Wife Japan Husband

Wife Japan Husband
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This question originally appeared on Quora , the best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and access insider knowledge. You can follow Quora on Twitter , Facebook , and Google Plus .
Answer by Steve Wright , coordinator of international events at Bibai City Hall in Hokkaido, Japan:
This is a very interesting question, and I’m glad to have a chance to offer my ideas. It’s been my good fortune to live in northern Japan since 1989, and I still feel as if every day is a learning experience. My bride of the last 24 years and her parents are my main models for understanding married couples here, but I have a few other close (married) friends, so I’d like to talk a little about some main issues.
For starters, the husband-wife relationship in one country is often a very concentrated example of more general relations in that country. What’s generally true in social relations becomes extremely true in a marriage.
As with marriages in other countries, the acceptable types of communication between husband and wife have unique patterns in Japan. (These styles of communication have things in common with everywhere else, too, of course.) Japanese are taught to accommodate rather than confront from an early age, and the most successful marriages I’ve seen here are the ones where the husband and wife have settled in on a daily pattern where neither one ever gets in the other’s face. Ever.
You might think this fits with the stereotype of the docile, subservient Japanese wife or even the disinterested, passive, working Japanese husband, but you’d be wrong. Even when the public image is of the soft-spoken, generously giving wife, at home in private Japanese wives are hardly docile. And working fathers who come home after midnight and leave before 7 the next morning may be too tired to develop any deep conversations with their families, but that’s not to say that they share a mailing address and nothing else with their families. Many Japanese spouses are wonderfully generous, completely disinterested, nurturing, or workaholics; others aren’t. But show me a Japanese couple where either spouse can lightly toss off lines like, “You’re wrong,” or “Why do you make such a mistake?” and I’ll show you a Japanese couple with not much of a future.
When I was teaching conversation classes all day (or all evening), one of my favorite homework assignments to give out was the question, “Would you rather hear your spouse say, ‘I love you’ or ‘I respect you’?” My students would chew on this idea for a week and come back with some amazing responses. But the one answer that came back over and over was that they felt they could never love their spouse if they didn’t first respect them. I suppose there’s a bit of that in American marriages, too, but it’s been my experience that all people (Japanese and non-Japanese alike) go through better and worse times in their lives, and it’s much easier to respect them when they’re doing well than when things aren’t going so well.
So sometimes I felt bold enough to follow up on this question. Among my students, not all respected their spouses, and counterintuitively, among those who didn’t respect their spouses, more than a few reported that they loved their spouses anyway. Hmmm …
This kind of conversation class was psychotherapy for more than a few. You’ll almost never hear a Japanese person tell his or her spouse, “I love you.” For that matter, you’ll almost never hear a Japanese parent tell his or her child, “I love you” either. But you’d be sadly mistaken if you took this to mean that Japanese don’t deeply, strongly, sometimes desperately, love their families. So the chance to admit in front of others that they honestly did love their spouses was self-revelation (and often liberation) for many of my students.
Expressing something obliquely, obscurely, even as a tangential aside is usually the preferred style among Japanese. This goes back to their aversion to confront others, of course. But there is also a greater punch in compliments (and in insults) from forcing the recipients to think things through by themselves. “What did he mean when he talked about my shoes?” “Why in the world would she mention this necktie in that context?” These are the sorts of things many of my Japanese friends stew about long after friends have gone their separate ways for the evening. If you think you might like to use this technique yourself among Japanese, fair warning: You’re playing with dynamite. Get the slightest nuance wrong in a roundabout compliment and you can make an enemy. I turned this on myself once in my family when I once won an important distinction on the job. “You see what a wonderful father you have?” I asked my daughter. She and my wife are still laughing at me for saying that, eight years after the fact.
So if strong reluctance to confront, to say something pleasant or unpleasant directly to a spouse is evidence of a successful marriage in Japan, what positive actions do you look for? What is it that Japanese are doing instead of refusing to do that signals a healthy marital relationship? Here, I think the universals apply more than the particulars; what’s true in other cultures is probably even more significant here. A successful marriage in Japan has two partners who are attentive to their significant others. Most Japanese would much rather that you showed them how you felt than told them. Holding the door, handing an umbrella, offering your seat on a train or bus, reaching for a packet of tissues when someone else sneezes—these little signs of attention you pay to someone else carry much more weight than anything you could ever say in Japan. It’s deeply profound that Japanese will ask you to “treat our relationship well” rather than say that it’s “nice to meet you” when you first meet. If a Japanese person asks you to treat your relationship well, he really means it!
