What Is An Orgasm Like
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What Is An Orgasm Like
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"It's like the burst you feel when you get a text from your crush... but in your vagina."
If you took sex-ed at school, you probably learned all about pregnancy, STIs , and safe sex practices . While all of that is super important, there's a pretty good chance that your teacher never once uttered the word "orgasm" throughout the semester. Which, is pretty weird, considering it's a natural biological function, and sexual pleasure is a normal, healthy part of life.
Let's actually talk about orgasms for a sec. An orgasm is what happens when a person reaches the height of sexual excitement, which comes with feelings of pleasure and muscle contractions in the genitals. For men, this moment also means ejaculating — but let’s talk about the other, awesome kind of orgasm: the vaginal kind.
Since sex-ed teachers aren't discussing it, I talked to Dr. Melisa Holmes, adolescent gynecologist and cofounder of Girlology to answer your most pressing questions about the biological reaction so you can feel more comfortable with your body and the sexual pleasure you deserve.
An orgasm is a physical reflex, brought on through sexual stimulation, most commonly that of the clitoris, which is the most sensitive organ in the vagina. "It's a build up to a time frame during sexual stimulation where there's just this big release of pleasure," says Dr. Holmes. During sexual arousal, blood flow increases to the genitals and your muscles tense throughout your body. The orgasm then "reverses this process through a series of rhythmic contractions," according to Brown University. During an orgasm, "endorphins are released into the bloodstream and these chemicals might make you feel happy, giddy, flushed, warm or sleepy."
Different people are stimulated by different sexual acts, but it really all comes back to the clitoris. Some people may also require the additional sensation of vaginal penetration to orgasm. In general, when you're reaching climax, the clitoris will get engorged and lubricated. "The clitoris may just look like a little bump on the outside, but it actually has a lot more to it on the inside and just the stimulation of that creates this intense kind of burst of pleasurable feelings," says Dr. Holmes.
There are other erogenous zones that feel good when kissed and touched, but they probably won't stimulate an orgasm. "A true orgasm really does require genital stimulation and most medical providers will tell you it stems from the clitoris," Dr. Holmes says.
There's nothing wrong with experimenting and figuring out what allows you to reach sexual climax. It could be oral stimulation of the clitoris, rubbing on the inner thigh, or a mix of multiple things. "The best way to learn, if you're curious, is to teach yourself, give yourself an orgasm," Dr. Holmes says. "Don't rely on other people. I think that's really important to understand that they can make themselves have an orgasm probably better than anyone else can. And they don't need a partner to do that."
An orgasm feels different for everyone, but there are some common experiences like heavy breathing, body vibrations, and sweating. Orgasms can be mild or overwhelming, they range from person to person and time to time. We asked some real girls what orgasms feel like and this is what they said:
"It's like the burst you feel when you get a text from your crush... but in your vagina." — Cam, 15
"I would compare orgasms to going out to eat. You wait and wait for your food, very excited for this meal, then the meal gets there and you take your first bite and you're flooded with happiness. Take a food orgasm and times it by 10!" — Evie, 17
"My clit pulses — a lot. It gets super, super sensitive. Also, I can feel my vaginal walls involuntarily clench, too." — Annie, 20
"Having orgasms makes me feel connected to my own body. It was revolutionary to me the first time I had one. I've had this body my whole life and was missing out on something so big." — Alexis, 17
"Uncontrollable, amazing tingling sensation all over the body." — Kendra, 18
"Like I have no control over my body whatsoever with a ticklish sensation... in the most sexy way possible." — Taylor, 22
As you can see, it feels a little different for everyone, but the common denominator is it feels good.
According to Brown University, one in three people have trouble orgasming from sex with their partner. Since some need clitoral stimulation to climax, simple penetrative sex might not get you there.
When you first start exploring your sexuality, it can take a little bit of time to discover what makes you climax.
Masturbation is the easiest way to explore what will allow you to reach sexual stimulation. Different rhythms, sensations, and pleasures affect people differently. If you're exploring with a partner, there's nothing wrong with asking them to focus on a specific area or action.
There are also external factors, like stress, that may affect your ability to orgasm. "A lot of an orgasm also stems from our brain," Dr. Holmes says. "We have to feel comfortable and safe to have good sexual function." Using drugs and alcohol can also affect one’s ability to climax.
