When tantra tends to sexual abuse: five former students talk about The New Tantra.
by Irene de Zwaan and Anneke Stoffelen
Integral EN text as translated from NL version of De Volkskrant article, published 27/7/2019 https://www.volkskrant.nl/nieuws-achtergrond/als-tantra-naar-seksueel-misbruik-neigt-vijf-oud-cursisten-over-the-new-tantra~b6f8bad1/
“Alex wants to see you.” With her heart pounding, Lily, a beautiful woman with bright green eyes, leaves the room where students are in the midst of a meditation exercise. It is morning, the course weekend has just begun. She wanders after course assistant Thomas through the corridors of the spiritual center in Havelte in Drenthe.
Alex Vartman, the course leader, is waiting for her in a room at the back of the center. He sits cross-legged on a double bed – as always dressed in tight-fitting black clothing. His long dark hair is tied back in a tail. He smokes a joint, the room is filled with smoke. Alex's assistants form a semicircle around him. They stare at Lily. The joint goes from hand to hand. Lily, who never smokes pot, decides to take a puff now.
The world around her is fading. She feels Alex pull her shirt. "Hmm, you're a bit fat," he says. Then, in an almost businesslike tone: "I'm going to have sex with you now."
He pulls down her sweatpants and throws her onto the bed. Alex's assistants watch. Also Thomas, who is clearly uncomfortable.
He and Lily got to know each other a few months ago during a tantra course abroad. They immediately felt an intense sexual and spiritual connection with each other, but Thomas held off the boat. He was an assistant and co-organizer of the courses, Lily just a student. Sex between them was not allowed according to the TNT contract that Lily had signed (see inset). That changed when Alex gave hisblessing during the weekend in Havelte. From now on, Lily was allowed to have sex with Thomas and with that had joined Alex' 'inner circle', his circle of confidants.
The instructor had already prepared Lily a month earlier during an exploratory conversation."You know that means that you will have to have sex with me," he had asked. "Yes," Lily replied. Her permission was recorded by Alex, who often did private recording of conversations held in the back room on his telephone.
Lily had a romantic image: the sex would take place in a familiar setting, with Thomas by her side and somewhere in the distant future. But now, she is lying here, on the bed with Alex, who is penetrating her hard under the watchful eye of many others. Lily doesn't resist. She is in shock, frozen. She feels that she has left her body and observes everything from a distance.
The New Tantra
Thisevent takes place in the spring of 2015, during a workshop weekend of The New Tantra (TNT). This company, established by Australian Alex Vartman (54), mainly holds tantra courses in the Netherlands, but also in Sweden, Mexico, Bali and Ibiza. For the forthcoming year, TNT weekends are planned in Portugal, Belgium and Denmark. According to the website, they wants to offer "a modern interpretation of tantra for the 21st century", to the interested layman, singles and couples alike.
The term ‘tantra’here serves as an overarching name for a centuries-old spiritual tradition from India and Tibet, which is focused on realising awareness and liberation in all areas of life of the individual, often through meditation and rituals.The western variant of this ‘crazy wisdom’ doctrine **was first introduced to Europe in the late 1960’s and 1970s by the Bhagwan movement of Indian guru Rajneesh. The now deceased "Osho", as he was called by his followers, focused mainly on sexual surrender and a spiritual experience of sexuality. **Other ‘crazy wisdom’ teachers of that time are Da Free John/ Adi Da and Tsungal Rinpoche, both to emerge onto the U.S. west coast spiritual scene of that period.
Tantra exercises revolve around touching and lovemaking with so called ‘attention’ and ‘awareness’ They can be done individually, or as a couple, but also as a group, such as in TNT. During these workshop weekends (costs: around 600 euros pp.), according to the site, TNT combines "elements from the performing arts (music, DJs, events)" with "old and modern rituals" and exercises from the world of BDSM (bondage, dominance and sadomasochism).
Inspired by the Crazy Wisdom movement, in which taboos are meant to be broken in order to reach a state of ‘satori’ or enlightenment,TNT offers exercises that are "deliberately unconventional, surprising and excessive".Students can, for example, live out their sexual fantasies, but also choose to meditate for a week in an underground bunker for a week near Valkenswaard NL, or engage for an esoteric TNT weekend in a ‘mysterious’ Belgian castle. According to TNT, gaining control over one’s own sexuality would lead to a broader capacity for ‘human connection’ and dealing with the unpredictabilties of life.
