Wife Found Husband Masturbating

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Wife Found Husband Masturbating
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Husband Secretly Watches Porn While We’re Having Sex
Hi! I just have to vent out. We’ve been married for 1 year and 3 months and have been TTC since then.It was okay for me to watch porn ‘together’ while we were having sex but one time, I caught him masturbating on the next room while watching...
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Well, I caught my husband watching porn (I assume) and masturbating this morning. We have a 6 week old and she started up around 5am, so he and I both get up at the same time, I to make the bottle and he moves to the couch (which isn’t out of...
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I caught my husband masturbating for the first time this weekend in our 11 years together. I’ve always know he did it but never saw/ caught him in the act. It was middle of the night 3am, I had forgotten my water bottle in the kitchen so I went to get it. I noticed my husband wasn’t in our bed and I walked in on him, pants down and jerking off on the couch. Part of me was shocked and asked him what he was doing, he was just as surprised to see me, stopped and his quickly pulled up his pants and didn’t say anything. I quickly grabbed my bottle and walked back to bed. I stayed awake for hours because of it. I think I was just too shocked and also felt unsexy myself and sad. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and with a big belly. I’m pretty sure he was watching porn as he had headphones on and phone in hand. Next day I wanted to talk to him about it but just couldn’t bring it up. Part of me was ashamed. I want to try sex during pregnancy but my husband is weirded out by it. Should I bring it up again as I’m still thinking about it. Has this happened to anyone else?
it’s normal to masturbate for anyone.
The porn thing is a no go in our relationship. It has been a big issue and I finally had to tell him that if it continued, I was done. My husband has made no effort during this pregnancy for anything sexual. Although I have had a lot of bleeding issues and was put on pelvic rest a while back. I don’t think he would of made the effort even without the bleeding issues. We have other issues or I have other issues with him, he unfortunately doesn’t see any issue 🙄 So ai have become very resentful and haven’t made the effort for anything sexual either. I think you need to talk to him if it’s something you are uncomfortable with.
Nah, just the first line was for you but the rest of it was for most of the replies to your post. I just didn’t go about tagging everyone. But for you, I think everything you said is valid.
I think you replied to the wrong person
It's totally fine if you're not cool with it. For everyone who doesn't care, good for you but don't bother giving advice to someone who isn't comfortable with it. She isn't, you don't have to understand.
Right? I’m very confused of what the issue is here. When I’m not in the mood, I give my husband a kiss, tell him I love him and ask him to watch porn instead lol 
I think everyone telling you that masterbating is normal and not to worry about it, isn't really a fair answer. Everyone is different and every relationship is different. I also don't think that EVERY guy watches porn and masterbates. If you feel uncomfortable, I would definitely bring it up. You're extremely emotional and you're carrying his child. To me, that means something and in my opinion, he should take that into consideration before getting his rocks off.. ESPECIALLY if you're saying he doesn't even try with you
Why does your husband watching porn make you uncomfortable? I honestly don’t understand the problem. 
I think it’s normal. And porn is so readily available that even though I don’t like the idea of it- I also think it’s normal. 🤷‍♀️
I have the same thoughts as you on this one.
Personally I’d just move on and not worry about it... but that’s just me. My husband masturbates and watches porn and so do i.. we’re pretty open and comfortable with all of it though.
Same. It’s better then him cheating with another woman and lying amd making excuses
same here. Its just a fantasy and I have zero suspicions of him cheating.
same in our relationship we both watch porn. sometimes together
If your husband is watching porn though and not being intimate with you then it’s an issue.
agreed. You need to talk to him about it.
I do not think is a issue if he is doing it sometimes.. I am not sure what my husband is doing to "relieve" himself, he doesn't talk about it, and I am more open than he is. We haven't had any intimacy since week 20 (now I am in week 32) and in our last conversation he told me he doesn't feel comfortable having sex while I am pregnant, that he doesn't want to hurt me or the baby.. we tried once and he gets really nervous and it just doesn't work. 
I am always about honest and direct conversation to see what the real issue is.
