What Is A Milf Mom

What Is A Milf Mom

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The MILF is Stacy’s Mom. She’s the lady in the Strippercize class. She dresses like a Jersey mob wife, her eye tilted into a perpetual wink. Is she our future?

I showed up on a set one day and was told I would be playing a MILF. Seemingly overnight, I’d gone from teen sensation to an actress who plays … sexy moms ? It was shocking, to say the least.

Aurora Snow, The Daily Beast , August, 2010

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MILF is an acronym that stands for Mom I’d Like to Fuck , which is often said by teenage boys about their friends’ attractive mothers or just about women in general who are considered of middle age.
MILF is also an extremely popular porn genre—the most searched-for type of porn on PornHub in 2017, in fact.

This is not meant to be a formal definition of MILF like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is
rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of MILF
that will help our users expand their word mastery.

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A Michigan mom found out what MILF stands for — from her kids. Watch the awkward interaction as Holly, 22, quizzes her own mother, Rachel, on the X-rated acronym. The naïve 54-year-old had posted a picture on Facebook of her teenage son wearing an ironic T-shirt that read: "Man, I Love Frogs."

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In a culture obsessed with motherhood sexiness, a woman's worth has become synonymous with how fuck-able we are.
One month after my first daughter was born, I threw a “coming out” dinner party for myself. The night, for me, signified my re-entrance back into society. A chance to debut my non-pregnant body, drink a much-craved cocktail, and show my friends I was still the old me.
As I got dressed, my sister remarked on how lucky I was that I never got stretch marks. My body’s ability to defy the most obvious mark of motherhood was seen as a badge of honor.
She proceeded to tease and curl my long, highlighted hair, brush bronzer across my cheeks, and fill my eyes with golden sparkly powder. I looked radiant. It was the first time I felt good about my appearance in almost one year. We took a selfie and she posted it to Facebook with the caption, “My sister is a total MILF.”
We clinked glasses and I basked in the compliment. I thought, Yes, I can pump breast milk and wear stiletto heels. I can change poopy diapers, but it won’t change me . I vowed to stay sexy and desirable. I wasn’t going to lose my whole identity to motherhood.
Over the last few years, as I’ve embraced my feminism more and become a mom to two daughters, I’ve found myself thinking about the identity of a mother a lot. Who is a woman after she becomes a mother? And why are we so intensely focused and fearful of “losing ourselves” to motherhood?
It’s understandable that women don’t want to lose their hopes, dreams, and deepest desires to motherhood. But slowly, through the pressures of narrow beauty norms and motherhood ideals, who we are became synonymous with how fuck-able we are. We became a culture obsessed with motherhood sexiness.
“Most of the pressure to be a MILF, or to get your body back, comes from something internal that has been tainted by toxic beliefs about what being a woman means,” says Deena Blumenfeld, a doula and Lamaze-certified childbirth educator of Shining Light Prenatal Education in Pittsburgh. “It's the trichotomy of virgin, whore, mother; and the three shouldn't meet, except where they should. We can't be all three at once, but we have to be all three at different times. Knowing the ‘right’ time to behave in a certain manner is confusing and sets false expectations of behavior, internally.”
Hence, the most maddening and perplexing hypocrisy about mothers and how we view their sexuality. When women become mothers, they are desexualized and hyper-sexualized simultaneously. They are expected to opt for mom jeans, short hair, an unimpressive collection of capris and flip flops. This “look” represents a mother whose attention is in the right place—not selfishly on herself, but selflessly on her children.
At the same exact time, moms are also held to impossibly high standards of sexiness. New mothers, who are arguably in the most emotionally vulnerable stage of their lives, are expected to keep a small human alive and do so while looking hot in said capris. We have to be MILFs.
