What Is A Toxic Friend
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I am just going to list some attributes of one who was in my life for quite some time. A real piece of shit for a human being.
I am just going to list some attributes of one who was in my life for quite some time. A real piece of shit for a human being.
These are some of the points that will help you recognise a wolf in sheep's clothing. I am judging myself for not throwing that fudging leech out of my life sooner. Anyway, if your friend has more than 5 of these attributes get rid of him ASAP before he wrecks havoc. Trust me. He will.
How have you recognised toxic friendships? What were the signs?
Am I wrong for avoiding my toxic friend?
Have you ever had to dismiss a toxic friend from your life? If so, why? How did you feel about it after?
I had a toxic friend before I decided to let her go from my life. She grew up into a dysfunctional family set up just like myself. She was a codependent. She became a drama addict after her then boyfriend moved in with her and her two young kids. This friend, whom I shall call Mary, would call me up, straight after she had a fight with the boyfriend. She would criticise the boyfriend for whatever he didn't do. She would rant and rave about how her boyfriend had been disrespectful to her. How her boyfriend had abused and shamed her, etc etc. Then whenever us girls met up for a catch up, usually
I had a toxic friend before I decided to let her go from my life. She grew up into a dysfunctional family set up just like myself. She was a codependent. She became a drama addict after her then boyfriend moved in with her and her two young kids. This friend, whom I shall call Mary, would call me up, straight after she had a fight with the boyfriend. She would criticise the boyfriend for whatever he didn't do. She would rant and rave about how her boyfriend had been disrespectful to her. How her boyfriend had abused and shamed her, etc etc. Then whenever us girls met up for a catch up, usually once a month, she would create drama the weekend before we were due to meet up. The drama she created gave her the perfect opportunity to put herself in the spotlight and talk about her drama with her boyfriend or her sister who took care of her two kids whilst she was at work. Mary didn't ask about us girls or how we were doing whenever we met up. She didn't make us feel valued or important. She only talked about herself and how her boyfriend did this and that to “piss her off” or abuse her. Or it was about her sister and what her sister did to “piss her off” or abuse her. It was all too much to take after a while.
I realised there was a pattern to her behaviour only from what my boyfriend told me after he met her face to face.
All the ranting, raving, complaining and shaming her boyfriend and sister came from her dysfunctional family set up which Mary was unaware of. I picked up her negative vibes after each and every meet up. Then after one particular meet up, I was talking to my boyfriend and I had a disagreement with him. I had no idea why I was so negative and grumpy. When I took my shower that night, I realised that I had picked up those negative vibes from Mary. I decided enough was enough and I shall be putting an end to this with Mary. No more drama. No more distractions from Mary.
That was in February 2015. I was very upset and hurt about the way Mary accused me of hurting her from letting her go. She put all the blame on me for how our friendship ended. It took me more than six months to get through my emotions.
I was able to create a more peaceful life for myself after the pain subsided. I surrounded myself with functional relationships. I realised that Mary had no boundaries because her boundaries were violated when she was a child. That was why she did what she did with her relationships with her boyfriend and sister.
I no longer have toxic friends in my life because I am wiser and have more knowledge about dysfunctional family set ups.
Tell me about it, I have had too many toxic friends in my lifetime, I remember two guys we used to work together, in every sentence the word F**k is there, they come to me with marital problems, talking bad about their wives, talking bad about their kids, in laws. I got fed up one day, I told them can we talk about something else instead of your families and in laws!!! They would call at home like close to midnight to tell that they had an argument with spouses, and I’m like …..hello I'm not a marriage counselor….. it gotten so bad that even their kids started using the F**K in every sentence
Tell me about it, I have had too many toxic friends in my lifetime, I remember two guys we used to work together, in every sentence the word F**k is there, they come to me with marital problems, talking bad about their wives, talking bad about their kids, in laws. I got fed up one day, I told them can we talk about something else instead of your families and in laws!!! They would call at home like close to midnight to tell that they had an argument with spouses, and I’m like …..hello I'm not a marriage counselor….. it gotten so bad that even their kids started using the F**K in every sentence that comes our from their mouth.
