Virgin Having Sex

Virgin Having Sex

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Written by Editorial Team | Updated : July 14, 2015 7:23 PM IST
Sex is definitely one of the best things about being human, and a healthy sex life is key to one’s wellbeing. However, there are several myths surrounding it, and men who’ve never experienced the joys of intercourse are more susceptible to these myths. If you are virgin too, then here are some things you must know.

Erections are not supposed to last more than 3-5 minutes: You may have seen men performing non-stop for 40 minutes in a porn video, but it will not happen in real life. According to studies, most men ejaculate within 3 to 5 minutes after penetration. Also Read - 3 Reasons You Should Never Consume Expired Food Items

Foreplay is just as important: More often than not, just vaginal intercourse isn’t enough to make your woman orgasm. If you want to be a good lover, you must know all the basics – and that includes foreplay tricks like good kissing, breast stimulation, etc.

Your first time may not live up to your expectations: You may have dreamt about this day, but when it actually happens, it may not turn out as well. Don’t be too disappointed. Just like everything else, you get better at sex with time. Also Read - Chronic Heart Diseases To Fibromyalgia: Here Is How Arthritis Damages Other Organs of Your Body

Size doesn’t matter: If you are worried that you penis may not be as big as the ones they show in porn videos, and feel inadequate, fret not. Size does not matter as much as performance. Unless you have a micropenis (a condition where your penis measures less than 3 inches when erect), you should be fine.

Wearing two condoms won’t make the sex ‘safer’: If you want to avoid unwanted pregnancy, wear a condom. But, don’t wear two! This extra caution will increase the chances of the condoms slipping out, and may make the sex riskier rather than safer.

Masturbation isn’t unhealthy: Masturbation does not have any side effects, and is a healthy way to release your sexual tension. It refreshes your semen, reduces stress and according to one study, it even reduces your chances of prostate cancer. Also Read - Poor Diet Can Lead To Hypertension, Heart Diseases That Can Damage Your Kidneys Completely

There is no safe cycle where you can have unprotected sex without risking unwanted pregnancy: Some may say that having unprotected sex during her periods will ensure that she doesn’t get pregnant. While the chances are definitely lower, you might want to still wear a condom in order to be safe and prevent any chances of STDs.

You may find anxiety playing spoilsport during your first sexual encounter. In sex, your genitals aren’t the only organs that are involved. Have nothing to fear, and remember that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Also Read - Mental Health Disorders and Full Moon: Is There a Link?

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I waited 41 years to have sexual intercourse with a man in a loving, committed relationship. That man is my husband and the father of our child.
When I was 16, I chose to be a part of a True Love Waits ceremony at a church in which I pledged to wait until marriage to have sex. While this experience planted a seed, I don't blame "purity culture" for the falsely safe patterns of control I developed. It became my own web to untangle.
By my mid-20's, I wasn't waiting for marriage anymore. But I still felt in my gut that I wanted to share the experience of intercourse in an exclusive relationship with someone who loved me. While my strong libido made it hard to resist sexual intercourse , my fear that celibacy pushed away potential relationships made it even harder.
But after dating over 100 men in the span of 20 years, I learned it's possible — even healthy — to wait to have sex in a committed and loving relationship.
Waiting for what I wanted wasn't wrong. But longing for unavailable men and chasing rejection for 25 years wasn't healthy.
Ultimately, I learned virginity is as valuable to you as you want it to be. And despite what the zeitgeist says, you're whole whether you're having sex or not.
You don't owe sex to anyone, ever. Not the one who brought you to a five-star restaurant, the one who flew you to the Bahamas, or the one who said you seduced him. You do owe yourself permission to have sex whenever you feel ready.
When I was 35, my New York Times essay, "Does my virginity have a shelf life?" went viral. I received advice from people all over the world telling me I was wasting the most valuable sex years of my life.
These strangers had no idea how often I orgasmed.
When I finally did have sexual intercourse at 41, it still mattered to me. And it was fun, freeing, and at times "I'll have what she's having" good.
It took me over two decades of dating to realize there's nothing more orgasmic than having sex with a partner who loves me unconditionally.
I'm 43 and 16 months out from having a child, and sex is still good.
We all have a Mr. Big in our lives — people who are physically, mentally, and emotionally unavailable.
Mine was a farming painter from Chicago I dated in my early 20s. In my 30s, we'd have weekend flings every couple of years. It was more comfortable — even thrilling — to long for love from him than risk accepting love from someone who I feared might disappear. He never loved me. He barely returned my phone calls.
Our brains are wired to crave what we don't have. Anticipation , not the attainment of the thing we want, results in a dopamine release. Like alcohol or drugs, longing is a temporary way of escaping the discomfort of reality. When I quit longing, I stopped believing the illusion that I was in control.
While I wasn't having sex like many of my peers, I did buy into the pervasive cultural message that tells women that emotionally disconnected intimacy made them stronger feminists.
I became so adept at disassociating with men in alcohol-fueled encounters, it took an ER doctor whom I dated breaking my heart to make me aware of my patterns. I began crying and my body shook each time I'd become intimate with someone else after him.
I couldn't allow my body to live a lie anymore — to pretend it didn't need emotional intimacy. Six months after that heartbreak, and a few more dating mistakes, I met my now husband.
The reality is, there are an infinite number of "firsts." My infant daughter taught me this.
During her first year of life, she received her first piece of mail, blew her first kiss, ate her first piece of chocolate, and had her first daddy-daughter dance. The important firsts aren't dictated by some book new mothers fill out. We imbue value in first experiences. Look for those many firsts and you'll find more joy in your life.