I would just let it go. Masturbation is natural and normal. He was probably embarrassed to get caught, so I wouldn't say anything. Many men are uncomfortable having sex during pregnancy. It is ok to talk about that if you want.
My husband isn't big on sex during pregnancy, especially the first baby. I've never caught him in the act but I'm sure he does. I do, especially when he's not into pregnancy sex. I'd probably make a funny comment about it but I don't think it needs to be a talk
Ah definitely an awkward situation, but totally normal and you will move past it! I def wouldn’t want my husband to see me doing the same thing- but meh! It’s ok.
I'm the same! I'd feel uncomfortable if my husband walked in on me getting myself off. I have a dildo and he doesnt even know about it! lol I recently bought it
Lol i bought a dildo recently too & my boyfriend has no clue about it
My husband had a serious porn problem before we got married. I highly recommend very honest, candid conversations about it. the more secrecy, the more shame and hurt both of you will feel. I've told my husband I totally understand if he needs to masturbate during the stretches when my sex drive is non existent or during the 6 week wait post partum, we just make sure to communicate (and more often than not, I'm happy to give him what he needs in some form or other). for me, the biggest thing is just being open with each other so neither of us feel ashamed of our sexual needs or struggles.
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My Husband Admitted To Masturbating, How Do I Get Over The Hurt? Oct 15, 2012 by Jay Dee in Physical Intimacy
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If your husband admitted to masturbating, how do you deal with that betrayal? Do you have a right to be angry or hurt? How do you move forward?
This post is in response to a comment on the Why Do Married Men Masturbate post where a wife’s husband admitted to masturbating and she’s struggling with how to deal with that revelation. I’ve copied the comment below for reference.
Thank you for this post . After reading it, something told me I needed to discuss it with my husband. I found out that my husband has been masturbating. He says it has only been when it has been a while since we were able to have sex. (Like when I have really bad periods lasting like 7 days) On average my husband and I have sex 2 sometimes 3 times a week. I actually thought we were getting closer sexually and the “quality” of sex was much better. So when I asked him, I made sure I was very graceful, understanding, and not judgmental. He says that he always felt very ashamed after. I’m so conflicted now and I don’t know what to do or say. I made sure to make love to my husband after our conversation to show him that I still love him, but I feel so hurt. I have asked him in the past and apparently, he lied. He says he does not use porn, but how do I know this is true? How do I know if he is addicted or it’s just because we didn’t have sex enough? Can a man not make it without sex 7-10 days every once and a while? I realize he was not cheating on me with someone else, but I still feel very hurt by this. How do I move past this? Is this just something women have to learn to deal with?
Thank you for your comment! I have a few thoughts:
You have made a huge breakthrough in your marriage. You sound like your focusing too much on the negative. Don’t get me wrong, you have valid concerns. However, you’re ignoring the positive. Your husband has just shared something very personal and very scary. The fact that he’s decided now to answer truthfully means his trust in you is at an all-time high. He feels safe enough to tell you this, and that is amazing. I would say many marriages never reach this point. So, take heart, this is a good thing that you’ve gotten through this. I know it hurts right now and is uncomfortable, but growing rarely is comfortable.
He’s been hiding a part of himself from you and that’s never a fun thing to learn. I think you need to be open and honest back with your husband. He needs to know your hurting so he can help you through this. Don’t sugarcoat it, but don’t just “unleash” on him either. Sit down, alone, and have a good, adult conversation about your feelings. Ask your questions and share your concerns. After that, try to move past the pain and focus on the new intimacy. Create a new level of transparency in your marriage.
I’m so glad you were able to approach him lovingly and show that you accepted him afterwards by having sex. I hope you were both able to have a bonding experience in that act. You have probably ensured, by doing that, that he will continue to open up more and more to you. You’ve shown him that he’s safe with you and your reactions.
