What Is An Orgasim For A Woman And How Does It Feel
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What Is An Orgasim For A Woman And How Does It Feel
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Ashley Mateo has over a decade's worth of experience covering fitness, health, travel, and more for publications including the WSJ, Men's Journal, Women's Health, and more.
It's a no-brainer that the female orgasm is still a mystery to many men. (Should we provide them with a map to the clitoris, perhaps?) But it's not a stretch to say that many women could also use more education when it comes to reaching climax, whether solo or with a partner.
After all, orgasms may not be biologically necessary; unlike men, women can conceive a baby without one. But they are pretty damn important when it comes to a healthy sex life. And as with most areas of sexual health, the more info you have, the more empowered you are to get what you want—and need—when it comes to crazy pleasure. With this in mind, read up on these 10 mind-blowing facts about what's happening when you're getting your mind blown in bed.
Okay, so no one's even actually counted. But doctors estimate that between 6,000 and 8,000 nerve endings exist in the clitoris, says Lauren Streicher, MD, associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University and author of Sex Rx . "What you see is just the tip of the iceberg," says Dr. Streicher. "[The clitoris is] basically a horseshoe kind of configuration around the upper part of the vaginal opening."
Considering how many nerves this pleasure spot has, it makes sense that women are way more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation. One recent study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that only 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone. "That number may be as low as 10%, or at best 25% to 30%," says Dr. Streicher. "The bottom line is that the majority of women do not have an orgasm from penetration and need clitoral stimulation."
A study of 800 female college graduates found that approximately 43% reported having had multiple orgasms. So exactly what is a multiple orgasm? "Some women experience long, cascading orgasms, where you continue to have strong rhythmic pelvic contractions for a long time," says Dr. Streicher. "And then there are orgasms where you have that over-satisfied sensation which stops and then, with more stimulation, starts again."
But if you're a one-and-done kind of women, don't stress about it. "There are plenty of women who, after they have one nice big orgasm, feel a real sense of fulfillment and satisfaction and they're done. And that's totally normal," says Dr. Streicher.
There's really no right amount of time for your orgasm to last. In fact, researchers used to think that 3 to 15 seconds was about the duration of a female orgasm. Then they found evidence that a climax could go on for 20 seconds to 2 minutes. The journal Ceskoslovenska Psychiatrie published data showing that 40% of women estimated the duration of their orgasm to be 30 to 60 seconds or even longer, and 48% of women experienced predominantly long orgasms.
The takeaway: "Some people have very short orgasms, while others can last longer," says Dr. Streicher. "There's a wide variety of normal."
It's kind of a stereotype, but there's science behind it. Way back in the 1960s, sex researchers William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson (the inspiration for Showtime's Masters of Sex ) found that it took women about 10 to 20 minutes of sex play to reach orgasm, compared to just four minutes for men. "There's a wide range," says Dr. Streicher. "We know that this has to do with how aroused someone is advance, and how intense the stimulation is."
Why women tend to need more arousal and varying types of stimulation isn't clear. But it's a good argument for finding a sex-positive partner who won't rush things and will make sure you cross that finish line when your brain and body are ready.
Suffer from headaches? Try getting it on. Sixty percent of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm, according to research published by the International Headache Society.
But there are headaches that are actually caused by orgasms. "The first is bothersome but not dangerous—it's just a general headache-y feeling that people can get during sexual activity," says Dr. Streicher. "But then there's the person who, at the exact same time that they have an orgasm, will have a very painful explosive headache simultaneous with orgasm."
If that's the case, you want to get to your doctor ASAP. She says that this kind of pain has a high correlation to subarachnoid hemorrhage, a type of stroke caused by a burst blood vessel in the brain. Yikes.
Feel like you can't think straight when you have an orgasm? You're not exactly wrong. "An orgasm mediates other neurotransmitters that impact other functions," says Dr. Streicher. In fact, research at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands showed that orgasms deactivate the area in your brain that processes fear, as well as the parts that regulate your "vigilance for danger."
They also found that your self-control and "moral reasoning" decreases in the moment of that big O. "When scientists do active MRIs during orgasm, they can see where there's heightened activity and where there's decreased activity—that's certainly very real," says Dr. Streicher.
In the same way having an orgasm changes your brain, it can also crank up your pain tolerance. In one study , women's pain threshold during orgasm increased by 75%, and their pain detection threshold increased by 107%. Not surprisingly, this tolerance to pain has to do with feel-good endorphins and oxytocin (a bonding hormone) that are released when you orgasm. The effect will last about 10 to 20 minutes. On the other hand, men's brains don't release oxytocin when they orgasm. They experience a boost in pleasure, yet they don't reap the pain-killing benefits.
Your DNA could be responsible for at least a third—and maybe even 60%—of your ability to reach the big O, according to research published in the journal Biology Letters . It's not exactly the kind of topic you want to bring up with mom, so it's hard to determine exactly what role DNA plays. But it could be anatomical, says Dr. Streicher.
"If you look at the ability to orgasm during intercourse, we know that it correlates with the distance between the clitoris and the urethra: If your clitoris is less than 2.5 centimeters from the urethra, it's more likely that you will orgasm during intercourse. And that's simply because of clitoral stimulation based on anatomy."
Recent research puts the number of women who experience female ejaculation at around 54%. But that same research found that up to 66% of women experience coital incontinence, or excreting urine at orgasm. And it's hard to tell the difference between ejaculate and urine, says Dr. Streicher.
