Wife Charge Of Marriage

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Posted on Last updated: April 26, 2021 By: Author Karen Clark
Female led relationships are the type of relationship where the woman is the one who is in charge of things and has full control over the relationship. If this kind of arrangement happens in a marriage than it is called a wife led marriage and the woman is the one who is in charge of all the decision making, while the husband stays at home and does the chores that women do in a traditional marriage.
It is actually about establishing a female dominance in a relationship which, according to some research, is the key to a happy marriage.
We, women, have tolerated the opinion that we belong in the kitchen and should be the one who takes care of the children for long enough!
Now it’s time for the roles to get reversed and for men to take part in taking care of the household while women become the head of the household.
In wife led marriage, she is the one who is dominant and behaves that way. She takes care of the finances of both partners, decides on where they both will live or work and all in all, how their daily lives will look like.
The wife will sometimes use punishments and rewards to control and train her husband.
Wife led relationship is when she leads the household and the man in her life. You might be surprised by this, but many men actually enjoy female dominance in relationships because not every man is a born leader as the society forces them to be.
Times have changed, and women got empowered so some of them have powerful careers, and they are the ones that take care of the finances.
This is why it becomes a man’s job to take care of the household and to do daily chores around the house.
If anyone tells you that a female led marriage is not natural, ask them have they ever wondered could a woman, in fact, be a better leader than a man?
Because the answer to that question is that women are often even better than man when it comes to controlling the relationship aspects in order to make both partners benefit from that relationship.
You can also ask them have they ever dared to ask the man what he wants? Not all of them want to lead, and most men will be grateful that a woman will take charge.
A woman might ask her husband for opinion, but she makes all the decisions in the end. She decides on how they are going to spend their money, what housework should be done and everything else.
And what is the most important thing, the husband openly accepts the authority of his wife. A strong and confident woman deserves respect, and if he acknowledges that, he will let her be in charge of things and decide what is best for their marriage.
When you think about it, don’t all marriages seem like a wife led marriage in the end? Maybe it’s just harder for some man to admit it, but most of the time what is behind their own decisions is the opinion of their wife.
And as my husband likes to say “A happy wife is a happy life”. You must admit that is true, and as long as the wife is satisfied in marriage, there will be fewer disputes since her husband is doing the best he can to make her happy and keep her that way.
So it seems like it is a win-win situation because when the wife is happy, the husband is happy, and by making her happy, he is creating a happy life for both of them.
Some men are just too proud to admit it, but they secretly want a female led marriage. They will do all the housework if the wife tells them to do it, and there is no nagging or fights about it.
This is because the communication in female led relationship is much better than in the traditional relationships.
She can simply say something like: “I’m going out with my friends, you can clean the kitchen till I get back”, and she will come home to a shiny clean kitchen and a man satisfied that he got the chance to make his wife happy.
Other things she could ask him for would be a foot massage. This is a great way to fulfill her need.
Imagine if a man would fill up a tub for his wife, with scented candles and rose petals and pour a glass of wine for her to enjoy in the tub while he massages her.
Sounds like a great deal, right? Who wouldn’t want that, and how on earth wouldn’t that be considered a happy marriage?
It’s all about breakfasts in bed, all chores being done by him, foot massages and money control.
Have I mentioned the money? She is in complete control of all their money, and he must ask for permission to take some with the explanation of why he needs it. And the control doesn’t stop there.
As I already said, the meaning of the wife led marriage is that her needs come first.
When in public, a man and wife who are in this type of marriage will appear normal as any other couple, except for the fact that he will let her make the decisions on even the most basic things like ordering in a restaurant.
This marriage can have different levels of control. It could be that the man just wants his wife opinion on everything, or it could mean that she is treating him like a servant in the household.
Finding the right level of it isn’t as easy as you would think. And don’t think the wife is the one that chose for things to be her way. It is often his wish that the wife takes care of everything and controls him.
This means that he does anything she says, and he wants her to say it. For that, he will do anything.
Cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the dishes, iron the clothes, clean the bathroom… There is nothing he won’t do.
You have to understand that he wants to do all those things. Some men get a thrill out of being controlled.
However, some men will like that a woman is making all the decisions for them in life but will not want that kind of control in their bedroom.
This is why it is crucial to discuss with your partner what kind of a relationship would he want and set the boundaries which are not to be crossed.
To start a conversation about this and test if you would like to be in this kind of marriage, I suggest talking to your husband about it and maybe giving him some chores around the house to see if you will both benefit from that type of arrangement.
You can start making the decisions around the house but always consider his opinion as well, unless you decide that you are going to have full control from now on.
Sounds like abuse. I'm against abuse regardless whether male to female, or female to male. The woman has all the money, enjoys herself and his reward, clean the kitchen!?!
There's clearly no respect from the woman to the man, more than likely no love either. If the woman wants a butler/servant/slave whatever, hire one.
Do tell me what is better now that women are in charge because I see only misery everywhere and it's not just the pandemic.How is the female coping now.According to doctors most are suffering from some kind of mental illness,how does that equip them for leading a relationship?I do not see the divorce numbers going down but I do see a lot of men living on the streets,maybe they had been promoted from level 1 to 4 in a few weeks.We do not need female led marriages because it is the norm right now.Partners should be pleasing each other,a bit of kink is fine but the rest is merely a ruse to rob someone of all that is precious.
Great article! It is a great arrangement when you get it right. For both it can be a mental adjustment, mostly more for the man than the woman. The woman needs to be confident leading and the man needs to be comfortable serving. A great book on the mental framework of adjustment is The Wife Led Marriage by London Storm. Thanks for sharing.
