Wait Wait I'm Your Daughter's Friend
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Wait Wait I'm Your Daughter's Friend
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Caroline Picard
Caroline was the Health Editor at GoodHousekeeping.com up until late 2019, where she covered nutrition, fitness, wellness, and other lifestyle news.
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Even healthy relationships aren't perfect, but don't ignore the red flags. Strong bonds require respect, support and most importantly, effort. If your squad avoids these faux pas, they're all keepers.
A strong friendship goes both ways. She should want to know what's going on in your world — not rehash what's been happening in hers for the umpteenth time.
The opposite problem can affect your bond too. Opening up helps you connect and solve problems together. No one should struggle alone!
Dishing on the contestants on The Bachelor is one thing, but talking dirt about your friends in real life can be hurtful and cruel.
Everyone's busy. Even if her schedule's all booked, a real friend fits in a quick coffee run. Constantly breaking plans (or showing up late to them) might signal your relationship isn't a priority.
We all make mistakes. A good friend will help you move on, not criticize your actions.
If she makes a gym date and keeps it, she's a winner. Good friends push you to be your best self, and give you a kick in the butt when you need it.
White lies might be polite, but you rather know whether your outfit is actually cute. Same goes for the hard stuff. She shouldn't stay quiet when your SO is acting shady.
It's the number one rule of girl code. If you tell your friend something confidential , you can expect it to stay that way.
When you get a promotion, she should be the first the pop the champagne. A true friend recognizes that your accomplishments don't detract from her own.
Life's too short to hold grudges . Swallowing your pride and offering a sincere apology goes a long way.
Balancing platonic and romantic relationships can be tough, but both deserve time and effort. If she's constantly ditching you to stay in with the husband, it might be time for a talk.
There's an important difference between a friend and an acquaintance. This is it.
Spending time together should lift you up. If she's enabling your worst habits or hurting your self-esteem, it's time for a change.
Careful listening shows someone that you value what they're saying. Butting in with advice before you know the whole story? Not helpful.
Whether it's asking for a difficult favor or ditching you at a party, friends should know what makes you feel uncomfortable. It's called empathy!
She might look ah-mazing, but if you're blinking in your friend's latest Instagram, a picture says a thousand words.
You've attended enough happy hours together that they know your limits — and hold you to them.
If you hang out enough, she shouldn't care that your entrée cost $3 more. It all evens out in the end.
Some people live for it. Most of us can go without the pointless fights.
Friendships don't last forever . While connections change over the years, a true friend doesn't take a strong bond for granted.
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Now that international travel is opened up to Americans again, many people are planning once-in-a-lifetime trips after being unable to leave their homes. One mother decided to pay for her twin daughter's trip to Italy for their birthday, but there was one condition which she shared on Reddit 's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum.
The woman was blasted online after she took to Reddit for some parenting advice under the username u/ Jazzlike_Ad492 . She asked if she was "the a**hole" for wanting her daughters, 21, to bring along her best friend's younger kid. That's where she was told she was being completely unfair.
In the post , the woman explained that for her twin daughters' birthday gift she was paying for their two-week trip to Italy. But although the Italian borders have been opened to travelers, the country is currently in a state of emergency due to COVID.
For Americans to travel into the country, they must provide proof of vaccination and a negative test. Otherwise, travelers are subject to a five-day quarantine. However, unvaccinated Americans can fly into Italy and not quarantine if they travelled on a "COVID-tested" flight.
In the Reddit post, the mother went on to say that her best friend Diane has an 18-year-old daughter who had a hard time making friends. She explained that her friend's daughter, Lori, and her twin daughters used to be close when they were younger, but drifted apart when they became teenagers.
"Diane asked me if my daughters could try to include Lori in their social lifes [sic], so she isn't lonely all the time," the post read.
User u/Jazzlike_Ad492 said she talked to her daughters and that one of them, Tami, felt bad for Lori's situation. The post said the twins started to talk to Lori more and even invited her over to hang out together in their dorm room at college and go out.