Short answer: you don’t. If you trust your husband, you have to accept what he says. Either he’s telling you the truth, or he’s telling you he doesn’t feel safe enough to tackle his porn addiction yet. In the latter case (which isn’t a sure thing), he needs time to open up more. He just took a huge step, don’t expect him to take another right away. If you want, ask him again in a year, or sooner if you have another huge breakthrough in your marriage. Don’t ask him every week or every month. You will just be telling him you don’t trust his word, and he won’t feel safe, and then you’ll never find out. Again, I want to re-iterate, he might not be using porn, so don’t focus on it, just trust him and love him.
Yes, we can.. . Do they want to? Most don’t. Does it hurt too? For most, yes: some physically, most emotionally. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to read the post Is Se x A Need Or A Want. It might shed some light on the subject. Without sex, men start to feel alone and unloved very quickly. For me, after a week, I’m fairly miserable.
If you mean their husbands masturbating alone, no, I don’t think so. Why not invite him to masturbate with you/in your presence? This is going to be uncomfortable if you’ve never done it as well. In fact, he may not be able to orgasm the first time or the first few times. It’s very different having sex with someone and masturbating in front of someone. To help, be as involved as you can. Talk to him, kiss him, rub him, have him take short breaks so you can give him oral sex. Tell him you want to see him orgasm/cum/ejaculate/whatever words you use.
If you aren’t comfortable talking during sex, then check out our guide to talking dirty in our store , or on Amazon .
Some guys really get off on the idea of ejaculating on their partners. If he’s into that, encourage it, so long as you’re OK with it. If not, I suggest reading the post How To Spice Up Your Sex Life and evaluating your boundaries. This way, he can stop being ashamed of masturbating, because you’ll be involved and encouraging him. You can still connect, he gets that oxytocin burst with you present, so he bonds to you. And you can keep your sexual relationship alive and even growing during times you can’t have sex.
Sorry if this seems very male-focused, but it’s due to the topic we’re dealing with. I don’t know how you deal with menstruation, but there is no reason you can’t have an orgasm during this play either if you so desire.
I hope that helps. These are the things that helped me when I was struggling with masturbation and porn. Not to say your husband is, struggling with porn, just IF he is, this will help that too. Knowing that my wife was available to lean on, if I needed it, made a huge difference.
With masturbation, there’s no fear of rejection, no worry about a partner’s satisfaction. It’s pretty much guaranteed to end in orgasm and a lot faster than a sexual encounter with a spouse. It’s no wonder people don’t like to give it up. But, it’s missing that connection. And while you say you know it’s not cheating, to me, I always felt like it was cheating a little bit.
We were designed to share our sexuality exclusively with our spouses. Whenever we step outside of that I believe God will try to convict us because it is not in His plan. I believe it’s harming marriages. So, I understand his shame, and I understand your hurt. You are going through the same feelings my wife and I did, and you can get through them. When you do, the intimacy and openness on the other side are amazing. I would not trade it and go back to masturbation or porn for anything.
Anyone else been through this that can offer advice? Or if you’re going through this, do you have any questions I didn’t address?
If you have questions about masturbation in marriage, you might be interested in these:
I received an anonymous email last night: How is it that my husband is the lower drive spouse and yet occasionally masturbates without me? He always regrets it and admits it to me afterwards, yet it still happens about once a month. We have sex less than once a week…
There were some people who were ... let's say disgruntled ... by my podcast episode last week where I shared my views on solo masturbation. Many argued that there's no reason single people can't masturbate. So, I thought I'd write a post in response and expand upon the ideas I…
How do you answer the question of whether or not it's okay for widows to masturbate? Well, I got asked this very question back in August and I'll admit, I've been hesitant to answer it. Here's the comment from our Are sex toys allowed in a Christian marriage post: I…
This was an issue in my marriage for awhile. My husband would occasionally masturbate instead of having sex with me, even though I was ready, willing, and able. There were other factors involved…..he was suffering from depression and post traumatic stress, and hadn’t sought real help for those things. When we saw a therapist together, I asked him, in tears (because I was brokenhearted that he was getting his pleasure apart from me), WHY would he do this? My husband just looked at the floor and didn’t say anything, but the therapist said very gently that often married men masturbate because there’s no intimacy involved. For my husband, and for many, many men, intimacy can be scary, it can
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