When Can You Have Sex After Abortion
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When Can You Have Sex After Abortion
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Danielle Campoamor is an award-winning freelance writer covering mental health, reproductive justice, abortion access, maternal mental health, politics, and feminist issues.
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It all comes down to what you’re comfortable with.
Abortion is incredibly common, safe , and supported by the vast majority of Americans . The same can be said of sex. So rest assured, it’s very much okay to wonder when it’s medically safe to have sex after an abortion, be it with the same partner(s), someone new, or because it’s part of your job as a sex worker.
But whether it’s with friends, family members, or even clinicians, asking about returning to penetrative sex, what it will feel like, and when you can have it after terminating a pregnancy can be nerve-racking. After all, abortion and having sex for pleasure can still be considered taboo topics, which can make talking about post-abortion sex difficult. “Any kind of stigma surrounding sexual and reproductive health can affect a person’s willingness or desire to resume having sex,” says ob-gyn Jennifer Conti , MD, cohost of The V Word podcast and coauthor of The Vagina Book .
So, if you’ve recently had—or are preparing to have—an abortion, here’s everything you need to know about post-abortion sex, from when you can have it to what to consider when you’re ready.
A quick Google search would have you think you have to wait a few weeks, sometimes even a month, to have sex after an abortion. While the recommended waiting period varies, a common thread among most suggestions is to at least wait until any post-abortion bleeding dissipates. But this is not born out of any scientific research or medical fact, says ob-gyn Diane Horvath , MD, an abortion provider practicing in Baltimore.
“There is really no data that shows that having sex whenever you want, after either a medication or a surgical abortion, is harmful,” Dr. Horvath explains. “I actually think there’s a lot of stigma around having sex during vaginal bleeding, because there’s no scientific basis for why you would have to wait until you’re not bleeding in order to have sex.”
Dr. Conti agrees there is no medical consensus as to how long a person should wait to have sex post-abortion but says most experts will recommend waiting 1 to 2 weeks to decrease the risk of infection. But “if you’ve had a medication abortion , this is likely very conservative advice, as the cervix really doesn’t need to open much to pass the pregnancy tissue,” Conti adds.
So, as it stands, most recommendations are only made based on expert opinions, which, Dr. Horvath says, “are sometimes biased and can come from a historical place of being misogynistic and sex-phobic.” If you feel safe and comfortable, talk to your doctor or a trusted medical professional to determine what works best for you and your body.
What should I consider before having post-abortion sex?
When you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to have sex after you’ve terminated your pregnancy, there are a few things Dr. Horvath says you should know and consider before being intimate with your partner or partners.
“The most important thing to know is that fertility comes back very quickly after a pregnancy ends, so if you’re having the kind of sex that could get you pregnant, you should plan on using contraceptives if you’re not intending to have another pregnancy at the time,” she explains.
It’s also important to consider how pregnancy can change the body, therefore making certain sex positions more uncomfortable than others. When pregnant, your uterus expands, and it can take up to six weeks to return to its regular size. “The experience of sex might feel different, and there might be cramping or a slight pain inside the pelvis, which should be mild but might make sex uncomfortable,” Dr. Horvath adds. “So consider taking things slow, trying a different position, or adjusting angles.”
If you’re having anal sex , Dr. Horvath says the size of your uterus can also cause discomfort, so it’s best to be aware that if anal sex isn’t typically uncomfortable for you but suddenly is after your abortion, it’s probably because your uterus is still larger than normal.
There are also practical steps you can take to make sure that you’re comfortable during post-abortion sex, especially if it matters to you that you’re still experiencing vaginal bleeding. Laying down a towel to mitigate bed sheet stains, for example, can help you feel more relaxed and secure during post-abortion sex.
“It’s all about recreating the best and safest environment for you,” Dr. Conti adds. “What do you need to feel safe and empowered in your sexual relationship? It might be more effective contraception, better communication with your partner, mental health support, or just some Genuine on the playlist.”
People’s experiences will vary depending on a variety of factors. “Some people find it very healing to get back to their regular sexual life and be back with their partner or a different partner,” Dr. Horvath explains. “Other people need time, and that’s okay too.” She adds that many people don’t feel comfortable having sex until the remains of their pregnancy have passed. And medication abortion patients, who often experience more vaginal bleeding than those who have surgical abortions, might even wait longer to have sex.
Mallory McMaster, 35, who had a surgical abortion at 9 weeks gestation in Ohio, says she felt physically fine to resume having sex after her procedure. “I felt a little bit of cramping during my procedure, but afterward I didn’t have a single cramp,” she says. “I had a little bit of bleeding on a panty liner the day of my abortion, but then none after that either.”
