Want To Be A Porn
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Want To Be A Porn
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If you are a parent, you might want to take notes, because this has more to do with you than you may wish to admit. In fact, these are the reasons why your daughter wants to be a porn star.
Author, mindfulness-practitioner and social worker, and retired pornographic film actress
Aug 28, 2013, 01:00 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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I have put four years, a Bachelor's degree in psychology, and the beginning of a Master's in Social Work between my present self and my past porn career. In this time, and given the fact that I know quite a few girls who have left the biz, I feel like I now understand some of the contributing motivational factors related to getting in and out of the industry. I believe these can easily be applied to the majority of women performing in the adult business. If you are a parent, you might want to take notes, because this has more to do with you than you may wish to admit. In fact, these are the reasons why your daughter wants to be a porn star. (Just in case you're wondering, I fit numbers 2, 3, 6, 8, 9 and 10. And I loved Disney movies).
Because you loved her enough, but you didn't love her right. You weren't attuned to your daughter's emotional state as a child, and now, she has difficulty connecting intimately with other human beings. It's not that you meant to handicap her. You may even have a bit of a problem with authentic intimacy too, and it's probably an intergenerational issue, so look to your mom and dad for answers as to how the cycle started in the first place. Because you were her friend, and not her parent (Hello Baby Boomers!). You never set solid parental boundaries, and you failed to teach her about her right to have her personal boundaries respected. Your permissive parenting led to her low self-esteem and crappy social skills. There are four major parenting styles , and I hate to tell you, this one is not the best. Because you got divorced, and it was ugly. I don't even need to discuss the damaging effects of a nasty divorce because these statistics are known. However, if you still think it's cool to get divorced and drag your kids through the mud because children are resilient, or won't notice how poorly you two treat one another, think again. A study by Paul Armato shows that children of divorce continue to score lower academically, and in the areas of "psychological adjustment, self-concept and social competence." Furthering this concern, a 2002 study in The Journal of Pediatric Psychology found that adolescents from mother-alone or mother-absent homes are more likely to become sexually active at a young age, risk taking behavior that is compounded by substance abuse and lack of social support. Yes, there are situations in which divorce is best for all, but the process by which divorce happens is delicate and negative consequences can have lasting effects. Because you raped, beat, or neglected her. Or someone close to you did. Though plenty of women who were abused as children do not go into porn, many women who have been abused (physically, emotionally or sexually) do participate in sexual risk taking behaviors. Even though a recent study found no link between pornography and child abuse, ample research on prostitution and child abuse provide insight to correlates of selling sex. A 2012 study on juvenile entry into prostitution explores the far-reaching consequences of abuse incurred in childhood, and the suggested pathways associated with entering prostitution (i.e. the selling of sex). Of course, this statement shifts the focus from the real argument, and can turn this point into a new argument about whether prostitution is equivalent to participating in pornography. I would suggest looking up the legal definition of prostitution, which states very simply that prostitution is "the act of offering one's self for hire to engage in sexual relations." Because you are a prude -- or a total slut -- and you didn't have a good handle on your own sexuality. Your lack of self-knowledge may have led you to inadequately educate your daughter about sex, either teaching an abstinence only or laissez-faire approach. Statistics on abstinence-only programs show this approach to be ineffective . And if you divorced, letting the men (or women) you subsequently dated run in and out of your life (and your daughter's life) taught her that significant others, and people in general, are exchangeable. Kids need the truth about sex, and reliable sources of adult support and attachment. This article addresses the issues in both point four and five. Because you let her watch insane amounts of television. There is a cost to letting the media raise your children. Even an hour over the average 72 minutes most children watch per day can cause great damage. Because you gave her a smartphone when she was 10, and now she takes awesome #selfies all day. With every picture she takes to post to her social media sites, she becomes less sensitive to the idea of her images floating around on the web. Studies show that higher social media use is correlated with narcissism. Sexting is a booming practice, and a gateway technology usage that might lead to appearances on Internet porn sites. You can be fairly certain that your daughter has either thought about sexting, or has friends who do it. Because her friends want to be porn stars, Playboy models, the Bachelorette or any other exaggerated and hyper-sexualized version of a real woman, and you aren't close to her friends. When a child has excessive contact with her peers and loses touch with safe adult attachments, the likelihood increases that she will become an addict, as mentioned in addiction specialist Dr. Gabor Maté's recent book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts . I think it's possible that the problems arising from being raised by her peers can also lead to other harmful and immediately gratifying behaviors, like participating in porn. Because you never showed her a healthy way to fill the spiritual void that is quintessentially human. Isn't it interesting that girls leave porn because they've found religion? It happens every day, even to girls who were considered to be " the world's hottest porn star. " Money, sexual exploration, and false adoration didn't provide personal fulfillment like spirituality did. Because you did the best you could to raise her right... but it wasn't enough.
