What Is Forplay
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What Is Forplay
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Historically foreplay is a type of sex that is thought to happen before penetrative intercourse. However, that’s only one way to think about foreplay and our experiences of sex is much more diverse. In this post, we’re going to take a closer look at foreplay including the types of foreplay, the risks of foreplay and why it’s about time we change the way we talk about sex. Read on to find out more…
People have foreplay for several reasons. Foreplay can prolong sexual excitiment, but It can also help get the body ready for penetrative sex. While vaginas are naturally lubricated, this doesn’t happen immediately, and having penetrative vaginal sex without lubrication can lead to pain during sex .
As well as giving extra time for the physical signs of arousal to happen, foreplay can also help with anxiety around having sex, or help with challenges such as erectile dysfunction or vaginismus. It can also boost emotional connection, between partners as it offers a less invasive way of having sex.
Foreplay isn’t just one thing. When it comes to pleasure, preferences and tastes vary widely. There is no set idea of what foreplay is. However, some types of foreplay include:
- Kissing - Touching - Using sex toys - Sharing fantasies
The idea of foreplay becomes more complicated when you consider that many people don’t have penetrative sex. The word foreplay presumes that types of sex like oral sex or using sex toys is simply an introduction to the ‘main event’. This implies that non-penetrative sex is somehow less important, and in doing so, devalues others’ experience of pleasure. Here at Natural Cycles we celebrate sex in all it’s forms, and want you to have the kind of sex that feels good for you.
Most female orgasms happen due to direct stimulation of the clitoris (rather than through penetrative sex on its own). If we continue to think of penetrative sex as the ‘real’ type of sex then we also contribute to denying female pleasure is real and as important as male pleasure - this can, in turn, lead to what’s known as the orgasm gap - a discrepancy between male and female orgasm.
Outercourse is very similar to foreplay, but it’s not necessarily thought to lead to intercourse. Outercourse is often talked about as a form of abstinence - by not having penetrative penis-in-vagina sex you can avoid pregnancy. However, outercourse is definitely still a type of sex, and there are still risks that come from sexual activity besides pregnancy.
You don’t have to have penetrative sex to spread sexually transmitted infections , these can also be passed on through unprotected oral sex and genital touching. Using condoms or dental dams can help protect you from STIs during all types of sexual activity.
While it might seem daunting, talking about sex is important. Communicating about what does or doesn’t feel good can be beneficial both in the short and the long term. Sex that you don’t enjoy isn’t fun, and even can put you off having sex altogether - especially if it becomes painful.
You should never have to have any type of sex if you don’t want to, and it’s important that your partner values how you feel about this. Remember that foreplay is different for everyone, including how long it lasts and what feels good. Clear communication with your partner helps build trust, and also lets them know what you’re really into!
Thanks for reading! We hope you learned lots about foreplay, outercourse and talking about sex. Here at Natural Cycles we are passionate about spreading knowledge about reproductive health, from understanding our anatomy to talking about birth control there’s lots to learn about our health.
When it comes to preventing pregnancy , there is no one-size-fits-all birth control method. At Natural Cycles we provide a hormone-free alternative. Natural Cycles uses basal body temperature data to get to know your cycle, and identify the days when you are fertile. You can then abstain from penetrative sex or use protection on those days to prevent pregnancy.
A writer with a passion for women’s health, Jennifer Gray has years of experience writing about various reproductive health topics including birth control, planning pregnancy, women’s anatomy, and so much more.
With 10 years of experience working in the field of fertility, Dr. Jack Pearson is Natural Cycles’ in-house expert. As Medical Affairs Manager, he dedicates his time to conducting groundbreaking research and educating healthcare professionals.
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In simple terms, the definition of abstinence is not having sex. However, in reality, things are a bit more complicated than that and abstinence means different things to different people. In this post, we’re going to take a look at everything to do with abstinence including how abstinence works, the reasons people choose to use abstinence, and more…
Can you get Pregnant from Anal Sex?
While you can’t get pregnant from anal sex directly, it’s a little more complicated than that. In this post, we’re going to take a closer look at what anal sex is, how to do it safely, and the risks of pregnancy around anal sex. Read on to find out more...
Let’s talk about sex after pregnancy. In this post, we’ll cover how long you’re advised to wait before having sex after pregnancy, common changes in libido levels, plus what to expect when it comes to postpartum sex and how you can prepare. Read on to learn more about sex after pregnancy...
Planned Parenthood has a partner website about sexual health topics specifically for Nigeria. Would you like to go to the Nigeria website?
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By
Amy @ Planned Parenthood
|
Oct. 13, 2010, 6:43 p.m.
I see on movies and here people talking about 4play. I wanted to know what this meant.
Foreplay usually comes before intercourse. Foreplay can include a lot of different things, like kissing, sharing fantasies, or touching one another’s genitals. The purpose of foreplay is to add to sexual excitement, and, especially for women, to help prepare the body for intercourse by increasing vaginal lubrication.Outercourse is almost the same as foreplay. Both add to sexual excitement and pleasure. And both can lead to orgasm. The difference is that foreplay is meant to lead to intercourse. Outercourse may also add to a couple’s desire to take a risk and have intercourse. Couples who use outercourse for birth control must not give in to that impulse. Be careful — don’t turn outercourse into foreplay unless you are ready to use another form of birth control during intercourse.
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It's all about building anticipation.
What is foreplay? Well, it's a broad term for the tantalizing, PLAYful activities that people engage in beFORE sex. And while it's commonly accepted that foreplay should happen before intercourse, the questions of whether it does happen, how long it typically lasts, and how to spice it up and how to master foreplay are another story. There's actually lots of creative things to do in bed , and many have nothing to do with what many heterosexual couples consider "the main event" (meaning, penetrative sex).
