Whats Nsa Sex

Whats Nsa Sex

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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

Posted November 20, 2011

|

Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Disclaimer: This piece makes heterosexist assumptions in the interest of simplicity.
According to Donna Freitas, who wrote a book called Sex and the Soul , a hookup is any sexual encounter that is unplanned, casual, and has no promise of a future. She says that it often involves alcohol , and no other forms of intimacy . No Strings Attached (NSA) sex is another term for having sex with nothing (strings) bonding the two parties together.
There is a culture of "hooking up" that has become popular among college students and young adults. There are websites that cater to people who are not interested in a relationship other than a brief sexual encounter, or are interested in an ongoing sexual relationship with no promise of a future or of anything more than the sex. As we delay marriage and have the benefits of contraception, casual sex fills in the gap between the onset of sexual desire and a long-term relationship .
Lisa Wade, a sociological professor who authors a blog called Sociological Images, conducted a small study and found that women who hooked up did feel the freedom to say yes to sex, but they did not feel like equals to men in the modern sexual culture of young adults. Although both women and men reported feeling dissatisfied with a lot of the hooking up they did do, women were particularly dissatisfied, probably related to the fact that their pleasure was secondary to the man's.
Another study recently released by Julie A. Reid, Sinikka Elliot and Gretchen R. Webber, studied 273 students and found that though students perceive sexual desire to be equal in both men and women, they believed that women were just as capable as men of having no strings attached sex. But a double standard applied: Women still needed to manage their sexual encounters to avoid being stigmatized and marginalized for their sexual choices, whereas men had no such issue.
Lastly, Catherine M. Grello, Deborah P. Welsh, and Melinda S. Harper reported on a study of no strings attached sex in colleges students in the Journal of Sexual Research . In their literature review, they reported on studies that showed that although both men and women want emotional commitment, commitment was more important to women, and women often have sex hoping that things will evolve into a relationship. They found an association between depression in women and casual sex that was stronger than that found for men.
This is a relatively new field of study, and clearly the jury is out on how men and women experience casual sex. So, I will revert to the basic question of nature versus nurture . If we're not so clear on the social aspects, let's explore the biological context.
Post-feminism women feel that they can behave like men sexually. Perhaps they can, but women ARE different than men.
When women have sex, oxytocin gets released because of the evolutionary drive to attach to someone who may be the potential father of a possible child. Evolution is not switched off because the pill, IUD, condoms and all other forms of contraception came into existence. Oxytocin makes women want to bond. Can our psychology override our biology ? Men's bodies release testosterone , which drives them off to go find some other women with whom to spread their biological material. So it seems that biology grows strings when women have sex.
Of course, being higher order beings, we can control our emotions and our biological urges. However, this takes work, experience and maturity. And the impact of wanting to bond with someone who does not want to bond can leave women feeling disappointed, confused and sometimes hurt.
Should women have casual sex? Well, "shoulds" are not applicable to sex. Whatever works between consenting adults is not to be judged by me. However, from my own personal experience, most women cannot have a sexual encounter and not feel hurt if a man does not call again and is clear he has not intention to do so.
Does the increase in the alcohol consumption of women have anything to do with the increase in casual sex? If she cannot do it sober, perhaps she shouldn't be doing it at all. Liquid courage to have sex often ends in liquid tears afterward. In college culture, hooking up is often fueled by alcohol, which implies that under sober circumstances, women would choose not to have sex with a casual acquaintance.
It should be noted that in the Reid, Elliot and Webber study, neither men or women seem to be particularly happy with NSA sex, but women are less happy. Perhaps humans were not meant to couple in such a way. Although the delay of long-term relationships farther into adulthood and the science of contraception may have given us new choices, it could be that humans—both men and women—were meant to couple in the context of more meaningful, "safer" relationships.
That said, when it comes to sex, if it feels good, do it (safely). But if it does not feel good, then why bother?
Ruth C. White, Ph.D., M.P.H., M.S.W. , is a stress management expert, diversity consultant, and mental health advocate, and author of The Stress Management Workbook and the forthcoming Everyday Stress Relief .

