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Formerly an Emmy-nominated TV news reporter, Janie Porter is the creator of She Just Glows and (often-unshowered) stay-at-home mama to three boys 5 years old and under. Follow her on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter for more posts about less-than-perfect parenting and finding your inner glow.
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If you’re turned off by the “submissive” word in the title, trust me, I GET IT. Keep reading. (Disclaimer: I’m not a perfect wife and quite often a very crummy one. I’m also not a marriage counselor or expert on submissive marriage. I’m simply sharing what’s worked for me.)
It was nap time. I’d finally gotten all 3 boys to sleep. I collapsed onto the couch, and flipped through channels on the TV, until I landed on The Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage , on TLC.
I’d never heard of the show, and I was immediately intrigued. But what does it mean? It means going back to the Bible, and learning about what God says about marriage and wifehood.
The word gives me creeps. The heebie-jeebies. It makes me think of a slave or servant. A woman who doesn’t speak and doesn’t ever do anything for herself. Who lives to serve her husband, a man who must clearly be a tyrant.
The show profiles Tara Furman, a well-spoken, middle-aged, Christian wife in North Carolina. She’s in a happy, more-than-25-year marriage, and she credits it to her choice to be a submissive wife.
Does it mean she doesn’t have an opinion and lets her husband control her?
It means she focuses on being her husband’s helper, lover and supporter. And as a result, he treats her like a queen.
(In fact, I think being a submissive wife takes a very strong, confident woman.)
So about 8 weeks ago, without saying a word to my husband, I started my own submissive wife experiment. I took a few points from the show and adapted them into my own marriage.
In the show, Furman asks the viewer, “Is your dog the first person to greet your hubby when he gets home?” Think about it. Your hubby’s been working all day. He’s been gone since 7am. He fights traffic and finally gets to the front door of his home. He opens it. The dog is there to say hello, but no one else even looks up. How heartbreaking. Furman calls this process “reentry,” and every day when her husband gets home, she and their kids deposit their cell phones into a basket and greet Dad at the door. Furman also usually has dinner going and a cold beverage to greet him.
With 2 toddlers and a baby, I’m not always able to do to all of this, but I can make a point to stop whatever we’re doing when the husband gets home, get up from my seat, and physically meet him at the door with a smile and a big kiss. Sometimes, I’m nursing so I don’t stand up but I let the kids greet him at the door, and I give him a big smile and hello. One day, I thought ahead enough to get him an ice water in his favorite blue Solo cup, and had one of the boys walk it out to him at the car. Groundbreaking? No. But it made him feel special and know that we anticipated his arrival home from work.
The point isn’t that you have to have dinner ready or you have to be fake-happy when he gets home. Heck, you may work and not even be home when he gets home. The point is that, in whatever way you can communicate that your man is respected, he is the leader of the house and that the family is happy when he comes home . If you’re not home when he gets home, can you make his lunch before he goes to work in the morning, or iron the clothes he’s wearing tomorrow? However, you can communicate that you’re grateful for him. In my experience, the attitude is far more important than the action.
I’ve heard this phrase before, but it hadn’t really resonated until seeing the show. I can control my own life, the kids, the house. But when it comes to my husband, I can be content to be his helper. And, here’s what changed it for me: “just” being the helper totally takes the pressure off of me!
With 3 boys 4 and under, I have enough to worry about everyday. So now, instead of micromanaging all that my husband does too, I just let it go. And all I need to do is ask him how I can help.
For example, for years, it’s been my responsibility to manage our rental properties. Now with 3 young children to bathe, feed, change and teach, it is a huge drain to my emotional energy to manage tenants and maintenance of our properties. Rather than trying to do it all myself, I asked my husband to take over. He agreed happily. Since then, he’s been doing an excellent job, and I have the relief of knowing that he will make the best decisions for our family. I don’t need to ask him to give me the rundown of what he’s doing for the properties. All I do is ask, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” The pressure is now off me, and I don’t have to worry about it. And even if something goes wrong, I don’t have the pressure of knowing that the responsibility falls solely on my shoulders. It’s his responsibility.
