Want Be Pregnant

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Want Be Pregnant
I'm an Ob/Gyn and I Never, Ever Want to Be Pregnant
Opinion: No, thanks. That looks horrible.
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Pregnancy is a miserable experience. At least that’s what some pregnant people tell me. Most of them are my patients. I'm an ob/gyn and a specialist in reproductive health, so I know quite a bit about why pregnancy is terrible. I, fortunately, have never had to suffer through being pregnant (thanks, Planned Parenthood!). Nope, I do not want to give birth. Ever.
The fact that there are people willing to vomit every morning for months on end, deal with hemorrhoids from weeks of constipation, and a myriad of other illness-esque experiences amazes me every time I see them for their prenatal visits.
I couldn't possibly explain why someone would do it, so I asked one of my patients, who was so grateful for the care I gave her during her pregnancies that she was willing to write a few words for me. I cannot paraphrase and do her justice, so here's an excerpt:
If it were not for that intense desire I have to have children, I
would absolutely never do this ever in my life. I do not blame anyone
who makes the choice not to have kids because pregnancy sucks… Throwing
up does not go away . This pregnancy is my third…and here I am at 37
weeks and still throwing up. And the crying. You cry all the time…a
lot of the time for no reason whatsoever. Then you are so angry that
you were crying so you pick a fight with your husband over nothing to
justify your no reason for crying. Then there’s this point that hits
you when you stop having the ability to breathe, at least comfortably.
Walking from the living room to the bedroom leaves you winded. While
you take that walk, everything hurts and you pretty much want to stop
existing because it is so hard.
I will say this: Delivery is the
absolute best part because it cures you of all these ailments. Once
that baby is detached from your body, all of a sudden everything goes
away and I am not talking figuratively. It isn’t because you are so
lost in love with your new baby that you forgot how horrible
everything was. No, literally the baby was sucking the life out of you
for themselves and now that they are out you literally feel better
because they are no longer attached. I love my kids more than
anything. They are the reason I go through the hell that is pregnancy.
I knew I needed them to complete my world, but I will not now nor ever
pretend that pregnancy is beautiful and magical because it’s not.
Doesn't sound beautiful and magical to me. I also know that it's really quite dangerous. Pregnant people gestate for 9 months, during which time they incur body changes and risk diseases such as diabetes, hypertension , heart failure, and seizures (to name a few). An interesting set of data from the United Kingdom in 2010 showed that pregnancy is more dangerous (meaning, more likely to kill you) than the following: general anesthesia, hang gliding, SCUBA diving, rock climbing, canoeing, and air travel. In fact, pregnancy is 14 times more dangerous than the next riskiest activity (hang gliding). And the risk of dying from pregnancy and birth is over 10 times higher than the risk of dying from an abortion .
But our legislators write and pass laws intending to force people to undergo the risk of dying in pregnancy. Imagine if it were illegal to back out of a SCUBA diving trip or choose to not get on an airplane. If I told you, as you bled to death in the ER, that I would not give you a blood transfusion due to my personal beliefs, would you find that acceptable? Would you be part of a society that did? What changes when you're talking about ending a pregnancy, instead of administering a blood transfusion? I’ll answer that for you: “Life.” But, no, if you were thinking of the pregnant person’s life, you would be mistaken. Their life is not a concern in this scenario. Why would it be? It's not like an actual life is at stake by carrying a pregnancy to term… Oh, wait.
The way we look at (and legislate around) pregnancy is profoundly backwards. We completely fail to recognize the risks pregnant people take on. Why aren’t we celebrating these brave and selfless folks on a weekly basis? Instead, we shrug at them in order to express an unimpressed “That’s just what you do” sentiment. Pregnant people suffer for months and risk disease and death in order to give birth to an actual human being and all society can do is say, yup, sounds about right *yawn*. That we do not uphold these individuals (some of you may refer to them as “mom”) with the utmost reverence is shameful.
Meanwhile, we shame those who do not want to be pregnant. “Oh, you’re pregnant and you do not want to risk your life and health in order to give birth? Why wouldn’t you want to feel so weak that breathing hurts for days or weeks on end? Why wouldn’t you want to be at significant risk of a blood clot going to your lungs that might kill you and your baby ? Seizures and strokes can’t be that bad, what’s the big deal?”
We accept this approach to pregnancy as “normal” when it is anything but. Not wanting to be pregnant is as normal as not wanting diabetes, hypertension, heart failure, seizures, etc. Yet we feel justified judging women for it and imposing laws that effectively force them to face these potentially fatal health consequences. Well, personally, I understand what it takes to carry and birth a child, and I understand not wanting to take that on . And the more deeply I understand these things, the more assured I am that I want none of it. (But I'll still be your doctor if you do.)
