“When she was 6, and asked if she could visit relatives wearing a dress and with her hair in
fsdhbdfrhbdrfhbfedrKeren returned to the therapist, now with Rina. “I felt that her distress hadn’t passed. She would put on nail polish, be radiant with happiness, and after an hour or two it would fade. She cried at night. I felt we had to look into the matter in depth.”
![](/file/45f97933e03b1f9ff14fd.jpg)
At one point, the mother continues, “the therapist asked her very naturally, ‘Would you like us to address you in the feminine form?’ Rina replied with an enthusiastic yes. I felt that a heavy load was being lifted from her shoulders. I saw that something was freeing up. You couldn’t miss it. She responded with an excitement I’d never seen before.”
Jaw-dropping remarks
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https://elenaelizabeth777.medium.com/inside-i-was-a-girl-but-no-one-knew-it-the-incredible-story-of-rina-a-transgender-98eeceab4d4f
https://www.guest-articles.com/business/nine-year-old-rina-rummages-through-a-drawer-in-her-room-11-03-2021
https://www.guest-articles.com/autos/the-therapist-asked-me-whether-wanting-to-be-a-girl-was-stronger-in-11-03-2021
https://www.guest-articles.com/careers/a-different-approach-one-no-longer-accepted-was-to-leave-the-11-03-2021
https://www.thewyco.com/news/nine-year-old-rina-rummages-through-a-drawer-11-03-2021
https://www.thewyco.com/news/at-one-point-the-mother-continues-11-03-2021
https://www.thewyco.com/news/rina-felt-that-the-children-were-proud-of-her-11-03-2021
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https://www.atoallinks.com/2021/nine-year-old-rina-rummages-through-a-drawer-in-her-r/
Rina, who is sitting next to her mother now as she talks, and looking at her with love, describes her feelings at that time with surprising clarity. Her language ranges from the phrases you would expect from a child her age to jaw-droppingly sophisticated explanations.
“The therapist asked me whether wanting to be a girl was stronger in me than wanting to stay a boy,” she says. “I answered her that wanting to be a boy had gone down and wanting to be a girl had gone up. I said that every day wanting to be a girl was getting stronger. She also asked if it might pass. I didn’t know how to answer that.”
What do you think today? Will it pass?
'Listen to your child. Don’t panic. You are not causing damage, but the opposite. Studies show that damage occurs when children are not allowed to be what they are.'
Rina: “I don’t know yet. But my sense of confidence is getting stronger every day, and so is the thought that I did the right thing.”
I notice that this question wasn’t comfortable for you. Right?
“Yes,” she smiles. “Because there are people who think it’s a sickness and that it will pass. Some people think that, if it’s a disease, it might be catching.”
Keren started looking for studies on the subject, and films, in an attempt to better understand it. At one point, she and Rina watched a film together about transgender children. “I’m like that, too,” Rina said. “They are like me, I am a transgender person.”
Keren also watched a clip of a conversation that Belle Agam, an Israeli trans woman, conducted with preschool children, who asked questions about her identity.
“In the clip, Belle Agam said she’d always felt she was a girl and that she did the change when she was 15. I wanted my daughter to watch, so she would know that the option existed. Many parents are afraid that if they talk to their children about it, they will want to do it. I think that’s mistaken,” says Keren.
“I showed all the clips to my older son, too, and he never expressed a wish to transition to another gender. Once I asked him as a joke whether all the clips and discussions on the subject made him want to make a change. He gave me a stunned look.”
In the clip, Belle Agam says that the first person she told about her identity was her mother. “I was really afraid to tell her,” she recalled. “I was afraid she wouldn’t love me anymore. [But] she gave me a huge hug and said she accepted me and loved me the way I am.”
Keren relates that both she and Rina cried at that point in the clip. “Rina very much identified with Belle Agam, and that connected us very strongly,” she says. Rina nods, and adds, “It really gave me strength. It was a sign that there are more people like me. It was a sign that what I wanted was possible.”
The entire family gradually came to terms with Rina’s identity. “It’s important for me that people understand that despite the openness and the understanding, it wasn’t immediate,” Keren notes. “They had to learn and get used to it.”
Baruch, Keren’s partner, also says it took him two or three months, though his support was always there. “Once I understood that it’s something internal, I expressed a lot of support, which came from understanding,” he says.
