What Does It Feel Like To Be Fucked
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What Does It Feel Like To Be Fucked
Originally Published: July 21, 2015
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Women are told so many things about what sex first time feels like : that they're going to bleed like a stuck pig; that it’s going to hurt like hell; that it should only be with someone special. They're also told that losing their virginity is defined by the first time a penis enters their vagina. But that's just the case. Sure, for some women it hurts and some women bleed and some women think they haven’t had sex until they’ve been penetrated by a penis. But for all of the women who have those experiences, there are at least an equal number who don’t bleed, hurt, or ever have a penis go into their vagina — but are still definitely not “virgins.”
Dr. Britney Blair , PsyD, CBSM, AASECT, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and founder of the sexual wellness app Lover , says that the reason there are so many myths around what sex feels like for a woman is because there's a lot of misinformation floating around.
"It's presented as something that’s done to us, something we lose, rather than something women can be quite excited about," Dr. Blair tells Bustle. "And, with the right prep, it could actually set her for a really good time."
Of course, not everyone who has a vagina is a woman — and not all women have vaginas. But because the cultural understanding of "losing your virginity" is so rooted in the gender binary and the experience of heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex (PIV), the term "woman" is appropriate here. Assigned-female-at-birth (AFAB) people who don't identify as women may have similar experiences and assigned-male-at-birth transgender women likely won't.
But every first time is different, of course, even for the two (or, in some special cases, more than two) people involved. Even the definition of first time can be different, with some folks counting oral sex or digital penetration as the time they lost their virginity. Here's what it was like for eight different women.
For some people, it takes a little bit of time to really be ready, even when they think they're already there. That could be for a variety of reasons: maybe they need to warm their bodies up a little more or relax so they're not too tense or maybe they just need an understanding boyfriend, like Marvy had.
"My first PIV experience was exactly what I wanted it to be," Marvy, 24, tells Bustle. "I was 19, my partner was 23, and he was the sweetest, most pleasure-focused boyfriend I'd had up until that point. We were long distance, so I came to visit him for a week. For a week, we kept trying, but I was too nervous to relax (and he was a bit sizable in the penis department). Finally, after basically a week of foreplay, we made it happen, and it was great."
One of the reasons for the painful-first-time narrative is because people of all genders aren't taught about the need for lots of warm up before PIV sex. (I say "warm-up" instead of "foreplay" because "foreplay" implies that everything before the penis goes in isn't sex.) Unfortunately, that was the case for Lily.
"It felt like pain," Lily, 26, tells Bustle. "I was a tiny girl, he was a big (ahem!) guy, and I wasn't exactly warmed up because I was 14 and stupid."
Dr. Blair says that not paying enough attention to the warm-up is the number one reason PIV intercourse hurts for many vagina-havers. "Take a very slow warm-up, use lots of lubrication, and go slow," Dr. Blair says.
It might come as no big surprise, but woman are actually more likely to orgasm when they have sex with other women. According to a 2018 study from the University of Arkansas that included 2,300 women of varying sexualities, women are actually 33% more likely to orgasm with another woman than with a man. Maybe that explains why Sarah, 38, tells Bustle her first time with another woman "felt like shooting stars soaring through my body and especially tingling my toes."
Dr. Blair doesn't even use the term "virgin" because, she says "it's so heteronormative."
"I think that it’s an antiquated term," Dr. Blair says. "All of the sex that we have that’s outside of PIV intercourse, I consider sex. PIV intercourse is just a small aspect of it.”
While most women need a good amount of making out, oral sex, and rubbing before their vulvas and vaginas are ready for penetration, unfortunately that's often not the case with first-time PIV. Or, as was the case for Michelle, their teenage boyfriends don't really understand what "warming up" entails.
"I was so nervous to lose my v-card — thinking it would be so painful and I'd bleed everywhere — but it only hurt a bit," Michelle, 27, tells Bustle. "I remember thinking 'This doesn't hurt too bad!' What I didn't know was that my boyfriend basically just put the tip in to 'warm me up.' I bled the first three times I 'had sex,' which were basically just penis warmups. My sweet boyfriend was patient and worried he'd hurt me that we took it really slow."
"It felt... full," S., 22, tells Bustle. "Like being plugged up, or like taking a sh*t in reverse from the front."
Unfortunately, the stereotype of the guy just going for and the girl wincing in pain does still apply to some people's first time. And, like Ziggy, some of those people have figured out very colorful metaphors to describe the feeling.
