Why Do We Like Porn
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Why Do We Like Porn
Medically Reviewed by Marina Katz, MD on September 05, 2011
As it turns out, men are pretty much hard-wired to like watching -- or reading about -- other people having sex. Here's why they do it -- and why it's probably ok.
Most nights, after his wife, Kate, had gone to bed, Tom surfed the Internet for porn. Kate learned about this during their second session of couples therapy. Despite Tom's claims that his nocturnal habit had nothing to do with their love life, she worried he preferred porn to having sex with her.
That's a common reaction. "Often, one partner has a porn interest, and the other thinks that's a problem," says Russell Stambaugh, PhD, an Ann Arbor, Michigan-based psychologist and sex therapist. "It rarely is. The best studies suggest that only about 5% of porn users have a problem that interferes with their daily life."
That's good news, because a lot of people look at porn. According to a survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 26% of male Internet users visited adult websites (only 3% of women went to these sites). In 2006, the porn industry raked in nearly 13 billion dollars.
For most women, there's no need to worry. Whatever may be drawing a man to porn, it's seldom a reflection on their partner, says sex therapist Lonnie Barbach, PhD, in practice in San Francisco. "Some women feel threatened because they don't think they're as sexy as a porn star," she says. "But it's not about what he's not getting at home. It's the novelty. It's a turn-on."
Still, the question remains: Why do so many men like looking at pictures of naked people? That's not an easy question to answer. Porn-induced arousal has been linked to many parts of the brain . One recent theory holds that mirror neurons, brain cells that fire when an action is performed as well as when it's observed, play an important role in male arousal. But knowing what's fired up by porn doesn't tell us why our brains get turned on.
Stambaugh points to evolution. Men's brains, he says, are hard-wired for easy arousal, so that men are ready for sex whenever opportunity knocks -- a propagation-of-the-species thing. With online porn so readily at hand, vicarious opportunities -- cue the mirror neurons -- are ever present.
Once Kate realized that porn was not her replacement and Tom felt less ashamed about his habit, the couple talked more easily about their sex life. And that led to sexy outfits and a little experimentation in the bedroom. The porn was never the problem, Stambaugh says. "More often, the problem is how you talk and how you reveal yourself to each other."
Thinking you might be interested in seeing what porn is like? Follow these guidelines to make it a positive part of your relationship.
Ladies' choice. Couples who want to try viewing porn together face a huge variety of choices. Men are easy to please, so it's best to find out what their partner likes. If they like it, it's probably good enough for them.
Safety first. Unsafe sex is common in porn. It shouldn't be in your bedroom.
Time and money. If you're spending too much of either on porn, it often reflects a larger problem, like marital difficulties or a job loss.
SOURCES:
Russell Stambaugh, PhD, psychologist and sex therapist, Ann Arbor, Mich.
Doran, K., "Economics of Pornography," The Witherspoon Institute, 2008.
Johnston, DK. "Indications of a Slowdown in Sex Entertainment Trade," New York Times , Jan. 4, 2007.
Lonnie Barbach, PhD, psychologist and sex therapist, San Francisco; faculty member, University of California Medical School in San Francisco.
Mouras, H., Stoléru , S. et al. Neuroimage , June 6, 2008: 18598769 .
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
The consumption of pornography doesn't seem to be associated with the satisfaction that a person feels with their own relationship. So, if it's not to fill this gap, what are the reasons that people watch porn?
Online Pornography and Sexual Violence Are Linked
Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Bella, N., Potenza, MN, Demetrovics, Z. y Orosz, G. (2021). ¿Por qué la gente ve pornografía? La base motivacional del uso de la pornografía. Psicología de las conductas adictivas: revista de la Sociedad de Psicólogos en Conductas Adictivas, 35(2), 172–186. https://doi.org/10.1037/adb0000603. Cameron C. Brown, Jared A. Durtschi, Jason S. Carroll, Brian J. Willoughby,
Understanding and predicting classes of college students who use pornography,
Computers in Human Behavior. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563216306355 Junta Británica de Clasificación de Películas. (2020). Jóvenes, pornografía y verificación de edad. bbfc Obtenido de https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research. Rothman EF, Beckmeyer JJ, Herbenick D, Fu TC, Dodge B, Fortenberry JD. The Prevalence of Using Pornography for Information About How to Have Sex: Findings from a Nationally Representative Survey of U.S. Adolescents and Young Adults. Arch Sex Behav. 2021 Feb;50(2):629-646. doi: 10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7. Epub 2021 Jan 4. PMID: 33398696.
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It’s no secret that pornography can give a biased view of sexual relations. However, it’s equally well known that consuming this type of content has become a habit for many -whether or not they have a partner.
When this happens, many partners find themselves wondering: If my partner is satisfied with our sex life, why are they watching porn? Aren’t I enough for them?
A team of researchers led by Beáta Bőthe found that only 5.94 percent of porn consumers said they viewed porn due to a ‘lack of sexual satisfaction’. In other words, most watch porn for reasons other than feeling that their partner isn’t ‘enough’ for them.
So if that’s true, why do we watch porn?