Guy, Rina’s father, adds, “I accepted it from the first minute.”
It’s not that weren’t any doubts. “It was all very scary,” Keren admits. “The greatest fear was what people would do to her, how society would react. I can give her all the love in the world, but every time she walks out the door she will be at constant risk. I was afraid she would be laughed at, beaten up, that she would be miserable her whole life, that no one would accept or understand her. I wanted to protect her. I also thought that maybe she would forget about the whole thing and get over it – that also occurred to me.”
“In medical terminology, it’s known as ‘gender dysphoria’ – discomfort and distress stemming from a mismatch between gender identity and the gender assigned to a person at birth,” Dr. Oren, from the children’s and youth clinic, explains. “Gender dysphoria can bring about a rise in morbidity that takes the form of depression, anxiety, suicidality and social difficulties.”
Treatment of pre-adolescent trans children begins by offering help to them and to their parents.
“We talk to them about the fact that there are a great many more children like theirs, and explain that they are not alone,” Oren explains. “We show them studies about the importance of family support and give them information about the future plan – if we actually get to that stage.”
That plan, which includes pharmaceutical-hormonal intervention, is relevant only in adolescence. “We do not give medical treatment before adolescence,” Oren emphasizes. Hormonal treatment for adolescents who wish to receive it requires the signed consent of both parents and the diagnosis of a mental health professional with experience in this field.
“The first stage,” he continues, “is inhibitory treatment, to halt sex hormone production in adolescents by means of blockers that stop development of secondary sex characteristics. That is a completely reversible process. The next stage involves administering a sex hormone according to the desired gender, which is in part not reversible. That is only done after the age of 14 for those found suitable, and not across the board.”
The increasingly dominant approach in the treatment of trans children advocates respecting their wishes, says Ilana Berger, the psychotherapist. Thus, “social transition” is achieved at a young age, involving changing names, gendered pronouns and adapting the child’s exterior to their new identity.
In the initial period after her coming out, Rina relates openly, her social status suffered somewhat. “Some children won’t play with me during recess,” she says, and admits that sometimes she spends recess reading or alone in the classroom. In some cases, when she tries to join in a game, she is told, “This is a game for boys only.” “I was also called names and cursed,” she adds, “and one boy tried to take off my earrings.”
Dror, Rina’s 11-year-old brother, says that he often stays close to his sister during recess. (Haaretz spoke with Rina and her family before the schools shut down during the health emergency.) “If she is alone, she is more exposed to violence,” he says. Rina has also begun to train in self-defense.
“It gives me a feeling of security,” she says. “I saw clips where trans children tell how they were hit in school, so I thought it might happen to me, too. I wanted to learn how to defend myself so if I get hit, I will know how to fight back.”
She adds, “I don’t know why children bully me. I am just like them. In the end, I will be popular again at some point. The same way there is an end to the popularity of many children, there will also be an end to my unpopularity.” The situation now is much better, she says. The children have got used to the idea and hardly harass her.
Lessons to be learned
Rina is now in the fourth grade; a year and a half has gone by since her transitioning. “I feel I was born a girl, and always was one, I feel a big relief,” she says. Her family is also very much aware that a burden has been lifted from her. “She is a happier girl, self-confident,” her father says.
Keren adds, “She lives like any girl now. The subject only comes up when we need to see a doctor, say, or deal with an organization that doesn’t know her, and then the question of how to tell them arises. And, of course, when she reaches adolescence new questions will come up.”
For the past year, Rina has had a friend who’s a trans boy. “We like playing computer games together. He sends me poems he’s written that he dedicates to me. I call him about seven times a day and he doesn’t always answer,” she laughs.
“I am in love but I am not really thinking about the future yet,” she adds with a dreamy smile. “I think I want a small family – no more than one or two children.”
Rina’s family has gleaned two clear lessons from their journey. “First, you need to listen to the child,” Guy says. Second, everyone agrees that it’s very important for the parents to understand that they are not alone.
“At first we felt that it was only happening to us,” Keren says, “but today I know that many families have the same experience. I recommend that parents consult with experts or talk to other parents of trans children. We were very much helped by the Aguda – Israel’s LGBT Task Force, by the Ma’avarim organization and by the Lioness Alliance Group. We also received support from the community we live in, which was very meaningful. The main thing is not to be alone.”