sounds like a total nightmare.
Exactly, I was roofied once and it sounds like someone was messing up with OP’s wife’s drink.
If they roofied her after that many drinks with no tolerance, she might not even be alive. People who show up at a house and ask to fight the husband on the spot, are definitely the same people who would get the wife trashed and try to...
He’s lucky she showed up at all before the next day
It also sounds like she was drugged.
Source: SIL has been roofied at least twice and it’s basically been this exact behaviour both times.
I am thinking she's drugged too, OP is lucky they randomly came to get that Roku device. You're blessed OP, could have turned out much worse than it is
Even if anything did happen if doesn't sound like it was voluntary. OPs wife would be a victim not a cheat, a very different thing.
And she wouldn't remember it. It also sounds like they had just left the bar. So unlikely much did happen thank god
I’m sure they meant it would’ve been horrible if something happened to her.
Yes, but that doesn't look like the way OP is thinking...
Yeah, you’re right. I’m trying to understand their anger at the situation, but the lack of concern isn’t a great look. I’d be angry my wife might have been hurt, not angry that she might have “cheated” while being too blackout drunk to even consent. Oof.
Maybe the wife wasn't comfortable with the situation and talked them into coming for the roku device?
I was drugged and assaulted. How the wife reacted, vomiting in the shower, seeming to be out if it and unaware. Felt all too familiar.
This story perfectly fits the profile of someone being drugged. I’m pretty sure I’ve been drugged and I know several others who have. When you’re having drinks with someone who’s making persistent/aggressive advances and then you suddenly black out that’s kind of a red flag, especially if you are surprised by the fact that you blacked out or by how sudden/severe it was
It also fits the profile of someone being completely shitfaced. OPs wife sounds like she doesn't really drink very much or very often so it wouldn't take much for her to be completely blind. It's much much more likely she was plied with alcohol than actually drugged (alcohol is a drug blah blah).
you can get blackout drunk very easily, too. It would be super stupid
to drug somebody and drive to the house of the husband. Illogical as fuck.
I'm inclined to agree with you. My dad was and he acted the same. Very confused, not all there, having to be escorted around and then violently sick.
It also fits the description of being black out drunk. Unaware of what’s going on, barely able to walk, vomiting, no recollection of what has happened the next day. Unfortunately we won’t know if she has been drugged or not. Either way I think it’s safe to say Misty is bad news.
Ya, umm. Going to go with a no on the roofy thing here. Have you ever been black out drunk? Or drank heavily on an empty stomach? She drank too much, she wasn't roofied. At all. She was excited to be out of the house hanging out with a new friend. Excitement got the best of her. She is also 38 and the older you get the more alcohol takes a toll on you. You get drunk faster, hangovers get worse etc etc.
No one is the least bit concerned about the OP. Look at the language he used to describe his wife, their household information, and the ultimatum he gave her.
"I bust my ass and make all the money...wife works small just for going out money."
Right here screams. "My wife is financially dependent on me and me, and only me, run this fucking house." He has created a series of dependencies here. First one is finances.
Since wife is financially dependent on OP the ultimatum is essentially a death sentence for wife. So, even though she had one too many and it was an accident she knows she can't do that again or she will be fucked. She is now dependent on him for social interaction
His anger is something to be talked about. Sitting their stewing all night in a dark room just waiting to "catch" her in an act. That's not good behavior. That screams a jealous and controlling husband who is pissed that HIS WIFE isn't home when she said she was going to be.
Im telling you right now. Wife never goes out, is scared to have a good time and this one time she went out she finally felt like she could breathe. She had one too many, probably let it slip that her husband is a piece of shit to Misty. Misty told the guys which is why they said she isn't his property and why Misty called the cops.
If wife is reading this. Take the kids and run.
If OP reads this. You need to work on your trust and anger issues man. Eventually you are going to pay for it. You guys need to see a marriage counselor if anything and you absolutely need to see someone about your anger issues.
What? This sounds like my friends and I every weekend in college. I don't think we got roofied 300 times but I could be wrong. What he described sounds exactly like being blackout drunk. I woke up one morning in my car with a melted popsicle in my pocket my wallet on the roof and my keys were still in my bedroom. I have multiple stories like that. Liquor is a drug and too much of it will have you doing some crazy shit.
You think they would driver her home to get something if they roofied her?
They must be the most confident roofie rapists I've seen.
Yeah I agree, she sounds like she would have blacked out but the sincere lack of guilt suggests she didn’t cheat or anything of the sort. Maybe the guys tried but that’s not her instigating anything. Not guilty!
I personally think her ‘friend’ goaded her on and had control of the situation, for her own entertainment and and selfish needs.
They may have even spiked your wife’s drinks. I don’t drink very often, get controlled drunk on occasion but have had one time my ‘friends’ mixed my drinks and I was incredibly ill and it was the only time I have ever accepted a lift from someone rather than organised my own transport.
From all you have typed it sounds like your wife was brought home in a state she never gets into with other people pulling the strings. I personally don’t think your wife cheated and if anything did happen, I’m willing to bet Misty orchestrated it by getting your wife blind drunk and maybe forced her to do something on camera to get something on your wife. All speculative but I don’t like ‘friends’ who don’t look out for friends on a night out (she only brought wife home to get something from her, not to take care of her.)
I’d be concerned what your wife has been pushed around to do by this now hopefully ex friend of hers. I can understand your anger but you do seem to be the controller of this relationship, you might want to make sure you even the sides with being empathetic about how your wife clearly got in over her head and (scarily) lost control of the situation and was manipulated rather than the blame game and threats the moment something happens you are not happy with.
Yes I personally would not trust this friend either but I would have spoken to my partner to discuss my concerns, the reason of my concerns and both come to an agreement as a partnership not like a parent scolding a child. From what you have typed it looks like she has stepped out of line once and you are threatening to leave. Maybe that’s just how you typed it but yeah, just remember that things in life are not clean cut/ black and white in circumstances.
Hope things work out well, sounds like both of you had a rather bad evening.
I’m glad you point
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