"With female ejaculation, what we're generally talking about is an emission of fluid from the Skene's glands, which are little glands on the side of the urethra," she explains. "Some women do lose urine when they orgasm, but it's very diluted so it doesn't smell like urine. So it's not so obvious what's happening."
Either way, it's just what your body does. "One of the questions that comes up all the time with my patients is whether there's a way to make it stop," says Dr. Streicher. "If it's ejaculate, no. If it's urine, there are opportunities to try and decrease or eliminate incontinence. But I get a surprising number of women who tell me they want to ejaculate. How can they make that happen? I have no idea."
Let's look at the stats. Ninety-five percent of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasm during a sexual encounter, while only 65% of heterosexual women said the same thing, according to a recent study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior.
"You have to keep in mind the biological purpose of sex: to reproduce. A female orgasm is not required in order to conceive," says Dr. Streicher. "But I always say the reason the clitoris is located where it is so that women can self-stimulate during intercourse to orgasm."
Interesting, women in same-sex relationships are more likely to orgasm: 86% said they usually or always reached climax when sexually intimate. "The reason why is kind of obvious," says Dr. Streicher. "They're not depending on intercourse to reproduce, and certainly a woman in a same-sex relationship is far more likely to know where her partner's clitoris is and what to do with it than most men. That's just the reality."
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It’s known for being elusive but “unmistakeable” – so if you’re wondering what it feels like, you’re doing it wrong, says Nadia Bokody.
Since I first started writing about sex, women have been asking the same question: “How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?”
It’s a query that’s far more common than you might think.
In fact, it’s estimated around 15 per cent of vulva owners have never reached climax. And given the shame and mystery surrounding female pleasure, my guess is the real number is higher.
Though I’m an outspoken advocate of not making sex goal-oriented (that is, having sex that isn’t focused around achieving an orgasm), I’m deeply troubled by this statistic. Largely because it speaks to a wider issue within our culture when it comes to women’s body autonomy.
It’s no coincidence there aren’t any lessons on the clitoris in sex ed, or that its true anatomy was only discovered as recently as a decade ago – many years after the intricate details of the penis were well known. In fact, the researchers who built the first 3D model of the clitoral structure weren’t even properly funded for their work.
‘I see stars and forget where I am’
With 8000 nerve endings (far more than the end of the penis) and roots we now know run deep into the vagina and sit flush with the G-spot, the clitoris has the ability to deliver life-changing pleasure. Or, as one woman in an informal survey I ran on Instagram put it: “The most delicious release of ecstasy. I see stars and forget where I am.”
It’s additionally the only structure in the human body with the exclusive purpose of delivering pleasure, and the key to the ‘Big Oh’ for roughly two-thirds of women. So powerful is the euphoria it can produce, academic and author Naomi Wolf famously referred to the chemicals released in the brain after female orgasm as the “ultimate feminist neurotransmitters”.
Which makes sense, given women who regularly orgasm are typically more confident, focused and sexually assertive.
It also offers a possible explanation as to why so little emphasis has been placed on the female orgasm throughout history.
Sex education acknowledges male pleasure while completely censoring female pleasure from the discussion. Porn too, views sex through the male gaze – one in which women act as conduits for men’s orgasms.
Women are cautioned from being sexual; warned we’ll be deemed “easy”, “used up” and “not wife material” (though, confusingly, labelled “prudes” when we reject men’s sexual advances) and girls are regularly told to close their legs and “save” themselves for the right guy.
Female pleasure has been so routinely demonised, Freud even once hypothesised women who masturbated were suffering from a form of neurosis.
In suppressing information around female sexuality and treating women’s bodies as objects that exist for the pleasure of men, we’ve succeeded not only in sexually disenfranchising women, but in brainwashing ourselves into believing the female orgasm is elusive and complicated.
Orgasms easy to achieve for most women
Research indicates that, during masturbation, with correct clitoral stimulation, orgasms are quick and easy for the vast majority of women. We actually achieve them in roughly the same amount of time it takes men to get there – four minutes.
So, what exactly does that look and feel like?
Well, it varies from one woman to another, but in general, studies show people with vulvas require light to medium pressure, either directly on the clitoris or surrounding area, in order to build to climax.
Orgasm itself is characterised by several key factors, which sex scientists Masters and Johnson observed in a lab in the 1960s while quite literally studying people as they got it on in real-time.
During climax, a woman will experience a rapid rise in blood pressure and faster breathing, rhythmic contractions of the vaginal muscles, and involuntary contractions throughout the body that can feel similar to spontaneous cramps.
Almost universally, women who’ve climaxed describe the sensation as a feeling of intense release. And, perhaps most significantly, this feeling is extremely unmistakeable. As in, you will absolutely know if it’s happened to you.
Take it from someone who, after discovering the magic of orgasm at 13, spent most of my teens guiltily masturbating under the duvet, convinced I’d be hurled into a courtroom like a 17th century witch.
Or, as one survey respondent described it, it’s like being hit “by a freight train”.
Needless to say, if you have to ask, “How will I know if I’ve had an orgasm?” you’re yet to experience the unadulterated joy of riding the metaphorical rollercoaster.
But this shouldn’t be cause for making it the focus of sex (whether it’s the kind you’re having on your own or with a partner). When we put pressure on ourselves, stress hormones rise, inhibiting our muscles, including the ones *ahem* down there.
Ironically, if you’re one of the estimated 15 per cent of women who have never climaxed, your best chance of getting there is to take orgasm off the table entirely. Go into sex planning not to, and instead focus on enjoying the moment, and most importantly – your clitoris.
Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.
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