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Sandra studied nursing and sexual health and is named one of the world’s top 50 sexologists . She founded My Sex Toy Guide in 2016, where she and a team of experts write about relationships, LGBTQ topics, and other sexuality issues. She has been featured in Men's Health, Wedding Wire, InsideHook, ThriveGlobal, and more. Linkedin Profile
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If you followed our articles and guides, you know I am dominant in our relationship. Tim is daring, frank, and open-minded, but I am always the one who encourages him to get out of his comfort zone.
We like experimenting with various kinks, sex plays, and more. And we believe it strengthens our marriage and, at the same time, allows us to discover fetishes and explore our sexuality.
One thing we like is BDSM, and you can probably guess who’s dominant most of the time. Let’s say I am not naturally submissive. I want to lead, and Tim understands that, too. I love blindfolding him, and he’s clueless about what I’m going to do.
However, I have always been curious about ‘switching, so I proposed the idea to my husband one day. It was my first time being a submissive wife, and frankly, I was curious and excited.
In the BDSM community, a sub is at the receiving end of bondage, masochism, humiliation, and other forms of sexual domination. In other words, the one who gets spanked, gagged, whipped, or tied by the dom (dominant, master). Other names you come across are bottoms, slaves, or servants. The Dom/Sub relationship can also extend beyond the bedroom, and some BDSM couples live this lifestyle full-time.
Just to be clear, being a sub doesn’t mean your man can abuse you. Active consent, rules, limits, and boundaries are essentials. Remember, consent is the foundation of a submissive marriage.
“Honey, how would you like to ‘switch’ with me and be my submissive tonight?”
I was surprised when Tim asked me this one time over dinner. We had oysters, and I think they made him horny. I smiled and said, “Well, I thought you’d never ask.”
Tim and I love experimenting, including doing some BDSM now and then. It’s not like the hardcore ones wherein one of us is imprisoned in a small cage naked for hours. I mean the light ones using sex toys such as butt plugs and restraints.
What typically happens is I take control. I like being the domina and turn him into my submission. But for some reason, he wanted to reverse our roles for a change. I have nothing against it, and in fact, I got excited. It never happened before, and he must’ve done his research on how to be the ideal dominant.
He told me for the rest of the night, I should call him ‘master.’ Tim also told me to take off my clothes and bra, leaving my black thong on as I cleared the table and washed the dishes. He hovered over me like a real master as I do my tasks, shouting orders in a loud voice now and then.
Once I finished everything, I asked him, “Master, what do you want to do next?”
He held out a collar and leash, which we like to use during our sex plays. I knelt and allowed him to secure the collar around my neck. I’ve done this a lot of times to him, but now that I’m wearing it, I felt helpless yet horny at the same time. He then covered my eyes with a blindfold.
My husband was good at being dominant. He was firm yet gentle at the same time. We’ve done this so many times before, except now we switched roles for the night. We both know what to expect and the boundaries we’ve set.
He led me towards the bedroom and told me to lie down, which I did. He removed my collar but kept the blindfold on. I love the feeling of being dependent on him, and at the same time, enjoying the thrill of anticipation.
I let my hand run over his body and felt his hard cock. He swatted my hand and told me, “No touch!”
Next, he tied me up using the restraints under our mattress. I tried to wiggle, but he pressed me on the bed with his weight. He was strong, and with one hand, he took off my thong in a swift motion. I felt him kissing my neck and down to my breasts. He sucked on my nipple and stopped.
“Oh please, master. Don’t stop,” I begged him.
“Don’t tell me what to do, slave woman!” he said.
Tim continued to kiss my body until his tongue found my most sensitive part. He started licking my clit with the tip of his tongue, and I moaned so loud the neighbors could hear us.
“You’re too loud, slave.” I felt him moved off me, and before I knew it, he put a gag in my mouth. I can be very loud in the bedroom and what he was doing was so pleasurable I couldn’t stop myself from moaning, purring, and screaming.
I felt Tim lifted my legs on his shoulders, and soon, he started ravaging my pussy. He knows how much I love receiving oral sex, and he was teasing me like crazy. I wanted to run my hands on his hair or pull him closer, but the restraints prevented me from doing so. I wanted so much to scream with delight, but the gag ball won’t allow me.
All I could do was whimper and writhe my body.
He put my feet back on the bed and raised my hips. In one swift motion, he thrust his hard cock inside me. He pounded in and out of my wet vagina as I fought the will to move because I couldn’t with my hands tied. I started panting and sweating. I could feel the tingling sensation beginning to build up.
“Do you like this, slut? Do you want me to do it faster and harder?”
All I could do was nod my head, and he did.
He was driving me harder and faster, and just when I thought I couldn’t take it any longer, I felt his body stiffened, and his warm cum filled my pussy. Tim was breathing heavily, his whole body weight on top of me.
He took off my gag and blindfold and untied the restraints. Then, he looked at me in the eye and said, “That’s all for tonight, slave. Wash up!”
As a submissive wife, I did what he told me.
So how did my husband and I go about it? How did he make me into a bottom?