"Like trying to shove an 18-wheeler into a bike rack," Ziggy, 29, tells Bustle. "It wasn't well planned, and he wasn't much for foreplay."
Sometimes a person's first time is just... Weird. Like you're not sure what's going on? Or whether it feels good? Or whether you even like it?
"Strange and a little painful," M., 16, tells Bustle. "Wasn't sure if I liked it or not."
And, sometimes, it's just kind of "meh." Kess, 32, says her first time having PIV was "not super painful but far from the mind-blowing experience I expected."
A lot first times are like the experience Kess had: Not great, but not terrible either. But one thing this list makes really clear is that women have a wide range of experiences their "first time," no matter how they define it.
Willis, Malachi, et al. (2018) Are Women’s Orgasms Hindered by Phallocentric Imperatives? Archives of Sexual Behavior https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1149-z
Dr. Britney Blair, PsyD, CBSM, AASECT, clinical psychologist and sex therapist, The Clinic
This article was originally published on July 21, 2015
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Last updated on June 14, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz .
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here ...
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Are you wondering what it feels like for a woman to lose her virginity?
Is the unknown factor making you nervous to have sex for the first time?
Would you prefer to know exactly what you’re getting yourself into?
If so, read on. The guide below features 17 points about what losing your virginity feels like.
I’d also like to recommend this guide if you’re hoping to keep hold of the man who takes your virginity. It explains how to appeal to a primal aspect of his brain called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
This is the part of the male brain most closely associated with feelings of love and devotion.
If you can learn how to activate it, you can set off intense loving feelings inside him. Do this for long enough and he won’t be able to get enough of you.
I’ve spent years mastering this skill and it has allowed me to attract some incredible men to treat me like I’ve never been treated in relationships before. So, I strongly urge you to read how I discovered the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ , if you’re looking for a loving and devoted relationship in the future.
Sex is a fun and important part of romantic relationships, but it’s completely normal to be nervous about this if you’re a virgin.
Nonetheless, there are some things that most people experience (albeit in unique ways) when they have sex, and in this article, we’re going to share them with you! So, let’s jump into it so you can have a better idea of what to expect when you dive into bed with someone for the first time!
Sex feels different for everyone, just like pretty much everything else! For some people, they might experience pain at first but then intense pleasure, but others might experience no pain but not find it that pleasurable - it’s a completely personal experience and whatever happens for you is normal (as long as it’s not incredibly painful - then there may be a problem).
Although this will be mentioned later on in greater detail, it’s important to also know that not everyone can orgasm from penetrative sex alone, so don’t be alarmed if you don’t climax when you first have sex.
Your first time having sex might be like a dream, with the whole thing being romantic and pleasurable. However, most of the time, when people are having sex for the first time , it feels strange and unknown. It might be clumsy and it’s normal if it’s feeling like it’s a bit odd, because you’re experiencing something for the first time.
Either when you’re about to have sex or when you’re actually having sex, you will most likely experience a tingling kind of sensation in and around your vulva. This is a pleasant sensation that should feel good.
It’s your body’s way of telling you that it’s ready to get busy and that it likes the person you’re with! You will have probably already experienced this sensation when you’ve been turned on before.
Whether it’s nerves or a reaction to the pleasure you’re receiving, you will most likely experience the feeling of having butterflies before you have sex, and sometimes even when you have sex. This is a good feeling, not like the kind of feeling you get before an exam! If this happens, your stomach and possibly even your vulva will feel like it’s fluttering.
You need to be aware of the fact that you need to warm up first. When you’re engaging in foreplay, your body will let you know when it’s feeling like penetration because you’ll be wet, and feel all hot and heavy. It’s vital that you don’t have sex until you’re feeling like you’re ready for it, otherwise, it will be a tight fit and it could be painful.
Of course, you may have had oral sex performed on you before this point, but the feeling of having a tongue/mouth on your vulva is completely different from anything you will have experienced before by yourself or with a sex toy. As your sex partner runs their tongue over your vulva, it might feel electric - in an enjoyable way, of course!
When you have sex for the first time, you may experience pain when your partner initially penetrates you. A little pain is actually quite normal, especially the first time you have sex. However, be aware that if it’s too painful or if the pain persists, there could be an underlying problem. Using lube helps, but if you're feeling like you’re in too much pain , stop.