Cross border
However, not all participants receive this ‘gift’ as promised. Dutch newspaper “De Volkskrant” (www.volkskrant.nl) spoke to five former students after a tip earlier this year. They testify, all on their own account, that they have gone far beyond their own boundaries during workshop weekends. Four of them, including "Lily", only wanted to tell their story anonymously. They fear that their careers will be damaged if their name is linked to their TNT past, or fear legal consequences because of the signed confidentiality agreement they need to submit at the start of the course. The fact that they, nevertheless, told their stories certainly bears relation to the change in attitude where abuse - also in the tantra and spiritual scene– get increasingly reported and discussed publicly. The Hotline Tantra Abuse in the Netherlanss reported in a critical write up last year about nearly a hundred cases of sexual abuse. And the court in Arnhem Netherlands sentenced a tantramasseur for the first time this year in a criminal courtcase for sexual abuse with multiple clients.
This case illustrates the complexity of the subject: 54 year old Nico D. from Rhenen, NL, argued that his clients – often women with a history of abuse - had consented to sex in ‘tantric terms’. Even so, Nico D. Was sentenced to 30 months, of which 10 probational, for his multiple transgressions and abuse of power.
A similar case against a tantric masseur in Rotterdam NL has yet to go to trial later this year. A crucial question in these criminal cases pertains to the matter whether or not a counseling relationship ( i.e coach and client roles ) exists between victim and perpetrator. If so, sexual acts are punishable by Dutch law, even when the client has consented to sex.
The New Tantra does not manifest itself as a treatment centre. On the contrary: those who register for a workshop are warned that no therapy will be offered to them. For trauma issues they are advised to seek advice from a registered counselor or therapist. New legislation in the Netherlands, which is currently under preparation with the Dutch justice department and its’ secretary Ferdinand Grapperhaus, puts these testimonials in a different perspective. According to this revision of the Dutch legislation, unwanted sex will be punishable not only under physical threat, but also when seks takes place without a person’s consent . This raises the question of whether consent- as TNT students may have provided it by signing a contract - indeed offers a free ride for transgressive behaviour.
Saving his marriage
Ido is lying naked among a row of other students, spoon-to- spoon, on a few mattresses in a room. Soothing sounds come from the music system. "This energy is going to connect you," says Alex Vartman, articulating his words slowly, while making hypnotic movements with his wiry and muscular arms. The students bump their bodies against each other rhythmically.
As a mid-lifer, Ido ended up on this mattress through his wife, who is lying on the floor - a few bodies down- too. Their ten-year marriage has been running roughlately with a sex life that is unfulfilled.His wife thinks that TNT can help improve their communication.
Although the TNT website states that it is possible to only execute exercises with your own partner, in practice this works out quite differently. Pretty soon, Ido and his wife end up in a circle of TNT people who also visit each other at home.
All very developed types, according to Ido: psychologists, businesswomen and – men and artists too. "People who seek out spirituality, but also many people from the swinger and bdsm scene, that want to try something new." He is a uni teacher himself.
They come together with their friends to meditate, dance and have sex. Ido sees his wife blooming in full. Having sex with different people gives her a kick, is almost addictive. He himself often watches from the sidelineswhile others commit themselves to each other. "Public sex was not really my thing, as I am more of an intellectual type. "
To save his marriage, Ido is initially willing to make adjustments. 'Making agreements about group nights and such. You end up in an open relationship. My wife went further and further into the world. She was talking about discovering "her inner slut" and breaking through her "daddy complex."
During the workshop weekends, doubts about the TNT teaching method TNT arise within Ido. The fanaticism of some participants is compelling . Pretty much everything - according to Ido - is dominated by an urge, or need, to please course leader Alex Vartman’. Students perform extreme sexual acts in groups, such as anal fistfucking, to show that they are willing to broaden their boundaries - something that is encouraged within TNT- based on the idea that this will make you into ‘a more versatile person’.
Vartman does not tolerate any contradiction. Several former students confirm by their own account that students are regularlyburned down and humiliated in public during workshops. And participants who claim to have similar spiritual gifts as Vartman, students who doze off during an exercise, or who express themselves critically about the TNT method, are classified by Vartman publicly
as 'a stupid witch', 'a diva girl 'or 'a completely deluded person‘ "Everyone felt so very uncomfortable at such moments, says Ido. But nobody said anything about it. Even though there were 60 people in the circle."