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There are two opposite and equally destructive strategies many husbands and wives fall into when it comes to seeking marital happiness. The first is trying to take charge of your spouse. The second is assuming your spouse will take charge of your marriage. But the only truly effective way to get closer to the meaningful, connected, and happy relationship you want is for you to take charge of your marriage.
Notice how different that is from taking charge of your spouse. Another way to make the same point would be to say, Take Responsibility for your Marriage. (But would you have read this article if that was the headline?) Micromanaging or manipulating won’t work. And neither will sitting back and waiting for things to change. You’ve got a lot more power than you think!
There are some wrong ways to do this, and some powerfully effective and godly ways to do this. Here they are.
Hopefully you’ve learned by now that you can’t change your spouse. (If you’re still trying, how’s that working out for you?) And yet countless marriages are made miserable by such attempts at control. I know these couples personally; the pastor who so manipulates and demeans his wife that she cowers in fear and hardly speaks, or the middle-aged wife who so criticizes and speaks harshly to her financially-successful husband that he is reluctant to ever come home from work.
Husbands and wives write to me all the time complaining about what their spouse does or doesn’t do. “He always misunderstands what I say.” “Nothing I do is ever good enough for her.” “He’s never interested in intimacy; I need to feel wanted.” “She constantly refuses sex, and I can’t take it anymore.” The problem is my spouse, and if only they would change everything would be OK.
Can you see how these approaches are decidedly unhelpful? It’s not that your spouse shouldn’t do things differently. And it’s not about you heaping loads of guilt and shame onto yourself. It’s about applying the Serenity Prayer to your marriage; putting your focus on what you can control and doing something about it, while leaving what you cannot change in God’s hands.
And in case that doesn’t ring a bell in your mind, here’s the opening to the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
What does that look like in marriage?
So what does work? Here are four suggestions. And I guarantee that if you put these into practice your marriage will change.
Reality can be uncomfortable. It’s important to ask, What’s really going on? What brokenness have I brought into the situation? What brokenness is my spouse bringing? Are there additional factors contributing to our misery, such as addiction or abuse? ( If so , get some help right away!) Where have my words, attitudes, behaviors, baggage, misunderstanding, communication, etc. added to the problem? Who is my spouse, really? Blindness or denial is never helpful.
While such an honest assessment of your relationship can be challenging, it can also be very empowering. To at least whatever degree you contributed to the problem, you can now contribute to the solution. Getting honest about your spouse also allows you to clarify whether they are a person of goodwill with some troubling behaviors, or whether they are acting out of an evil heart.
Most of all, intentionally seek God’s perspective on your circumstances. That will be the most helpful honesty of all.
The only person you can make decisions for is yourself. As one of Dr Henry Cloud’s CEO clients said to him, “Well, I guess I am ridiculously in charge!” (more in Boundaries for Leaders .) You may not be in charge of a company, but you are in charge of you! As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” No one, not even your spouse, can make you feel any certain way or do any certain thing unless you allow them to do so. (Again, if abuse is going on , get some help right away!)
If you’re a frustrated husband, do you need to up your game in loving your wife like Christ ? If you’re an unhappy wife, are you using your beauty and strength to build up or to destroy ? If you struggle with communication, are you learning the skills necessary to do this well ? That which is in your power to do may seem small, but if you make a change your marriage will change – often for the better.
In marriage your spouse also gets a vote. Your actions are not the only factor. But do what you can! The results may surprise you.
How long are you going to sit there waiting for your spouse to come your direction? You make the first move. Invest regularly in your relationship . Husbands, survey your relationship for what may be keeping your wife at a distance and do the hard work of addressing the problem. Reach out and take her hand. Plant a kiss on her cheek. Wives, make the mental decision to move in your husband’s direction. Draw him out. Listen.
If you feel as though you’ve tried to do everything to get your spouse to connect with no positive results, step back and look at things from your spouse’s perspective. Are you trying to force connection, or are you inviting them into a safe place ? Have you invested the energy necessary to learn about your spouse, such that you can frame your invitations in a way they would find appealing? If you were in your spouse’s shoes, would you want to come closer to you?
Choose to have an open heart . If your heart is closed right now, do the necessary work to get to an open heart.
God can and does restore anything and everything where He is given that opportunity. Remember that in your marriage your spouse also has a vote. But make sure that as far as lies with you, God is invited into and freely able to operate in your relationship. Make sure that there is nothing in your own heart that would limit God’s freedom in bringing restoration.
Are you praying regularly with your spouse? That can be challenging, but you can learn to do it . Talking about your spiritual lives together can be important. Here are some tips to help you do that . Without God’s involvement you are two broken people who are extremely unlikely to make things work. Invite Him to be the glue holding you together. That’s your only chance.
I know if you take charge of your marriage in these ways, your relationship will be dramatically different. You just might be surprised at the positive results.
Your Turn: Where have you tried to manipulate and control? Where have you waited for your spouse to act first? What can you do this week to step up your game in taking charge of your marriage? Leave a comment below.
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Better communication is the Number 1 issue couples want improved in their relationship. Understanding your Communication Style will be an important step in making your communication more effective.
This brief FREE Communication Personality Assessment will provide you personalized results indicating your communication strengths, communication challenges, and some tips on taking your communication to the next level. You really can experience deeper intimacy and a more loving relationship.
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Wife Charge Of Marriage