The most frustrating part of this whole paradox is that you can’t be “too plain” or “frumpy” because then, of course, you’re the mom who’s a “hot mess” and can’t take care of herself. You also can’t be “too sexy” because you’ll be criticized for being “vain”.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology in Santa Monica, believes the MILF trend becomes one more place for women to fail. “Women who may be balancing career and motherhood are now being told they have to also be eternally young, in tip-top shape, and deny the impact of having a child on their bodies,” explains Durvasula, adding that the MILF ideal can push women into competition with each other, fostering consumerism and replacing other forms of meaningful achievement. “Perhaps the only healthy element of [the idea of a MILF] is that we would often ‘count women out’ after they have children into some form of handmaid status.”
To proclaim oneself as a MILF, or reclaim the term, is tricky because of the inherent sexism from which it is borne. I’m often confused by my own expressions of sexiness—the clothes I choose to wear, the faces I make in selfies. Did I choose to buy a crop top and pout my lips because I felt compelled from some deep, true sexy goddess vibe inside, or because society groomed me this way?
“If it comes from a place of internal strength, rather than an affectation out of weakness—if she truly feels strong in her heels, backseam stockings, topless with a leather skirt on, doing dishes when the baby naps—then I am proud for her,” says Blumenfeld. “That's a place of empowerment. But if she feels pressure to put on make-up before she walks out the door to take the baby to the pediatrician, or always feels like she has to be ‘on’ as a new mother, then she doesn't come from a place of empowerment, which is harmful to her.”
Looking to sexy celebrity mothers further complicates MILFY matters for the rest of us regular moms. It’s hard to figure out if they’re expressing sexuality through a culture that sexualizes women, or if they’re cultivating sexuality from within.
Roughly one year after her first child was born, Beyoncé released one of her sexiest tracks called, “Partition” in 2013. The lyrics were inspired by a fantasy she had with her husband, Jay-Z. They were also inspired by motherhood and embracing sexuality post-baby.
“Just because you become a mother doesn’t mean you lose who you are,” Beyoncé said in a mini-doc interview entitled, Liberation . In the clip, she explains her mindset and process behind making “Partition,” including her 65-pound weight loss. “I worked crazily to get my body back—I wanted to show my body! I wanted to show that you can have a child and you can work hard, and you can get your body back.”
She added that moms can also still have fun, be sexy, have dreams, and live for themselves.
Singer Fergie capitalized on the commercialization of motherhood sexiness with her single “M.I.L.F.$” The lyrics sing like an anthem for hot, hard-working moms that make “MILF money” and still go to the club. The video features Fergie and an entourage of her hottest mom co-stars: Chrissy Teigen (sexily breastfeeding), Kim Kardashian West, Ciara, and other sexy celeb moms pouring milk down their breasts and booties, staring seductively into the camera, and shaking their “milfshakes.”
“Changing the acronym to Moms I’d Like To Follow is about empowering women who do it all,” says Fergie in a statement to Entertainment Weekly . “They have a career, a family, and still find the time to take care of themselves and feel sexy. With a wink of course.”
The problem here is the mothers I know already feel crushing and immense pressure to “have it all.” Making them feel like they need to look sexy AF getting it all (with no help in the form of nannies, personal trainers, and chefs) adds unnecessary stress.
The unsexy truth is this: moms lag behind in the money department, MILF money or otherwise, because of unfair divisions of labor at home (women spend more than twice as much time preparing food and drinks, cleaning, and doing laundry as men), a stubborn gender wage gap (female full-time workers earn 80.5 cents for every dollar earned by a man) and structural barriers to mothers re-entering the workforce (43 percent of moms leave their jobs after giving birth, according to a Harvard Business Review survey from 2005). Then there’s the motherhood penalty. In 2014, Third Way analyzed wage data from 1979 to 2004, and found that mothers took an hourly wage penalty of approximately four percent over a 25 year period. Additionally, there is no mandated maternity or paternity leave in the U.S. Nor do American mothers have access to affordable childcare. Given all of this, we’re somehow not supposed to be “B-R-O-K-E” while taking care of our kids, handling second shift, and keeping our “nails on fleek”.
While women are fantasizing about becoming the elusive MILF (no matter what the “F” stands for), men are fantasizing about having sex with one. According to Porn Hub , “MILF” was the most searched term among male users in 2017. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the forthcoming book, Tell Me What You Want , has spent 10 years researching sex and analyzing porn trends and says the popularity of MILF porn may have to do with the fact that it seemingly defies social stereotypes and expectations of women.
