What Is Sex Positive

What Is Sex Positive

The term ‘sex positivity’ is evolving and becoming more popular. How do we define it?
Those who talk about sex positivity note that at its core, the term is about openness to a variety of sexual orientations, interests (or lack thereof), identities and expressions
Sex positivity, simply put, “means your body is your own” – JV
Lately, it seems like anything and anyone can mention sex and earn the label ‘sex positive’: social-media apps , celebrities and ‘ girl bosses ’, brands selling intimacy products . But when applied in such a variety of contexts, the idea of sex positivity seems to almost lose its meaning – or at least, its definition gets muddied.
Just as businesses and brands liberally use terms like ‘diversity’ and ‘equity’ to appeal to ethically conscientious consumers, “the same thing is happening with either individuals, celebrities, endorsements, organisations or companies saying that they're more sex positive”, says Emily Prior, executive director of California-based NGO Center for Positive Sexuality. While some “definitely are”, she adds, others “use it as a buzzword to get people in the door”.
But how can you tell the difference, when there’s no single, agreed-upon definition for sex positivity? While sex educators, academics, sex workers and pornography directors all tend to agree that the liberal use of the term indicates both taking advantage of a buzzword and a true embrace of its ethos, based on the context, they all have slightly different interpretations of what it means and where it came from. Depending on whom you ask, sex positivity encompasses everything from anti-racism to male nudity in the movies.
Across the board, however, those who talk about sex positivity note that at its core, the term is about openness to a variety of sexual orientations, interests (or lack thereof), identities and expressions. They find that the term has evolved to become both more popular and more nuanced over time, and that its influence extends well beyond the realm of sexuality into society at large.
The (many) origins of sex positivity
While many credit the Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich with coining the term ‘sex positivity’ in the mid-1900s, as part of his discourse on sex as a healthy aspect of humanity, other groups embraced a sex-positive ethos well before he did.
“In the 1920s, there were already communities like ballroom culture in Harlem, New York , and feminists of the Village who were part of sex positive and queer communities,” says Swedish erotic filmmaker Erika Lust. Their experiences have just “often been left out of discussions”, she says.
Swedish erotic filmmaker Erika Lust says sex-positive communities have existed for years (Credit: Monica Figueras)
Sexologist and sociologist Carol Queen says she first encountered the concept back in the late 1980s while starting her PhD programme at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She recalls an instructor there, German sexologist Erwin Haeberle, possibly helping develop the term, as he was familiar with “early 20th Century European sexologists who emphasised the importance of positive attitudes towards sexuality” when working with patients.
As therapist Aida Manduley sees it, sex positivity has gone through various lulls and resurgences, with one resurgence taking place during the sexual revolution in the 1960s and ‘70s, and another happening much more recently, in the past decade. Sex educator Goody Howard remembers first hearing the term sex positivity used in the late 1990s in conjunction with the former resurgence, likening it to “the free love movement and flower children of Woodstock”.
Around this time, groups focused explicitly on sex positivity had formed, like in the basement of a Seattle, Washington restaurant called Beyond the Edge Café, operated by Allena Gabosch. Gabosch hosted a “safe place” for people exploring kink and LGBTQ+ identities, says Larry Grella, a board member for the Center of Sex Positive Culture, the organisation born out of Gabosch’s efforts in 1999.
However, a global shift in attitudes towards sexuality can be traced back to 2002, says Prior, when the World Health Organization updated its definition of sexual health to include pleasure, safety, a lack of coercion and freedom from violence and discrimination – an approach that acknowledged the positive aspects of sex, as opposed to focusing on the risks. This new definition widened the discussion and helped influence the creation of organisations that adopted a more joyful outlook on sex, including The Center for Positive Sexuality, which launched in 2007, says Prior.
While the phrase “sex positivity” has meant something slightly different to each group or movement that’s used it, there are central commonalities.
Ideas about sex positivity have evolved in response to pervasive sex negativity – in other words, attitudes that attach shame and judgment to people’s varying experiences and feelings about sexuality. Middle school sex education, at least in places like the US, has long exemplified this ‘sex-negative’ attitude. “The information available to people [in school] about sexuality was all the bad stuff,” says Prior. “This is what you should avoid, here's all the stuff that could go wrong – this is why you should not have sex.”
“’Sex positive’ is really the opposite of ‘sex negative’,” says Queen, “[which means being] judgmental about sex and sexual variation… In my opinion, this is the ground out of which the notion of sex positivity grew.”