The truth about pornography is that the motivations that cause a young woman to enter or exit the business are as complex as is the brain that makes the decision. Whittling cause and effect down to a single reason -- number eight! No! Four! Wait, nine sounds good -- is tantamount to trying to explain why someone decided to become a neuroscientist. An 18-year-old girl's career choice to go into porn isn't entirely attributable to her parents just like an 18-year-old boy's career choice to become a neuroscientist isn't entirely attributable to his. Yet in both scenarios, the parents played a large role by creating the environment in which such career choices were viable, regardless of the Grand Canyon-sized gap between a neuroscientist's professional role and an upcoming young starlet's. So next time you see your daughter, remember you are a few choices away from creating an environment in which she believes a career in pornography is the best path for her. Or she could believe a different path is possible. In many ways, it really is up to you.
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Author, mindfulness-practitioner and social worker, and retired pornographic film actress
My departure from the adult business was fairly public. Thanks to Dr. Drew and reality television, I participated in a wide array of televised interviews about my decision to quit porn. From Oprah to Extra! and The View to Tyra , some of our best-known talk show hosts wanted answers to complex questions: Why did I get into porn? What made me quit? I did my best to answer honestly and thoughtfully, not just for myself, but also for my compatriots still in the business, and for all of the young women out there who are a lot like I was when I first disrobed in front of a camera as a part-time job in college. These questions are more relevant than ever today, with the ongoing proliferation of porn in our culture and the potential consequences of participating in porn, both physically and possibly emotionally. A recent Daily Beast feature even addressed the lighter version of this issue. The article discussed how difficult it is to prevent your daughter from morphing into the newest, shiniest feminine archetype: a prince-seeking Disney princess.
Of course, there was no way I could have explained my motivation to enter or exit porn in a 15-minute television interview, and I can't get to the bottom of it in an article meant to be read over morning coffee. Aside from the fact that, as humans, motivation is an intricate web of rationalizations tangled up with semi-truths and brain functions that can fill out a whole textbook, there are also a whole slew of cultural pressures that impacted my decision and affect young women today in ways that's difficult to distill and analyze. But here's what I can tell you:
Author, mindfulness-practitioner and social worker, and retired pornographic film actress
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Many people will never wonder how to become a porn a porn star. This article is not for them. But if you ever wondered if you could have sex on film for money or how, then read on. We’ve got tips to help set you on your way and some warnings you might not consider when thinking about how to become a porn star.
It’s not hard to see what the mainstream porn industry wants in a star. You probably think the typical porn actress is blonde, has a large chest and butt, yet she remains thin at the waist. There’s a reason why this is a stereotype; about 1/3 of porn’s leading women are blonde . Think Jenna Jameson, one of the best-known porn stars. However, there are actually more brunettes making adult films than blondes.
Side note: Do you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or masturbation? If you do, you may be interested in learning about the Easy Orgasm Solution . Inside, you’ll learn 3 simple steps to ensure you orgasm easily whether you are having sex or pleasuring yourself alone. You can find out more about it here .
Just because you have the right build doesn’t mean you’re going to make it in porn star land, however! This is especially true if a casting director is looking for something unique. He or she might be looking to avoid the typical busty blonde who dresses sexy for someone who looks a little more homegrown.
There are yet other considerations. Breaking into porn is especially difficult for women of color. Over 70% of female performers are white, with black women making up the next largest demographic. And despite the number of people who fetishize Asian women, it appears that they only make up approximately 5% of the lady porn star population!
All this might not matter if you don’t have the right look though. Porn stars have spent thousands, if not millions, of dollars on getting breast enhancements (and reductions), tucks and lifts of all kinds. They work out and follow advice to make breasts look awesome .
The news is even bleaker for trans women, whose role in mainstream porn is relegated to the fetishized “tranny.” Of course, many people find this tasteless, and no one would blame a trans woman who thinks the same
Although there are trends and stereotypes that you can expect from porn, especially mainstream porn, the industry is changing – albeit, slowly. Indie porn producers are looking for new and unique faces and bodies. These include trans porn stars, plus-sized actors, men and women with body modifications and other traits that set them apart. The body positive movement has lead to more varied porn, but there’s still enough competition that you might find it hard to land a big role.