"Everyone thinks alcohol makes sex better," Dr. Holmes says. "And a tiny little bit of alcohol might enhance your sexual experience because it decreases your inhibitions, but too much alcohol can absolutely prevent orgasm. If you're drunk, you may not even notice the stimulation as much, you're a little more numb." Prescription drugs can have a similar affect. "Especially the SSRIs that are used for depression and anxiety. Those are the most common drugs that prevent or inhibit orgasm," Dr. Holmes says.
This is a complicated question because, no, technically you don't have to orgasm during sex. Vaginal penetration or stimulation can still feel good without reaching sexual climax. And biologically-speaking, even if you're trying to have a baby, a vaginal orgasm isn't necessary (of course, the penis must ejaculate because sperm is needed to fertilize the egg). That being said, there may be a biological reason why we have vaginal orgasms: so that we want to have sex again. "It makes sense that sex feels good so that you are willing to have sex," Dr. Holmes says. "So the species can be perpetuated."
So, if you're not orgasming every time with your partner, it's NBD. That being said, if you want to orgasm and you feel like your partner isn't spending the time on you to reach climax, have a conversation about it. If they care about you, they'll put in the extra work to make you feel good.
Carolyn Twersky is an associate editor for Seventeen covering celebrities, entertainment, politics, trends, and health. On her off time, she's probably watching Ru Paul's Drag Race, traversing NYC for the best donuts, or, most likely, enjoying time in her favorite place in the world: her bed.
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Orgasm occurs after stimulation of the genitals or erogenous zones. It’s the peak of sexual arousal and causes intense feelings of pleasure. Orgasms have several positive effects on overall health. Everyone experiences sexual climax differently, which is normal and healthy. But some factors can make it difficult to achieve orgasm.
American Psychological Association. Understanding Orgasm. (https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/04/orgasm) Accessed 5/9/2022.
Britannica. Orgasm. (https://www.britannica.com/science/orgasm) Accessed 5/9/2022.
Eisenman R. Scientific Insights Regarding the Orgasm. (https://ejop.psychopen.eu/index.php/ejop/article/view/430/html) Europe’s Journal of Psychology. 2008:4(2). Accessed 5/9/2022.
Planned Parenthood. Orgasms. (https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/orgasms) Accessed 5/9/2022.
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An orgasm is the height or peak of sexual arousal when the body releases sexual tension and pressure. It involves very intense feelings of pleasure in your genitals and throughout your body.
An orgasm usually lasts a few seconds and feels very good.
Orgasm occurs during sexual stimulation of your genitals and sexual (erogenous) zones of your body. These include the:
An orgasm can occur during masturbation or during sex with a partner. It is one of four stages in the body’s sexual response cycle :
Having an orgasm is also called climaxing, cumming, or having the “big O.”
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Certain things happen throughout your body during orgasm:
Muscle contractions play an important role in orgasm. For example, the muscles of your vagina and uterus often contract. This may cause a small amount of fluid to release from your genitals. Likewise, the muscles at the base of your penis contract, which usually leads to ejaculation (when the body releases semen).
In the few minutes after orgasm, your body slowly returns to its normal state. As you recover:
Some people may become sexually aroused again a few minutes after orgasm and can have multiple orgasms. Some need more time before they can orgasm again. This differs widely from person to person.
There are different kinds of orgasms, including:
Orgasm is generally intense and pleasurable. But it can feel different for everyone, and it can even feel different for a person each time. All of the differences are normal and healthy.
During orgasm, your body releases dopamine, known as “the feel-good hormone,” and oxytocin, sometimes called “the love drug.” These hormones increase feelings of happiness and other positive emotions, and they counteract the “stress hormone,” cortisol.
Many people have to experiment with different methods and communicate well with their partners before they can achieve orgasm.
Other factors also can interfere with the ability to reach sexual climax:
If you have trouble having an orgasm and it bothers you, talk to a healthcare provider. Some people have sexual dysfunction , disorders that interfere with orgasm. You can speak to a primary care provider (PCP) to learn more. Or, to address sexual dysfunction in females , you may want to visit a gynecologist.
Research indicates that orgasms have several health benefits, including improvements in:
An orgasm is a pleasurable feeling at the height of sexual arousal. Everyone experiences orgasm differently, and many factors can affect your ability to climax. Talk to a healthcare provider if trouble reaching orgasm is bothering you.