Collectively, however, we’re still attempting to define the term – and there have been definitions that missed the mark. “People would say, it just means you can have sex with anybody,” says Howard, of when she first started hearing the term. “And I’m like, but does it, though?” Around 2016, Howard says she took a deeper dive into the topic and came up with her own definition, to “operate in spaces with information around sex and pleasure, without shame or stigma”.
For therapist Manduley, according to a paper they recently co-authored titled Defining Sex-Positivity in Therapy, the definition of sex positivity “varies across and within fields” – and that’s a good thing.
“We see this openness as beneficial, as it leaves room for therapists and clients to establish their own definitions to address therapeutic goals,” the authors write. Crucially, different cultures have different values regarding modesty and communication, so speaking frankly about sex with some people may not actually be the most sex-positive approach, if that fails to acknowledge their comfort zone. Manduley considers sex positivity a “framework and lens” to use with clients, not a “prescription” that dictates how they must discuss and understand sexuality.
Sex educator Goody Howard defines sex positivity as "operat[ing] in spaces with information around sex and pleasure, without shame or stigma" (Credit: Goody Howard)
Masakhane, an organisation that provides “sex positive sex ed to marginalised communities”, specifically “poor Black and Brown people” in Newark, New Jersey, US, makes sure to acknowledge a “painful and ongoing history of reproductive oppression” in its teachings, says board member JV. Sex positivity, simply put, “means your body is your own”, writes JV. Others from the organisation shared varying definitions with BBC Worklife, many of which centered on empowerment for people with black and brown bodies, or representation in conversations about sex of people with different body types or disabilities. “All shapes and bodies can engage in sex,” writes one Masakhane educator intern.
For some, like writer and producer Karley Sciortino, understanding sex positivity grew out of learning about feminism after someone called her London-based sex blog, Slutever, “feminist” in the early 2000s. She got interested in the writings of Camille Paglia, a “pro-sex feminist” who didn’t discriminate against sex workers, porn and women who wore make-up. To Paglia and Sciortino, sex and looking sexy represented power “instead of submission to the male gaze”, says Sciortino. In other words, Sciortino’s idea of sex positivity was about inclusion of sex workers and women who wore their sexuality on their sleeves, categories that have historically been discriminated against in feminist circles.
Within the adult-entertainment industry (where many get their sex education), attitudes around sex positivity are changing, too. Large studios, which tend to push misogynist and racist tropes, are no longer so dominant, says adult content creator and business consultant Amberly Rothfield. Independent filmmakers have been leading this change, and they tend to share Rothfield’s views about sex positivity, emphasising “confidence and openness” to a variety of sexual experiences, and ending stigmatisation around sexual practices.
One such indie creator is Lust, who says that sex positivity in the context of porn means “creating films that are diverse and representative of all genders and races, and cater to a diverse set of sexual fantasies and kinks”. This means expanding well beyond films that end with male ejaculation. “Despite the sex-negative culture we still live in and the general lack of good sex education in schools, I see that sex and porn are gradually becoming less of a taboo in society,” says Lust.
In fact, some organisations are aiming to bring a sex-positive lens to sex education in schools. Sexpression:UK, which formed in 2000, teaches children and young adults ages 11 through 18 about sex and sexuality through a positive and “informative” lens, says press director Lewis Ruddock. Ensuring its lessons “cater to women, people of colour, people who identify as LGBTQ+ and people with disabilities”, Sexpression:UK focuses on fostering an open dialogue among students, Ruddock says.
Like many other people BBC Worklife spoke with for this story, Ruddock has noticed the media paying more attention to sex positivity lately. He sees this as a conduit for more open discussion, and a trend that’s given a platform to sex educators, sex workers and sex-positive influencers. Younger generations, too, are more familiar with sex-positive concepts thanks to this expanding dialogue. But others see the term’s frequent use as a sort of watering down of its meaning – a concept for brands to take advantage of without considering its many nuances.
“In its least pleasant configurations, [sex positivity] turns into another kind of normativity that excludes many people,” says Queen, like when it’s interpreted in a way that excludes people who don’t enjoy sex or identify as asexual . Howard says some people will label a movie ‘sex positive’ if its male star wears a condom during sex scenes. While that showcases a positive sexual practice, it alone can’t make a movie ‘sex positive’.
For Prior’s part, she hopes to keep seeing the term ‘sex positivity’ evolve to the point where organisations like the Center for Positive Sexuality are “no longer useful” because the idea has become so culturally pervasive as to not need explicit advocates. Everyone will just be sex positive, having grown up with its ideals. “I don’t think that’s going to happen in the next five to 10 years, though it may happen beyond my lifetime,” she says. “But there are definitely more organisations now than there were when we started that… promote sex positive ideals.”