With a seemingly limitless appetite, man has been producing and consuming pornography for as long as it’s been available. For instance, the Romans devoured the love poems and ‘adultery manuals’ of the poet, Ovid, 2,000 years ago. While, today, novels about sex such as Fifty Shades of Grey , 365 Days, and After are breaking ever-increasing sales records.
Pornography had its heyday in 1960. Suddenly, magazines on the subject began to occupy the windows of newsstands as well as the most remote corners of private homes. Now, hundreds of pornographic movies and images are on the Internet for anyone who wants them.
That said, what really happens in our brains when we see a body being caressed and touched? How much porn is it acceptable to watch? Finally, does it really matter that women watch less porn than men?
Unlike the scant research available on reasons for viewing pornography, the study on porn viewing behavior is more substantial. In fact, it’s guided by several theoretical perspectives, including evolutionary ones such as sexual strategy theory (Salmon, 2012 ).
Most of the content of pornographic films contains sexual acts and scenes that induce moods and emotions similar to those elicited during casual sex (Hald & Malamuth, 2008). Therefore, it can be argued that the consumption of pornography serves as a substitute for this practice.
Consequently, people who are oriented toward casual sex may watch porn movies to satisfy their need for the stimulation they’d get with the practice in reality.
Porn awakens certain common sensations in us. The problem lies in the type, frequency, and function of consumption.
Porn movies are surrounded by a multitude of clichés. Some argue that they present a wrong image of sexuality, but who still honestly thinks that movies are copies of reality?
No one is convinced anymore that romantic comedies are a true reflection of our love lives. Of course, we can recognize ourselves in certain elements and identify with certain situations, but we never believe 100 percent in what happens on the screen.
According to Bőthe, the main reason people watch porn is for sexual pleasure. Sexual desire is, of course, natural and healthy.
In a relationship where partners have different drives, porn is often seen as a way to satisfy that need. However, porn is produced specifically to arouse, not with the health of the consumer or their relationships in mind.
Porn promises a variety of ‘hotter’ and extreme sex but it doesn’t translate to real-life sex. In fact, world-renowned relationship experts and researchers, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have raised serious concerns about the effects of pornography on sexual relationships.
Regular porn consumers may find it eventually takes much more than a normal stimulus to elicit the same response as porn does in them. Indeed, in some cases, ordinary stimulus levels become no longer interesting for them. Therefore, normal sex often ends up becoming much less interesting for porn users.
Another common motivation for viewing porn is to learn about sex. Indeed, this is a common reason for young people to turn to it. As a matter of fact, one study demonstrated that about 45 percent of teens who used porn did so, in part, to learn about sex.
The results also showed that one in four 18-24-year-olds (24.5 percent) cited pornography as the most helpful source for learning about sex. After all, they’re curious and porn may seem like the easiest place to find out about it. But is it the best place?
Another common reason for viewing porn is to deal with uncomfortable emotions. More specifically, ‘ stress reduction’ and ‘distraction or emotional suppression’ are listed as motivations for consuming porn. People turn to it to escape these kinds of feelings.
However, although it might seem like a quick fix for temporary loneliness, at best, it’s a cheap distraction, and at worst, it simply fuels those negative feelings.
Whether it’s to de-stress at the end of a bad day or to escape emotions that feel too much to handle, research shows that porn doesn’t really help in the long run. In fact, it’s indicated that those who consume porn to avoid uncomfortable emotions tend to exhibit low emotional and mental well-being.
While boredom is now described in some circles as a positive state of mind that stimulates creativity, even earning the approval of Steve Jobs, many people prefer to avoid it. Consequently, our digital world has done a pretty good job of providing endless amounts of entertainment and distractions for those who can’t stand a dull moment.
But consider this definition of boredom: ‘the aversive experience of wanting, but not being able, to participate in a satisfying activity’. Porn can’t help with boredom because it leaves a person dissatisfied and disconnected . Of course, it’s new and exciting at first, but when the brain is regularly stimulated by porn, it gets bored with watching the same content. Therefore, the person may slowly begin to desire more and different kinds.
We must take into account that some people simply can’t kick this habit. In fact, because of the ways that viewing porn can affect the brain, it can be really difficult to quit. Furthermore, all of these movies are extremely easily accessible for people to consume as and when they feel like it.
This easy access to porn means consumers achieve immediate and continuous satisfaction and it becomes a kind of drug. Psychology professionals have to take into account this ease of accessibility and addiction when planning any intervention.
Furthermore, they must avoid blaming or moralizing clients suffering from porn addiction. They should promote audiovisual content that conceptualizes sex, not as an immediate, unilateral, and violent need. In addition, clients should be encouraged to view other types of stories of seduction. The kind of productions where sex is represented as an experience that’s surrounded by warmth and long-term satisfaction.
Evidence confirms a real link between online pornography and sexual violence. Learn more about the facts and figures here.
Exploring your mind Blog about psychology and philosophy. Articles and opinions on happiness, fear and other aspects of human psychology. © 2012 – 2022 . All rights reserved. The content in this publication is presented for informative purposes only. In no way is this information intended to replace a physician's diagnosis or act as a substitute for the work of a qualified professional. We recommend that you consult a reliable specialist.
