What Does Kink Friendly Mean

What Does Kink Friendly Mean

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Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

Personal Growth

Goal Setting

Happiness

Positive Psychology

Stopping Smoking

Relationships

Low Sexual Desire

Relationships

Sex

Family Life

Child Development

Parenting

Talk to Someone

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Find a Treatment Center

Find a Psychiatrist

Find a Support Group

Find Teletherapy

Trending Topics

Coronavirus Disease 2019

Narcissism

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Bias

Affective Forecasting

Neuroscience

There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

Posted January 22, 2019

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Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

The writer Jillian Keenan reflected, “Kink can be such an orienting force that, for many of us, it even overpowers gender . The term BDSM might be more familiar than kink to readers, especially those older than millennials. BDSM refers to 'consensual practices that involve, but are not limited to, bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadomasochism (S&M) … [and] comprised of a power dynamic between partners enacted through various activities.'” (Gemberling et al., 2015.)
Today’s youths and young adults generally call BDSM kink: “engaging in behaviors that generate a certain power dynamic, experiencing attraction towards acts with a certain power dynamic, and adopting an identity that conveys a certain power dynamic.” (Keenan, 2014.) Kink thus contrasts with vanilla, conventional, or normative sex. Kink groups have formed on many college campuses to provide support and social activities to kinksters, and to provide information to the larger audience, including college administrators. Many groups give educational presentations to college classes and groups (e.g., sororities, fraternities, athletic teams) and to the community.
According to a large-scale survey a decade ago by Susan Wright, the most frequent kink behaviors engaged in by 75% to 90% of practitioners were bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, spanking , leather, role-playing, exhibitionism, polyamory , clothing fetish, and voyeurism.
In the public mind, kink is often equated with “weird sex,” which they don’t understand and usually don’t approve of. However, it is critical from a kink perspective that what kinksters do is not just about sex but, more importantly, about enhancing intimacy between partners. Thus, kink is usually a partnered rather than a solo activity. The sex heightens not only pain/pleasure but also the intimacy between partners. And, it is essential to remember that kink sex is always consensual sex.
The general public sometimes views such power-oriented activities as a sign of mental illness, a history of sexual abuse , bad parenting , or adherence to cultural crazies. As a result, some respond with harassment, violence, and discrimination . Kinksters report considerable negative effects from exposure to others who share adverse views that range from shaking heads to physical violence. In the Wright study, nearly 40% of respondents indicated that “they had either been discriminated against, had experienced some form of harassment or violence, or had some form of harassment or discrimination aimed at their BDSM-leather-fetish-related business.”
Science has yet to reach a consensus on BDSM’s nature and development. As psychologist Tess Gemberling and colleagues summarized:
"Specifically, although theories describing its origin abound, it remains unclear whether BDSM is best conceptualized as a sexual behavior, sexual attraction, sexual identity, and/or sexual orientation for those who practice for sexual purposes … Consistent with a sex-positive framework, BDSM may be best conceptualized as another form of sexual orientation for a percentage of practitioners."
Representing the prevailing view that kink is an orientation, Keenan argued:
"Kink is often so fundamental to our sexual identities that it has to be, at least in some cases, an orientation … Our orientation is so deeply rooted that many of us feel we were born with it. For us, kink mixes language, ritual, trust, power, pleasure, pain, and identity in a way that can’t be captured by a stereotype … If you accept this definition, then my kink is my sexual orientation. It’s not my choice. It’s not my illness. And it's definitely not my hobby."
That is, kink is both an identity (if recognized and accepted as such) and an orientation, which means one can hide it, not practice it, and renounce it—but it’s not going away. The implication for non-practitioners is that they need not fear being lured into a kink lifestyle.
The fact that kink appears so developmentally early in the lives of individuals is one piece of evidence suggesting kink is an orientation. I interviewed the 19-year-old Tait about his earliest memories—it was a dream he had at age 5 that he now sees as early proof of his adult kink.
"So I’m in this weird hospital room … It wasn’t explicitly sexual. Nothing actually sexual was happening, but I would file it under that. It was kind of this clean sterile hospital room. There were these hydrant-like things with these nozzles. Call it phallic if you want. Whatever. All very kind of alien and clinical. And there were these people who were walking around with these surgical masks and running things. There was me, he was a little small thing, and a bunch of other people. And we were all somehow on these toilet seats or something. And there was this plastic webbing that was keeping us there and we were stuck … But it was this really weird feeling that came over me. Like I wouldn’t necessarily say it was arousal but it was some kind of a stress mixed with fear and apprehension. I was like, ‘What am I doing here?' … And even to this day, the image, I have no clue where it came from necessarily."
Gemberling, T. M., Cramer, R., & Miller, R. S. (2015). BDSM as sexual orientation: A comparison to lesbian, gay, and bisexual sexuality. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 1, 56-62. Quote p. 56.
Keenan, J. (2014, August 18). Is kink a sexual orientation? Outward: Expanding the LGBTQ Conversation. http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/08/18/is_kink_a_sexual_orientat…
Wright, S. (2008). Second national survey of violence & discrimination against sexual minorities. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Quote p. 19. https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/BDSM_Survey/2008_bdsm_survey…
Ritch C. Savin-Williams, Ph.D. , is Director of the Sex and Gender Lab at Cornell University.