But their mom said she wanted them to take things with Lori to the next level.
"I thought that the next step was to invite Lori to the trip to Italy," the post explained. "First, I talked with Diane about it and she agreed. She said that Lori has been happier since she started seeing my daughters again."
The post went on to explain that Lori's mom agreed to pay for her trip to Italy if she was invited to join. But the twins were not keen on traveling with 18-year-old Lori.
"They say that Lori is too childish and would prevent them from having more adult fun in Italy," the post explained. "I think they are being really selfish and mean. Also ungrateful to me, considering I am paying everything. We have been arguing and I more or less said that Lori is going with them, even if they don't want to. Am I the A**hole?"
Nearly 2,000 users commented on the post and the woman was voted by the forum as "the a**hole" in the situation.
"YTA. Your daughters are grown up young ladies," one user wrote. "You shouldn't be making play dates for them anymore. They might enjoy Lori's company for dinner or an outing but they don't want to spend two weeks with her. You are giving a gift with strings attached which is not a nice thing to do."
Another user said that Diane was also in the wrong for trying to push friends on Lori unnaturally. "YTA and so is Diane," the user wrote. "You shouldn't dictate your daughter's lifes [sic] anymore at this age."
Other users in the comments wondered why Lori was friendless.
"My guess is her Copter mom," one user said. "Probably micro managed her friend groups so intensely Lori has no clue how to make her own friends."
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Originally Published: Sep. 22, 2014
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Passionate love that can turn toxic and sour (or even just... fade away) isn't the sole realm of romantic relationships. Friendships are also complex dances that can end in tears and breakups. If some of your connections just don't feel right anymore, you might be wondering how to know when to end a friendship .
"A healthy friendship should feel like a safe space where you can be yourself, share your inner thoughts and feelings, not feel worried about judgment, and overall feel lifted up rather than put down," says psychotherapist Lillyana Morales , LMHC. "If you’re feeling uncomfortable, unhappy, or on edge around someone, then it may be time to reflect on what may be triggering these feelings."
Sometimes, you're just at different places in your lives, which itself can be benign. Other times, there are almost daily, blazing red flags for gaslighting, disrespectful, and toxic friendships. It's not your responsibility to take on all the work of a relationship yourself. When your attempts at communication keep failing, it helps to know the types of friends you should get rid of .
Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't have ups, downs, and straight-up fights with your besties. At least some degree of conflict is inevitable, especially the closer you are to someone. But especially if you're addressing these conflicts constructively ("I didn't like x" instead of "you're such a jerk"), you should expect the same level of respect and communication back ("I understand, how can we mend this?" instead of "you're just too sensitive"). If you're not being treated the way you deserve to be treated, one of these 15 friendship red flags might be at play.
If your compadre constantly implies that everything's your fault in a friendship, it might be time to call gaslighting what it is and bounce. Listen to their actions instead of their words if they're treating you like crap while telling you how much they care about you. They might accuse you of being oversensitive and mean when you explain why you were hurt when they said that your new dress would look better on them. If they do these things routinely and blame it all on you when you try to address it, it's probably time to return their friendship card.
If you have that one friend who always FaceTimes you late at night even when you've told them you're going to bed, they might not be respecting your boundaries. You may have to take the leap of communicating your boundaries to your friends first and enforcing them. Being that emotionally exposed can be terrifying, but you need to tell your buddy that even though you normally love hugs and physical affection, you don't like to be touched when you're crying. (Sure, they should probably ask first and touch later, but communication goes both ways.)
"Establishing boundaries early into friendships can make the difference of having a quality, healthy relationship with someone," Morales says. "Being open and honest about who you are and what your boundaries are does require vulnerability, but connecting with another human being in a healthy way can be worth it."
You’re the one who always makes the call to hang out, and when your friend does answer your texts (which does not happen often), it always feels like they're doing you a favor. “Yeah, I guess dinner works for me on Friday. I’m going to be a little late. Oh, and I need to leave early. Is that cool, too?” If that sounds all too familiar, you're allowed to ask for better communication.
