Wet Deepthroat

Wet Deepthroat
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The oral sex move is way kinkier than you think.
The year 1972 will be remembered for a lot of different things. It was then that Bobby Fisher won the World Chess Championship. It’s also when the Watergate scandal broke. But let 1972 also go down as the year that forever changed our relationship with oral sex. Because that was the year Deep Throat premiered in New York City.
The film, which introduced the late Linda Lovelace to the world, and the world to hardcore pornography, follows the struggle of a woman whose clitoris happened to live in her throat. Eventually, she realizes that the only way to stimulate the misplaced pleasure point is to pivot her oral sex technique—She must learn how to open wider and go deeper than ever before. Not before long, audiences began to adopt the same style of fellatio. And that’s how the “deep throat” method trickled off screen and into bedrooms across America.
Today, the phenomenon continues to pop up in popular culture. In 2013, Amanda Seyfried starred in a biographical drama about Linda Lovelace (born Linda Boreman). The season-one finale of the HBO series The Deuce was structured around the Deep Throat premiere. The Chicago-based rapper Cupcakke has even released a song titled after the sex act.
Meanwhile, in the wide world of porn , “deep-throating” remains as popular a search term as “college,” “big boobs” and “masturbation.” Porn veteran Sasha Grey has a “ Vibrating Deep Throat Sucker ” made in her likeness. Benzocaine-laced sprays designed to ease the act of deep throating have become so popular you can pick one up at your local Rite Aid .
Kimberly Smith is an owner and instructor over at StripXpertease , an instructional studio that offers a variety of classes related to sexuality. She’s recently added a blowjob class to the curriculum yhat covers a series of tips to help clients perform a perfect deep throat. “No one really teaches us these things growing up so we have to fumble along, trying to learn as we go,” she tells Men’sHealth.com . “We get clients who are 18 and up and clients who are over 60. We get virgins, newly divorced women, those who want to spice up their relationship, curious, single gals and everyone in between.” Each student is instructed to show up with a dildo with which they can practice the techniques Smith demonstrates for them throughout the two-and-a half-hour lesson.
What these students may not realize is that what they’re learning is an act that rests well within the realm of kink. According to the Kinsey Institute , just 1.8 percent of the sexually active population admits to having been involved in any BDSM scenarios within the previous year. But, according Dulcinea Pitagora, an New York City-based sex therapist and host of the web series talk show Kink Doctor , “Deep throating is a hardcore form of play,” she insists. So, if deep throating is really as common as porn, pop culture and bedroom anecdotes suggest, then it would seem as there are generations of kinksters out there who don’t even know they qualify for the title. And are likely not incorporating some of the safety elements built into the practice.
For those who have a difficult time believing something as zeitgeisty as deep throating could actually extend into the sexual fringe, consider first that deep throating involves entering the trachea. That means whomever is on the receiving end of the act is going to have a hard time breathing, at least temporarily. One could argue that qualifies as “ breath play ,” a relatively common staple within the BDSM community. Deep throating also inspires the release of certain bodily fluids, something that’s often incorporated into the world of “ wet and messy fetishism .” Spit, phlegm, and, sometimes (sorry) even vomit, may accompany the act. “Happens all the time on set,” says adult film actress Sofia Rose . “That’s why I don’t eat prior to a shoot.”
Attempting to casually incorporate hardcore acts into more vanilla contexts can backfire for reasons more substantial than embarrassing bodily expulsions. “Explicit consent tends to happen more frequently in BDSM interactions than in non-BDSM interactions,” explains Pitagora. “Deep throating isn’t always thought of as BDSM-related, therefore one can surmise that there may be less explicit consent being given for deep throating in ‘vanilla’ bedrooms.”
Those who want to experiment with kink have to remember they can’t just borrow the moves. They’ve got to adopt the ethos as well. There’s a popular acronym that exists within the BDSM community: SSC. It stands for safe, sane and consensual. According to Pitagora, it’s best if couples find ways to apply the principle before engaging in any kind of kink, including deep throating. “One reason explicit consent prior to engaging in this form of play relates to what makes deep-throating so hardcore,” she says. “Once someone has something filling their throat, they are no longer able to verbally communicate, and non-verbal communication can look different.”
“As with any sexual interaction, BDSM-related or not, the explicit exchange of consent before engaging is paramount,” she adds. “Ideally, consent for specific types of sexual interactions, particularly one that for some is a form of edge play, happens in a neutral setting before one is in a sexual situation, as well as immediately before engaging in it.”
There is, of course, nothing wrong with dipping a toe in the kink pool. In fact, studies show that BDSM practitioners experience high levels of relationship satisfaction than members of other demographics. Modern sex research suggests that most Americans have participated in some kind of “deviant” sexual act. But how often do they realize that’s what they’re doing while doing it?
Deep throating has now been on the checklist of American bedrooms for more than 45 years. And still, it seems likely that some of its most dedicated practitioners opt to identify within the vanilla bubble. But if deep throating is in your repertoire with your partner, and you’re practicing it with proper consent, hey, wear your kind with pride.