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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

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1

: a short tight twist or curl caused by a doubling or winding of something upon itself

2 a

: a mental or physical peculiarity : eccentricity , quirk

b

: whim

3

: a clever unusual way of doing something

4

: a cramp in some part of the body

5

: an imperfection likely to cause difficulties in the operation of something

6

: unconventional sexual taste or behavior

Noun

got a kink in my neck from lying in that awkward position for too long

the boss's fondness for nicknames is one of those kinks that staffers just have to put up with

Each of her books features a different romance trope and a different kink , so there is a little something for everyone.

—

Jenny Singer, Glamour , 14 Feb. 2022

Even Hermès, the bastion of serious luxury, edged into kink with knee-highs and brushed wool sweaters just begging to be stroked.

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Steff Yotka, Vogue , 15 Mar. 2022

Like any new kink , start small, slow, and choose a safeword.

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Angie Jones, Glamour , 17 Mar. 2022

Writing about kink could be gimmicky or cringey, but Baxter imbues the BDSM scenes with just the right proportion of levity and self-awareness.

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Los Angeles Times , 5 Mar. 2022

There will be more of us to come, more kink hikers out for our own blood.

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Grayson Haver Currin, Outside Online , 27 Feb. 2022

Recent Examples on the Web: Verb
From minimal to full-on bondage, leather harnesses are an easy way to kink up any outfit, even workwear.

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Frances Solá-santiago, refinery29.com , 27 Apr. 2022

Consider 3103 Spenard Road, where that crooked road begins to kink its way toward Minnesota Drive.

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David Reamer, Anchorage Daily News , 8 Aug. 2021

Wires may sag and cause operating issues, and tracks can expand and potentially kink .

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oregonlive , 30 July 2021

Pinch the horizontal wire with a pair of linesman pliers, then rotate your hand to kink the wire tight.

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Ryan D'agostino, Popular Mechanics , 6 Mar. 2021

This hose isn't going to break, fray, kink or get tangled up.

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Christine Persaud, USA TODAY , 26 Feb. 2021

The inspectors also faulted the home for allowing an oxygen tube to kink while the resident used it.

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Sarah Ravani, SFChronicle.com , 26 June 2020

This is visible in the top row of photos below, where the ring (the dark band) can be seen to kink inward.

—

Chris Lee, Ars Technica , 15 May 2020

Badly fitting standard stents can kink and bend, leading to complications such as the growth of new tissue and tissue death, the Clinic said.

—

Julie Washington, cleveland , 8 Jan. 2020

MLA
Chicago
APA
Merriam-Webster

1

: a short tight twist or curl (as in a thread or hose)

2

: cramp entry 1 sense 1

I've got a kink in my back.

3

: an imperfection that makes something hard to use or work

We need more rehearsals to work out the kinks .

kinky
\
ˈkiŋk-ē
\
adjective
kinky hair

1

: a short tight twist or curl caused by a doubling or winding of something upon itself

2

: a cramp in some part of the body

: to make a kink in

blood vessels have been kinked and shut off — Benjamin Spock

kamotiq
tranq
qigong
cinq

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