Whats Lube
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Whats Lube
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Many women have the mistaken idea that personal lubricant is for post-menopausal women who no longer produce their own natural lube due to low hormone levels. Or it's for people who indulge in the kind of action that makes artificial motion lotion a necessity to prevent tearing, like anal sex.
If you think this way, then you're doing your sex life a huge disservice. Lube is one of the best bedroom enhancers around, making sex wetter, slicker, more enjoyable, and longer-lasting. Not only will it help you feel more comfortable and flexible, but lube comes in lots of flavors, sensations, and textures to make the action feel fun and experimental. Even if you don't usually have issues getting wet on your own, it's smart to keep lube on hand in case you go through a bout of dryness due to hormone changes related to pregnancy, breastfeeding, or stress.
Here are five crucial things you need to know about lube, what it can do for your sex life, and how to select the right one for your bedroom activities.
Good thing most lubes aren't that expensive, because less is more is not the rule of thumb here. While you might be worried about using too much lube and turning your sheets into a sticky mess, experts encourage people to use lube liberally. "While too much friction causes burns and tears, friction is what stimulates nerves and allows us to feel pleasure," Jill McDevitt , PhD, resident sexologist for sex toy emorium CalExotics, tells Health . "If there's no friction, that's going to not be too fun."
Unless it is a type of lube known as a "warming lubricant," lube does not create heat, but actually the opposite. "One of the main appeals of reducing the friction between two surfaces is reducing the heat that friction produces, which in the case of human skin is unpleasant," says McDevitt. Think of it as being similar to, well, a rug burn on your vagina, which lots of lube helps you to avoid. Ouch!
Not only does a personal lubricant intensify sensations, it can protect you from an infection and even an unplanned pregnancy. "Lube reduces the friction of condoms, making them less likely to break, and it reduces microscopic tears through which STI pathogens could enter the body," says McDevitt. Oh, and something else to note: There is no naturally produced lube in your butt, so lube makes anal play possible and more enjoyable (instead of dry and painful).
Whether your partner is away yet you need some sexual relief or you're single and self-love is your preferred form of self-care, remember to bring lube to your masturbation party. It reduces the drag of your hand or sex toy against the sensitive skin of your vulva, clitoris, and vagina, so you can glide your fingers across these nerve-rich areas smoothly, says McDevitt. Translation: You experience deeper pleasure and more mindblowing orgasms.
Fumbling around in the heat of the moment to squirt out some lube can be a buzzkill, especially if you're not sure where to squirt it, exactly. "As a rule, put one dollop on surface A (penis, fingers, dildo, etc) and one dollop on surface B (anus, vagina, etc)," suggests McDevitt. Also helpful? She recommends spreading a little over your labia—because if your vaginal opening is lubed up but your outer labia are dry, they can act as a kind of cockblock, keeping you from getting things going and making the beginning of sex pretty uncomfortable.
As for when to use it, start with foreplay. Have your partner coat his or her fingers in a warming lube and rub them over your nipples, then down to your belly and to your vulva. If you want to make things for your partner feel extra amazing, you can even smooth lube on his penis before putting the condom in place. "There is a small increase in the chance of condom slippage, but it's still something I recommend because it does feel a lot better," says McDevitt. Plus, when it feels good, you're more likely to use the condom in the first place, she adds.
In a recent CalExotics survey, 64% of respondents said that they use personal lubricant that's meant for sex, while 19% rely on household products like coconut oil, and 17% use spit. Saliva isn't a great substitute because it can only take you so far before drying out. Coconut oil has earned a rep as a super slick natural lube, and some ob-gyns endorse it . But it should never be used with condoms, since the oil might break down latex and put you at risk for an STI or unplanned prengnacy.
As for personal lubricants you can buy in a store or online, water-based lubes are very sex-positive, but they tend to get absorbed by the body faster. On the other hand, silicone-based lubes are not absorbed as quickly, and therefore they help make sex last longer. So if you're planning a marathon sex session, consider going with a silicone variety, advises McDevitt. Silicone lubes are also waterproof, making them the magical element for successful shower sex or vacation hot tub sex.
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Updated
Mar. 11, 2022
By Dominique Pariso
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Dominique Pariso is passionate about hunting for the lipstick that Navarro cheerleaders wear, the coolest plus-size jeans, and the next status candle. She is also a part-time dog-sitter.
Dominique Pariso is passionate about hunting for the lipstick that Navarro cheerleaders wear, the coolest plus-size jeans, and the next status candle. She is also a part-time dog-sitter.
Buying lube can be, at best, embarrassing and, at worst, downright confusing, especially if the only type of lube you’ve purchased before is from the drugstore. But if you have resigned yourself to a life of using less-than-perfect lube (or you’ve avoided it entirely), you probably just need to try a different type to notice better results. But as Carol Queen, a staff sexologist at women-founded sex-toy retailer Good Vibrations , notes, “There is likely no lube that will be perfect for every user. As with food sensitivities, some lubricant ingredients just don’t agree with everyone’s body chemistry.”
To help find the best lube for you and your sex life, without having to buy and test dozens of bottles and tubes and packets of the stuff, I talked with Queen and 11 more experts — including employees at adult retailers, sex educators, advocates, and therapists — about the kind they’d recommend. Below, the seven best lubes to keep in your bedside drawer (or wherever else you might want to put them), according to the pros. And if you’re looking for more stuff to spice up the bedroom, be sure to check out our lists of the best vibrators , dildos , and butt plugs .