This is why some actions most Americans take for granted strike Japanese as incredibly gallant or (mistakenly) as amorous. As a single person, hold a door once for a single Japanese of the gender you find more attractive, and you may cause him or her to blush. Hold a door twice and you might start rumors.
So when I make new friends with married Japanese, I pay very close attention to how much attention they pay each other. Does either one of them take the other’s arm when they step off the curb or up onto a train or bus? If one of them drops something, does the other quickly reach down to pick it up? Rather than simply hand a coat over to another person, does one Japanese help the other put that coat on? These are all signs of successful marriages in Japan, and they’re reason for jealousy if one spouse does it in front of the other spouse for someone else. (And I speak with the authority of personal experience here.) Even my mother-in-law was embarrassed beyond words when I let her know that I’d paid some serious attention to several of her calligraphy scrolls. My relationship with my father-in-law has never quite recovered from a couple of (what I considered) innocent, standard compliments I paid her. Details are important, and paying attention to details is crucial in starting and keeping a strong personal relationship with Japanese.

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Do I need to be living in Japan to find a Japanese wife?
If I find a Japanese wife will I have to move to Japan?
If I find a Japanese wife and move to Japan what happens about visas?
When I find a Japanese wife what will she expect of me?
When I find a Japanese wife what kind of wedding should we have?
Are there other cultural implications when I find a Japanese wife?
Find A Japanese Wife With Help From Marriage Matching
Find a Japanese wife with help from MarriageMatching.Love.
Marriage Matching is based in Osaka, Japan , and is ideally placed to help those seriously seeking a good loving marriage partner to find the wife they desire.
Specifically, Marriage Matching has specialism with Japanese dating for marriage . We routinely help Japanese ladies looking for marriage , whether with Japanese men or foreign men.
More and more in Japan, Japanese ladies are seeking foreign husbands . Why?
Because many Japanese women believe foreign men are more caring and loving. A Japanese girl looking for marriage has this very high up in her priority list. So, to find a Japanese wife easily, make sure you are kind, caring and loving .
For foreign men who want to find a Japanese wife , who are committed to a loving, caring, wholesome relationship. Where both husband and wife treat each other with loving respect. Have common understanding, along with a deep desire for creating a lasting happy marriage together. Then Marriage Matching in Japan , is the marriage agency to help them find a Japanese wife they can create that life with.
This FAQ contains most of the questions people have when they’re seeking a Japanese wife.
If you already know that you really do want to find a Japanese wife , and just want to talk to a marriage agency so you can start getting those all important introductions to Japanese ladies looking for marriage . Then feel free to skip ahead and book an online meeting, or in person if you are located in Kansai, with us at Marriage Matching the specialist Japanese marriage agency .
For those who want to find a Japanese wife , language is something important to consider .
While many Japanese ladies do speak English, it is easier finding a Japanese girl looking for marriage when you speak Japanese yourself .
Many Japanese ladies will take English lessons if they’re seeking a foreign husband, though many lack confidence in their English ability. Creating a situation where they believe they cannot speak English.
By learning Japanese, even a small amount, you can help yourself to bridge gaps when finding a Japanese girl looking for marriage . By being more fluent in Japanese, you will be able to communicate more easily with more Japanese ladies, so it will be easier to find a Japanese wife for you .
With help from a specialist marriage agency, such as Marriage Matching, you can get help with introductions and communication with potential marriage partners . Thus making it far easier to find a Japanese wife, however good your Japanese is.
While living in Japan can make it easier to find a Japanese wife , there is a cultural boundary which increases difficulty with talking to strangers in Japan.
Unlike western countries, talking to people you do not know is very challenging. And most Japanese ladies will consider men very strange if they just ask for a date in person, unless they know them very well.
This is why marriage agencies have become very important in Japan.
Marriage agencies bring that level of trust, helping people feel at ease, so they feel confident in meeting people they have never interacted with before.
This is where specialist marriage agencies like Marriage Matching come in, bridging gaps for foreigners considering Japanese ladies for marriage .