“When you look at the characteristics of MILF porn, research finds that the women portrayed in this role tend to be powerful and dominant. This suggests that men are turned on by women who don’t conform to traditional gender roles—they’re drawn to women who know what they want when it comes to sex and aren’t afraid to ask for it,” he says.
Determined to see a mutually powerful sex scene in porn, I uploaded MILF videos to my computer. I noticed right away that the women in this so-called MILF porn did not have the stereotypical porn-star look. They were pretty, but not in a glammed up, triple G-cup kind of way. “MILFs tend to be portrayed in porn by women who don’t necessarily conform to the age and body standards of the typical female porn star, so perhaps part of the appeal resides in the fact that MILFs look more like women you might encounter any given day,” Lehmiller says. "When a fantasy seems closer to reality, that can increase the arousal factor."
As the cheesy porn plot dissolved and the “five minutes later” graphic flashed across my screen, my hard-on for sexual equality went soft. Sure, the MILF guided the sexual encounter, but she was not powerful or dominant. She was encumbered. As a mom myself, I saw this porn star do what countless women do every day: emotional labor. She was in charge of changing the positions, giving the camera the best shots, and expressing all of the sexual enthusiasm. She instructed her male co-star on where to stick it, how to stick it, asked him if he could do this, and asked him if he can do that. It sounded like a typical day of me talking to my husband.
Honey, please stick the butter back in the fridge.
No, not near the meat, by the eggs.
Can you please pick up the laundry? Can you wash the dishes while I make the kids’ lunch?
I can’t think of anything more unsexy than having to constantly supervise and direct. Women are often the carriers of heavy mental loads, and now this MILF porn star was also taking the load, in more ways than one, in the bedroom too. Therefore, it’s possible male viewers aren’t aroused by MILF porn because the woman is dominant and sovereign—they’re aroused because she’s not. She micromanages all of the details, while he gets a free pass to come and go as he pleases. MILFs in porn aren’t defying gender norms, they’re playing right into them. Which probably looks a lot like real life for the male viewers at home. A familiarity to aid their fondling.
Still, I recognize how sexually liberating the term can be for women. For Dana B. Myers, author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover: 28 Tools to Reclaim Yourself & Reignite Your Relationship , MILF is “most empowering when I interpret the ‘I’ as in, me. When I turn my gaze towards myself and recognize my gorgeous, raw sex appeal.” Myers is 42 years old and a mom to two kids. She’s not trying to deny her experience, or the mark childbirth has left on her, but she is rejecting the notion that she should be counted out or unsexy at this stage in her life.
“When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a tired, washed-up woman past my sexual prime, who still has dishes to do. I see a woman who is utterly desirable," says Myers. "I see a woman I want to touch. A woman who I’d want to give a life-affirming, animalistic, joyful orgasm to. I see a woman who owns her sexual power so purposefully that no one —and certainly no acronym—can shame or disempower.”
Recently I took trip to Ashvem Beach in Goa, India. While standing on the beach, I let the sun penetrate my makeup free face. I allowed my curls to dance untamed in the breeze. I permitted my large, sagging, post-baby breasts to hang at their natural level draped only by a soft, flowing silk dress. Normally, I’d feel self-conscious and unsexy going au naturel. I tend to prefer the “natural look,” without actually being natural. But that day, stripped down to bare essentials, I felt undeniably radiant and wildly sensual. I saw me.
With the sea tide, I let it all go. This culture has defined beauty standards and sexiness for moms with MILF for far too long. I want to move beyond that.
My version of sexiness might look unsellable. It might even look unfuck-able. But it’s more important for me as a woman to focus on my character and being a whole person.
I can be a sexy or MILFY mom without satisfying society’s version of “hot.” I’m not interested in redefining beauty standards for the world because hopping from one standard to the next is counterproductive. But I do want to define beauty for myself. I want to show and reassure my daughters they can do it for themselves, too.

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