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Single or separated from a partner right now? You can still be intimate. Here's how..
It's safe to say the coronavirus pandemic has made the sex lives of many of us pretty unrecognisable , particularly for single people and those living separately from their partners. But all is not lost! Just like every other aspect of life, plenty of us have also been moving sex online, with 21% of people in the UK being more sexually intimate virtually than in person, according to research by sexual wellness brand LELO .
So, with long-distance sex looking like it's going to stick around at least as long as the pandemic lasts (and maybe after, eh?), we've created the ultimate guide to all things virtual sex : whether you want to try your hand at video sex , up your sexting game, get better at sending nudes , tune into some audio porn - or you want to delve into the world of virtual sex parties .
If that all sounds daunting, don't worry. You don't have to have virtual sex if it's not your thing. But if you do, take it slowly at first, particularly if you're new to virtual sex. And only ever do anything sexual virtually if you feel totally comfortable and actively want to. "Don’t feel like exploring virtual sex means you have to embody your favourite porn star," says Megwyn White, a clinical sexologist and Director of Education at sexual wellness brand Satisfyer . "You can start with small ways to invite your partner into your world," she explains - and make sure you're clear on where your boundaries lie.
As with all sexual encounters, consent is mandatory when it comes to virtual sex too. "Setting the mood and getting warmed up is just as important during video sex as it is for in-person sex," says Lovehoney 's sex and relationship expert and BBC dating presenter, Oloni.
"Hopping into a video chat and immediately getting busy might feel a little awkward," Oloni adds - and it can be easy for people to feel sprung upon, so make sure to discuss what you'd both like to happen before starting.
"Be sure to define what YOU feel comfortable with," adds psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury. "Jot them down if this helps and try to communicate them clearly. Ask your partner to do the same; this can help you both ensure you are on the same page."
Make sure you're both clear on how any images or videos may be stored too. This might mean that you agree to store images in a password protected file or that you won't store them on your devices, and that they will be deleted if your relationship ends, Aoife explains.
One of the most obvious ways to try your hand at virtual sex is to delve into video sex . It's up to you exactly what you want to do over video, but for a lot of people this means masturbating while on a video call with a partner. You might also choose to have one of you masturbating while the other watches, or to Skype each other in the show.
Make sure that the atmosphere is right before you start and that you have some privacy (no flatmates or family members bursting in, please). "Light candles or incense, clear your clutter, and use lighting that illuminates your face and gives you confidence," Megwyn suggests.
As with any sexual experience, it's important to check in with your partner during and afterwards, even on a video call. "Signing off too quickly even after a great experience can feel incredibly jarring and leave you or your lover wondering if the experience was pleasurable," explains Megwyn.
Checking in can simply mean talking to your partner afterwards about what you enjoyed and what you didn't, or winding down with a chat so that ending the call doesn't feel too abrupt.
If you want to take video or phone sex to the next level, you can try using an app-controlled sex toy with your partner, which will work no matter how many miles there are between you.
You'll both be able to control each other's toys without being together IRL, and you can enjoy the experience together over the phone or FaceTime.
Plus, if you're self-isolating separately in the same house, you can even try using a remote-controlled vibrator from separate rooms, Oloni suggests. Who said self-isolating has to be boring, eh?
As well as using toys with an app, you can also create a replica of your vulva or penis for your partner to use, Aoife suggests. Consider it a future investment if you know you'll be separated for a while longer...
"Testing the waters of your device on your own body will help to make you more confident when it's time to explore with your partner," Megwyn adds, so give any toys a whirl on your own if you want to feel more comfortable when you get to Skype.
Note: *Making, distributing, possessing or showing indecent photos of a person under 18 (even with their consent) is illegal in the UK . This includes nudes, topless photos, sex acts including masturbation and sexual pictures in underwear.*
Even in pre-pandemic times, sexting and nude-sharing have been popular ways of connecting with partners when you can't see each other IRL. And it seems we're doing it even more these days, with 57% of couples sexting during the pandemic, according to a Lovehoney survey.
"Start slowly with some messages hinting at what you would like to do to each other," says Oloni. The build up is the fun part, so try not to jump straight in.