For me, I’m learning that it’s more about what I don’t say, than what I do. And, I’m finding that holding back when I really want to direct or tell my husband what to do, might actually be communicating more love and respect to him than words ever could.
For example, one night we were grilling dinner, and as is usually the case, it was my job to prepare the sides in the kitchen, and my husband was going to grill the meat outside. We’d decided we wanted to eat at 5:30pm, so around 5pm, I started prepping the sweet potatoes and corn to bake inside, but I noticed my husband wasn’t starting the grill.
Rather than nag him, over and over, to start the grill. And then telling him that he never times the meat cooking correctly, I asked myself, What’s the worst that could happen? Well, the meat won’t be done until after the rest of the dinner. We might be really hungry by the time dinner starts.
Well, we can have some snacks then.
So starting that night, I made a conscious decision to not direct my husband.
Eventually, he started the grill, and we ate dinner a little later than normal, but it was fine. Since I hadn’t blown up at him, or critiqued him, it was a happy, peaceful vibe at the dinner table, and we all had fun. We even laughed! (Like, a lot.) The best part was I didn’t have to take on the role of being the “boss” of everyone in the house, as I might have previously thought I needed to. I don’t need to assume that role of being “the nagger” . The fact is, I don’t enjoy that. And, it’s not helpful to anyone.
As I continue implementing this lack of directing my husband, I’m realizing that I actually don’t need to nag. When he knows that I’m not going to be reminding him, it seems like he’s actually more likely to initiate the tasks on his own. And again, if he doesn’t, the responsibility falls squarely on his shoulders.
This happened recently when we were leaving on vacation . We were going to be staying in a beach house, which meant we had to bring almost everything with us, from shampoo to charcoal to paper plates to food. Before we left, rather than calling the shots, I asked my husband what he wanted me to do. He said he wanted me to handle the interior, and he’d take care of putting the boat on the trailer and getting the outside stuff together.
Suddenly, it became so easy. Once I knew what my job was, from him, that was all I had to worry about. And because I wasn’t nagging him to get his stuff done, he just… well, he just did it. Let me tell you, my friend. This was our very first family vacation where there wasn’t a single solitary argument, disagreement or miscommunication. We got 3 boys 4 and under (including a 5-week-old at that time) down to the beach house with all our stuff for 5 days without a single ounce of tension. It was glorious!
And it all came from me learning to take his direction, and not fighting to direct him and tell him what to do.
In the show, Furman focuses a lot on what she loves and values in her husband. And in this process, I’ve tried to start doing the same. And it turns out, it’s really helping my attitude about everything. When I focus on how hard my husband works for our family, I’m less likely to be mad when he leaves his dirty socks on the floor. When I think about how he still thinks I’m beautiful (despite 52 pounds of baby weight ), I’m not going to be annoyed that I have to take out the kitchen trash again.
As an admitted control-freak, type-A personality, this has been a huge change for me. But I simply go into each day, asking myself how I can best help my husband. And how I can show him my respect. And love.
Once I realized that I’m thankful for who my husband is, I stopped valuing him based on what he did or didn’t do. I started valuing him for the person he is .
My husband works his butt off all day, so that I can be home with our kids. My husband loves me unconditionally. When I think of it that way, why wouldn’t I want to make him feel important? He is!
Once I decided that I wanted to make my husband feel special, it just started coming out in my actions. I’d bring him his favorite peppermint tea in bed. Or, I’d pick him up some new loafers at Target, because I noticed his old ones were getting raggedy. I’d let him sleep until 8:30am on a Saturday, while I get up with the kids at 6am. Of course, with our 3 little ones, I’m not always able to do all of this. But the point is: the gratitude is there. If not in my actions, then at least in my mindset.
Alright, I’m ready for your comments and questions! Please keep the conversation constructive.
This article originally appeared at She Just Glows.
We made For Every Mom because we wanted a place online where women could experience the essentials of motherhood: Jesus, laughter, community, and really awesome parenting tips. This is a place where we’re all in it together. We may be at different stages of motherhood, but every mom is a full-time mom. And you are ALL welcome here.