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Colleen Murphy is a writer and editor at Health. She has extensive experience with interviewing clinicians about patient care and medical research. She loves the Olympics and awards season, as well as spending time with family and traveling.

If you've been watching The Bachelorette at all this season, there's a term you've likely heard over and over again: sex positive . Several of the men competing on the show have used "sex positive" to describe the current bachelorette, 30-year-old Katie Thurston, who is known for being super comfortable talking about sex .

Even if you don't watch The Bachelorette , you might be hearing the phrase "sex positive" pop up elsewhere. That includes Twitter, as people are making jokes about turning this season into a drinking game: Whenever anybody says "sex positive," take a drink.

But what exactly does it mean to be sex positive? Here's how experts explain it.

Someone who is sex positive is open to learning more about their own body, other people's bodies, as well as consent, intimacy, and how to communicate about sex topics, Rachel Needle , PsyD, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a company that trains couples and sex therapists around the world, tells Health .

It also means they're open to embracing and exploring their own sexuality and that of others-including sexual behavior, gender, sexual identity, and anatomy-in a respectful, non-judgmental way without shame.

But sex positivity doesn't only have to do with sex-positive experiences and ideas. Theo Burnes, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles and the director of clinical training at Antioch University in California, tells Health that sex positivity can also be about fighting for people who work in the sex industry, making sure they have equal rights and that their work is decriminalized. It can include advocating for accurate sex education that is not abstinence-only or fear-based. Sex positivity can also focus on understanding sex in the media-and that sexualized pornography, movies, or ads tend to portray some types of people yet leaves other out.

Being sex positive can also mean being the person a friend can come out to or go to with "their own fears, their own internalized stigma, sometimes their own shame," Burnes says. Someone might call you, as a sex positive person, and say, "I'm really nervous about trying this new experience with my partner and I want to talk to somebody about it," he explains.

"Being sex positive doesn't necessarily mean that you're having an increased frequency of sexual behavior, or sexual encounters, or sexual arousal, but it does mean that you have an openness and a non-judgmental attitude toward engaging in sex, talking about sex, being open to other people talking about sex," says Burnes.

Being sex positive also doesn't mean you disregard the need for consent, Rosara Torrisi, PhD, certified sex therapist and director of The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy , tells Health . "It's not about encouraging folks to have a certain sexual orientation, minimum or maximum number of partners, or engage in certain behaviors during sex," she says. "Expectations and pressure for anything about sexuality is inherently anti-sex positivity." Consent is always a must.

Sex positivity isn't just a concept that people identify with-it's also a political and social movement.

"One of the things that really started that movement is this idea that sexuality has been often talked about as secretive, shameful, unhealthy, and that being overtly sexual in any kind of way-whether that's talking about it, whether that's having conversations about it-is problematic," Burnes says. "And so the [sex positive] movement basically tries to say, 'Hey, wait a second, this is a part of our normative development. And it's not necessarily unhealthy or shameful, but having these conversations, doing exploration with sex when consent and trust and communication are part of the sexual process, is not wrong or unhealthy.'"

It's a movement that's been around for a long time. Recently, however, celebrities like Lady Gaga, Amber Rose, Jessica Biel, and Lizzo have spurred more conversations about sex positivity after speaking publicly about their experiences with slut shaming, sexuality, sexual assault, body acceptance, and sexual health and responsibility, Burnes explains. And yes, even The Bachelorette has expanded this trend.

"It wasn't some agenda that I had coming on to the show. It's just who I am and who I've been this whole time," Thurston said on the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour earlier this year, after viewers were first introduced to her sex positive attitude when she was a contestant on The Bachelor . "It wasn't until after the fact that I realized how big of a deal it was-which excites me, because I do believe it's 2021, and women should be comfortable talking about their sexuality."

"I appreciate being comfortable being able to talk about it," Thurston continued. "Hopefully that means other women will soon start to open up a little bit, because being sex positive is important in a relationship, [the relationship you have with] yourself, in your self-care, and so many different things, especially in this [ongoing COVID-19] pandemic."

Being sex positive is "actually quite healthy and has been endorsed by a variety of organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO)," according to Burnes. In fact, the WHO says that "a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships" is paramount to sexual health.

"When we are sex positive we are more sexually healthy," Needle points out. "To many, being sexually healthy includes being comfortable with your own sexuality and making decisions related to and communicating about it." Being sexually healthy can also mean enjoying sexual pleasure, having access to health care (including reproductive health care), having better communication skills with our partner(s) so that we are more likely to get what we want and need, and knowing how to avoid unintended pregnancy and minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (and accessing treatment if needed).

Having sex positive views can enhance your mental well-being too, according to Burnes. "That can mean decreased amounts of feelings of isolation, which can lead to things like depression and anxiety, [as well as a] decrease in shame and stigma, which can also lead to building resilience," he says. When we eradicate ourselves from stigma and shame, he adds, we often demonstrate better health-related behaviors.

First, know that anyone can be sex positive. "Sex positivity has little to do with what your sexual behaviors, identities, etc. are and much more about your perspective about sexuality," Torrisi says. "It doesn't matter if you've had sex with only yourself, a million people, or no one. Sex positivity is a set of values that is inclusive and nurturing of your own and others' sexuality. It's not just for polyamorous and kinky folks."

As a whole, the US "has improved its understanding of sexual consent, pleasure, functioning, identity, orientation, behaviors, and expression," according to Torrisi. But there's still work to be done. "We're still grappling with dual realities about sex in this country," she says. "We are on one hand obsessed with sexuality, and on the other hand we are terrified of sexuality. Either end of this spectrum isn't sex positivity. Recognizing the nuances, the lived realities of billions of individuals, each with their own valid truths, now that's sex positivity."

It also helps to recognize the culture many Americans were raised in, "where we're constantly bombarded with images that sex is something we should think about, but never talk about," as Burnes puts it. Next, he suggests thinking about whether you want to see a therapist, read some books, or visit different websites to help you navigate what being sex positive will look like for you.

"Being sex positive doesn't necessarily mean that [you're] going to go and have certain sexual encounters-although if that's something that someone wants to do, that's great and awesome, as
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