What Is A Three Some
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For many of us, threesomes are the kind of sexploits that only happen in the movies. But they don’t have to be permanently relegated to the realm of fantasy. With a little forethought and planning, you can make a three-way tryst a very sexy reality. Here's how.
If you're a single woman, Morse suggests dating sites, like Plenty of Fish , where couples may be looking for a third. The same goes for CraigsList—although she warns that you might find lots of weirdos, so you'll want to FaceTime or, better yet, meet them in a public place in person first. Other sites like FetLife and 3nder are also worth checking out. Another option is to go to your local sex toy store and talk to someone there, says Morse. You can ask the owners or clerks about what goes on in the community and probably find some fliers for parties or clubs.
Keep in mind that whether it's two women and a man or two men and a woman is entirely up to you as an individual or as a couple, although female-female-male is more common because guys tend to be less open-minded about including another man. That being said, a woman should never cave in just because her partner is pushing his preference. "It should never be a quid pro quo," says Morse. "You should want to do it."
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If that goes well, then you can think about making a more direct ask. "Keep it light, and keep it fun," says Morse. A simple, "Hey, my partner and I think you're fun and you're cool. We want to have a threesome, and we think you'd be a good time. Is that something you'd be open to?" should do the trick. If you know the person, make it clear that you don't want the friendship to change. If it's a stranger or someone you connected with online, take some time to get to know each other first. Hang out to see if you're attracted to the person and could trust them.
But don't worry too much about making the big ask. The person on the receiving end will be flattered, no matter what.
(And don’t think making a certain activity off-limits will make your threesome worse, says Morse. "It can be really thrilling to have a threesome without penetration.")
If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner may also want to designate a safe word or phrase you can use in case things veer off course. "I need to get some water" or "I'm thirsty" are both good options. You should also tell the third person to speak up if he or she is ever uncomfortable.
Massage is also a great gateway to intimacy. Emily & Tony massage candles turn into a luxurious oil when blown out. You can use them to give a relaxing body rub that will seamlessly set the mood.
As for good positions to try, Morse suggests the guy lie on his back and enjoy oral sex from one woman while the other woman straddles his face so he can perform oral on her. Or have one woman lie on her back as the other woman lies on top of her. Then, the guy can enter the woman on top doggy style while the women touch one another. Another option: Arrange yourselves in a circle, and go down on each other.
"There are so many places to put our hands, our genitals, our mouths,” says Morse. “If you have a free hand or tongue, just get in there.”
If it ever seems like one party is left out, reach over and start playing with that person. This will help them get back in on the action.
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Korin Miller
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more.
This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io
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Make your ménage à trois hot, not awk.
So...you’re going to have a threesome. Maybe it’s the first time, maybe it’s the thousandth. Maybe the last attempt didn’t go as smoothly as you wanted. Whatever the scenario: This is the guide for you.
Threesomes might actually be more common than you think: In a 2016 survey of 274 heterosexual people ages 18 to 24, 24 percent of men and 8 percent of women reported previous threesome experience, while 82 percent of guys and 31 percent of women said that they’d be into exploring the possibility. Which is to say, there's definitely interest out there in a good ol' ménage à trois.
But interest alone does not a successful threesome make.
Speaking with eight people who’d involved themselves in threeways, Women’s Health found that most participants walked away from their encounters feeling satisfied and happy, but some viewed the enterprise as confusing, weird, and relationship-complicating. And certainly, maneuvering with all those limbs in play can get a little awkward. So how do you keep things hot?
“One thing in threeways you want to remember is that these roles of giving and receiving can change and change and change and change,” Dossie Easton , LMFT, a psychotherapist, relationship counselor, and author, tells Women’s Health . “If you are doing more giving at this time, you can be doing more receiving later, but there’s no limit to how much time you spend. We’re not in a hurry here, we’re not being efficiency experts. This is about pleasure.”
“The important thing is how do people feel, and what feels good, what feels comfortable to people, what feels inclusive, how people feel confident,” she added.
To that end, communication is key. Try the yes, no, maybe exercise: As a group, list out all the sex acts you can think of, then individually make lists of things you like, things you don’t, and things you’d maybe try under specific conditions.
Tell your partners what makes you orgasm, and ask them what they like best. Make sure everyone is included throughout the session, and give your partners feedback, Easton says. In a threesome, the lines of communication should be open before, during, and after.