When you’re first getting penetrated, even when your partner puts only the tip of his penis inside you, it will feel quite tight. You might not even be sure if it’s going to fit, but as long as you were ready beforehand and you’re relaxed, it will ease you without any problems. If you continue to find it difficult to fit your partner’s penis inside you, you might like to use lube or practice foreplay more.
Once your partner’s penis is fully in your vagina, it should feel like the perfect fit. Your bodies should intertwine perfectly with each other and you’ll no longer feel like he’s too big inside you. You should experience pleasure at every stroke.
When you’re having sex, you will sense pleasure rippling throughout your body. This pleasure won’t only occur in the area of your vulva, but it will be up and down your body, feeling like it’s actually rippling through your body with every stroke. This rippling sensation will come to a head when you climax, with an orgasm acting like a little earthquake in your body.
When your partner is inside you and you’re having sex, you will feel like your vulva, and the entirety of your body is being filled with something hot. Your vulva will feel warm, and this warmth will increase the entire time you’re having sex. Although this is hard to describe, it’s a really good feeling.
It won't only be your vulva that feels like it’s warm, your entire body will actually be warm because of your physical exertion and your partner’s physical exertion, therefore, you will get sweaty! You’ll both be hot and sweaty, with the heat rising more and more before you reach climax, and then afterward you will finally get a chance to breathe.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you? The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Watch this free video that explains how you can become his priority!
Since you’re moving around so much during sex, you’re probably nervous and you’re experiencing such intense pleasure for the first time, you will feel lightheaded. You might also feel completely out of it, with no thoughts in your head at all, just a feeling of complete euphoria.
Once you’ve climaxed, make sure you don’t get up too fast because you’ll be dizzy and will most likely fall over!
A lot of people tend to say that sex feels like they are full, or they are being filled - in a good way! The feeling of fullness obviously comes from the fact that you have a penis inside your vagina, whereas typically you don’t and therefore you normally feel empty!
As mentioned, this feeling of fullness is supposed to make you feel full in a good way, and shouldn’t ever feel like it’s going in too far or causing too much pain.
Not all women orgasm from penetrative sex, so do be aware of the fact that even if you have really good sex , you might not orgasm. If you feel frustrated or let down if you don’t orgasm, you can either choose to orgasm by yourself or get your partner to help you orgasm orally afterward.
Although sex isn’t all about the orgasms, that is what it leads up to, and when you orgasm, you will experience something incredible! It’s actually hard to describe the feeling of an orgasm, but you are euphoric for a moment and after getting so frustrated during sex, you might feel empty after releasing yourself and experiencing such incredible pleasure.
Even if you didn’t feel any pain during sex, you might feel sore after having sex. After all, you have just had a penis inside of you! So, take care of yourself afterward, and don’t do anything that would further irritate your vulva if it is sore.
Although there seems to be a well-known, old-fashioned narrative that a woman’s vagina loosens after sex , this isn’t the case. In fact, after a woman loses her virginity, nothing about her body actually changes. The hymen may break if it hasn’t already, but apart from that, there’s no real change.
Once you’ve finished having sex , the first thing you need to do is go to the toilet and pee (both the man and woman) to reduce the risk of infections, like UTI’s. It’s also a good idea to shower to get any sticky stuff off you, and drink some water to rehydrate!
There is no normal - some couples might go for 10 rounds , others might only be able to handle one. Typically, people will have sex once and then stop for at least a few hours before having sex again. This allows time for the man to be able to become erect again after ejaculating.
Everyone is different, and research has shown that people have sex from anywhere between 33 seconds to 44 minutes. However, as this is such a wide-ranging time frame, other research within The Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that the ideal timeframe for sex to last is between 7 - 15 minutes.
It’s really up to you if you want to consider yourself a virgin or not. Some people consider themselves not a virgin if they engage in oral sex or foreplay, whereas others simply don’t like or agree with the concept of virginity at all. So, it really is completely up to you! However, technically, if we were to look at in the traditional sense of what a virgin is, if a penis has been inside your vagina (even if just a small way in), you aren’t a virgin anymore.
If you’re thinking about having sex for the first time, or you’re curious about what sex feels like for other people, hopefully, this article has shed some light on this matter for you!
Just remember, sex feels like a number of things, and it’s different for everyone. As long as you feel good when you’re having sex with someone and that person respects you and pleasures you, it’s all good!
Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and share with anyone you feel needs to read this.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself? This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Watch this quick video that explains how this one thing will get you to think about you first.
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