I sat them down at work one day and told them, we have to go our separate ways, they both said what the F for? I said I’m not a complaining machine where you come and download and I have to give you options, they didn’t take it very well, I stood up and said take care!!!
Toxic people don’t give a shit about your privacy, its all about them, nothing but them!! They often come into your life at very unexpected times or timings is often wrong and disrupts your private lives in the process!!! They have sense of responsibility, lack common sense at the most and the just don’t listen to reason!!!
They are emotionally disturbed and mentally challenged when their way is not followed or adhered too, they become violent and behave erratically to get attention (attention seekers). Very devious and cunning, scheming and planning their next moves. Walk away from this kind of people they don’t mean you well!!
I had this one friend..She was the sweetest when I first met her..she smiled a lot and was very talkative and like we’d hang out and it was chill and all..but then she slowly started turning into what I later realized was a “toxic friend”. She’s do this really REALLY annoying thing where she only comes to me when she needs me..and then she makes me feel bad about the fact that “we’re not as close as before” when she’s the one who left on read 48482 times or told me she was “busy” the first 39955 times I asked her to meetup.
We both had issues which we both knew about and we both learned to deal
I had this one friend..She was the sweetest when I first met her..she smiled a lot and was very talkative and like we’d hang out and it was chill and all..but then she slowly started turning into what I later realized was a “toxic friend”. She’s do this really REALLY annoying thing where she only comes to me when she needs me..and then she makes me feel bad about the fact that “we’re not as close as before” when she’s the one who left on read 48482 times or told me she was “busy” the first 39955 times I asked her to meetup.
We both had issues which we both knew about and we both learned to deal with..except when’s a I dealt with her issues or when she did something that had a reason behind it I didn’t say anything but somehow she always found a way to make me feel worse about MY issues..even though i was learning to control them when she wasn’t doing anything about hers. She always found a way to poke and then and remind of how “little I am” because of them and of how much she goes through when she deals with them.
She also had a medal in f**king up and ruining things and acting like the victim…like unfriending me on every social media ever and then asking why I unfriended her…
So yeah if you want a summary..if they make you feel bad they’re probably not gOod friends..
My best (and only) friend is becoming toxic. What should I do?
I'm in an incredibly toxic friendship, but I don't want to leave her as there is something about being her friend that is exhilarating. What should I do?
How do you know if a friendship is ending?
How do I fix a friendship when I'm the toxic one?
You see, we use the term “Toxic Person” and we put all of that onto the individual we believe to be toxic. And this a bit of a misnomer.
You see “Toxic” when applied to a person is not like “toxic” when applied to a chemical. Mustard gas is toxic - very toxic and that goes for everyone. If you inhale mustard gas you are 100% going to have a bad day.
But a Toxic person for you might be a great laugh for me. I have a very dry dark sense of humor that I have to keep in check so as not to upset people. So Mr X that upsets you and deeply hurts y
You see, we use the term “Toxic Person” and we put all of that onto the individual we believe to be toxic. And this a bit of a misnomer.
You see “Toxic” when applied to a person is not like “toxic” when applied to a chemical. Mustard gas is toxic - very toxic and that goes for everyone. If you inhale mustard gas you are 100% going to have a bad day.
But a Toxic person for you might be a great laugh for me. I have a very dry dark sense of humor that I have to keep in check so as not to upset people. So Mr X that upsets you and deeply hurts you could say the same things to me and I might find it hysterical.
A real life example of a Toxic person for me is an ex girlfriend of mine. She is lovely, warm hearted, gorgeous, sexy and totally incapable of making a good decision if her life depended on it.
Every time she comes near me she drags such a pile of messed up sh1t into my life that my life literally starts to disintegrate before my eyes.
She is NOT a bad person, but to me and my life she is TOXIC.
