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Michael, 49, Kamala Devi, 38, and Rachel, 27, live what's called a "polyamorous" lifestyle together.
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Couple, married for 12 years, lives with husband's girlfriend.
Nov. 25, 2013— -- Michael has been happily married to Kamala Devi for 12 years, and the two share their California home with Michael's live-in girlfriend, Rachel.
The trio, Michael, 49, Kamala Devi, 38, and Rachel, 27, live what's called a "polyamorous" lifestyle. Rachel moved into Michael and Kamala Devi's home six months ago. Kamala Devi said she allowed Rachel into their lives because "I saw Michael lit up and I saw him happy." Monogamy is just not for them, she said.
The three are into meditation, yoga and Tantra sex.
"We have a lot of sex and a lot of sex partners over the years," Michael said.
They call what they have a "pod," like what you would call a group of dolphins. They practice safe sex and total honesty.
"The first rule is really about making sure that we have created the space to have that conversation," Kamala Devi said.
Kamala Devi and Michael have a 6-year-old son together named Devin, and Rachel provides a helping hand.
"We share life together," Kamala Devi said. "It takes a village to raise a child and it feels really good to have that kind of support."
This kind of "polyamorous" relationship is becoming increasingly common, experts say.
"The divorce rate in the United States is over 50 percent. ... People are not staying nearly as faithful they used to," said Dr. Karen Stewart, a sex therapist in Los Angeles. "The world has become a much smaller place. We can seek out connections, there's dating sites on every street corner. You can go anywhere to meet someone now."
But could there ever be societal acceptance of something more than monogamy? Despite having multiple partners, Stewart said polyamorous relationships are about love and commitment.
"Polyamory is not about being swingers," Stewart said. "It's not about the one-off weekend with the couple we met at the bar. It's not about that. It's about forming long and lasting and loving relationships."
When asked if Devin, Michael and Kamala Devi's young son, understood their living arrangement with Rachel, Michael said, "He understands the word 'polyamory.' He understands what that means. He doesn't really know what sex is yet."
Stewart said Devin's parents' polyamorous relationship might be hard for him to understand later in life.
"When he goes to school and in 10 years brings dates home, this is probably going to be a little complicated for him," she said. "I'm not sure if the parents are thinking down the road about that."
Kamala Devi denied that she accepted Rachel into their lives because she is afraid of losing Michael.
"A lot of people would look at this and say, 'She's younger and I have to put up with that,' but what I've noticed is she's really enriched my life," she said.
Aside from dating Michael and living with him and his wife, Rachel also has another boyfriend named Mikey, who lives in Florida, as well as a girlfriend called Thalia, and another male lover called James, who was also romantically involved with Kamala Devi.
Kamala Devi, in addition, has a girlfriend of two years, called Roxanne. Kamala Devi also had a fling over the summer with Jason, one of Michael's coworkers. And then there is Tahl and Jennifer, a couple who lived with Michael and Kamala Devi for two years.
"Monogamy can be a really beautiful agreement between two people when they're deeply in love and they don't have desire for another," Kamala Devi said. "But most people in our society are just monogamous because their vows said, 'I will forsake all others for you.'"
Michael said he hopes to continue to grow their polyamorous community and "potentially even get a hotel."
"We would get a hotel that would be a polyamorous hotel," he said. "That's part of our future dreams."
"That's very much what I see in my future. Living in a house with all of our lovers combined," Rachel added.
If this sounds like the perfect setting for a reality TV show, it already is. "Married and Dating" has aired two seasons on Showtime. Kamala Devi and Michael, two of the people who starred on the show, said they wanted to show their "lovestyle" to the world and spread the gospel of polyamory in hopes of speeding up societal acceptance of their situation.
"I really think that in 10 years society is going to be like this a new paradigm," Kamala Devi said. "The culture is changing."
"It is quite normal already. It's just not out of the closet," Michael added.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
By Hara Estroff Marano published October 1, 2005 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016
My wife cheated on me for nearly a year before I caught them. We got past it and have, over many years now, strengthened our marriage . However, in her honesty with answers to my questions, while we were working things out my wife divulged that she had done certain sexual things with him while they were lovers. Two of those things she had steadfastly refused to do with me. This is one area of the affair for which she could not provide any logical explanation. When I asked why she'd do those things with him after having refused to do them with me, her response was, "I really don't know. I guess I got caught up in the moment. It just seemed like the thing to do at the moment, so I tried it." Why would a wife do sexual things with a lover when she had previously refused to try them with her husband? I have learned since then, via other persons, that this is not all that unusual of a phenomenon.