So that you know, he never used any form of force to make me agree with his idea. We’ve been together for a long time that we’ve already established trust and respect for each other.
To help others, we have compiled our story into some easy-to-follow slave training steps. Please keep in mind that these steps worked for us, and you may need to modify them to suit your exact situation.
Note: BDSM/Bondage are advanced sex acts, and you need to take great care when doing them. Any action you take upon the information on this website is strictly at your own risk, and we will not be liable for any losses, injuries, and damages. Learn more.
First and foremost, BDSM play is an advanced sex act that requires 100% consent from all involved parties. Not only in the beginning, but the master needs to continuously check in with his/her slave to make sure she’s ok at all times. Also, discuss boundaries, rules, and limits, especially for any pain parts.
Trust and communication are essential, anything else is abuse, and that’s not tolerated!
To ensure both of your safety, you have to set boundaries and limits beforehand. You can tell your partner what kind of punishments you will accept and which ones you want to exclude.
You should also define a safe word to remind your partner when to slow down or stop. We like to use “red,” which is easier to remember.
Does being a submissive wife frighten you? Are you afraid that your boyfriend might abuse you? The key here is to be confident. Imagine yourself as an actress performing on your stage.
You may be the submissive, but you’re also the one whom your husband will treat like a queen. Every act involved in your sex play has been discussed and agreed upon by both of you, and all you have to do is play your part well.
The husband should also learn to be more authoritative. Play the role of a dominant who wants to be served. Be assertive and rule over your wife like a king (within the boundaries of consent, of course).
The man is the leader if the wife is submissive. You need to be a good leader if you want to have a good follower. This is especially true when your wife is also a ‘lifestyle’ submissive. You have to be firm when it comes to her following your orders.
For example, you’ve already set your rules, and if she disobeys, there’s corresponding punishment. Make sure that whoever makes a mistake gets punished. Also, don’t break the rules yourself. Be a good example, and your wife will follow.
It’s a good idea to start with verbal dominance, especially if your wife has always been the submissive kind. This doesn’t mean you should shout at her, but when it comes to giving orders, you have to raise your voice a notch, sound firm, and mean what you say.
Once you’ve established verbal dominance, you can move on to more advanced approaches such as gagging your wife, blindfolding her, or tying her on the bed.
Before you even ask your wife to be submissive, make sure you know how to be dominant. Meaning you researched the role you’re going to portray. You can learn how to be more dominant by watching tutorials, porn movies, and more. It’s easier than you think.
For instance, Tim started by pinning me on the bed using his body weight and talking dirty. Once we got the hang of it, we began using restraints, nipple clamps, and other sex toys.
Disclosure: This article has affiliate links, and we may receive a small commission for purchases made through those links at no additional cost to you. Learn more .
To bind someone is an art. Plus, it takes some practice to properly and safely tie someone. Fortunately, you can restrain your partner easily with these Velcro restraints.
The cuffs are Velcro, and you can extend the straps to a maximum of four feet. You don’t need a four-poster bed either because you can just place them under the bed. It’s easy peasy to set up and use.
BDSM play will never be complete without binding and sweet pain, and you can have both with the BASICS Collar with Nipple Clamps . They are easy to use with their adjustable Velcro collar. This collar comes with a pair of metal chains attached to crocodile nipple clamps, and they can clamp in a snap.
This blindfold is perfect for both newbies and experienced players, and the soft and quality materials are enough to make your ‘dark moments’ luxurious and more passionate and intimate. They are so comfy you can wear them for more extended periods.
A ball gag is a perfect way to be silenced—with style. This model is breathable with a 5.5. inches diameter. It’s precise, and the strap is adjustable because comfort always comes first in this business. Both beginners and experienced players can use this model.
BDSM, like leather, requires a bit of commitment. However, authentic leather is pretty hard to come by nowadays, and let’s admit it. It’s not good for the welfare of animals. But lucky for us, we have this Faux Leather Collar and Leash. It’s comfortable and stylish, and hey, it’s environment friendly. Perfect for vegan subs and doms/dommes. There’s probably nothing better than being kinky and eco-friendly at the same time.
A leather flogger is a BDSM staple, but leathers are pricey, not to mention it’s cruel to animals. But fret not, because this Faux Leather Flogger is both vegan-friendly, user-friendly and excellent for erotic spanking . Yes, it’s not genuine leather, but it still hurts like the real deal.
The Lovehoney Butt Tingler gives you tingles from bottom to top, and trust me. You can never ask for more. This plug is primarily designed to be user-friendly (even for first-timers) and pleasurable with its smooth and curvy structure. It also features a slender bulb with 3.5 inches of maximum girth and a narrow tip.
To some women, servant roleplay may sound scary or sexually degrading. The fact is it’s not. It’s fun, pleasurable, and safe if done correctly. You have nothing to worry about as long as you have discussed it with your partner and set your rules and boundaries. In fact, domination and submission is one of the most common fetishes ( click here to find a list of all of them).
You can also learn from other couples by reading information, articles, and guides online. In our case, we hope that our submissive wife stories and guide inspire you to give it a try.

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