InStyle is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.

Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .

I enjoy giving my boyfriend head. And not to brag, but I think I'm pretty decent at it. Recently though, he has hinted that he wants me to try deep-throating. In the porn I've watched it looks pretty intense — and I'm worried about my gag reflex. Any tips for how to deep throat for a first-timer? — The Shallow

I respect your willingness to swallow your pride, so to speak, and come at this with an open mind (and gullet). As you seem to already know, the gag reflex tends to be the biggest inhibitor of the deep throat technique.

Also known as the pharyngeal reflex or laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is the contraction of the back of the throat that occurs when triggered by an object touching the roof of the mouth, back of the tongue, tonsil area, or the back of the throat. It is meant to prevent things from going down your throat that aren't supposed to be there, and to stop you from choking. The unfortunate truth is that our throats are not designed to swallow dicks! That said, some people have it easier than others in this category. Studies show that 37% of people do not have a gag reflex . On the other end of the spectrum, 10 to 15% of people have a hypersensitive gag reflex (HGR). Regardless of where you fall, you can learn how to deep throat if you care to. Consider these tips and then dive right in.

There are throat training exercises you can do to help desensitize your gag reflex. Keep in mind, this training must take place over time in order to be effective. Pick a phallic-shaped object, starting with something small like a toothbrush or your finger, and slowly move the object toward the back of your throat. When you feel yourself starting to gag, stop and try to relax while taking deep breaths in order to suppress your gag reflex. Try to hold it there for 10 Mississippis.

The more you practice this, the sooner you will see improvements. Once you are able to hold it there for the full 10 seconds, experiment with moving the object in and out slowly. This may stimulate your gag reflex even more. Make sure to keep breathing. Once you have conquered this with a small object, work your way up to a dildo. Hot tip: Do not practice this with a banana. It could break off into your throat and cause you to choke, which would be a very embarrassing way to go.

Positions that create a straight line from the mouth to the throat, allowing the penis to go there, are ideal. There are a few positions that are particularly good for this type of sword swallowing endeavor.

Whatever position you try, one of the most important things is that you are able to feel comfortable, safe, and relaxed with your partner. Feeling pressured or scared, besides creating a very negative experience for you, will lead to you tensing up the muscles in your jaw and your throat, which makes it less likely that you will get the results you were hoping for. Coming up with a signal that lets your partner know to stop is of the utmost importance, as is open communication any time sexual experimentation is going down.

When it comes to deep throating, creating optimal breathing opportunities and using breath to help you to relax are important ingredients for success. Stuffed up with a head cold? Wait until your sinuses are cleared out, then try.

Try experimenting with your breathing. Inhale as you slide him out, using that moment to take a breath. Try the reverse as well, inhale as he is going in and exhale as he is going out. Many experts recommend sticking your tongue out or flattening it in order to allow the penis to slide further down the throat. Keep in mind that this leaves your soft palate exposed and available to poking and prodding which is likely to trigger that gag reflex.

Go in hydrated like you are about to run a marathon. Dehydration is your enemy. You need saliva to do a good job. Putting some lube on your lips or on him can allow your mouth to go up and down smoothly which helps the whole process. If you are able to bring his penis into your mouth far enough, the back of your throat will begin to lubricate with a thick saliva.

There are many different tricks that are recommended to enhance your deep throat technique. They range from old wives' tales to more scientifically-based recommendations.

In order to feel safe and have a great experience, talk it out first. And make an ejaculation plan in advance. Are you comfortable swallowing? How do you want to be warned that he is about to cum — and where do you want it to go? Most importantly, like any sex act, this should be about wanting it. You should never feel pressured or coerced. With that? You're far from the shallow now.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.

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