Affairs are not about logic. And "getting past it" must mean different things to you and me, because if you were truly "past it" the sexual infidelity wouldn't be rankling you these many years later. Getting past infidelity doesn't just happen with time; you and your wife have to fully process the experience and the pain it caused, decide together on ways to rebuild trust, and then renegotiate your own relationship so that it meets both your needs and defuses the threat of future infidelity. In short, you need to discuss ways to bring into your marriage the emotional and sexual excitement your wife felt she had to go outside it to get. A wife does sexual (and nonsexual) things with a lover because a) the lover sees her in a way that is supportive, which frees her and encourages experimentation, and b) the lover establishes a bond of emotional intimacy that provides a safety net for all kinds of new experiences. That your wife can't articulate the reasons sounds like there is still something in the nature of your relationship that keeps her from speaking freely to her own husband. Whatever that is, more than likely it's what drove her into a long-term affair in the first place. Whatever else it is, this isn't being "past it." This is being stuck in something that happened years ago. You wife may not be eager to reopen the discussion of her transgression, but the two of you need to process ALL the old hurt quite openly and she needs to grasp the pain it has caused these many years. But it is not fair to shift onto her the entire burden of describing what is/was wrong with your marital relationship. It's a relationship, and you're in it as much as she is, and you are responsible for diagnosing and fixing its problems as much as she is. You need to show her openness to information (however uncomfortable) about your relationship, some awareness that you might not be the most emotionally supportive or in-touch mate and a willingness to fix in yourself the barriers you put up to emotional (and sexual) intimacy. Fix the problems in emotional intimacy and you will solve the problems of sexual creativity .
After 14 years of marriage to a controlling man, I finally got the courage to divorce him and move on. Five years later, I married a man who turned out to be abusive. His malicious mental torture consisted of continually threatening to kill himself, with no intention of ever hurting himself—but knowing that my parents had committed suicide years earlier. After five years, I divorced him, returned to counseling and starting seeing a man I have now been dating for a year. He is romantic, loving, tender and caring, but he can be a "hard ass"—rough and belittling to others. Recently he told me a story about having hit his then-16-year-old son in the face and knocking him down. He said he didn't mean it. But the story scared me to death because my latest ex-husband was that way and that nearly sent me to the nut house. I know no one is perfect but how do I recognize a situation that I don't need to be in? How do I learn to trust again?
Your track record alone calls for supreme caution. You can't possibly trust another person again until you develop and learn to trust your own ability to judge the character of men. The world is full of control freaks of various stripes. You seem to home in on them. Why? Do you (mistakenly) believe this is the way "real" men are? Was your father controlling of your mother (or you)? Or are you so bowled over by "romantic" gestures that you don't even bother to look underneath and examine a man's true character? What could possibly be attractive about a person who belittles others? It's just a matter of time and circumstance before you become a target. Anyone who does that has a very shaky sense of self. Who knows whether your beau will get violent again in a threatening situation. Because this glaring flaw in your own sense of judgment is fundamental to your health and happiness , your therapist should be devoting considerable energy to helping you develop skills in assessing others. At the very least, you need to be given "homework" assignments asking you to identify signs of good and bad character in others. How do you make assessments of friends and colleagues? Shouldn't you apply the same standards to male intimates? When you can build and rely on your own judgment, the world will become safe again and you can easily figure out who merits your trust.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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George just couldn’t go back to sleep after the annoying sex he had moments ago with his wife, Mitchell. He instead went to the living room, made a drink for himself and switched on the TV. Any husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. He was suspicious of her acts but never in his wildest of dreams he had thought that situation could be this much worse.
His annoyance crossed the threshold when he saw the man responsible for everything on one of the channels. He switched multiple channels but still couldn’t escape Adam Smith’s flawless face and charming smile, that’s exactly how his wife would describe him. It was his birthday and the same being featured on every channel. George made another drink for himself.
The bastard had kissed Mitchell more often than her own husband. She would even strip off her clothes to feast his eyes with her curves in George’s absence. Although George had known all this he would stay quiet for he wanted his wife herself to confess everything about her lover, but that never happened.
“Adam turns forty tonight”, she had said which immediately pissed off her husband. He felt as if Smith’s birthday pleased his wife even more than sex and thus had walked out of the bedroom. Adam Smith’s smile appeared to mock George from within the TV. He had lost his head as he grabbed the knife from the fruit basket placed on the dining table.
Had Adam been there in front of him, George would have slaughtered him on his birthday. But since it was his wife who seemed more excited about everything, she deserved the lesson to be taught first. After all she had chosen her lover over her husband. He got up from his chair and walked towards his bedroom.
His wife lay naked in the blanket on the bed. He sneaked towards her side of the bed with the knife in his hand. There was just enough light for him to see her face. He wondered whether he should do it and thought hard to find any reason which would prevent the same. He couldn’t find one.
He then cautiously started to scratch the knife on the wall beside her wife. Its sound, however, woke up Mitchell.
“Honey, what are you doing?” she said as she switched on the lamp.
“And how would peeling Adam Smith’s picture off the wall save our marriage?”
“At least you would be spared from sharing your lips with this bloody picture”
“George, are you jealous of this picture?” Mitchell smiled.
“I am just jealous of the ba**ard who has turned my wife into a fanatic, else why would she utter his name while having sex with her husband” he said.
“Honey, I must have mentioned it casually.”
“Then it certainly wasn’t the right time for you to be casual” he said.
“Why don’t we just forget everything and start from where we had left” she said as she took hold of his hand.
“You know what I mean George, don’t you?” she kicked off the blanket with her feet to flaunt her curves, this time however for her husband.
George threw away the knife and jumped into the bed as Mitchell’s lover survived on the wall yet again for another day.
Read more like this: by Author Saket Kumar Roy in category Funny and Hilarious with tag husband | kiss | Lover | picture | wife
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