And in the process of figuring out what people will consent to, it might help to familiarize yourselves with a few basic moves going into the act, with an eye toward keeping movement fluid. But once you get started, talk to one another as you move along, and positions will flow more naturally from one to the next.
Whether you’re an female-female-male (FFM) or male-male-female (MMF) triad, you can work the classic 69 position with a threesome twist, says Jess O'Reilly, PhD, of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast . She recommends lying on your sides. “The 69ers lay facing each other, but with their heads in one another’s crotches, with one partner on the edge of the bed,” she says. The other partner approaches from behind for anal play, while standing next to the bed.
Threesomes don’t necessarily have to be in person . If you can’t all be together at once, try this trick from O’Reilly: Two partners sit in front of the screen while playing with a partner who is elsewhere. “You can give one another directions, put on a one or two-way show or play from afar with a vibrator that connects to an app,” she says.
Anticipation can be nearly as hot as the sex itself. O’Reilly suggests this move to really ramp things up: Have two partners lie on their backs next to each other, with the third partner taking turns going down on them. The recipients can use their hands on each other while waiting their turn, or “make one partner wait to built anticipation,” O’Reilly says.
Got a roomy shower? It’s time to use it. “If you have the space, take your threesome into the shower and take turns soaping one another up,” O’Reilly says.
You can each take turns being the center of attention. The recipient can lead against the wall while the other four hands and two mouths explore. “Switch roles and don’t feel pressure to orgasm on the spot,” O’Reilly says. “You can always move to a more comfortable location as arousal builds."
In this arrangement, the male (or person with a strap-on) penetrates a female who is giving oral to a female or male in front of her.
Everyone can lay on their sides, but if your bed isn’t big enough to fit all three people try this: One partner can bend over the bed while the penetrative partner stands on the floor behind them and the third person lies on the bed in front of them to receive oral, O’Reilly says. If you’re in the middle, she recommends guiding your partners with your hands, body, and words, adding, “let them know what speed, depth, and rhythm you prefer.” And, if you’re on the receiving oral end, “let your hands wander in any way that works for you,” O’Reilly says.
This takes a bit of coordination and cooperation from everyone.
To do it, lay on your sides and get into a spooning position. Two people penetrate the person in front of them, either vaginally or anally (in a MFF threesome, someone can wear a strap-on). Then, slowly thrust together. “Use lots of lube and play externally to build arousal before you venture inside,” O’Reilly advises. Then, she says, “do what feels good for you.”
In a MMF or FFM arrangement, one person can penetrate a partner, whether vaginally or anally, while the other strokes erogenous zones on their fellow participants, Annette Gates —a certified somatic sex educator and relationship coach—says.
In a MMF set up, “a male could be penetrating a female with their penis while having pressure applied to their perineum, getting their testicles massaged or licked, or being penetrated anally by the other male,” Gates says.
For FFM trios, two women can lie on top of one another and play with each others’ bodies while the male (or person with a strap-on) enters the woman on top from behind. This position is ideal for nipple play , clitoral stimulation, even a little rimming, during penetration.
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For MMF triads, Easton warns, double penetration can be “kind of advanced work” because figuring out where all the knees go is trickier than it looks. That said, double penetration needn’t necessarily require two penises.
“A female [in FFM or MMF] could be receiving double penetration vaginally and anally, with a finger or penis,” Gates points out. You can always use some of the many hands a threesome involves to achieve the same effect, if positioning proves too difficult.
With that in mind, MMF couples might try double penetration with one of the men lying down: The woman can climb on top and ride him while the second man enters her anally from behind. In FFM arrangements, one woman can digitally penetrate the other’s anus, or use a dildo or strap-on .
One thing to always keep in mind, Easton says, is that a threesome has six hands and three mouths to work with. While she personally finds it easier to concentrate on one-to-one oral pleasure, the Daisy Chain presents a solid opportunity to make use of all your mouths. It’s also easy to execute.
Each participant lies on their side with their face at their neighbor’s crotch, forming a circle. Woman one performs oral sex on the man, who is performing oral sex on woman two, who is performing oral sex on woman one; or, the woman performs oral sex on man one, who is performing oral sex on man two, who is performing oral sex on the woman.