I'm not talking about the friend who lives with chronic pain and sometimes needs to change plans because they're having a flare-up. I'm talking about the friend who is always three hours late without texting or offering an apology, or the friend who constantly leaves you hanging without confirming or cancelling plans, leaving you in a perpetual state of limbo as to what the deal is. You don't have to play that limbo game, because you really can set the bar higher.
Your friends will call you out when you're making mistakes, but there's a big difference between how you feel when your bestie is giving you solid advice (even if it's tough to swallow), and how you feel when a pal is judging you and your dreams. Reality checks are often needed, but when the response to your big dream is "ew, why would you want to do that?" or "I mean, I guess if you really want to," you'll know you deserve more thoughtful support.
"You are really clingy in relationships," they tell you when you're worried about your girlfriend shutting down when you try to talk to her about emotions. Your pal might be telling you things with grains of truth, but that's never the full picture. You deserve someone who's nicer about it when they think there's a tough truth you have to confront.
It takes them an hour and a half of talking about me, myself, and I to finally ask how you are. You really do want to hear about their job, but you just wish they'd give you the same emotional space in return. A friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, after all. If you've tried explaining to them that you need more attention in the relationship and they haven't changed their behavior (even if they apologized and said they heard you), they might just be waving ye old red flag.
Maybe they're in between datefriends, or they're in town and need a place to crash, even though they haven't answered your texts in months. If you feel like they're not exactly using you , but they're only a strong presence in your life when they don't really have anything else going on, it's reasonable to start to wonder if you need them in your life at all.
You're stoked to introduce your inner circle to your new girlfriend, but they say you're just "going through a phase." They might tell you that you "talk about race too much" or that you're "too sensitive" to people's ableist jokes. Maybe you've been best friends since you were kids, so they say they're really used to your old pronouns and name. But if they use your identity to diminish or belittle you, or make zero effort to understand you, they are definitely not a person you need in your life.
Sure, " no one can make you feel inferior without your consent ," but also... sometimes people are just jerks. It's one thing if they got a promotion and you're so happy for them but it reminds you that you're not quite where you want to be yet. It's completely another situation when your pal celebrates themself by putting you down, constantly implying (or even directly saying) that they're the smartest and most successful person in the room.
"Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships with people that we may have been excited to form bonds with at first, and yet are left wondering why they’re still in your phone contacts or friends on social media now," Morales says. Sure enough, it can be painful, but it's alright to shrug your shoulders and say, "We had a beautiful connection once, and I'm grateful for it: but now we're just in really different places." Drifting apart doesn't mean you have to formally sever ties, but it's OK to find yourself less invested in a friendship that used to be your entire world. It doesn't make you a bad person — it's just about bringing your full self to the table each day, and sometimes our full selves just don't match with old friends anymore.
Sure, you might text them or see them often enough, but they only seem to be fully present with you when they need something. Whether it's venting about the ex they saw over the weekend, you always seem to be there for them, while they're always be busy when you need help processing a work crisis of your own. You deserve more reciprocity than that.
"Ask yourself if you feel dismissed, ignored, judged, negative energy in the space, or like you’re walking on eggshells to avoid conflict with someone," Morales says. If you have that buddy who guilt trips you for asserting your boundaries or communicating your needs, these symptoms of a bad friendship are likely to pop up everywhere. "I would have invited you to my birthday party, but I know you're so depressed all the time" is a great way to make you feel guilty, take away your choices, and delegitimize your mental health needs, all in one painful text. If "guilt trip" isn't on your list of dream destinations, saying goodbye is more than acceptable.
You want to be able to tell your best friend about that fight you and your partner had, including the parts where you kind of messed up. You certainly expect those conversations to remain private, because they promised you it would. But when you hear from the cousin of a friend of your bestie's roommate that you're being a total jerk in your relationship, you'll definitely be reevaluating what to share with them in the future (if you two have a future at all).
When you're having an anxiety attac
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