Virgin Sister Sex Story

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Virgin Sister Sex Story

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Countering "going to do it anyway."

I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.

We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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Six family secrets. Six incredible stories

“I asked, ‘does anybody else know?’ and she said, ‘no, I will go to the grave with this and you're to tell nobody.’"
"Everyone knew except me. How didn’t I know for the whole of my life?”
“She was a mess. She begged us not to tell our dad, and she said she’d stop.”
“I was angry. It was like it wasn’t a big thing, it was almost dropped in conversation."
"My father very nearly fell off his chair."
"I have to know and I can’t rest until I know who he is."




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All families have secrets of one kind or another.
Woman’s Hour on BBC Radio 4 asked listeners for their experiences of family secrets. Lots of people got in touch.
But six shocking stories stood out.
Reporter Jo Morris met Ellen*, Christine, Jess*, Liz*, Moira and Prue to hear them reveal their family secrets.
When Ellen* (not her real name) was a teenager, she decided to tell her mother that she was gay. She was not expecting her response.
“I’d been living my gay life quite quietly away from the family home and I just got to the point where I needed to talk to my parents about my life. I didn’t think I could continue not being honest with them.
“We were just standing between the living room and the kitchen and Mum was busy cooking.
“I eventually just turned around and said ‘Mum, I’m gay’. I said, ‘you don’t know what it’s been like’. She just span round and said, ‘I think I do’.”
Ellen’s mum told her that she’d had a relationship with a woman, but that she had married Ellen’s father and had never told anybody.
“I then asked, ‘does anybody else know?’ and she said, ‘no, I will go to the grave with this and you are to tell nobody.’ The way she fixed her gaze on me, when she said that, I knew she was serious.
“She said that she’d had a relationship, quite a long standing relationship with a woman and that her parents had written her a letter saying that if there was any form of relationship going on, that they didn’t approve and that it wasn’t an appropriate way to live a life.”
Ellen kept her mum’s secret for nearly 20 years. Her mum has now died. She feels like she’s finally able to talk about it.
“I’ve been able to have a career, have a family, and still be gay. My mum was technically denied the one thing she wanted, which was to be with probably the woman she loved. Now whether that was a relationship that would have continued, for the rest of her life, I don’t know.
“If you look at a lot of oral history about gay people, it tends to still predominantly focus around men. There are hundreds of women who did exactly what my mum did all through history. And their story is yet to be written.”
Christine was in her seventies when she found out her family’s secret. And it was just by accident.
“I grew up with my mum and dad, we lived in a flat. My parents were very secretive. We weren’t encouraged to speak to neighbours.
“I didn’t understand why but that’s how it was. It was only as I got older that I realised that not everybody was like that.”
Christine knew that her parents weren’t married and that the family had a difficult relationship with her mother’s sister, Jean.
“Nobody much liked her. Even her own mother didn’t like her very much.
“She had eight children by different men. My mum was her main support, financially. My mother looked after Jean her whole life.
“My mum and I used to go and visit her and take her stuff which she would then flog. We’d take clothes for the children, we’d take bed linen because the children would be sleeping on beds with no bed linen. We were always having to deal with her and get her out of scrapes and things.”
In 2016, Christine decided she wanted to see her full birth certificate as she’d only seen a shortened version. This gave her date of birth and that her grandmother registered her, but it didn’t say who her parents were. She sent off for the paperwork.
“Honestly, I don’t know what prompted me to do that. Nothing had happened.
“After I’d sent for [the full birth certificate] it suddenly came into my head, what could I possibly find out that could be really awful? And what I could possibly find out that would be really awful would be that Jean was my mother.
“When the birth certificate arrived, I opened it, not expecting to see anything like that, but there it was: Name of the mother, Jean Elsie Louise. Name of father, unknown.”
Christine’s birth mother was Jean, the woman she had known as her aunt.
“My mother’s whole family, they all knew. All her brothers knew. And my dad knew. Everyone knew except me. Even my dad’s sister knew evidently. How didn’t I know for the whole of my life?”
The secret has made Christine appreciate her mum who brought her up even more.
“As well as having loved my mum, I’m now very grateful to her, I don’t remember being grateful to her before.
“What is a mum? A mum is somebody who looks after their children, who loves them for their foibles, for their good bits, for their bad bits, and that’s who she was.”
What would you do if you discovered something that you thought could break up your whole family?
27-year-old Jess* (not her real name) got in touch to talk about the impact of a family secret she discovered when she was a teenager.
“At first I tried to not let it get to me, but that’s impossible. I kept just trying to push it to the back of my head, and then there’s a point when you just can’t do that anymore.”
At 14, Jess discovered that her mum was having an affair. She didn’t tell anyone for three years.
“I used to hang out with my mum a lot, go shopping, do girly things, and I just started to notice my mum acting differently.
“I got a suspicion that she was up to something by her facial expressions and the way she’d look at her phone when she was reading something. I’d never really seen her do that before.
“Me being suspicious and young, I obviously checked her phone. And I found out that my mum was having an affair.”