She did, however, experience a mental block when considering having sex with her then-husband. “I had a reaction to the stigma of having an unplanned pregnancy,” she explains. “I just had it in my head that I had failed. That I did something wrong. That I had made a mistake and I couldn't make that mistake again.”
This is a common reaction, Dr. Conti says, due in no small part to the societal shame associated with having an unwanted pregnancy. “If you’re already feeling ashamed of yourself for becoming pregnant when you didn’t want to be or for seeking abortion care, it’s not a far stretch of the imagination that you might be feeling shame around your sexual health and sexuality in general.”
Mallory says she didn’t feel comfortable having penetrative vaginal sex again until she had an IUD placed , which ended up being difficult due to insurance issues. But once her IUD was placed and after a few months of taking pregnancy tests just to make sure, she felt comfortable relying on her birth control and returning to her typical sex life.
“Remember that nobody knows better about what is right for your body and your life than you,” says Dr. Conti. “And shame is a crappy motivator.”
For many, returning to sex also means returning to sex work. Dr. Horvath says the concern that nothing can go inside the vagina after an abortion can make sex workers feel like they can’t go back to work, often to the detriment of their families. “ I had a patient who asked as soon as her abortion was over, when she could start having sex again,” Dr. Horvath explains. “She and her daughter didn’t have a stable place to live, and she needed to get back to work.”
That was also the case for Mollie*, 22, who had a surgical abortion at 19 years old and a medication abortion at 20. While her medication abortion—which was self-managed at home —was more comfortable than her surgical abortion, she says the post-abortion bleeding kept her from offering clients the option of penetrative sex. “My bleeding was pretty intense, and sometimes when you’re bleeding that heavily you just can’t have sex,” she adds. “So it took me about a month to get back in the saddle.”
While Dr. Horvath says post-abortion bleeding doesn’t automatically take penetrative sex off the table, it’s perfectly normal if you don’t feel comfortable having sex until your bleeding subsides. If possible, sex workers can supplement their income by doing other forms of sex work that do not include penetrative sex—like cam work, stripping, or erotic massage—until they feel comfortable offering full-service options. If people have to get back to work, “tampons or cups are a perfect way to continue to be able to work even when you’re bleeding,” she says.
A reported 1 in 4 women will have an abortion in their lifetime , in addition to a number of trans men, non-binary people, and gender non-conforming folks. Abortion is safe, and it often plays a part in how people plan and care for their families. There’s nothing wrong with having an abortion, just like there’s nothing wrong with having consensual sex, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with having sex after you’ve had an abortion(s).
“Consensual sex and intimacy is an excellent way to connect with your partner, express love, and release tension,” Dr. Conti says. “All of these things may be more important in the weeks and months following this often stigmatized procedure.”
Home Health library Abortion When is it safe to have sex after an abortion?
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If you’ve had an abortion, you may be wondering how long to wait after an abortion before having sex again.
Read on to learn more about sex after an abortion, including precautions to take after an abortion if you don’t want to become pregnant.
After an abortion , you can usually have sex as soon as you feel ready.
But you may feel some discomfort and have vaginal bleeding for a week or 2, so you may want to wait until this stops before having sex again.
Whatever you decide on, it’s a good idea to talk to your partner about it to make sure you both feel comfortable.
If you have pain when you have sex after an abortion, talk to your doctor.
You can get pregnant almost straight away after an abortion. If you don’t want to get pregnant, you should use contraception.
Talk to your doctor or nurse about the best form of contraception for you after an abortion. The best method for you will depend on what you prefer, your medical history and if you’ve had any complications from the abortion.
For example, if you have an infection in your womb (uterus), you won’t be able to have an IUD (intrauterine device) or IUS (intrauterine system) fitted until the infection is gone.
If you don’t have any medical risks, you can use any contraception type straight away and be protected from pregnancy immediately.
If you start hormonal contraception more than 5 days after your treatment, you should use another form of contraception, like condoms, or avoid sex for a certain amount of time. The time varies depending on the type of hormonal contraception – check this with your doctor.
If you have an abortion using pills (early medical abortion), you can have the contraceptive implant or injection as soon as you’ve taken the first pill. However, this may mean you have a slightly higher risk of the abortion not working and staying pregnant.
You can use emergency contraception (such as the emergency pill or an emergency IUD) from 5 days after an abortion – as long as you didn’t have any complications from the abortion.
If you had complications and have sex without contraception or think your contraception might not have worked, you should talk to your doctor.
You don’t need emergency contraception if it’s been less than 5 days since the abortion.
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