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Good sex comes from understanding how your body works. Everyone likes different things when it comes to sex, so don’t worry about whether you’re “normal.”
Sex isn’t one size fits all. What feels good to you might not be right for someone else. Everyone’s different when it comes to sexual behaviors and desires, but here are some common kinds of sexual activity:
masturbating alone or with a partner
People get turned on by different things, so communicating about what you like or don’t like lets your partner know what’s OK and what’s off limits.
Having a healthy sex life is good for you both emotionally and physically. Sex can help you create a connection with another person, and sexual pleasure has lots of health benefits — whether you’re with a partner or not. When you have an orgasm , your body gives you a natural high. You release endorphins, which are hormones that block pain and make you feel good.
There are lots of other health benefits associated with sexual pleasure:
There’s no amount of sex that’s considered “normal” — everyone’s different. How often you have sex depends on a lot of things, like whether you have a partner, what else is going on in your life, and how strong your sex drive (your desire to have sex) is.
People have different sex drives . Your own sex drive can change based on things like stress, medications you take, and other physical, emotional, and lifestyle factors. Some people want to have sex every day or more than once a day, and some people hardly ever want to have sex. People who don't experience any sexual attraction for anyone may call themselves asexual .
Having a healthy sex life is about taking care of yourself, whether you have a partner or not. Physically, that means practicing safer sex , getting tested for STDs regularly, preventing unintended pregnancies , and seeing a doctor or nurse if you have a sexual disorder or any other health problems.
Feeling good about your body, enjoying sexual pleasure, being comfortable with your sexual orientation and gender identity , and having healthy relationships are also big parts of healthy sexuality. Having a healthy sex life means knowing what you do and don’t want to do sexually and being able to communicate that to your partners. Your partner should respect your boundaries, and you should respect theirs.
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Signs She's Interested in Having Sex With You
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Has anyone ever just straight-up told you they want to have sex with you right off the bat? Not at the end of the date when mutual attraction is clear and you’re about to kiss for the first time, but right from the get-go, before the date’s started, perhaps as an opening message on a dating app?
If you’re dating women, it’s possible, sure — but usually, guys have to work for that kind of knowledge. You typically have to be polite, charming, and flirtatious before she gives you tangible confirmation of your desirability.
That might feel unfair, but it’s just a reality of the dating world and the way men and women are socialized very differently as they move through life, and especially through the world of straight dating and flirtation.
However, determining whether a woman’s really interested in you or just being polite isn’t an impossible task. While you can’t be 100% sure unless they tell you outright, there are certain signs that can help clue you in on their thoughts and intentions, and at least give you a sense that you’re not imagining things.
In order to help clear things up for you, AskMen spoke with a handful of dating experts to help demystify things, so next time you have a little ‘moment’ with a gorgeous woman, you’re not left completely clueless. Here’s what they had to say:
The difference between the way men and women do things is rarely black and white. However, that doesn’t mean that they’re exactly the same in the ways they express their desire to sleep with someone.
“The way people display interest in sex is not really based in gender, but is more subjective to the actual person,” says SKYN Condoms’ Sex & Intimacy Expert and certified sex coach Gigi Engle . “Because we do live in a world that still subscribes to specific gender roles a lot of the time, men are sometimes more straightforward about wanting to have than women.”
“This doesn't mean a woman doesn't want to have sex, but women are taught that they are the gatekeepers of sex, giving it over to the men who ‘just have to have it,’” Engle adds, referring to a powerful societal double-standard around sex known as “ slut shaming ,” which punishes women for their desire while rewarding men for essentially the same actions. “These ideas are super damaging, and play a role in why women are often not the [instigators] in sex.”
The difference is not just in socialization, but also in the natural hormones that male and female bodies produce.
“Men and women display sexual interest differently, most of the time,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of “ Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today .”
“Men tend to be goal oriented, and their driving hormones, testosterone and adrenaline make them goal-focused, so they tend to be much more direct. Women’s major sexual hormones, estrogen and oxytocin, cause them to be focused on emotions and how they feel. Their sexual interest tends to be love-driven.”
So what do these differences look like in practice? For Connell Barrett , dating coach for the Hily dating app, there are a few different ways.
“Men are more direct and more verbal in conveying their sexual interest,” he suggests. “A guy might say, ‘You’re sexy’ or ‘Wanna hang out later?’ Women are less obvious in displaying romantic interest. Also,” [many women] want to see if a man is perceptive enough to read their clues, and confident enough to take action and lead the interaction to where sex might happen.”
