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Mar 1, 2012

My wife and i are young we are only 30 and last weekend we went out to a restaurat / bar and ended up meeting up another couple we got along pretty well fast we were drinking all night and it was all good until the other girl leaned on my wifes shoulder and my wife by couriosity or maybe she liked her kissed her. I saw everything but the other guy didnt i was cool with it i tough it was exciting. about half hour later the apoligized to eachother and it was back to having fun. my wife asked me to go to the bathroom with her and i as a perv decided this is the big move..... i asked the other girl to go with her.... 15 minutes later they come back and is all cool so i asked my wife what happen and she told me that they hooked up kissing and sucking involved. i was very excited i wanted to take the girl home but she was with her man and no other man is touching my wife...lol... well anyhow a couple days later im here feeling jealous now they are friends on facebook and text each other. Me and my wife have been together 13 years and her and her date have been together for 2 months. I just want to know what should do how should i feel??? Helppp im going a little crazy...lol...

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well replace "other girl" with "other guy" and you get how I would feel. IMO this rings alarm bells, just coz it is a girl you seem to not really worry, I am sure you will be raging if it was a guy she is txting etc after kissing.

I think you need to talk to her about it, maybe she is bi or gay and if she is then there is nothing you can do about it, if you have a threesome make it clear that it is a one off and that it is not ok for your wife to go off and see this girl for sex etc without you. Unless of course, youre ok with that?

My GF is bi but she knows that if she goes off with another girl its the same as going off with another guy, the idea of dating a bi chick maybe hot coz of the ideas of threesomes etc but when you fall in love with them, you get a bit funny about it, at least I do; I would only ever agree to a threesome if we agreed to never see the extra girl again and didn't remain in contact.

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If the OP is less jealous about a woman good on him, this is highly individual. I think I know where he's coming from - even if she's completely bi, a woman still can't "replace" him; the wife's relationship with her would always be an addition to her life, whereas another man is perceived as more of a direct threat. It's highly common in couples which are not completely monogamous that the woman is only allowed to hook up with other women but not with other men, it helps the guy deal with his anxieties and doesn't allow such a strong "macho" rivalry to build up. Usually it seems to work fine.

My concern is whether the girl's partner is aware, because I might be non-monogamous but I'm strictly against lying and cheating!!

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^ Totally agree - I would never perceive a woman to be a direct threat, but more someone my woman could have as a side line if she wants a lil extra loving.

As long as I know about every instance of activity so I can have a wank while she tells me about it there's nothing wrong with it - it's hot.

For me - homosexuality is a lust thing, purely animal...a man will always come out on top unless he's a bitch.

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My wife and i are young we are only 30 and last weekend we went out to a restaurat / bar and ended up meeting up another couple we got along pretty well fast we were drinking all night and it was all good until the other girl leaned on my wifes shoulder and my wife by couriosity or maybe she liked her kissed her. I saw everything but the other guy didnt i was cool with it i tough it was exciting. about half hour later the apoligized to eachother and it was back to having fun. my wife asked me to go to the bathroom with her and i as a perv decided this is the big move..... i asked the other girl to go with her.... 15 minutes later they come back and is all cool so i asked my wife what happen and she told me that they hooked up kissing and sucking involved. i was very excited i wanted to take the girl home but she was with her man and no other man is touching my wife...lol... well anyhow a couple days later im here feeling jealous now they are friends on facebook and text each other. Me and my wife have been together 13 years and her and her date have been together for 2 months. I just want to know what should do how should i feel??? Helppp im going a little crazy...lol...

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Jul 2, 2010

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Europe

well its a bit obvious how he feels, he even says so. he feels jealous.

my advice, coming from someone who used to be really jealous, but several years later is rather open in relationships (swinging included) is that what you should do is just talk to your wife. tell her how you feel an ask her about the things you want to know. jealousy is only there because you dont know how she feels about the other person. if she only feels like the girl/guy is a nice distraction (which she presumes you allowed into your life) then you have nothing to worry about.
most likely she is excited about her adventure and the initial curiosity, which you encouraged remember? you also let her know you wanted to bring the other girl home, though i imagine for your own pleasure more than hers.

really, just talk to her. she is your wife and hs been for a long time, better to ask her for advice than us internet folk

best of luck

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OP is being dishonest with himself. He wants to ball the other guy's wife, but nobody's touching his wife.
That's not how it works!!