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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

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Written by Naz Haider | Published : January 27, 2017 10:17 AM IST
Call me a noob, but I don't usually get modern chatting jargons. Years ago, it took me a while to decode ROFL and TIA (thanks in advance), and then later I had to break my head over lingo modern parents used. DD, DS, DH are all darling daughter, darling son and darling husband respectively, and there are loads like these! It wasn't surprising, therefore, when I learnt of a few abbreviations people use on chats and dating platforms now and was totally clueless about what those meant. If you do not want to feel like an ancient caveman, you need to be up to date about the language people speak nowadays, and that includes knowing the terms people use. So to help you not feel lost, here is a list of terms that you need to know before you start swiping on tinder .

Have you come across any terms that you would like to share? Please post it in the comments below.

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Okay, so before you start changing your dating status to “no strings attached,” how about we first come to a consensus about what “no strings attached” *NSA sex for the uninitiated* really stands for.
Though it may seem obvious by the phrase, NSA relationships are when two people agree to have sex without having expectations of one another. When I mean no expectations, I really mean no expectations.
Don’t expect them to take you out for dinner, to surprise you with flowers, to have any deep conversations – this is strictly about sex.
How to have NSA sex *no strings attached*
So, you think you’re able to withstand NSA sex? Maybe you are. But read on for some helpful tips that you need to pay close attention to before you go throwing commitment to the wind.
#1 Do not do it with someone you like. This is the most important rule – you cannot have an NSA sex with someone you’re interested in. I’m sure you think you’re going to be able to handle it. Sure, sure. But you’re not.
Honestly, it’s a bad idea. This isn’t some scene from a romantic comedy. They’re not going to suddenly fall in love with you and decide they want to be with you.
They chose you because you’re wanting an NSA sex too, and that’s all they want. That’s it. So, stay away from your crush. [Read: Casual sex – how to find the hookup of your dreams ]
#2 Are you truly ready? You need to really think about this. Is this something you want to do right now? Is it the right time? There’s nothing wrong with NSA sex, however, you have to accept that it’s not including any emotional attachment of any kind.
If you think you want someone you can cuddle with at the end of the day, then you shouldn’t go into an NSA relationship because you won’t be getting that. So, look at what you need and then decide if this is the right thing for you. [Read: How to have an NSA relationship – The step by step guide ]
#3 Make the boundaries clear . Sit down with your possible NSA sex partner and agree on the boundaries that you two need to make. You may be thinking that you don’t need to make some guidelines and that they’ll understand.
However, it’s not going to happen. So, make clear boundaries that you and your partner are going to follow.
#4 Don’t do it if you don’t want to. If this is something you feel you have to try out, well, don’t feel so pressured. This is a type of relationship, and like any other, some like this and others realize it isn’t for them. Do what you feel is right to YOU, and not what’s trending in Hollywood.
#5 Have no expectations . Yeah, keep those expectations low. Actually, keep them virtually non-existent. All you can expect is for them to show up to have sex. Other than that, don’t expect to get treated for dinner or for them to cuddle up and watch a movie with you.
Don’t expect anything. If you do, you’ll only be open for disappointment which is exactly what NSA sex relationships avoid – emotions. [Read: The worst people you can have a one night stand with ]
#6 Understand that they aren’t your friend . Your NSA sex partner is not a friend. If they were, it would be a friends-with-benefit relationship, and well, this isn’t that either. When your NSA relationship ends, you won’t be hanging out. They’re not the person you call when you need help. See? Not a friend.
#7 Don’t send mixed signals . There’s nothing wrong with flirting with your NSA partner. That’s a part of foreplay and sexual intercourse. However, don’t try to hold their hand in public or text them, asking them if they want to see a movie.
Remember, this isn’t an actual relationship, you’re in it just for the sex. So, there shouldn’t be any mixed signals, because you’re not supposed to invest any emotions into it. [Read: 14 things you have to teach your newbie NSA partner ]
#8 Don’t squash your other options . This is an NSA relationship, so, that means you can date other people. Actually, I recommend that you do so. Don’t feel that you have to put your dating life on hold because you’re having NSA sex.
In fact, I would see an NSA relationship as a healthy pause from serious dating. So, it’s okay to take a break from the dating scene and have NSA sex, however, don’t spend too long down that road because you won’t be fulfilling your emotional needs.
#9 Pull out when you start “feeling.” The minute you start feeling anything emotional for your partner, y
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