For my own preservation, I have to keep her at arms length. I am not rude or nasty, I am a friend - but I have barriers and I dont let her cross them.
If a person IS just joking around - but it diminishes the quality of your life, its Toxic to you. If it goes on indefinitely it will start to impact your mood and mental health and that is not good.
So the answer as to whether someone is Toxic or not is one only YOU can answer.
And if they are - you have to set YOUR OWN barriers to manage that Toxicity.
If you would like to learn more about narcissists, how dangerous and destructive they can be you can check out my book “DATING HARLEY QUINN - My 3 years with a female histrionic narcissist”. Store links in my profile.
Toxic friends are usually considered to be people who put you down, aren’t there for you, and bring drama to your life. However, toxic friends can also be nice people who are poisoning you with their bad habits. Without thinking we adopt friend’s bad or good habits. Science is showing that the people you surround yourself with will influence all aspects of your day to day life including waistline, happiness, and sense of self. (r
) (r
) For this reason, we should also categorize friends who have bad habits as potentially toxic.
To dig deeper into toxic relationships and to learn how some friends
Toxic friends are usually considered to be people who put you down, aren’t there for you, and bring drama to your life. However, toxic friends can also be nice people who are poisoning you with their bad habits. Without thinking we adopt friend’s bad or good habits. Science is showing that the people you surround yourself with will influence all aspects of your day to day life including waistline, happiness, and sense of self. (r
) (r
) For this reason, we should also categorize friends who have bad habits as potentially toxic.
To dig deeper into toxic relationships and to learn how some friends are poisoning you with there bad habits, read my article Toxic Friends Who Fly Under the Radar: A Complete Guide.
They come with control issuse and agendas
If they have a trail of people who dont like them ask them why, then if you het a chance ask the other person.
They manipulate and use you words to benfit their lives
Rhey arr good at covering up and ignoring bad things that should not be ignored
They make mistakes and yry to convince you you made them do it to save you.
They make their mistakes yours and try to hurt you emtionally and you reputations
They wish yo be your leader not your friend
they tell you to do something they dont want to be caight doing.
They try to sleep with your husband and or steal the
They come with control issuse and agendas
If they have a trail of people who dont like them ask them why, then if you het a chance ask the other person.
They manipulate and use you words to benfit their lives
Rhey arr good at covering up and ignoring bad things that should not be ignored
They make mistakes and yry to convince you you made them do it to save you.
They make their mistakes yours and try to hurt you emtionally and you reputations
They wish yo be your leader not your friend
they tell you to do something they dont want to be caight doing.
They try to sleep with your husband and or steal the light from you.
They make you their tool and they ego boost.
They make you. think they offered you a better life but uears later show you they introduced you to divisions.
They make you a joke and convince everyone its what you always been.
If you find yourself feeling disgruntled and unhappy with a friend's behavior more often than not, you may be in a toxic friendship. Not sure if your other half is guilty? Here are some obvious signs:
I have been married four times and three wives had what pop culture calls toxic personalities.
Life with them was often like walking on egg shells: steering around various land mines that eventually become exposed (anger triggering topics and/or quick displays of wanting to gain authority over me or others).
All three wives had been exposed to perverse fathers when they were young and it appeared they had not overcome (grown from) those experiences.
Eventually each petitioned for a divorce and I cooperated.
However, I know we all carry thoughts+behaviors around with us in an invisible backpack, me
I have been married four times and three wives had what pop culture calls toxic personalities.
Life with them was often like walking on egg shells: steering around various land mines that eventually become exposed (anger triggering topics and/or quick displays of wanting to gain authority over me or others).
All three wives had been exposed to perverse fathers when they were young and it appeared they had not overcome (grown from) those experiences.
Eventually each petitioned for a divorce and I cooperated.
However, I know we all carry thoughts+behaviors around with us in an invisible backpack, me included. Then, we tend to very quickly unload our backpack in specific stressful situations….more like throwing things at the source of what triggered us.