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what needs to be established first, is how YOU feel.

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I recently found out my long-time girlfriend, who is now my wife, might secretly be bisexual.
She texts women and sends them pictures and videos, but thinks I don't know.
How can I convince her that I am completely cool with this so she'll stop going behind my back?
It's wonderful you want your wife to be her whole self around you.
You should ask her to talk about it, but not to get to the bottom of her sexuality , New York City-based sex therapist Rachel Wright told me. Rather, you should bring up her secret texts as a way to discuss the relationship you agreed to be a part of.
Based on how you wrote your question, I'd venture to guess you're in a monogamous relationship with your wife. Though every relationship agreement is different, it's possible your wife's chats with other women are breaking your agreement.
That doesn't mean you have to leave your wife, or think less of her. But it's important you consider how her actions make you feel, not just what they could say about her sexual identity , according to Wright.
Though it may feel obvious to you, there's no way to know a person's sexuality unless you ask them, she said.
"There are stereotypes, but there are no 'obvious signs,' except for that person saying what their sexual orientation is," Wright told me.
And a person's sexuality can change over time , so it's possible your wife is just coming in to a new identity or experimenting. It's also possible you've misunderstood her intentions, and that's why having a conversation is so important here.
To start this conversation, Wright suggested asking your wife to schedule a time talk about your relationship, so she isn't caught off-guard.
Then, acknowledge the situation at hand by saying something like, "I know we've been together for five years and have only practiced monogamy."
Now it's time to explain what you've noticed about your wife's behavior. It's important to lead with "I" statements here, so you're sharing your own experience, and not making assumptions about your wife, which could cause her to feel unsafe sharing with you, according to Wright.
She suggested you use this approach:
"I feel [emotion] thinking you may be secretly texting other women and may be bisexual, and that you aren't telling me. I feel [emotion] about your sexual orientation, and want you to be your full self."
This way, you can show your wife you support her, while honoring your own feelings about her behavior.
You should also offer a solution to the situation, like attending couple's therapy to improve your communication, or finding ways to talk about sexuality together so your wife doesn't feel the need to be secretive. She could have ideas for how to move forward too, so be sure to give her the space to share.
As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
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Just like Anna Paquin, who tweeted about her bisexuality and marriage for Pride Month , I am a bisexual woman, attracted to both men and women, and I am proudly married to a man who's only attracted to ladies*. So what's it like? Awesome, predominantly. Being bi and married to my dude is a wonderful and fulfilling situation, mostly because he is excellent and accepts all my parts, including the bits that like another gender. But together we have discovered that, through no conscious fault of our own, we confuse people. Frequently. Deeply. Sometimes in a way that ends with strange girls trying to break into our room at parties. (More on that later.)
Much of this confusion seems to come from two sources: preconceptions about bisexuality and how it works, and preconceptions about marriage and what it's for. When our relationship is viewed from the outside, these ideas sit atop it like an incongruous cheap baseball cap and affect how we're perceived.
Here are the four ideas about marriage and bisexuality that I regularly encounter, and why they're wrong:
More than one person has assumed that bi-hetero relationships must involve threesomes , regularly. In the same way that straight relationships involve, I don't know, Chinese food, or fighting over the remote. My husband gets fist-bumped rather a lot.
Cute, right? Except that it meant that a drunk girl at a party we both attended, who'd never met me but who had heard that I was bi and therefore "must be up for it," tried to force her way into the room where we were sleeping for an unexpected menage a trois. Obviously there are many things wrong with that situation. But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn't too uncommon. It defines "bisexual" as "can't be satisfied without both sexes at once," which is another, entirely different sexual identity.
It also overlaps with the stereotype that bi people are sexually insatiable and will seek out anything with a pulse to satisfy their raging libido. "Is it breathing? Can it consent? Sweet, it's macking time." This is... not true. I am not Lord Byron.
Committing to a lifelong heterosexual relationship when you've been a part of the queer community can cause conversations like this:
"Why didn't I get an invite to your Pride party this year?"
"We just... thought you wouldn't be interested. Now, I mean."
Yep. Bi people are in a particular bind when it comes to their dating pool: If they find a partner of the opposite sex, they run the risk of being accused of queer treason. Having a legally married dude partn
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