What Is Cunnilingus
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What Is Cunnilingus
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Cunnilingus is a term for orally stimulating the vulva and clitoris. This is a type of oral sex.
When a man receives oral sex, it's called fellatio . For a woman, it's called cunnilingus . To perform cunnilingus, someone uses their mouth to stimulate the vulva and especially the clitoris, eventually bringing the woman to orgasm. In slang, performing cunnilingus is a form of giving head . And if you want to be funny, call a person who does cunnilingus a cunning linguist .
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Medically reviewed by
Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB) and words by Paisley Gilmour
8 oral sex tactics that experts swear by
Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB)
Dr Juliet McGrattan
Dr Juliet McGrattan spent 16 years working as an NHS GP.
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What’s the best way to eat pussy? Read our expert tips on how to perfect this glorious oral sex act.
Cunnilingus – also known as oral sex, licking someone out, eating someone out, going down on someone, and giving head – is the fancy, official term used to describe when someone uses their mouth to stimulate someone else’s vulva or vagina .
While many women and vulva-having people love cunnilingus because it focuses heavily on stimulating the clitoris and therefore is more likely to make them orgasm (between 70-80 per cent of women need clitoral stimulation to climax), many also feel self-conscious about receiving it.
Here’s an expert guide to cunnilingus, including a step-by-step guide on how to give (and receive) oral pleasure, plus the all-important STI and sexual health risks associated with the sex act:
Cunnilingus is stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips. ‘Good cunnilingus requires technique – whether you are giving or receiving,’ says sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney , Annabelle Knight . ‘The key is that both partners are completely relaxed so no one is worrying or feeling insecure and you can both get lost in the moment.’
Knight recommends the following 7 key steps to helping your partner reach clitoral nirvana:
Most people enjoying cunnilingus won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know they love. Use your hands and mouth all over the body, which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When the recipient is good and excited, head south.
Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but every woman is different and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the every day to the out of this world.
Remember many people have sensitive clitorises, so don’t go too heavy on it at the start. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore their inner and outer lips, vagina, and clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around the clit and back down the other side.
In general, it’s said women and vulva-having people tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motions. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can actually be irritating, which is the kind of furious cunnilingus we often see in pornography. If you’re not sure, ask your partner to give feedback while you try different kinds of strokes—circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if they flinch—discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error.
If you’ve ever seen your partner masturbate, you’ll have some idea how they like their clitoris to be touched. Ask them to show you now, or you can offer them your hand and ask them to demonstrate the kind of stroking they prefer by placing their hand on top of yours.
Remember penetration is always optional, and you should always get consent before penetrating your partner with your fingers or a sex toy. If they’ve given you the all-clear, when they’re good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into their vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on their clitoris and lick while you penetrate your partner. This won’t do it for everyone, but many people love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
As steady stimulation seems to do the trick, don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when your partner is nearing orgasm—the moans, their thighs pressing against your head, their body arching, their hands tightening on your head. And they’ll usually let you know when to stop. If not, simply ask, ‘Do you want me to stop now?’
Dr Maria F Peraza Godoy, a urologist, sexual medicine expert, clinical sexologist, and co-founder of Healthy Pleasure Collective , says you should also consider the following:
For women and vulva-having people who like to feel in control, Godoy recommends the giving partner lying on their back while you straddle them. ‘This allows a total contact between the mouth, the clitoris, and the vulva, so it offers a very intense level of pleasure,’ she says.
‘The alignment of the hip and pendulous movements during oral sex is essential to increase pleasure,’ adds Godoy. ‘Feel free to dance and balance your hips on a small pillow placed under your lower back, this elevates your hips and vulva.’
Many women and vulva-having people are nervous about receiving cunnilingus, which is normal. Getting naked, spreading your legs and having someone face-first in your vulva can feel a little intimidating or intense.
‘Some people do feel self-conscious about their vulva,’ says Sarah Calvert, UKCP and CORST psychotherapist and psychosexual & relationship therapist . ‘There has been a reported rise in rates of labiaplasty – operations to reduce or alter the labia – and young people seeking the procedure.
‘The rise could be due to the sexual images that we see and their portrayal of vulvas, suggesting the vulva should look a certain way. It’s important to remember that vulvas, like penises, come in all shapes and sizes; everyone is different and difference is to be celebrated.’
Vulvas, like penises, come in all shapes and sizes; everyone is different and difference is to be celebrated.
Calvert says many women and vulva-having people have internalised negative messages about their genitals, sex and pleasure. ‘They may be uncomfortable about receiving oral sex because it puts them in the spotlight and they feel less in control. They may feel pressure to perform to please their partner – pressure to orgasm,’ she adds.
If you want to receive oral sex but feel self-conscious for any reason, Calvert suggests getting to know your own body. ‘Think about your relationship with your genitals – what do you feel about your vulva? What do you feel about oral sex and receiving pleasure? When having sex, practice staying in the body, and in the present.’
‘Focus on the sensations, rather than going into the mind and getting lost in thoughts, which cause us to disconnect from our bodies – and, depending upon the thoughts, can cause anxiety. Notice what it feels like. Sink/relax into the feeling. Make the goal to focus on pleasure, rather than to orgasm,’ she adds.