Christopher Asmus is lead pastor at Vertical Church St. Paul , in St. Paul, MN. Christopher and his wife, Alexandria, are happy parents to Haddon, McRae, and Afton.
Christopher Asmus is lead pastor at Vertical Church St. Paul , in St. Paul, MN. Christopher and his wife, Alexandria, are happy parents to Haddon, McRae, and Afton.
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Most people in the world have no experience of lasting joy in their lives. We’re on a mission to change that. All of our resources exist to guide you toward everlasting joy in Jesus Christ.
You know the scenario: The room is empty. You’re alone. You look over at your folded laptop sitting idle on the desk, and the urge for sexual release that has been intensifying all day collides with the seductive thought of indulging in porn yet again.
You think to yourself, “I know it’s sin, I know I’ll feel horrible afterwards, I know the satisfaction won’t last.” And yet, so often the scenario ends with turning on the computer, typing in a website’s URL, and taking part in the dark porn experience again.
As I lived out that scenario many times, and as I have walked with men who experience that on a weekly, if not daily, basis, the question we must ask is, “Why was our conviction of sin, our knowledge of Scripture, our joy in the gospel not enough to keep us from consciously, actively sinning against God again?”
The sins of lust, pornography use, and masturbation are first and foremost worship problems. That is, we do not see sex and satisfaction rightly because we do not see God and God’s glory rightly. Therefore, when temptation rises, God often seems like a distant observer simply watching and waiting to see if we will give in. His presence is like that of a coach watching his defense respond to the other team’s attack.
We use pornography only when we fail to see the goodness and glory of God in his present-moment actions towards us, and for us. We choose to sin only when we are blind to what God is doing to us, and for us in the very moment we choose to sin.
New Testament scholar Leon Morris writes, “The man who carries on an act of impurity and lust is not simply breaking a human code, not even sinning against the God who at some time in the past gave him the gift of the Spirit. He is sinning against the God who is present at that moment, against One who continually gives the Spirit. The impure act is an act of despite against God’s good gift at the very moment it is being proffered” ( Morris , 128).
When we sin against God, we are actively biting the hand that is presently feeding us the substance we are starving for. When we rebel against Christ, we are striking the Physician that is currently, in that very moment, administering the life-sustaining medicine.
It is not hard to sin against the God of past-tense. If our understanding of the glory of God in Christ Jesus is only that Christ came to earth for us, he died to make atonement for our sins, and he resurrected and ascended to the place of highest honor, we can rather easily shelve that good news when our desire for sin becomes greater than our joy in what God did two thousand years ago.
Now surely, we cannot and will not ever graduate from the ever-glorious gospel story of the cross. However, what makes the gospel story glorious is that the story transcends time. While the cross happened in the past, it could not be contained there, and like the morning sun, it has broken through space and time with infinite intensity and brought life and glory into this very moment, and forevermore.
I absolutely adore my wife. I love her and celebrate her not only because she loved me four years ago on our wedding day when she entered the covenant of marriage with me. I cherish and enjoy her because of all that she is in this present moment: a gospel co-laborer, a servant mom, a radical disciple maker, a humble Christ worshipper. My joy in my wife didn’t end on our wedding day; in many ways, it began there. Likewise, our joy in Jesus must not stop with the cross; rather, we must see how the gospel story affects right here, right now, and forevermore.
The only weapon we have to defeat the beast of porn is joy in something — no, Someone — greater: Jesus Christ. The battle strategy against porn is to do everything you can to enjoy Jesus more than you could possibly enjoy porn.
Weary one, this is what Jesus is doing right now in your moment of greatest temptation.
Jesus is loving you ( Revelation 1:5b ).
Jesus is praying for you ( Romans 8:34 ; Hebrews 7:25 ).
Jesus is representing you on your behalf ( Hebrews 9:24 ).
Jesus is sanctifying you and making you holy ( Philippians 1:6 ; 1 Thessalonians 5:23 ).
Jesus is sympathizing with your weakness ( Hebrews 4:15 ).
Jesus is providing a way of escape ( 1 Corinthians 10:13 ).
Jesus is advocating and pleading your case before the Father ( 1 John 2:1–2 ).
Jesus is ruling and reigning in complete sovereign power over your temptation ( Luke 22:69 ; Hebrews 8:1–2 ).
Jesus is upholding you and the entire universe by his word ( Hebrews 1:3 ).
Jesus is preparing a place for you to take you to so that you can be with him forever ( John 14:1–3 ; 1 Thessalonians 4:17 ).
Jesus is sustaining you that you may remain faithful to the end ( 1 Corinthians 1:8 ).
Victory over porn is not a call to mere self-denial, but a call to exuberant indulgence in the person and work of Jesus Christ.
Next time the dreary clouds of lust come over your room, set your mind on what Jesus is doing to you, and for you, in that very moment. Set your mind upon the things of Christ ( Romans 8:5–6 ; Colossians 3:2 ), and may your joy in Jesus become too fulfilling, too gratifying, too satisfying to forfeit over to the sad counterfeit pleasure of pornography.
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