Why Moving Abroad Still Feels Like a Moral Issue

Many people choose to study abroad with the long-term goal of relocating. But few say it openly. Not because it’s illegal, but because the decision still carries a moral charge. Somehow, leaving is always a little suspicious.

But why? Why does moving abroad still provoke discomfort, disapproval, or even outright hostility, especially when it’s done through legal, structured channels like university admissions?

Unspoken Assumptions

In many societies, relocation is quietly judged. The logic goes like this:

"If you were born here, you should stay here. Leaving means you’ve given up — on your country, your people, your responsibilities."

In times of political or economic crisis, that judgment only intensifies. Suddenly, a personal decision becomes a political act. Choosing to leave is interpreted as betrayal, disloyalty, or cowardice.

Sometimes, the disapproval is more subtle. A quiet “good luck” that doesn’t quite sound supportive. A family member who stops bringing up your plans in conversation. A friend who used to be close but now keeps their distance.

Why It Feels Personal Even When It’s Not

The truth is, moving touches more than just logistics. For many people, it activates questions of identity, belonging, and even grief.

Some people stay in difficult conditions because they believe in change. Others stay because they have no choice. And some stay because they’re afraid to leave or simply don’t want to. All of these are valid.

But when someone close to you does leave, it can feel like a challenge. It creates contrast. It forces a kind of internal accounting: Why am I still here? Why didn’t I leave? Should I have?

That discomfort often gets projected onto the person who leaves. They’re seen as selfish, ungrateful, disconnected. In reality, they’re just acting on a different set of priorities.

Leaving Isn’t Always About Escaping

Let’s be honest: yes, some people leave because they’re running away from something. But that’s not the only, or even the main, reason.

People move because they’re curious. Because they want better education. Because they feel stuck. Because they want to build something that doesn’t yet exist at home. Because they want more freedom. Because they can.

And none of these motives make them morally inferior.

You wouldn’t accuse a foreigner in your country of betraying their homeland, so why apply that logic in reverse?

A Choice, Not a Verdict

Moving is a choice. Not a moral statement. Not a betrayal. Not an act of disloyalty. Just a decision, shaped by personal context: finances, health, family, dreams, fears.

Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn’t. But the outcome doesn’t retroactively define the worth of the decision itself.

In today’s world, relocation doesn’t have to mean rupture.

People live across countries, hold multiple identities, contribute to both their country of origin and their new home. They vote, work, support families, stay politically and culturally active, even from a distance.

I know this firsthand. I live between two countries, and I stay connected to both.

What Needs to Change

What we need is less projection and more maturity.

Less judging, more listening. Less “how dare you leave” and more “I hope it works out, and I’ll be here if it doesn’t.”

Seeing a person’s move as their choice, not a threat to yours, is a mark of a society that respects individuals. That recognizes autonomy. That understands people are not traitors for wanting something different.

Sometimes leaving is hard. Sometimes staying is harder.

But neither makes you better or worse — just different. And that’s allowed.

About the author

Lilian Lori (Liliane Laurie) is a language instructor and education consultant helping international applicants navigate admissions to French universities. She writes about how admissions systems really work and who gets access to education and why.

Her current projects include WindowToFrance and STUDYON, both focused on educational mobility and early career building in Europe.

You can follow her on Telegram @lilian_lori, or through her projects WindowToFrance and STUDYON.