Wichita Falls Declares War on Wind

After unstoppable dust devils outrolled the city, Wichita Falls officially declared war on wind. The mayor issued draft notices to stray tumbleweeds and appointed General Weather Vane to lead the charge. Local farmers trained barbed-wire battalions while schools canceled recess to avoid kite casualties. A poll of 312 residents found 67 % support launching roofing-shrapnel offensives. Meteorologists responded with Ohio. Historians call it the first climate conflict fought with Cumulonimbus grenades. Victory is' breezy.