Last reviewed by a Cleveland Clinic medical professional on 05/09/2022.
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It’s known for being elusive but “unmistakeable” – so if you’re wondering what it feels like, you’re doing it wrong, says Nadia Bokody.
Since I first started writing about sex, women have been asking the same question: “How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?”
It’s a query that’s far more common than you might think.
In fact, it’s estimated around 15 per cent of vulva owners have never reached climax. And given the shame and mystery surrounding female pleasure, my guess is the real number is higher.
Though I’m an outspoken advocate of not making sex goal-oriented (that is, having sex that isn’t focused around achieving an orgasm), I’m deeply troubled by this statistic. Largely because it speaks to a wider issue within our culture when it comes to women’s body autonomy.
It’s no coincidence there aren’t any lessons on the clitoris in sex ed, or that its true anatomy was only discovered as recently as a decade ago – many years after the intricate details of the penis were well known. In fact, the researchers who built the first 3D model of the clitoral structure weren’t even properly funded for their work.
‘I see stars and forget where I am’
With 8000 nerve endings (far more than the end of the penis) and roots we now know run deep into the vagina and sit flush with the G-spot, the clitoris has the ability to deliver life-changing pleasure. Or, as one woman in an informal survey I ran on Instagram put it: “The most delicious release of ecstasy. I see stars and forget where I am.”
It’s additionally the only structure in the human body with the exclusive purpose of delivering pleasure, and the key to the ‘Big Oh’ for roughly two-thirds of women. So powerful is the euphoria it can produce, academic and author Naomi Wolf famously referred to the chemicals released in the brain after female orgasm as the “ultimate feminist neurotransmitters”.
Which makes sense, given women who regularly orgasm are typically more confident, focused and sexually assertive.
It also offers a possible explanation as to why so little emphasis has been placed on the female orgasm throughout history.
Sex education acknowledges male pleasure while completely censoring female pleasure from the discussion. Porn too, views sex through the male gaze – one in which women act as conduits for men’s orgasms.
Women are cautioned from being sexual; warned we’ll be deemed “easy”, “used up” and “not wife material” (though, confusingly, labelled “prudes” when we reject men’s sexual advances) and girls are regularly told to close their legs and “save” themselves for the right guy.
Female pleasure has been so routinely demonised, Freud even once hypothesised women who masturbated were suffering from a form of neurosis.
In suppressing information around female sexuality and treating women’s bodies as objects that exist for the pleasure of men, we’ve succeeded not only in sexually disenfranchising women, but in brainwashing ourselves into believing the female orgasm is elusive and complicated.
Orgasms easy to achieve for most women
Research indicates that, during masturbation, with correct clitoral stimulation, orgasms are quick and easy for the vast majority of women. We actually achieve them in roughly the same amount of time it takes men to get there – four minutes.
So, what exactly does that look and feel like?
Well, it varies from one woman to another, but in general, studies show people with vulvas require light to medium pressure, either directly on the clitoris or surrounding area, in order to build to climax.
Orgasm itself is characterised by several key factors, which sex scientists Masters and Johnson observed in a lab in the 1960s while quite literally studying people as they got it on in real-time.
During climax, a woman will experience a rapid rise in blood pressure and faster breathing, rhythmic contractions of the vaginal muscles, and involuntary contractions throughout the body that can feel similar to spontaneous cramps.
Almost universally, women who’ve climaxed describe the sensation as a feeling of intense release. And, perhaps most significantly, this feeling is extremely unmistakeable. As in, you will absolutely know if it’s happened to you.
Take it from someone who, after discovering the magic of orgasm at 13, spent most of my teens guiltily masturbating under the duvet, convinced I’d be hurled into a courtroom like a 17th century witch.
Or, as one survey respondent described it, it’s like being hit “by a freight train”.
Needless to say, if you have to ask, “How will I know if I’ve had an orgasm?” you’re yet to experience the unadulterated joy of riding the metaphorical rollercoaster.
But this shouldn’t be cause for making it the focus of sex (whether it’s the kind you’re having on your own or with a partner). When we put pressure on ourselves, stress hormones rise, inhibiting our muscles, including the ones *ahem* down there.
Ironically, if you’re one of the estimated 15 per cent of women who have never climaxed, your best chance of getting there is to take orgasm off the table entirely. Go into sex planning not to, and instead focus on enjoying the moment, and most importantly – your clitoris.
Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.
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