Not taken seriously
Marieke is in the course room. With her dark eyes she looks for one of the assistents. She has just done a sexual exercise with a man - that she would rather not see the details of in a newspaper - but now realizes that she has gone way too far. She doesn’t feel well. "No, you didn't go beyond your limits," the female supervisor tries to reassure her. 'It's nice that something is hit inside. That means it has actually done something good for you. " Marieke doesn’t feel taken seriously at all. She was bullied as a child and thinks that is why she was initially attracted to TNT: this is a group where she is immediately admitted, and to which she belongs immediately.
"During the workshops it was said that you could grow as a person, precisely by exposing yourself to what you find scary," says Marieke. 'But in retrospect, I think you put your nervous system in such an extreme mode that once you get out of that awful situation, you feel a huge euphoric relief. Some participants also started screaming or crying very loudly. That is confusing - to say the least”.
Marieke also witnesses other students doing things that they don't seem to support. "For example, someone who wanted to be monogamous had to watch how his partner had sex with others".
Rough
With his striking appearance and bold statements, which have been publicly broadcasted over his own TNT YouTube channel,Vartman has made himself popular with the media. The BNN program Spuiten & Slikkeninvited him twice to demonstrate the opening of the 'kundalini' -that refers to the sexual energy pathway in the backbone. The goal of this is to enable 'full body orgasms' that can last up to twenty minutes.
These so-called 'kundalini awakenings' are also offered during TNT workshops. It is so brutal that some students burst into tears and have bruises afterwards.Vartman applies his full weight to their ribs and lower back, as the BNN videos demonstrate. Two volunteering women literally scream in pain.
Alex Vartman is not available to answer questions about his method. Dutch journalist Wim de Jong already spoke with TNT back in 2013 for a cover article about a weekend course for Volkskrant Magazine. Vartman, who was born in the Australian town of Aidelaide as Sanford Perret but who took on the spiritual name of Alex Vartman (meaning ‘presence’ in Sanscrit ),stated at that time that:“at the age of 25 he had already made such a fortune in the business world that he owned six houses”.
After his marriage hit the rocks, a therapist advised him to go on a ‘world tour’. And through various Indian ashrams, he ended up with David Deida, an American author of spiritual bestsellers. Vartman was so impressed with this teacher that he offered to become his assistant. But Deida refused, according to his spokesperson. "David told him he wasn't fit to do this kind of work, she says. The author himself does not wish to comment further on the confidential issues between them. It is clear from history, however, that Vartman started organizing his own workshops and lectures from then on. In 2010 he founded The New Tantra and The Netherlands became his home base.
The whole appeal of TNT, say former students, is certainly due to “a presence” of charisma in Vartman. "There is something truly bizarre about Alex," says Marieke. “Just by talking to him you will get a spiritual experience. Now, that is hard to explain." Lily also describes a man who is' surrounded” by energy and power. The way he talks, his movement, literally hypnotizing you . Everything seems to go in slow motion."
Ido says that Vartman could bring students into a state of receptivity by talking very openly about his own past and create emotional connection with the audience . "He thus encouraged students to talk about their own sexual blockages and life problems." With admiration Ido describes the sexual energy that Vartman can generate: "It sounds pretty absurd, but if you have seen with your own eyes that Vartman could make several women cum at a distance, with all the trimmings, then you are just looking amazed for a while ."
But Vartman also abuses this worship, writes Swedish businesswoman Bea Dominic in December 2018 in an article on the online platform Medium.com.Dominic now runs a course center for couples who want to improve their intimate relationships, but worked for TNT for years. She has seen how Vartman made people from his own team sick, she writes.
According to Dominic, all seven women in his 'inner circle' would have had a depression or burnout at some point. A consequence, she argues, of the sexual, verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse by Vartman. 'You soon learn that all your focus must be on Alex. When he calls, you drop everything out of your hands. He was the "king" and we were his servants. "
"Alex convinced his employees to adjust our life plans, interfered with our partner choice, determined how often we should be available to him and what we had to think." He also convinced his employees, according to Dominic, that they should have sex with him every workshop. "And those who did not want to were to be punished."