When it comes to taking nudes, you should only send photos and videos you're 100% comfortable with, if you're 100% comfortable to do so. This might mean that if you decide to share nudes, you might feel better sending photos that don't include your face, or that you use an encrypted platform.
"Consider using an app like Signal where messages and photos are set to disappear in seconds," Oloni suggests. Plus, you'll avoid sending any accidental messages into your family Whatsapp chat...
If you want to try virtual sex without yourself actually featuring on the screen, you can try watching porn together with your partner over a call - and it might also serve as a fun starting point before moving on to video sex.
As well as watching porn, you can listen to audio porn together using a sexual wellness app like Ferly , or you could read erotic fiction together over a call.
"Take it in turns to read out your favourite passages from erotic books you both enjoy," Oloni suggests. "You could even combine this with some FaceTime role play where you dress in character and live out some of the scenes for real," she adds. Let your imagination run wild.
As well as virtual sex between partners increasing during the pandemic, group sex parties have also moved online. So, if a sex party is something you were previously curious about exploring IRL, a virtual party could help you ease into the experience - whether you attend alone or with a partner.
Clubs like Killing Kittens , Skirt Club and Xtasia have moved their sex parties and events online during the pandemic, so why not dip your toe in virtually and get ready for when you'll be able to attend in person?
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Here is a handy guide to get you started with VR porn.
Credit: mashable/ bob al-green

The Oculus Quest 2 VR headset.
Credit: oculus

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The promise of virtual reality (VR) porn, to transform users from passive observers of sexual fantasies on screens into active participants in immersive erotic experiences, is alluring to anyone with even a passing interest in adult content.
Over the last year especially, as the pandemic has kept most of us homebound, the prospect of strapping on a headset and sliding into an orgiastic escape from our isolation and frustration has drawn even more potential users towards the technology. Yet many hesitate to take the plunge into the world of virtual reality porn simply because it's a new technology, dominated by new players, using new terminology. It can seem like a lot to learn.
And when VR porn first started rolling out in the mid-2010s, it absolutely was. For many years , the gear was extremely expensive, content was scarce, and experiences were hit-or-miss. But VR technology has evolved quickly and the porn world has pumped a ton of time and money into making its content more reliable and accessible. "Exploring VR porn is much easier today than it was one or two years ago," stresses sex tech blogger Tatyannah King .
So how exactly do you watch VR porn? Mashable recently spoke to King and other experts on virtual reality porn for this guide on getting into the exciting, if still developing, world of immersive smut.
In theory, you don’t actually need to buy any heavy-duty new equipment to watch VR content. All you need is a smartphone suspended in a headset that you can strap onto your to create an immersive, 3D illusion. It’s not hard to build a cardboard headset . Even fancier setups , with comfortable padding and straps, usually go for somewhere between $10 and $50. These headsets helped to democratize and popularize VR.
But Alex Novak of the VR porn platform SexLikeReal cautions that "no smartphone experience is any good." Kacper Zieliński of the VR porn site VR Bangers concurs, adding that these options may be budget-friendly, but they will really "give you only 20 percent of VR porn’s potential."
Most phones just don’t have the power, or the battery life, to run the the longest or most inventive VR content. It's also hard to control anything playing on them; to pause, fast forward, or do anything you usually have to take off the whole rig, grab your phone, and fiddle with the screen. You also have to install special apps to view VR content—and Apple especially is notoriously hostile to porn-specific apps, meaning that sometimes phone users have to jump through a few hoops to get to the content they’re looking for. These and other limitations have led most major companies, like Google, Oculus, and Samsung, to wind down production and support for their phone VR gear and services over the last year or two, and outlets like PC Mag to declare phone-based VR overall "effectively dead."
You need a dedicated VR device. High-end devices, with a lot of bells and whistles, can run well over $1,000, and often need to be hooked up to even pricier high-powered PCs to reach their full potential. But you don’t have to have one of those setups to get the most out of VR porn. In fact, everyone Mashable spoke to for this article immediately and exclusively recommended the new Oculus Quest 2 (opens in a new tab) , a standalone, wireless device that runs for $299. It’s a simple, plug-and-play system—just turn it on, open up its web browser using its included hand controllers, navigate to a porn site, and start viewing content. Easy peasy. "It can play the highest resolution videos there are," explains Dan Holmes of the VR platform POVR.