The goal in life, IMO, is to work on sorting through the items in our backpack because if we don’t, we keep displaying those items to others….and our anger/frustration increases each time (because we are not sorting through those items).
During those displays, we become very proud yet defensive and it’s almost impossible to begin a “clean up process” right then.
This is why a continuous process of personal reflection and growth is needed if we are to improve ourselves (gain more understanding, wisdom and virtue).
I have one friend which has a mental condition, doesn't work or has any hobbies, and he calls me more than 10 times a day including night calls at around 2 or even 3AM. The only thing he does is complaining with negativity about everything, from the country to the people…it is really negative and toxic. Once in a while he goes away on a break to the beach but instead of calling me 10 timesavers day he calls even more frequently. Tried to block his number and he calls unknown. The only thing I do from time to time is not answering at all. He gets money from both mother and father but still he c
I have one friend which has a mental condition, doesn't work or has any hobbies, and he calls me more than 10 times a day including night calls at around 2 or even 3AM. The only thing he does is complaining with negativity about everything, from the country to the people…it is really negative and toxic. Once in a while he goes away on a break to the beach but instead of calling me 10 timesavers day he calls even more frequently. Tried to block his number and he calls unknown. The only thing I do from time to time is not answering at all. He gets money from both mother and father but still he complains how miserable his life his as he cannot go to Monte Carlo to gamble at the Casino. Trust me it can't get more toxic than this.
Someone who demeans you, belittles you, uses you, talks badly about you behind your back, you feel drained after spending time with them, sabotages your happiness, is never "in your corner," so to speak; etc. I could go on and on, but people change and life influences people; just because someone was a great friend to you once doesn't mean they are now. You owe it to yourself to care about yourself and put up healthy boundaries; some people will claim to care about you while just exploiting your kindness.
My definition of a toxic friend is, someone who does not have your back, someone who will throw you under the bus to get themselves out of trouble, and just be all about themselves and not really care about you.
Toxic people you need to stay away from Above All Else.
If a person you know makes you feel bad when
d) after you do any of the above, (or before you do any of the above)
It does NOT matter who that person is, mother, father, spouse, relative, friend. Either cut them 100% out of your life (you can do this gradually) or drastically limit your i teractions with them.
Toxic relationships are, well toxic to your general well being.
How have you recognised toxic friendships? What were the signs?
Am I wrong for avoiding my toxic friend?
Have you ever had to dismiss a toxic friend from your life? If so, why? How did you feel about it after?
My best (and only) friend is becoming toxic. What should I do?
I'm in an incredibly toxic friendship, but I don't want to leave her as there is something about being her friend that is exhilarating. What should I do?
How do you know if a friendship is ending?
How do I fix a friendship when I'm the toxic one?
Am I wrong to walk away from a toxic friendship?
People say keep toxic people away, but what if she is my best friend for 15 years?
How do I figure out if I am a toxic friend?
How have you recognised toxic friendships? What were the signs?
Am I wrong for avoiding my toxic friend?
Have you ever had to dismiss a toxic friend from your life? If so, why? How did you feel about it after?
My best (and only) friend is becoming toxic. What should I do?
Image credit: Shutterstock - By Roman Kosolapov
by Lachlan Brown November 25, 2019, 10:54 am
Do you have friendships that bring you more stress than joy? You’re not alone.
The sad reality is that we are all at least partly surrounded by toxic friendships.
According to a recent study published in PLOS One, only about 50% of the average person’s friendships go both ways.
This means that out of all the people you consider your friend, only roughly half of them feel the same way about you.
And yet we continue to persist in toxic friendships in all areas and stages of our life, no matter how young or old we become.
So what makes a toxic friendship, and why do so many friendships go sour but stay alive?
In this article, we discuss all there is to know about toxic friendships – why we deal with them, how to identify them, and when to know it’s time to end the charade.
A toxic friendship can seem like an oxymoron – a friendship is supposed to enrich your life, while anything that is t
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What Is A Toxic Friend