Your Gynecolumnist regularly donates to Medical Students for Choice .
Leah Torres, M.D., is a physician specializing in obstetrics and gynecology. Twitter: @LeahNTorres
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I want to be pregnant, but I'm 14 almost 15. What should I do?
I'm a 13 year old (as of a month ago) and I had sex. The guy came and I am afraid I could be pregnant. I want to tell my parents but I'm afraid of their reaction. What do I do?
I'm 14 and pregnant. How do I tell my parents?
I'm 14 and my 15-year-old ex might be pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad that I’m only 14 and want a baby so bad?
I'm a 13 year old (as of a month ago) and I had sex. The guy came and I am afraid I could be pregnant. I want to tell my parents but I'm afraid of their reaction. What do I do?
I'm 14 and pregnant. How do I tell my parents?
I'm 14 and my 15-year-old ex might be pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad that I’m only 14 and want a baby so bad?
I am 13 and I got 2 girls pregnant at the same time. What do I do?
What can be done to a 16 year old boy who gets an 11 year old pregnant?
What will happen if I make a 14 year old pregnant and I'm 25 years old?
I'm 13 years old but I think I'm pregnant should I be or not?
I am 19, but I am not getting pregnant. Why?
I'm 13 years old and pregnant. Would I be able to have a baby and it come out healthy?
Can a 15-year-old boy get a 15-year-old girl pregnant?
If a 14 year old boy gets a 17 year old girl pregnant (who’s about to turn 18), what would happen legally?
I'm 14 almost 15 and pregnant how do I hide it?
I'm a 13 year old (as of a month ago) and I had sex. The guy came and I am afraid I could be pregnant. I want to tell my parents but I'm afraid of their reaction. What do I do?
I'm 14 and pregnant. How do I tell my parents?
I'm 14 and my 15-year-old ex might be pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad that I’m only 14 and want a baby so bad?
I am 13 and I got 2 girls pregnant at the same time. What do I do?
What can be done to a 16 year old boy who gets an 11 year old pregnant?
What will happen if I make a 14 year old pregnant and I'm 25 years old?
I'm 13 years old but I think I'm pregnant should I be or not?
I am 19, but I am not getting pregnant. Why?
Something went wrong. Wait a moment and try again.
I’m 16 years old , and I have two sons. I got pregnant the first time when I was 14 and got pregnant again right off the back. I love my babies with all my heart , but the struggle is so completely real. My babies father left me after promising the world. I’m stuck taking care and raising both of them , financially and everything. My newest son is a month old. My other one is 13 months. I wake up 5–6 am everyday and have to stay up and I’d be lucky if I get to nap while the older one is sleeping. It is extremely hard to handle and I don’t think I would of gotten this far if I didn’t have my pa
I’m 16 years old , and I have two sons. I got pregnant the first time when I was 14 and got pregnant again right off the back. I love my babies with all my heart , but the struggle is so completely real. My babies father left me after promising the world. I’m stuck taking care and raising both of them , financially and everything. My newest son is a month old. My other one is 13 months. I wake up 5–6 am everyday and have to stay up and I’d be lucky if I get to nap while the older one is sleeping. It is extremely hard to handle and I don’t think I would of gotten this far if I didn’t have my parents help and guidance.
Enjoy your childhood, I gave mine up way to early. I didn’t plan either of my pregnancies and I was, what I thought was foolishly in love with a guy that didn’t love me back. I have 0 support from him. Having a baby isn’t like the movies , they promise you love, happiness , laughter on movies. They leave out the tantrums, the poops, the terrible twos, the 3 am crying. They don’t talk about baby blues. Don’t be misleaded.
I use to be in a size 0 , I use to wear crop tops and skinny jeans and shorts. I use to go out with friends every weekend and party. I use to be able to show off my body. Two pregnancies later I’m a size 11 , stretch marks all over my body , I wear leggings and baggy t-shirts to hide.
I’m single , have been through out my second sons and since my first one was three month old.
Moms don't get a break or a chance to say they are sick.
*Because several people thought I was the one to ask this. I AM NOT THE ONE WHO ASKED THIS!
Let me tell you. I am 19 years old and I am having a baby in January. I wanted to be pregnant since I was 13 and I thought pregnancy was easy. ITS NOT!
I am not like most “teen” moms. I am married and I married before I concieved, I married for the right reasons, not because of a baby.
This pregnancy has been so hard on me, mentally, physically, emotionally. If you are use to taking medicine for headaches or are use to popping your back… kiss all that goodbye. If you have a cat, say goodbye to Mr. Fluffbal
*Because several people thought I was the one to ask this. I AM NOT THE ONE WHO ASKED THIS!