Increasingly authoritarian
The stories of these former students raise the obvious question: why participants do not resist or leave when they feel they are being treated badly?
André van der Braak, who teaches as a professor on comparitive religion and new religious movements at theFree University in Amsterdam,quotes the metaphor of the frog in a pan: the water slowly boils, but the frog stays on until it burns alive. 'That's how it works within a community. Gradually it becomes more authoritarian. It is very difficult to get out afterwards. "
This also has to do with the enormous group pressure that is created at TNT, says Helene Baayen, tantramasseur and founder of the Hotline for Tantra Misusein NL. Baayen herself attended two short TNT workshops in the past. 'You will be boo-ed if you do not participate. That position is sort of hard to get out afterwards.’
Baayen has received several reports through the hotline and her personal network from participants who say that they were encouraged at TNT to have sex with several people, to use drugs or to get fistfucked.
They are not 'brutal rapes' with physical coercion, says Baayen. "Psychological coercion seems more likely:" You need to do this –or- that, otherwise you will never get rid of vaginism. That's how people go beyond their limits. "
Baayen also states that oftentime more vulnerable personalities visit such workshops. "People who are looking for something, who are attracted by becoming part of a community."
According to Ido, in the two years that he was active within TNT, a sophisticated form of manipulation took place. Every participant was assessed with a mark after the course. 'Because everyone wanted a good grade, an exhibitionistic atmosphere was created. Students started advising others and introducing their techniques.' In the end it came down to it that the handsome and "cool" people achieved the highest marks. Introverted, older participants received an insufficient grade and were not allowed to move on to subsequent TNT courses. "That's how Vartman created his own elite club."
With cartoonish nicknames, the TNT team awarded students a place in the group: one is Princess Leia, another has to settle for Fred Flintstone. Alex Vartman called himself The Mad Hatter, free after a fictional character ('the Mad Hatter') from Alice in Wonderland. "TNT builds your entire identity," says Ido. "You start living by your nickname, as you are slowly brainwashed. "
Robbert Salome of the National Police in NL describes the above state of affairs at The New Tantra as ‘pretty much on the edge'. "For each individual case, it must be determined whether there is a legal basis for proving sexual abuse," he states. 'We do advise people to always file a report with us. Then it can actually be investigated if there is a basis for this.The fact that this reportingoftentimes does not happen relates to the fact thatmany victims do not want to enter into the past in detail, because this will lead them to ‘re-live and re-experience the entire situation of abuse that occurred”, says Salome.
According to Heleen Baaijen, the legal position of ex-TNT students is yet doubtful. “You sign a contract with TNT to participate in a workshop where you are going to have sex, and it is states explicitly that you need to be tested for HIV beforehand," says Baayen. “So there is your disclaimer. Then you sort of have a bad story already, if you come running back afterwards claiming that you were forced to have sex."
In itself, manipulating people, even if they are consciously present and in a group, is not a criminal offense, says Professor of Religion and Law Fokko Oldenhuis, who specializes in cult research in the Netherlands. ”A number of characteristics of sectarian movements do seem to apply to TNT. For example, it is not uncommon for the loss of personal dignity to be accompanied by sexual surrender to one or more leaders," says Oldenhuis.
Andre Van der Braak also describes the dangers of charismatic leader personality types in his personal work . 'They groom people, and they can win them over carefully and wholeheartedly, but they are, basically, not really interested in others. In effect, they have an inability to enter into real relationships. And once the student is under the spell, surrenders and goes beyond his own boundaries, those teachers ultimately do not provide a safe home base. "
A paper–thin line
Ido and his wife are now no longer together. TNT has "nuclearized" their marriage,
he says. He has resolutely broken of all contact with TNT employees and Alex Vartman. And he is now part of a Facebook group of 6000 ,where former students of cult abuse share their experiences. His ex-wife has also left TNT.
“TNT works as a liberating tool for many people, Ido concludes afterwards. But the line between transformation of sexual energy into practice, which contemporary tantraschoolssuch as TNT strive for, and sexual abuse is ‘paper thin’. 'TNT wants their students to be completely sexually submissive, suggestible and compliant and to be present with their full attention. 'Being in presence' as it is called very appropriatelybyVartman. Abuse is therefore not really abuse in TNT terms. It is really and literally: an achievement. "
At the end of 2016, Alex Vartman announced that he would 'retire' from teaching. He went abroad and had no longer conducted workshops thereafter. And since he has been internationally discredited in an number of publications, he seems to be pretty much in the dark. Recently, he took his private Facebook account offline.