Ingredient: The most important thing to look out for when shopping for lube is the main ingredient. Silicone-based lubes are excellent if you’re looking for something long-lasting that you won’t have to keep reapplying during sex. But if you’re looking for something to use with silicone toys , you should choose a water-based lube. Oil-based lubes, meanwhile, are easy to spread, moisturizing, and great if you like to incorporate massage into your foreplay (though they are not condom-safe).
Size: And if affordability is a factor, you also want to keep an eye on the total ounces of lube you’re getting per dollar.
According to Samantha Bard, a co-owner of Brooklyn’s Shag , Überlube is “one the highest-quality silicone lubes out there,” and it can be used by anyone looking for something with a good amount of slickness. Überlube, in fact, was the most recommended lube in my reporting, suggested by five of our experts. Emily Morse, a doctor of human sexuality and the host of Sex With Emily on SiriusXM, explains that Überlube has only two ingredients: “It is basically pure silicone with a trace of vitamin E,” she says. (This simple ingredient list — along with the fact that it’s gluten, glycerin, and paraben free — makes it one of the best natural lube s, too.) The vitamin E provides additional smoothness; that, along with the cushiony feel of the silicone, makes this lube especially ideal for those engaging in “full-on anal penetration,” says Dr. Evan Goldstein, the founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical . Sofiya Alexandra — a comedian and co-host of the sex, dating, and gender podcast Private Parts Unknown — agrees, adding that Überlube is “perfectly slippery and smooth and great for all kinds of play, vaginal or anal. It feels incredible.” A smaller, but no less important, detail that both Bard and Morse call out is the lube’s stylish glass bottle, which looks nice enough to leave on your nightstand.
Sex educator Ashley Manta, the founder of CannaSexual , says her favorite lube, the one that lives full time in her automatic lube warmer and dispenser , is Sliquid Silver because it is “incredibly slippery,” lasts significantly longer than water-based lubes and most other silicone lubes she’s tried, and is “ideal for sex acts like hand jobs, vulva massage, and anal play.” This and other silicone-based lubes are also a great option for shower play, Manta notes, “because silicone lube isn’t water soluble — it must be washed off with soap.”
If you’re looking for a water-based lube to use with your toys or condoms, Kim Ibricevic, the manager of Eve’s Garden in Manhattan, usually directs customers to Sutil. “It provides luxurious, long-lasting glide and silky, sensual pleasure,” she says, explaining that “even though it’s a water-based lube, it offers more of a nonsticky silicone feel that most people look for.”
Because this lube from Coconu is coconut-oil based, it’s not latex-condom safe, and some folks might have a sensitivity or allergy to it. But for folks looking for something edible, its coconut-oil base makes it a good option. It comes recommended by Kim Marks , the owner of As You Like It , a nontoxic and environmentally conscious sex shop in Eugene, Oregon, who told us it is edible — the formula contains coconut as well as sunflower and sweet-almond oils — and free of alcohol, petroleum, parabens, gluten, fragrances, and dyes. Those looking for a natural lube should know this is also USDA certified organic, hypoallergenic, and cruelty free.
Kit Richardson, a buyer for the Museum of Sex and its MoSex shop, agrees that silicone-based lube is the way to go for anal sex without toys involved “because it lasts the longest and provides the most cushion.” Pjur’s Back Door lube is specifically made with anal sex in mind, she explains, noting it is formulated with natural ingredients like jojoba and guava extract “that help with relaxation” and contains no numbing agents. The latter detail is important, says Richardson, because you want to be able to listen to your body if something becomes painful.
In talking with our experts about water-based lubes, one thing that came up more than once is that they are typically a better choice if you’re going to use lube with silicone toys or condoms (for the reasons we explained above). When we did a deep dive into the best natural lubes , Carolanne Marcantonio , a Brooklyn-based sex therapist and licensed master social worker, told us about this water-based one that she describes as “good and thick” and fairly restorative (it also happens to be available at Urban Outfitters). “The first ingredient is organic aloe, and it’s 95 percent organic,” she explains. It is also hypoallergenic, which makes it an ideal option for those with sensitive skin. Ian Kerner , a sex and relationship specialist and the author of She Comes First , also likes Good Clean Love’s products. He says Strgar’s commitment to never using petrochemicals in the products and to use plastic made of recyclable sugarcane for packaging makes the brand “an exemplar of corporate citizenry.”
Unbound’s Jelly lube is a favorite of writer and sex and relationship expert Shelby Sells . The water-based formula is “made with 95 percent organic materials and is vegan,” she says, adding that it comes in easy-to-squeeze packaging. “I use it with my toys , and I use it with my partners when we’re using condoms,” Sells explains, adding that “this one is an easy go-to.” Bonus: The minimalist millennial-pink tube would blend in seamlessly with any beauty products you might keep on your nightstand. (The lube also comes in to-go-size packets , in case of a booty call.) And it is lightly flavored with food-grade vanilla and lemon flavoring so it tastes good, too.
• Sofiya Alexandra, comedian and co-host of the sex, dating, and gender podcast Private Parts Unknown • Samantha Bard, co-owner of Shag • Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical • Kim Ibricevic, manager of Eve’s Garden • Ian Kerner , sex and relationship specialist and author of She Comes First • Ashley Manta, sex educator and founder of CannaSexual • Carolanne Marcantonio , sex therapist and licensed master social worker • Kim Marks , owner of As You Like It • Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality and the host of Sex With Emily • Kit Richardson, buyer for the Museum of Sex and its MoSex shop • Shelby Sells , writer and sex and relationship expert •Carol Queen, a staff sexologist at women-founded sex-toy retailer Good Vibrations
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