Let me tell you. I am 19 years old and I am having a baby in January. I wanted to be pregnant since I was 13 and I thought pregnancy was easy. ITS NOT!
I am not like most “teen” moms. I am married and I married before I concieved, I married for the right reasons, not because of a baby.
This pregnancy has been so hard on me, mentally, physically, emotionally. If you are use to taking medicine for headaches or are use to popping your back… kiss all that goodbye. If you have a cat, say goodbye to Mr. Fluffball because you aren't allowed to go near a litter box. Friends? They 100% do not care. They are worried about themselves not about you or your health. Doesn't matter if you were in diapers together. I was in preschool and grew up with the same people I have a whole whopping 2 friends who are way older who truly understand. Maturity does not set in at a young age. If you are worried about being skinny and having a thigh gap (I know I was at 14) say bye bye to short shorts and crop tops hello to stretch marks all over. I was a competition cheerleader at 14. I took pride in my abs and my size 3 jeans. Up until I got pregnant I was still super flexible. I could still pull a gorgeous needle and now I am 8 months in, I can't shower on my own because I can't reach me legs. Every little thing you do will be monitored by your OB. Glucose test will most likely make you puke and if you do, you have to redo it and for longer. If something goes wrong, your baby has downs or some other abnormality, are you prepared to give birth to this baby and stand by it through its entire life? My daughter has a very good chance of being disabled due to my family history. I am 100% percent prepared for ever hospital stay, every day she comes home saying she was getting bullied because she is wheelchair bound and has hearing aids, and every thing her possible disability has in store for us. You want to be able to set yourself up for success as well as a child you bring into this world. Its not something that can be reversed once the baby is here. Being a mom is hard. My mom was 16 when she had me, stability is something every kid needs. I didn't have that growing up. I went days without food and I slept in cars with my mom quite often. I was in custody of the AZ DCS and that was probably one of the best things I had. My husband and I own our house. We own a car. We have good credit, we have worked hard to get where we are and then we got married and decided to have a baby.
I hope you think long and hard about what you want and what is best. Although you may want a kid, that doesnt mean that it is what is best at this time. You are young and you are your own person. You will do whatever you want and in all reality no one can stop you. Just think of the consequences that come with such a big decision.

Have you had sex since your last period? *
Yes, and we didn't use birth control.
Yes, but my partner didn't ejaculate in my vagina.
Yes, but it was near or during my period.
Yes, it's usually on time, but this month it's late.
Not sure. I don't know when to expect it.
I had some bleeding but I'm not sure if it was my period.
I'm breastfeeding and haven't had a period since my pregnancy.
How many of these symptoms do you have: swollen, tender breasts; unusual fatigue; nausea; bloating; frequent urge to urinate? *
Have you taken a home pregnancy test? *
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You may be wondering: Can I get pregnant on birth control? What if I had sex without birth control? I had some bleeding – was that my period or am I pregnant? I'm feeling tired and nauseous – could I be pregnant? Is it too early to take a pregnancy test?
If this sounds like you and you're wondering "Am I pregnant?" you can take our Am I pregnant quiz below!
Created by Kate Marple , Reviewed by Layan Alrahmani, M.D. , May 11, 2020

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Just breath for a minute. It’s a lot to take in, but don’t have to go through this alone.
Get resources from a local pregnancy center, women’s center, or trusted medical professional for support and advice on what to next 
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Being pregnant, especially when you don’t want to be, is really difficult, and we can help. If you don’t want to be pregnant and don’t know what to do, start by learning about your options in the post below. 
Don’t know where to turn in to start dealing with the matter of your unwanted pregnancy?
Start by talking to someone – a friend, a family member, or reach out to a local women’s center for advice and information.
Before you jump into making a big decision, make sure to consider all the possibilities and consult with others about the best course of action.
Need advice on who to talk to? Learn more from our article on where to turn when you need help with a crisis pregnancy .
You may not have planned to be pregnant, but sometime women decide to see it through and work to make the best out of a tough situation.
If you decided to stay pregnant, there are lot of free services and local organizations ready to help women in your situation get the care they need.
From prenatal care to free counseling and practical guidance, local pregnancy shelters , women’s centers , and health clinics may be able to help provide you the services and information you need moving forward. Get support from these organization or confide in friends and family to help you navigate these decisions.
From working with local child services, non-profits, or other adoption agencies that facilitate private adoptions, there are lots of people out there trained and willing to help in such situations. If you don’t know where to find these resources, contact us at White Rose Women’s Center . We’d be happy to help you find resources and organizations in your area.
If abortion is something you are considering to terminate the pregnancy, make sure you are well informed about your rights and other
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