Whether you’re an FFM or MMF triad, perhaps consider performing mutual fellatio on one (or both) of your penis-having partners, recommends Easton. One person can take the shaft while another sucks on the testes, or both can lick at once, or you can switch from mouth to mouth.
Arguably the best known of all the threesome positions, the Eiffel Tower blends oral and penetrative sex: If you’re in an MMF arrangement, the woman assumes doggy position while one man penetrates her from behind and she gives the third partner a blow job.
If you’re in an FFM triad, have the man lie on his back while one partner rides him and the other sits on his face. The women can also lean forward to stimulate each other from this vantage point, keeping everyone in the mix.
Plus, as Easton points out, keeping one person up by the prone party’s head allows for easier communication.
“Periodically stop and check in, get up to the person’s head and check in with them, just to make sure they’re still where you think they are,” she advises. “So to have somebody pleasuring the person’s genitals and have somebody else up near their head, either playing with their mouth or their neck or their nipples, gives a kind of extra connection.”
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Yes, "unicorn" is a problematic term for a person who joins a couple for a threesome (they're a person, not a sex toy or prop). But the title gets one thing right: Like unicorns, enthusiastic guest stars in couples' sexual adventures are hard to find. (I refuse to accept that unicorns do not exist at all. They’re probably somewhere in Alaska or Iceland, and the narwhals just won’t tell us where.) The person who is eager to show up and fulfill both your and your partner’s sexual fantasies and then disappear without a trace is likely, well, a fantasy. Hot threesomes happen, but they take preparation and communication, and not everyone is ready to successfully venture into the mystical land of group sex. For all those in relationships considering having a threesome, here are six things to know before you dive in.
If your partnered sex life is suffering, you could have an adult conversation about how your needs aren’t being met. You could see a couples therapist. You could carve out a night for absolutely nothing except an oral-sex marathon. (Actually, maybe do that no matter how good your sex life is.) What you shouldn't do is expect a new sexual experience to magically solve your problems. David Ortmann, a San-Francisco- and Manhattan-based psychotherapist and sex therapist, says couples who turn to threesomes often do so in an effort to put a Band-Aid on unresolved intimacy issues. “If you’re having a threesome because sex is boring, you need to address why the sex is boring before you bring in the third,” Ortmann says. When the third leaves, your intimacy issues will still be there.
Before you and your partner have a threesome, you should have talked about it so much that you’re tired of talking about it. “The couple needs to be on solid ground sexually and communication-wise. They need to know what they want to happen and why,” Ortmann says.
Do you feel more comfortable sleeping with a mutual acquaintance or creating a couple’s Tinder account to find a third? If you’re an opposite-sex couple looking for a female-bodied third, can the male partner have all kinds of sex with them or, for example, only manual and oral? Does the third get to spend the night? Does the third want to spend the night? Have you discussed what you want out of the group sex, both sexually and emotionally? What’s your exit plan if someone gets uncomfortable and says the safe word? Do you have a safe word? (You should.) Are you tired of reading these questions? Conversations around sex and intimacy can feel tedious, but they’re the foundation of a positive experience.
Unless you, your partner, and your third are on the same page about everyone’s boundaries, expectations, and desires — and you understand things might not go to plan — you’re likely not ready for a threesome. Talk with your partner about what you don’t want to happen, what you’d like to happen, and what you’re expecting to get out of the threesome experience. Then, when you’ve identified a potential third, discuss all of the same with them, too. A threesome should be like a carefully planned trip to a foreign country you’ve never visited: Prepare with an itinerary, but also expect the unexpected.
Ortmann puts it bluntly when he tells me, “Three people is actually the most problematic of all of the configurations.” Considering the emotional and physical needs of one person during sex (while also expressing your own) is hard enough. Adding an extra person compounds the complications, whereas in “moresomes,” or groups or partners larger than three, it’s often less likely an individual will feel left out at any given time.
Here’s a heads-up for those in \relationships: Be ready to awkwardly sit on the bed questioning what to do while your partner goes down on the third with a hunger you haven’t seen from them for months. Maybe you’ll end up realizing, “Oh! I get to touch some boobs,” but you might also find yourself wondering, “Wait, why is no one’s face in my delicious genitals?”
These moments happen, but one way to make it less likely anyone will feel extraneous is to meet a potential third in a non-sexual setting before inviting them into your bed. Once I convinced my ex-boyfriend to go on a date with me and another woman with the g
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