Wife Fantasizes About Other Guys

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Wife Fantasizes About Other Guys
1 They Develop New Hobbies Or Interests Out Of Nowhere
2 They Casually Mention Someone's Name In Conversation All The Time
4 They Accidentally Call You Someone Else's Name
5 They've Started Laying Their Phone Face Down Whenever You're Around
6 They've Made Subtle Suggestions About Changes They'd Like You To Make
7 You've Caught Them All Over Someone Else's Social Media
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In a perfect world, your partner would only have eyes for you. The reality is, however, they're human. They may have fantasized about other people at some point and you might have too. But can something so common spell trouble for your relationship? When it comes to fantasizing about other people, experts say there is a fine line between what's OK and what can be problematic.
"It is natural for people to develop interest and fantasize about people other than their partners," Rachel Perlstein, LCSW, relationship coach and co-founder of A Good First Date , tells Bustle. "When shared with a partner , this can even bring a couple closer together, especially if both are open with it."
However, it can become problematic if the fantasy becomes too consuming, distracting, or harmful to the relationship. "If someone is no longer present with their significant other in everyday life or it starts to disrupt intimacy between the couple, it's time to evaluate what continuing this behavior is costing this person," Perlstein says.
If your partner is fantasizing about someone else in a way that can be harmful to your relationship, it can manifest in a number of different ways. According to Perlstein, any sort of change in their behavior or your relationship dynamic is important to pay attention to. So here are some subtle clues that your partner may be fantasizing about someone else, according to experts.
From a sudden obsession with fitness to a sudden new interest in art, Amica Graber, relationship expert with Truth Finder , tells Bustle, "A partner who is thinking about someone else may suddenly have a desire to improve themselves physically or develop an obsessive interest in things that their 'fantasy person' is interested in." To be fair, people will take up hobbies out of nowhere. If you've been with your partner for a while, you should have an idea of what new hobbies would make sense for them. But if something seems completely out of character, it's OK to be curious and ask them about it.
"Most humans are not gifted liars," Graber says. "If your significant other is constantly thinking about someone else, they're going to give it away by talking about them." It's why people like spilling all the details of their new relationship to their friends or why others like venting about their relationship issues to anyone who'll listen. But according to Perlstein, whether or not this is problematic all depends on the "context of the comments and the related emotion." For instance, if they seem like they're always gushing about how great someone else is, pay attention to that. They may be developing a crush.
Each couple creates their own norms when it comes to physical intimacy, Perlstein says. So if you notice a change in your partner's behavior while getting intimate, it may be time to get curious. As with anything that troubles you in your relationship, Perlstein says talking with your partner about their shift in behavior can help you get to the bottom of things.
"Also called a Freudian slip or parapraxis, calling you by someone else's name is a major way to tell that they may be thinking about someone else," Graber says. If they do this one time, have a laugh about it and move on. Chances are, it probably doesn't mean anything. But if it's something that happens a few times or worse, during intimacy or other affectionate moments, it's a pretty big clue they may be thinking of someone else.
Your partner suddenly becoming secretive with their phone and computer can be a cause for concern. "If you and your partner have an open policy when it comes to devices and suddenly your partner starts acting weird about you touching their phone or computer, there's probably a reason for it," Perlstein says. Again, bring this up to them in a non-confrontational way. According to Perlstein, they may be planning a surprise for the two of you or hiding something else they really don't want you to see. Whatever you do, just don't automatically jump to conclusions until you talk about it.
They may make a comment on how they prefer your hair to be longer or a different color. They may even mask it behind a compliment. "If they suddenly want you to dress or act a different way in front of them, they could be hoping that you [will act] more like the someone else they are thinking about," relationship therapist, Katie Leikam, LCSW , tells Bustle. Just to be clear, you should never change yourself for anyone, not even your partner. But in this case, fantasies can be fun. If your partner has a fantasy person in mind and you're willing to have a little fun with it, go for it. As long as both of you are in on the fantasy, Leikam says, it won't cross any lines.
If your partner starts following someone on social media and likes everything they post, you can ask them about this. "While it's great to make new friends and there is no crime in following someone on social media, there may be something more to the behavior if your partner seems a bit consumed by this person," Perlstein says. Basically, it's only a problem when you feel like it's getting in the way of your closeness.
To be fair, some of these behaviors can be completely innocent. So don't automatically assume anything before you get all the facts. Also keep in mind that just because your partner is fantasizing about someone else, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to cheat. But if their behavior starts to bother you and it's causing some distance, don't be afraid to have a conversation with them about it. At the end of the day, Perlstein says, a fantasy is just that — a fantasy. So don't allow it to ruin the relationship you've built together in real life.