Just like aspiring actors and directors flock to Hollywood, so, too, do young starlets make their trek to California (and many of them were born there to begin with) with the intent of breaking into porn. This is where most of the porn studios are, and you’re going to find it difficult to be taken seriously if you don’t move to L.A. This brings its own challenges, including the higher cost of living. If you cannot already support yourself in California with your existing career, then you’re probably going to suffer while you try to get your pornography career going.
However, stricter rules about condom usage mean that some studios are taking their business elsewhere. For example, Las Vegas has seen an increase in porn production, but it’s also an expensive place to live.
You could also consider Miami as your base. But in most cases, you’ve got to go to the action and not the other way around. That’s key when it comes to become a porn star.
The porn industry actually uses fairly typical pay scales in straight flicks. This means you can expect to make:
Thus, the more you’re willing to do on camera, the more you’ll make. However, don’t expect to make it rich. While women in porn could expect to make $100,000 annually, the number has dropped. It’s more likely that you’ll make $40,000 to $50,000 per year unless you manage to become a household name. Keep in mind that you’ll wind up paying 10% to 15% to an agent, if you have one, and there may be other hidden fees, such as paying for routine STI testing. Source .
That’s not the “easy money” that most people expect when they think of doing porn, and your current day job might already have that beat!
Interestingly enough, popularly male performers tend to make more than their female contemporaries.
Our last warning is about how fleeting stardom can be for a porn star. For every Jenna Jameson, Sasha Grey or Stoya, there are thousands of porn stars who never become the leading women. They certainly don’t get to go on to do it time and again. And even for those who do gain some notoriety, a career in porn isn’t going to span decades like it can for a regular actor. Jenna Jameson, for example, was only active in the industry for about 10 years before she announced her retirement. Although the fame led to other gigs, including reality TV show hosting and acting in films, there’s only one Jenna!
In reality, most porn stars see an average career length of six to 18 months. Don’t get us wrong, however: a porn star can film a lot of scenes or films during those months!
There are a number of reasons why porn careers tend to be to shortlived:
But maybe you just want to get into porn for a brief stint. Perhaps you’ve got cash in the bank, so it doesn’t matter whether you make it or break it. Here’s what you have to do (assuming you’ve got the body, the time and you’re in the right location!).
Your photos will be one of the first things potential agents and directors know you from. Be prepared to take high-quality photos of yourself both naked and clothed. it takes more confidence to do porn than it does to ride your man . If you can’t strip in front of a single photographer, you’re not going to do so well in a brightly-lit room full of production staff. Check out the tips to take a sexy selfie because a lot of that advice can be used here.
Casting calls are going to look for actors who are willing to do certain scenes. This correlates directly to pay, as discussed above. So you’ll need to know what you’re willing to do and let your agent know, too!
Yup! Just like you would in Hollywood. It’s probably not the same agent that Jennifer Lawrence has, but that’s okay. Agents such as Mark Spiegler are higher profile, but you’ll find plenty of talent agencies dedicate to porn like Flis, OC Modeling, East Coast Talent or ATM LA.
A quick Google search reveals dozens of agencies dedicated solely to porn. An agent might seem expensive to the newbie who wants all her money to herself, but it’s a wise move, especially if you’re not familiar with the porn industry. A reputable agent can help you find gigs with better working conditions and pay while someone who is less scrupulous could lead you to low-paying jobs and even risky situations!
You can certainly keep an eye out for casting calls on your own, but beware of Craigslist and other online postings that might not be legitimate.
You and many other potential actors are going to apply for any jobs you’re interested in. Realize that you will get a lot of rejections, especially if you’re an amateur or if you don’t fit the vision for the movie.
Whether it’s you or an agent speaking on your behalf, you’ll need to let the producer know what your limits are. If you aren’t okay with girl-on-girl scenes, anal sex or anything else, then the producer needs to know right away. You might miss out on a job, or the role may be changed for your preferences, but you don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
Furthermore, you might even be interested in doing kinky scenes like BDSM (more on that here ), but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be treated with respect by fellow stars, the director and production staff.
Allow your agent, producer and other pornstar friends to introduce you to their contacts. Go to industry events and parties. Hang out at the bars and clubs where industry execs are known to frequent. You don’t want to be clingy but being available is useful. You never know when you might catch someone’s eye!
There’s potential that you can follow these steps and your career will never take off. Perhaps you don’t have the right look or you’re not into what’s currently trendy in porn. The realities of becoming a porn star are far less glamorous than many people realize, even those bad girls whose dream is to have sex on camera. Breaking into porn itself might not afford you with the opportunities you want, but for some women, they have to try doing porn before they know if it’s for them or not.
I want to tell you about my friend Karen.
Karen came to me one day. She was hysterical.
She told me that her marriage was falling apart because she and her husband didn’t have satisfying sex.
Every time they were
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