According to the TNT website Vartman is still engaged as an advisor to TNT at current. And he also owned 100% of the company shares in The New Tantra Limited, a company that was registered in New Zealand until november of 2018. The register furthermore shows that Vartman has given up residential addresses in Belize, Indonesia and Sweden in recent years.
On the Facebook page of one female teacher, who is still active within TNT, a photo of Vartman from April this year is circulating. He walks arm in arm with three friends at a wedding party in Brazil. His long black hair hangs loosely around his shoulders, and he wears a tight black dress and has carefully put on make-up. To many (ex)TNT students this is not a strange picture: Vartman regularly appeared at the workshops as his alter ego Alexis. By developing and acting out his feminine, he explained to his students, he was able to gain a greater understanding of "the other side" during sex.
The aftermath
Lily regularly thinks back to the course weekend in Havelte in Drenthe, when Vartman first called on her to have sex with him. It didn't stop at that one time. She was removed from the course every few hours. "Even when I was ready to leave with my suitcase, I had to show up again for sex. I wanted to go home so badly, but as soon as I struggled against him, Alex whispered in my ear that I was the strong type. He played with my mind, said I was so open. Maybe I was so open that I could not resist. I just do not know, even today.'
According to TNT, who engaged a lawyer upon being offered a preview of the article, Lily was not ‘a random participant’, and the situation described above was an exceptionial one’
‘Nonsense’, according to Lily. Vartman has treated so many other students in the same way.’ One of the ex-students that de Volkskrant interviewed for this story confirms that she was overpowered by Vartman just like Lily was. He had sex with her during a private session, which took place at one of the assistant teacher’s house. At those times, the workshop contract was not valid.
“Vartman always found a way to bend his own rules”, says Lily, who has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress syndrome four years later. She is in therapy now.
“I have shared my story with several other students, Lilyconcludes, but no one believed me. What happened in the back rooms was always shielded carefully from the ordinary students. I hope this can serve them, as a warning.”
Framework: the confidentiality ” contract and the ‘apple tree’ clause
All students participating in a TNT workshop must sign a confidentiality agreement
(effectively an NDA) in advance. The text of this agreement can be viewed on the TNT website in full.
Students are: prohibited from talking about what they see and hear from other participants or trainers during workshops. TNT expects: participants to be 'mature adults' and this effectively means that: you don’t have lapse into a victim role, and that you have a chance learn how to become one hundred percent responsible for your own happiness, according to the signed agreement.
Furthermore: students can not: "be lazy or absent from an exercise and later blame the participants, assistants or the group for hurting them. If you do not like 'constructive criticism', then you are 'on the wrong course'.
The contract advises participants to use the code word'apple tree', if things become too much for them.
+ADDENDUM (1)
RESPONSE FROM THE NEW TANTRA , dd. 29/7/2019
The staff of The New Tantra in NL did not respond to the invitation for an interview with De Volkskrant. They did, however, respond in writing via their lawyer Jurian van Groenendaal to a draft version of this article.
"In any case, TNT disputes that any participant ever undergoes any act that he or she does not want," writes Van Groenendaal. "As you know, permission is central to TNT. It is clear to every participant in advance that sexual activities are part of the tantra workshops and training. That is a generally known fact . Participants are informed in advance and prepared for the sexual nature of the workshops. (....) After registering for a workshop, participants receive a "TNT Workshop Agreement," information about sexually transmitted diseases, and more. "
According to their lawyer, TNT asserts that : “De Volkskrant relies on "subjective stories from rancorous and untrustworty sources." His clients in this letter also threaten to publish the identities of the above speakers Lily and Ido – after this article’s publication. "You don't give our clients another choice," the above lawyer stated.
The New Tantra emphasizes that since November 2016, Alex Vartman no longer holds any organizational position at TNT. "Mr. Vartman no longer has any involvement in workshops or training courses at TNT," writes the lawyer.According to TNT there has never been a filed report of any criminal or sexual abuse. Police sources confirm this.