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Forums, Message Boards › Forums › Relationship Forums › Infidelity Forum › Wife behaving Secretively and Suspiciously on Solo Vacations
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My wife advised me on a Tuesday morning (August) that she would be going on a five (5) day vacation to Utah; we live in Arizona.
I asked my wife who she was going with. She said that she didn’t know, except that it was with seven (7) other people from her “Group.” This “Group” is both for social activity and classroom activity for students learning to better their English language skills.
My wife leaves the next day at about 10:00 am. I text my wife several times on her first day of vacation and get no response. I have no idea where she is. I go to my online banking site to check on her credit card activity.
I found that she had just checked into the Trump Towers Hotel in Las Vegas. I am not alarmed because LV is about 3/4 of the way to Utah. I figured her group was taking a break. I continue to text her, waiting for her to tell me where she is, what she is doing, etc.
The most I get is a simple text of “I’m OK., Everything is fine etc.” I never tell her I knew she was in Vegas. I was hoping that she would tell me that — no response from her. The next day, I text her numerous times, and again, minimal response (2-3 texts per day).
I did check our credit card activity and found that she was had eaten at some restaurant in Utah, late, the third day of her vacation, I again check credit card activity and find out she had checked into a hotel in Wyoming; not exactly Utah.
Later that day, I find charges for entrance to Yellowstone National Park and to the Old Faithful Geyser. She never texted me to tell me she was at Yellowstone Park. The next day, I finally call her. I ask her where she is.
She tells me that she is in Utah. I ask her when she got to Utah. There is a pause on the line, and then she asks me why I am asking this question. I tell because I know that she has been in both Montana and Wyoming while visiting Yellowstone.
From that day until the end of her vacation, she never again uses her credit card. I sensed that after hanging up with me, she was startled at the fact that I knew where she had been. I believe somebody advised her of credit card activities check(s).
She was supposed to be home on day five. However, we had a lot of stormy activity in Arizona at the time. I called her and told her she might not want delay coming back to Arizona right now because of the storm. She seemed super happy that I said that and thanked me for being understanding.
Finally, she got back off her vacation. The next day, she went out with her daughter (my stepdaughter) to do some shopping. I asked her if she had told her daughter about her vacation.
She said that she hadn’t and why should she. I told her that a recent return from vacation would be a great conversation starter. She said that nobody needs to know her business. Later that night, we went out to dinner. I asked her if she was happy to be back home. She didn’t comment. Then I asked her if she would like to have stayed gone on vacation for another couple of days. She didn’t answer, just smiled.
To this day, I have no idea about who she was with for this vacation. When she didn’t tell her daughter that she had been on vacation, I immediately suspected it was because she didn’t want to answer her daughter’s questions about who she was with on vacation.
The thing is, her communication with me was sparse at best. No texts are telling me where she was, what she was doing, where she was staying etc. very secretive.
Two weeks ago, I was in California visiting my brother. I get a text from my wife telling me that she is going to the Grand Canyon tomorrow for four days. I ask her who she is going with. She didn’t answer me. I asked her this same question numerous times, and she never gave me an answer.
The next day, she texted me and said her Grand Canyon trip had been canceled. Why all the secrecy? What is going on?
Instead of asking questions live you have been, I think you should play dumb for a while, as to let her off her guard, and hopefully, she’ll get a bit looser with her covering her steps.
Meanwhile, you get her phone and install some spy apps and try to find out who she’s seeing and where shes going. This is how I found out who my wife was seeing and was able to confront the two when they thought I was 2k miles away. (It turned out she wanted to cheat with him, but he is totally gay).
Btw, in most states, it is perfectly legal to monitor texts on the phone you own and pay for or to track a car registered and paid for by you and information you get from monitoring is completely admissible in court, should things go that far.
I hope this helps my man. You deserve better.
Just why are you interrogating her incessantly? Can you not trust her just for once?
Did she ever gave you any red flags to doubt her? I am a female, married, and I do go on vacation with my friends. It is not that uncommon. Along the way, during a vacation, one might make a detour of sorts.
Just what are you trying to find out? Her infidelity? By your behavior, you have essentially let the cat out of the bag. She is now on guard. Hence whatever evidence you hope to nail has gone out of the window. Stay cool.
Stop questioning her now.
The next time she goes on a similar vacation, just get a good PI to investigate — there is no point in asking her as a thief will not ever confess to being one. You need concrete evidence in court.
What if it is true that she is seeing someone? The worst-case scenario is you divorce her. I was once in your shoes. I gathered all the evidence about my husband’s affair. I exposed them. My husband’s affair partner was his adopted brother’s wife.
It is a past I wish I could erase. Now I live a serene life for myself. I cannot force someone to love me, so I let go rather than stress myself.
Invest in a Private Investigator to save yourself time and anguish. Lay low, conduct due diligence, act like everything is ok and await the PI’s results and determine the path from there.
Stop confronting. It’s counterproductive.
Dave, Hanover has made some good suggestions. Follow them. You might also get a VAR and place it in her purse or car if she has one of her own.
Her secrecy and travel to other places raise red flags all over the place.
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