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Even if you are madly in love with your spouse, there may come a time when you find yourself fantasizing about someone else. It could be that the thoughts happen unexpectedly during sex or in a dream, or maybe you've met someone who has piqued your interest and you start to imagine what it would be like to be with that person instead (or in addition to) your current spouse. Some people don't take these thoughts seriously, but if you worry about why you fantasize about other people when you're married , you'll be glad to know that there is nothing wrong with you.
Psychologist Dr. Elyssa H. Barbash tells Romper that despite many individuals’ initial reaction, it is very normal and healthy to fantasize about others, even when you are married or in a committed relationship. "Being with one person does not mean you don’t find others sexually attractive," she says. In fact, according to HuffPost, a survey by The Normal Bar found that 61 percent of women and 90 percent of men have sexual fantasies about people they meet.
Additionally, a 2003 study in Spain found that individuals who fantasize about others tend to have more open personalities , be more open to new experiences, have lower levels of conscientiousness, and more positive attitudes towards sexual experiences overall. "As long as you feel connected and stimulated in your primary romantic relationship, fantasies are a functional part of a long-term relationship," Barbash explains.
Sometimes, though, these fantasies can become prevalent when you are going through a difficult time in your relationship and this can be dangerous. Mental health counselor Ally Chase tells Romper that she strongly believes humans are creatures who strive for happiness, and you can get caught up in falsely believing that happiness can be manifested by altering your external experiences and environment. She explains:
Chase tells her clients to "water the grass they're standing on", which is a metaphor for being mindful of the positive things existing within their marriage.
Barbash believes that fantasies can be strong indicators of deeper psychological desires at times when you're unhappy or yearning for something you are not currently getting in your relationship. It is important to assess and communicate those wishes and desires effectively to your partner. She warns that "living in your fantasies to fulfill your needs rather than openly expressing these in your relationship can lead to resentment, negative assessment of your partner, and acting out."
Having fantasies and acting on them are entirely different, explains Barbash. "Having fantasies is healthy and 'normal,' but acting on your fantasies is maladaptive." If you're worried that you may act on your fantasy, consider speaking to a marriage counselor. This can help in preventing an act that can impact your marriage forever.


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What Women Fantasize About When We Satisfy Ourselves







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By Holly Riordan




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Every woman fantasizes about something different when she satisfies herself. In fact, the same woman might fantasize about something (or someone) new every time she does. It all depends on the day. Here are a few things that women commonly fantasize about when they satisfy themselves:
Our boyfriends. Some of us will still do it to the thought of our boyfriend, even if we’ve been in a relationship for years. If we find him attractive, then his image is all we’ll need to orgasm.
Our exes. It’s not that we’re still attracted to our ex, or that we want to get back together with him. Sometimes, it’s just easier to fantasize about something hot that happened in real life instead of conjuring up something fake.
Celebrities. We all have soft spots for certain celebrities. Even though we know that we don’t have a chance with Chris Pratt, it won’t stop us from fantasizing about him.
Fictional characters. Suggestive novels can be real turn ons. It doesn’t matter that the characters in the story are fake, because we’ll still satisfy ourselves while thinking about all of the hot things they’ve done.
Our crushes. Our crush might not have a clue that we’re interested in him, but our laptop’s browser history sure knows it. We’ll scroll through his social media every night until we find sufficient material to pleasure ourselves with.
Nothing at all. Some women don’t actually think when they’re pleasuring themselves. They just satisfy themselves and enjoy the feeling without imagining anything too hot.
Other women. We don’t always fantasize about things we actually want to do. Some of us will think about what it would be like to sleep with another girl, even if it’s not actually on our agenda.
The stranger we only saw for two seconds. If we see a hot stranger, we don’t have to know his name in order to pleasure ourselves over him. After all, his personality won’t help us reach the sweet spot.
Online stars. Girls watch online stuff too, you know. If we don’t have anyone in “real life” to fantasize about, then we’ll resort to thinking about adult stars, since they’re so skilled in their area.
Looking good. It feels hot to be considered hot. That’s why it can get us excited to think about turning men on by getting down on our knees for them.

Holly Riordan
Holly is a science fiction and horror writer, who has recently been published by Flash Fiction Press, Infective Ink, and Popcorn Press. You can find more of her nonfiction articles on All Women Stalk, The Talko, and News Cult.

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