If you’re worried about the taste or smell of your vulva and this is putting you off receiving cunnilingus, you needn’t be. ‘Many women think that their genitals have a particular smell and this may make feel them unattractive,’ says Godoy. ‘Your genitals smell good, it smells like genital, that’s it.’
But if you don’t enjoy cunnilingus for any reason, tell your partner. ‘If you dislike how your partner is giving oral sex it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong, or there is something wrong with you, because you don’t enjoy it,’ says Calvert.
Many women think that their genitals have a particular smell and this may make feel them unattractive.
‘Our likes and dislikes may change over time and vary in different situations or contexts. Communicate with a positive focus, think about what you do enjoy, be playful and experiment,’ adds Calvert. ‘Use non-verbal communication too, using your hands or body to indicate what you like. Generally, partners want to know that they’re hitting the spot, and good communication is the key.’
Cunnilingus is not risk-free, despite what you may have heard. Becky Lund-Harket, founder of The Candid Collective and workshop facilitator for Sexplain explains, ‘There is a risk of transmission when genitals are involved in sex, so that includes cunnilingus and other oral sex as well as manual stimulation including hand stuff, if using the same hand on different genitals, anal sex and penis-in-vagina sex.’
The STIs most commonly passed during oral sex are herpes , gonorrhoea and syphilis , Lund-Harket says. Chlamydia , HIV , hepatitis A, B and C and genital warts can also be passed on through cunnilingus, but are less likely to be.
To ensure the oral sex you’re having is safe, use protection like condoms and dental dams.
To ensure the oral sex you’re having is safe, ‘use protection like condoms and dental dams,’ Lund-Harket explains. ‘Dental dams are specifically for use during oral sex involving the vulva or anus. They are thin sheets of latex or polyurethane which stretch over the area acting as a barrier, and oral sex can then be given/received through the dam. They are less readily available than condoms but some sexual health centres will stock them or you can purchase them online.’
As well as using protection, Lund-Harket says ‘honest communication with your sexual partners is also paramount to keep everyone safe!’ She recommends getting an STI test every six months, or with every new long-term partner. ‘Please go for a test if you are specifically concerned about a sexual experience you have had, or if a sexual partner has told you they have tested positive for an STI.’
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Our mental image of cunnilingus tends to be pretty formulaic: a woman lying on her back, legs spread and a partner bending down to pleasure her. This position, of course, isn’t the only way to do it. Obvious variations include the classic Sit on My Face position, as well as the equally iconic 69. But these three positions don’t encompass even a fraction of what’s on offer.
The entire landscape of cunnilingus positions expands far beyond our go-tos, and it’s just waiting to be discovered. Isn’t it time we collectively explored the frontiers that lay just outside our norms? Here are eight cunnilingus positions you probably haven’t tried yet , but you and your partner will totally want to add to your bedroom repertoire.
Sitting on someone’s face can be awesome, because it gives your partner direct access to your nether parts. But it can also be intimidating, awkward or straight-up uncomfortable, because, well, you’re pressing all of your weight onto someone’s face.
The All Fours plays to the strengths of sitting on your partner’s face without forcing you to literally sit on your partner’s face . By getting on your hands and knees above your lying partner, you’re supporting yourself — and doing so in a generally comfortable way. All the intensity you expect from face-sitting, without the discomfort.
An easy way to switch things up? Stand during oral sex . While most cunnilingus positions involve you sitting or lying down, the Lean Forward has you standing up and — you guessed it — leaning forward while your partner kneels behind you. Feel free to use the walls for stability, be they in your bedroom, your living room or your shower.
The Wrapped Eagle offers a slight twist on the most classic of cunnilingus positions. Instead of lying down with your legs splayed out, have your legs wrapped around your partner’s head. This can mitigate some of the vulnerability associated with the more obvious Spread Eagle position — plus, it allows you to control the pressure. Simply pull your partner closer to you when you’re looking to up the intensity.
Fans of doggy-style will surely appreciate this approach to cunnilingus. Get on all fours — but on your knees and elbows, rather than your knees and hands for the Forbidden Fruit . Once you’ve gotten comfortable, invite your partner to join you. From behind, they’ll have direct access to your genitals.
Modified 69 took everything you love about face-sitting and combined it with everything you love about 69. Have your partner lie with their head and shoulders hanging off the side of the bed as you stand up. Walk toward them so you’re straddling over their face. From there, you can bend over to engage in a little reciprocity, or just enjoy being on the receiving end for a little while.
What’s nice? You can control the intensity by bending your knees as much or as little as you want. You can also support yourself by leaning forward and placing your hands on the bed.
This incredibly intense position will have you standing as your partner explores you from an entirely new angle. For the Virgo , simply stand up straight, with your back against the wall. Your partner can sit below you in whatever position they choose —so long as they can reach your genitals. From there, they can perform cunnilingus as long as desired, and you can always move to the bed if you want a softer surface.
If lying down during cunnilingus isn’t really your thing, you might appreciate the Kick Back . A seated take on a classic, the Kick Back offers your partner direct access to your nether bits without leaving you splayed out on the bed. This is especially alluring if you’ve got a comfy chair to partake in. The next time you’re looking to change things up, you know exactly where to go.
Lie down, then bend your knees and bend and hug your legs as close to your chest as they’ll go. The All Curled Up position will introduce an entirely new angle to oral sex, which may pave the way for some finger play or sex toy supplementation , too.
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