The only hitch is that Oculus is a Facebook brand, so a Quest 2 requires a Facebook account to sign in and get going. Facebook is a controversial company these days, with a spotty record around data handling, so you may want to create a burner account before getting off. But if Oculus is not your brand, Zieliński notes that there are plenty of other wireless standalone rigs to explore.
Dropping a few hundred dollars may seem like an excessive investment to get into VR porn. But Novak insists that it’s worth it, because you want your first VR porn experience to be good, and cheaper setups just cannot run the highest resolution videos that now define the market, and may struggle with lagging and glitches even with older content. It’s also a multi-purpose device that can be used for viewing SFW content, gaming, and many other diversions. Zieliński just recommends using a demo to figure out if you're prone to VR motion sickness , and if your nausea can be mitigated, before making a purchase.
Once you’ve got your device set up, you just need to figure out whether you want to stream or download your smut. The files for VR porn are massive , often clocking in at well over 10GB, and so downloads require patience and a ton of storage space. You may want to invest in an external storage drive if you go this route. But unless you have a stellar internet connection, which most Americans do not , streaming can lead to a rougher viewing experience, with skips and lags. Many experts argue that the VR porn experience with downloaded files is far smoother and therefore more immersive. But this choice ultimately boils down to an evaluation of your desires, tolerance for glitches, and internet resources.
Before you start exploring VR porn content, Kevin Campbell, a VR arcade owner and porn buff, recommends making sure you have a good space set up for the experience. In order to stay in the moment in VR porn, especially if you’ve opted for a popular POV experience, you may have to move around to follow the action of a scene. As you'll be zoned out from the real world in most cases, you will need a space where you won’t crash into anything dangerous or fragile. You'll also want to make sure you’ve got a door you can lock, if privacy is a concern.
If you feel so inclined, you can also explore the world of VR experience-integrated sex toys . But that's hardly essential to the experience, and the field would require its own guide to navigate. So, once you’ve got your setup fully prepared, you just have to figure out what you’re going to watch. The obvious choice would be to turn to Pornhub, which has over 3,000 free VR clips to explore. But thanks to the size and bandwidth intensity of VR files, free clips on general porn sites tend to be shorter (about 100 of Pornhub’s VR porn videos are over 15 minutes long; the vast majority run around 5 minutes) and heavily compressed, limiting their quality. As such, most of the VR porn experts Mashable spoke to recommend turning to a paid, VR porn specialty studio.
There are dozens of studios to choose from, most of which sell subscriptions for $10 to $50 per month, so figuring out where to start can be tricky—and making a decision can feel like a big step. But this decision, too, boils down to personal preferences: Do you want a site that specializes in only the highest quality content? Do you want a particularly deep and broad, but maybe uneven, library of content to choose from? Are you looking for a studio that specializes in one particular fetish you’ve been dying to see in VR? Other outlets have created intricately detailed guides, breaking down the pros and cons of the best and most established sites on the market right now. Between those guides and a little time spent looking at their preview content, you can find what’s best for your wants and needs.
"Once you’ve got the right setup," Novak says, "you are on top of it." Granted, depending on the exact nature of your device, the site you’ve opted for, and your personal preferences, you may need to fiddle around with your video settings a bit. (Most sites automatically adjust their content to work best with a viewer’s gear these days, Campbell notes. But when they don’t, he suggests starting with the settings “VR 180 / 3D Side-to-Side.”)
"It may take a little patience to learn to properly view—and navigate through—videos," Campbell cautions. As with any new device, there’s a learning curve. And in the end, it’s entirely possible VR porn as it stands today may not be for you. But that’s no reason to despair over the time and energy you’ve spent getting into VR porn.
As Campbell points out, the world of VR porn is rapidly evolving. So, as long as you’ve got the equipment, you can keep checking back every now and then to see if future innovations work better for your wants and needs. As Campbell says, “VR porn is only going to improve.”

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