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When I first met my wife we discussed past sexual experiences. I remember her telling me a few things that turned her that still today arouses me. She recalled the very first time being f***** by a black guy she met at a club. She described how they made out in her car and then they drove to a nearby park where she proceeded to give me oral then he bent her doggie style and pounded her. She stated he had the biggest c*** she had ever had but he knew how to pound her good. When I asked her if he used a condom she said NO and I asked her really? She said she was too excited to worry about it. She said the entire ride home she could feel his c** dripping out of her p**** . She went back the following week hoping to see him again. The other confession was when she was in college she gave her rooomates much younger brother a b****** and she stated he shot off gallons of c** . She said she was highly turned on to that. I asked her if she always made sure to swallow it all she said Yes!!!I asked her if she remembers how many times she blew him and she said over a dozen times at random places and times. Didn’t want her roommate to find out. She said there hasn’t been any guy that came close to his explosive loads.She loves me showing vids of guys c****** huge loads

Ive wanted to watch another guy f*** my wife for years. I had a chance once when we stayed at a friends house for a weekend and the four of us got into their hot tub. He had his arm around my wife and I was holding his wife. My wife had been drinking so she would have been easy. He kissed her and she kissed him back. That really turned me on. All I had to do is pull his wife over on me and my wife would have mounted him. We were all naked. I think they were feeling each other, but it was too dark to tell. I would have loved to watch him suck on her b**** . Wish we could relive that night.

Why didn't you let the other guy f*** your wife and watched her being f*** ,if that turns you on I would have let him f*** her stupid if she was my wife if your that way inclined your a lucky guy that your wife would have wanted to this with another man what was the average age in the company. Next time let her just do it and watch and m********* watching your wife being f***** by another man .I'm C****** in my PJ's right now thinking and watching this to see his hard c*** go into your wife's p****

Guys are so much more understanding now, I like it!

Yes it is so much better when a husband is secure enough to allow his wife to have lovers.

I agree. I wish my wife would take a few lovers every now and again.

Within 45 minutes of meeting my wife for the first time i had her pants down and i was f****** her. So I figured out she was a little bit slutty. Long story short we actually found out we had other things in common beside s** . We got married and after seven years she has told me about how many men she had before me and what she did. She was a mega s*** . She got laid for the first time when she was 13. By her own account she had slept with over 90 men before me. About two years into marriage we started swinging a little bit and she has f***** an additional 22 men that i know of.

Mine wife was also 13 when she lost her virginity and what a s*** she turn out. I married her at 21 and she confess how much guys she had. Which was 18. After five years she managed to get her numbers up to 27 and she is a good f*** . The guys enjoys her and she teaches them how to do her. All the years of experience.

My wife got laid at age 12 and was the s*** for middle and high school. We got married when she was 18 and have had an open marriage from the start. We have had 4 kids and I have no idea who the father is of any of them.

You have a truly great wife, pity more are not like her

I am trying to get my wife to swing! I would love it!

Love hearing stories of my wife and her past f**** . She admits to having "toe curling s** " with more than one guy.

My wife was f****** 2 married and one single guy , they all roomed together as they were oil field workers, I didn't know she was f****** while we were dating, I didn't get to f*** my wife till we got married, my wife got pregnant by one of the three guys, but went to her aunts for summer and had abortion. I love the fact she got pregnant by them.

I was f*** my best mates wife and got her pregnant. My best mate was mad. In return I let him f*** my wife one time. She got pregnant. We then swaped wives. Worked out well

She finds them very sexy with lots of confidence. She loves when they flirt with her

There arr such wasted s**** in life.

Take her to a swingers club and watcher her getting f*****

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The greatest mistake you could make, when you got a fetish like mine, is trying to hide it.

I've been married to Cynthia for 5 years, and I've never found the courage to tell her about my thing. At first I was thinking something like 'come on buddy, it's weird, this girl could be the right one, don't make her run away'. Now, on the other hand, I worry about her reaction: after all this time, you think you know any little secret about the person you're married to. And when you find out there's something else? How do you take it? In short, we're really happy together, but if I was a little bolder, we may be even better.

Cynthia is 34, like me. She's pretty, cheerful and damn sexy. She's about 5'5'', brunette, long curly hair and dark-eyed, dark complexion, she has nice boobs (size 3 full) and even better butt, first thing I noted when I met her, at a volley friendly mixed match organized by our mutual friends. She had obviosuly athletic shoes on, but I've decided anyway, without seeing her feet, she would be the woman of my life. Feeling immediately kicked in, shortly after we started to hang out, and today we're here. I can still remember the first time I've seen (and touched) her feet: after a date, she invited me up to her house. We were a little tipsy: she let me sit on the sofa and after she kicked her ankle boots out she placed her legs with stockings on over my thighs. "Ohhh, my feet hurt so bad!", she exclaimed removing her stockings and touching the ball of her foot. "Would you give me a little massage? If you're good at this I swear I'll marry you", she added laughing. I grabbed her 5,5 size feet. Not gonna lie: my wife's feet are simply di
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