Essentially, if you’re a guy who’s attracted to women, you’re likely going to have to put in some effort to figure out if a woman wants to have sex with you. Luckily for you, there are some signs that can help clue you in.
If you don’t know each other well, and she’s interested in spending one-on-one time with you, that could be an indication that she sees you as more than just a friend.
Why? Women typically prefer to spend time alone with men they feel comfortable around. If she doesn’t know you well enough to feel platonically comfortable, some of that desire to be alone with you might instead be part of a dynamic of sexual attraction.
“She might ask a question like, ‘What are you doing later?’ or ‘What are your plans for the weekend?’” notes Barrett. “These are ways she’s letting you know that she’s available.”
In particular, if she’s inviting you out for drinks or invites you back to her place (or wants to come over to yours), those could be signalling her intentions.
Alcohol’s capacity to loosen one’s inhibitions means it’s often associated with sexual or romantic situations (this is part of why bars are such common first-date spots), and spending time together in private as opposed to public means it’s easy for things to progress to intimacy.
One of the most common ways to signify interest is to flirt — talking to a person in a way where you’re subtly trying to convey your attraction without necessarily telling them you’re attracted outright.
The only problem with this approach is that flirtation can vary wildly from person to person, so it can be easy to misinterpret polite conversation as flirtation (or vice versa) in some situations.
“Women will give verbal clues” in cases like this, says Barrett, “such as offering multiple compliments.”
Of course, that might be a case of her being polite, but compliments about your looks or appearance could be more likely to be sexually charged than, for instance, telling you you did a good job on a class or work project.
As well as compliments, fllirting to signal sexual interest could take many different forms: giving you gifts, asking you about your love life or your sex life or otherwise being playful.
If, for instance, the two of you have a running inside joke together, that could be a case of her being flirtatious with you to signal her attraction.
One classic sign of female attraction is breaking the touch barrier. By and large women are often on their guard around men, so being willing to touch you is a sign that she’s comfortable.
Barrett notes that the touch aspect of attraction can play itself out in different ways — some not even necessarily involving touch itself. Her desire to touch you might began to manifest itself first as a feeling of being attuned to your body and physical presence.
“She will get closer to you when she talks,” he says. “She will give you laser-like eye contact and be extra attentive to what you’re saying, not checking her phone or looking around the room. She might fidget like a young girl. She might bite her lower lip.”
However, if it progresses to actual touch, that can be a really clear sign of her interest.
“Many women will touch you on the arm as a sign that they’re interested in something more physical,” he adds. “A big giveaway is when she goes from touching your arm to your chest, which is a more personal place for a woman to touch a man. If she’s touching your arm, she might be interested in sex with you, but she might also just be a touchy person. If she touches your chest or torso, she’s almost definitely interested.”
If you’re the one leading the interactions, one sign that she’s interested is if she’s encouraging your advances rather than giving you negative or neutral responses.
“If a woman is comfortable and relaxed with you, open to being touched (especially if she feels understood and cared about), she will be responsive to your affection and caresses,” says Tessina. “If you move forward at a pace that’s not too fast, and she responds, she is open to having sex. If she stops, you should stop.”
In that situation, it’s possible that she’s attracted to you but not ready to get sexual just yet — in which case giving her time might be what she needs — or it’s possible that she’s not interested at all and unsure how to express it exactly. Just remember that you shouldn’t press the issue. Pressure will only make her less comfortable than she already is.
Ultimately, none of these signs are fool-proof. Even seeing all of these combined isn’t proof of consent — only, as Engle says, an enthusiastic ‘yes’ is.
“You shouldn't assume someone wants to have sex with you unless you've asked and they’ve consented,” she explains. “The idea that certain behaviors or choices mean she's down for sex and should be willing to do it is a fallacy. Even if she'd taking off her clothes and you yours, you still need to check in here and there to be sure she's comfortable and willing to continue. She should do the same for you.”
If she’s interested and you’re interested, congrats! That’s the dream scenario, and it’s likely to be less complicated than other possible situations.
“If you've asked if she wants to have sex (or she's asked you), and then you both agree, that's great,” says Engle. “You can go ahead with having sex and enjoy yourself together.”
However, just because you’re both attracted to each other and interested in having sex doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed to be 100 percent smooth sailing. You should respond making it cl
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