When using a marriage agency that works in the way Marriage Matching does, you can live outside of Japan , and still find a Japanese girl looking for marriage with ease . Often, foreigners considering Japanese ladies for marriage will interact with various Japanese ladies by email or Skype once being introduced by us as a marriage agency. Then once they have interacted enough, once they are feeling that wonderful loving feeling, they organize a trip, coming and visiting that special Japanese girl looking for marriage , who they are falling in love with.
So, while living in Japan can make things easier for dates, you can live overseas and still find a Japanese wife through Marriage Matching.
Often a Japanese girl looking for marriage will be quite happy to move overseas. Some Japanese ladies looking for marriage are actually very keen to move to western countries.
Other Japanese ladies looking for marriage wish for their new husband to live in Japan.
It depends very much from lady to lady.
Whether you are wishing to remain in your home country, or live in Japan, we strongly recommend you discuss this when communicating with each Japanese girl looking for marriage that you’re introduced to having registered for the marriage matching service. Naturally, a marriage agency will help you find a Japanese wife who is the closest match . Being open and honest with your potential wife is highly recommended as then you both know exactly what you each want in terms of married life.
Knowing what you want, communicating it openly and honestly, will make it easier to find a Japanese wife that makes a happy married life easy.
When you find a Japanese wife and get married the visa process varies from country to country.
For those wishing to live in their home country, consulting with your country’s immigration department is crucial.
When moving to Japan to live with your Japanese wife , you will need to prove you were single prior to marriage, prove your relationship with the Japanese lady you are marrying. Then once married, show proof of wedding certificates. The requirement naturally can change at any time, and so consulting with the Japanese Ministry of Foreign Affairs regarding the Specified visa: Spouse or child of Japanese national .
Generally gaining marital visas is relatively easy for most people.
Essentially you must be able to prove you have a genuine relationship, and that you love each other. This is essential to weed out those wanting to find a Japanese wife because they want a visa to live in Japan. Plus vice versa, for when a Japanese girl looking for marriage is doing so only to get a visa to live overseas. Such things are rare, they can however happen.
That said, such things are greatly minimized by using a marriage agency such as Marriage Matching, due to the checks done on registration. We work hard to help you find a Japanese wife and create a genuine, loving marriage.
Every lady or Japanese girl looking for marriage is looking for something different.
However, there are some things common to every lady or Japanese girl looking for marriage .
As mentioned above, usually a lady or Japanese girl looking for marriage is looking for someone kind, caring and loving . Generally, Japanese ladies want to be looked after, to be cared for, to be provided for.
For those coming to Japan to live when they find a Japanese wife , tradition is that the husband provides while the wife looks after the home and the family. As such, it’s very common for a Japanese girl looking for marriage to have thought about what her husband to be should be earning. For them this is a practical thing, about ensuring a quality lifestyle and thus a happy marriage .
Equally well, it is common for Japanese ladies looking for marriage to have ideas about how many children they want, what area they wish to live in, the type of home or apartment. Along with many other things that create that perfect image of happy marriage for any lady or Japanese girl looking for marriage.
Naturally, different Japanese ladies think differently, some are less concerned about such things.
So being open and honest about your desires, communicating and asking your potential marriage partner what they want, will really help you find a Japanese wife that you are well suited to , and can enjoy a happy marriage with.
Often, a Japanese girl looking for marriage will have images of a white wedding . Lots of Japanese ladies love the thought of having a church type wedding, white wedding dress, walking down the aisle, standing at the alter. Within Japan there are a great many wedding chapels setup to look like churches, though none of them religious places. It’s the image only.
For other Japanese ladies looking for marriage, a traditional Japanese wedding is desired . With a proper ceremony at a shrine.
If you have strong religious beliefs then discussing them with your potential partner is wise. Some Japanese ladies looking for marriage will be OK, possibly even sharing your beliefs, others will wish to stay away from religion.
Communication is very important, everyone has different wedding ideas.
Being open with your communication, discussing wedding choices, will make it easier to find a Japanese wife you are well suited to.
Things are changing in Japan. Everyday, life becomes a little different.
There are some important things to consider when seeking out a lady or Japanese girl for marriage though.
Culturally, children are usually expected to look after their parents when they get old. This is especially true for first born children. When parents become sick, or infirm, or require special care in old age, society places much of the responsibility on the children.
As such you may well find that you are expected to live, or have the parents
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