Whatever my prosecutors try to do to me…
Alexandra SkochilenkoWhatever my prosecutors try to do to me, however they attempt to drag me through the mud, humiliate me, put me in the most inhumane conditions, I will only take the brightest, the most incredible and beautiful things from this experience—that is what the essence of being an artist is. What is happening to me is a living, palpitating document of our era, and I have already started to draw a book about what is going on with me. For capturing me, my prosecutors will get a pathetic bonus—and I will get immortality, and quite a unique experience of prison and investigation, of which I will be able to tell the world in all colors and details. My prosecutors have power and money, but what I have is immeasurably greater: kindness, empathy, real love, enormous support of people all over the world, and the ability to convey reality in images and metaphors that settle in people’s minds.
The multifaceted and complex human stories, with which I came in touch in jail, were an immense contribution into the bank of my creative experience.
As far as the investigation itself is concerned, I’d like to clarify right away how despicable and manipulative its methods are. Arguably the most interesting detail is my character evidence document, which was compiled by the E Center [The Center for Combating Extremism] and is featured in my case. It’s hard for me to imagine the kind of a fairy tale writer, a Hans Christian Andersen who composed it, but it states that I supposedly am part of some extremist group called The Eighth Initiative Group. LOL what!? All people who know me personally understand that all my free time is taken up by music—and that I put these four pathetic price tags in the store hastily, between work, rehearsal, and jamming with N. What extremist groups!? Have you no one to hang this on!? Or is it that the grand crime of four pieces of paper seems even to you, in your E Center, not grave enough, and you’ve decided to label me as an extremist, so you don’t look too ridiculous?
I’ll say a few words about my detention. On their own, the detectives were unable to track me down, even though I was not hiding anywhere. Instead, what they did was come to the home of my good childhood friend, and through pressure and blackmail they made him not only betray me and testify against me but cooperate as I was being detained. I woke up that morning to a call from N who said that his home was being searched; later, he told me that the police had left and that they had been there because of a different case, and asked me to come immediately to support him. I went without thinking—because he’s my friend—and near his home, a police raid was waiting for me.
A day of freedom that I spent in the company of the detectives and investigators was more horrible than all days I’ve spent in jail! They said disgusting things to me, mocked, humiliated, and bullied me. I heard obscene comments about my appearance, my way of living, my friends, and the place where I live; there were plenty of sexist and blatantly homophobic remarks (such as: when are you going to come to your senses, get a husband and children?). <…>
All of this, of course, wasn’t part of their job, but was just a consequence of the situation where five men, who are aggressive and not very well educated, get limitless power over a woman, whom they are holding by force. Maybe some animal instincts overpower people in this moment. I want to mention that no jail employee allowed themselves to treat me in the way I was treated by that group of officers on the day of my detention. All of my wardens were extremely polite and even kind to me.
And nonetheless, each and every person involved in my case, at the stages of the court and investigation, told me, “We can’t change anything, we’re just doing our job, it’s an order from above.” Every time it’s this order from above. But there is someone sending it down—it’s a person giving this order, not a computer or a meerkat.
I’d like to finally look him in the eye. Because the way he hides behind his cogs’ backs, while they keep on doing their work, is somewhat mean and petty. Really, what kind of a person is there who wants to label a freedom-loving and unconventional musician and artist as a terrorist, and make her rot in prison? Why does he want this? What are his motivations? what are the horrible things that were done to him in his childhood? and what kind of rot is in his soul!? is such a person capable of love? And would he ever be able to withstand the glare of the woman I love, whom he brought so much grief.
<…>
In conclusion I’ll say that I am incredibly grateful to all people, my friends, colleagues, human rights lawyers, and good strangers who have spent such a lot of effort, resources, and time to help me. Tears of gratitude flow down my face when I think about all of you who stood up and vouched for me. I will never have enough words to tell you how thankful I am, and to return even a part of all that you have given me in this difficult moment. I am terribly sorry for making you all worry about me so much again. I am also very sorry (in case this is really true, and isn’t disinformation by the investigation officers) that the people from the store where I put the price labels, lost their jobs. It is dreadful, and I sincerely apologize to them. I am so sorry! Had I known that my action would lead to this, I would never have done it. But most of all, of course, I am sorry that my victim story is distracting and leading people away from the real agenda and the real victims of the military operation that is now taking place on the Ukrainian territory. All I wanted, all I want is for this to end. And for this cause, even being in prison isn’t that much.
15th April 2022
St. Petersburg
temporary detention facility
Petition for Sasha's release from Detention Center 5 (in Russian)