A 2017 survey of 52,588 people, aiming to identify differences in orgasm frequency across sexual orientations, reported that "women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse." Only 65 percent of the heterosexual women surveyed said they "usually-always" orgasmed during a sexual encounter, compared with 66 percent of bisexual women, and 86 percent of lesbian women.
While that doesn't exactly prove that heterosexual women aren't getting enough pre-penetration attention, it's further evidence that lavishing your partner with it adds up to way more fun for couples. Here, three experts share their best foreplay tips and ideas for a more satisfying sexual encounter.
If you spend a few cursory minutes on foreplay, rushing through like it's a plate of raw vegetables to nibble on before the meaty main course is served, your partner won't just feel cheated—they'll be able to tell you're not into it, which is a libido killer .
Layla Martin, sex expert and author of Wild Woman in the Bedroom , says the best kind of foreplay puts the emphasis on "play," setting aside intercourse as the goal. " If you are touching or seducing your partner and you're thinking, 'I’m just doing this so we can have sex,' she’s going to feel that. It’s not going to be sexy, and can even shut her down."
Instead, Martin recommends staying as in-the-moment as possible, taking delight in her pleasure and the sensations you're both feeling. "It’s counterintuitive, especially because we call it 'foreplay,'" she adds, "but the sexiest things happen when you aren’t thinking about the future."
Washing that sink full of pans may lead to more bedroom fun. "Foreplay happens in every moment of connection that occurs between you and your partner, from the moment you wake up," says Casey Tanner, certified sex therapist and expert for LELO toys . Tanner believes that anything that impacts our minds has the potential to impact our sex life.
"While they may not seem to be connected, helping your partner with laundry or offering to do the dishes may be the most helpful thing you can do to make way for intimacy," she says. "Anything that takes something off your partner’s plate, and supports their general sense of relaxation, goes a long way when it comes time for sex."
Paying your sexual partner sincere compliments will let you know how much you appreciate her, and that might make her feel sexier before your clothes even hit the floor. Martin suggests "telling her how much you desire her," and how beautiful she is. Knowing that you don't just want to have sex, you want to have sex with her is a turn-on for many women (don't you enjoy feeling desired, too?)
Though it may sound shallow, "Let them know you want them as soon you walk in the door by complimenting the way they look: 'You’re even hotter tonight than when I left this morning,'" says sexologist Jess O'Reilly, PhD, host of the Drive Her Wild With Pleasure video course. "And be clear that your craving is rooted in just how desirable they are: 'I want you, and nothing else will do.'"
Have a hard time finding your words? O'Reilly suggests sending a text during the day, such as "I can't stop thinking about you."
You can always become a better lover, but you're not a mind-reader. In addition to paying attention to what she responds to, asking is the best way to know what gets her motor running.
"The number one key to being excellent at foreplay is communication," Martin says. "Many partners assume that all women are turned on by touch, or direct sexual play, but not every women would list that as their first choice."
After a stressful day full of obligations to others (work, kids, family, you name it), getting intimate may be the furthest thing from her mind. Help her move into a different headspace with a *pressure-free* decompression session.
Does she love ? Light 'em up. Is a soak in order? Draw her a . "If relaxation is foreplay for her, offering her a sensual massage could be a huge turn-on," Martin says.
If you haven't heard of breathwork, it's defined as "conscious, controlled breathing done especially for relaxation, meditation, or therapeutic purposes." It can help your partner (and you, if you're game to try) to reconnect with her body amid life's stressors and distractions.
"It might sound strange to do breathwork as foreplay, but I’ve taught about 10,000 women how to use it as a way to get excited for sex," says Martin. "It’s extremely effective because it takes them out of their thinking, controlling, judging, and planning mind, and puts them into their feeling, connecting and sensing mind—which is the path to amazing sex for most women."
Maybe (non-dirty) talk sounds less than erotic to you, but it can bring the two of you closer with surprising results. "Feeling intimately connected can be the sexiest foreplay for some women," Martin explains. Her work with clients involves "a communication practice where they honestly share their desires, their fears and what they love about their partner. "Hundreds of couples have told me this is the best foreplay they have ever tried."
Remember the first time the two of you kissed? If you do, you know that kisses are the ultimate chemistry test, and one of the quickest ways to connect with your sex partner.
O'Reilly recommends a simple yet intense makeout session. "Kiss with passion as you press your entire body against theirs. Allow yourself to really feel the full-body contact, paying attention to the pressure, textures, temperature, and contours of your bodies."
Hovering your mouth this close to her skin will build anticipation, O'Reilly advises, or try licking her in a sensitive spot and breathing warm air over the slick path you've created.
" Start at their collarbone and change your breath patterns to experiment with temperature. A wide-open mouth should create warm air, and pursed lips can create cool air," she says. "Work your way down around the sides of their breasts. Tease over their nipples and beneath their breasts." S-l-o-o-o-w is the key here—unless she asks you to speed up, and take your time as you move down to between her legs, "continuing to use breath kisses to draw awareness to every square inch of their body."
For another way to amp up the anticipation, O'Reilly says to "use the backs of your hands in order to slow down and build arousal. Don’t feel the need to grab, knead or apply pressure right away. Instead, use feather-light touch.
"Use your fingers, palms, tongue, toys and lips to slither, lick and kiss all around their inner thighs without diving in between their legs," O'Reilly instructs. "Hover your mouth over their lips and clit to build desire, and make t
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