Jess didn’t tell her mum she knew, nor did she tell her two brothers or father.
“I didn’t tell my mum because I didn’t know what was the right thing to do.
“Just fear of losing my family completely, fear of family falling apart and not them being the way we’ve always been.”
After three years of keeping the secret of her mum’s affair, Jess decided she had to tell someone.
“It all just got too much for me. It was all I could think about. I couldn’t pretend any longer to my mum. My dad didn’t deserve it anymore, I had to get it out.”
She told her older brothers and they decided to tell their mum that they knew what she was hiding.
“She was a mess. She begged us not to tell our dad, and she said she’d stop.”
But a year later, Jess found out that the affair was still happening. She and her brothers told their father.
“The first thing he said was, ‘you’re lying, she would never do that.’ But he had to believe us because we had proof.
“My dad, God bless him, he would not leave her. He was like ‘she’s the love of my life and I will do whatever it takes to get her back’."
More than a decade later, Jess’ parents are still together and the family are in a happy place.
“I didn’t think that I could ever forgive my mum, but it’s your mum, you’ve got to forgive, you have to.
“If anyone has to go through anything like this and hold something in like that, never feel ashamed to say it out loud or worry what people think of you. Just try and understand your emotions.”
Liz* (not her real name) found out a family secret just after her father died. The revelation was so significant, it changed her feelings about her mother.
“Finding out that my parents had kept a secret from us for so long, that was the hardest thing.”
After her father died in 2006, Liz’s brother was going through the probate form with their mother.
“He’d gone through all the routine questions, and there was a question: does the deceased have any other children? And she said, ‘yes he does’.
“He was obviously very taken aback and I believe he thought she didn’t understand first of all. He said it again and she said, ‘yes he does’.”
Liz’s dad had had an affair 50 years previously, which resulted in a daughter. Liz and her brothers had a half-sister.
“It was a big shock that there was a half-sister, but the main shock was the fact that we knew that they kept it secret from us for so long. That was the most upsetting thing.
“My mum thought we should be more upset about her and what she’d gone through, and not the fact that she hadn’t told us.
“I was angry. It was like it wasn’t a big thing, it was almost dropped in conversation. I don’t think she appreciated that.”
Liz and her brothers asked their mother why she hadn’t told them about their half-sister.
“She just said it wasn’t her secret to tell. She said it was a legal document and so she had to tell the truth.”
The revelation of the secret affected Liz’s relationship with her mum.
“It didn’t ruin our relationship but it definitely altered it. If she had said, ‘I’m sorry I probably should have told you, but I felt I shouldn’t, can you forgive me?’ then it might have been different.”
Liz’s mum lived for six years after their dad died. The half-sister was never mentioned again.
Liz and her brothers have never tried to make contact with their half-sister.
“We didn’t know what we might unearth, particularly when my mother was alive, and we don’t know what [the half-sister] had been told. We might potentially upset her a lot as well, because we don’t know what she has been told about her parenthood.
“But there is a possibility that someone could come knocking on the door one day.”
Moira always knew her mum was different, but her parents never explained why. It wasn’t until she was in her forties that doctors told her the reason.
“I think my mum’s illness happened pretty soon after I arrived.
“I always knew that my mum took medication, had an injection, took tablets, that sort of thing.
"I was aware it was something I shouldn’t talk about. Without saying, ‘you must keep this a secret’, I knew that you must keep it a secret.
“I knew that my mum was not suffering from being a bit nervy, and I knew it was serious. Nobody ever referred to what it was.”
Moira’s parents never talked to her about her mother’s condition.
“It did not have a name until my mum’s psychiatrist, who was then actually looking after her for dementia in her seventies, referred to her historical diagnosis of schizophrenia. At which point it was out and my father very nearly fell off his chair.
“That was the first time that it was mentioned, and it had never been discussed before. And funnily enough it was never talked about afterwards. We didn’t talk about it even after the word had been uttered by the psychiatrist. By that stage, we had 40 years worth of not talking about it.
“I wish I had known what my mum went through. I wish I had a greater understanding of the illness, what it did to her.
“I knew she had delusions. At the time, I knew that it was a bit odd, and definitely not right.
“I think my mother would have liked to have talked about it, but my father was so adamant that we weren’t going to talk about it that she didn’t talk about it either.
“We’re much more open about it now, we’re probably not in the absolute best place, even now, but at least I feel I can talk openly and say my mum had schizophrenia.
“It’s an impressive ambition to try and keep it secret that somebody has got schizophrenia in the actual house where you are living.
“I think it must have been quite frightening for her actually, now that I do know a little bit more about it. I think things like having delusions, hearing voices and some of the treatment, like the electric shock treatment, was really quite brutal.
“Undoubtedly she was ill and had some awful times, but she made the most of her life.
“I find it really hard to wish that she was anything but what she was, because she was great.”
Prue was given a DNA kit as a present for her 70th birthday. She didn’t expect the shocking result it would reveal.
“It’s probably one of the biggest impacts anything has had on me in my life. Because it’s about my own identity, it’s about me and who I am.
“I have to know and I can’t rest until I k
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