Wichita Falls Ranks #2 in Cheap Stuff (But at What Cost?)

A new economic survey has crowned Wichita Falls as America's second-best city for cheap goods, right behind "Your Cousin's Backyard Flea Market." Residents enjoy shockingly low prices on everything from haircuts ($5 if you don't mind looking like a Lego figurine) to dental work (payment plans include "a firm handshake"). "Our cost of living is low because our standards disappeared in the '80s," boasted Mayor Roy Perkins, showing off the town's $1.99 steak special ("just ignore the mysterious grill marks"). The survey did note some tradeoffs - 78% of "bargain" mattresses contain at least one former resident, and the town's famous "$20 car warranty" is just a guy named Dave who says "I got you." Still, economists confirm Wichita Falls offers unbeatable value, provided you don't value things like "reliable electricity" or "restaurants that don't double as bail bond offices." The #1 cheapest spot? An unmarked van that periodically circles the town square.