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There are many reasons people choose to have sex. There are also many reasons people don’t have sex, even it’s something they desperately want.

These 24 adults took to Reddit to open up about what’s stopped them from losing their virginity – and how it has impacted their lives.

• “I’m 33. I never learned how to ask a girl out, even though several of them asked me out, and it led to some very shallow relationships. In university, I was in clubs that kept me very busy, and I had little time for a social life. I got into World of Warcraft for a year, picked up drawing as a hobby, and then suddenly I was 27 and worked in an office where every girl is at least 40 and usually divorced with kids. I honestly had no idea how to ask a girl out or even realize if she was interested in me. Fast forward five years. I have a relatively successful career, work 12-hour days, and … well, nothing has changed. I thought about helping nature a bit by paying for it. But the one time I ended up in a bar of ill-repute, I was disgusted. I am honestly not worried about not having had sex. I’m worried about living my entire life alone.”

• “I have social anxiety problems, and between college and work, I have no time for a social life. Even if I had time for a social life, it wouldn’t work out anyway because I don’t share the same interests as most people. The only other people who share my interests also suffer from social anxiety problems. I’ve tried being interested in what people generally do, like going to bars or parties and talking with them, but it’s just not working.”

• “I’m a 28-year-old female, and I don’t give an f— about f—ing. It’s not like hatred for relationships or anything, and it’s just like … imagine a hobby other people have, where you aren’t interested in it at all. You don’t care to hear about it, to do it yourself, and you don’t see why people want to do it. It’s just not that fascinating to you. And before anyone asks, yes, I’ve gotten myself off before. It’s just okay.”

• “I’m only 21, but so far I’d say I’m right in the most uncomfortable age for it. Everyone around me is f—— like rabbits and/or popping out babies, and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs.”

• “I’m still holding onto it until marriage. I have a girlfriend, and she is the same way. It’s pretty cool to know that we’re both going to be able to have sex for the first time with each other. I’m old-fashioned, and I really believe that sex is something to be shared within the bonds of marriage.”

• “I am a 24-year-old female virgin, not by choice. I thought for a while that it was because guys didn’t like me, but I’m now coming to terms with it probably being due to social anxiety and low self-esteem. I’ve never had a boyfriend, which shouldn’t make me feel like s—, but it does.”

• “I was 29 when I finally did the deed. The reason? I’m female, and I was absolutely convinced that every heterosexual man found me unattractive. Mostly because I was fat. So I lost weight, but I didn’t know I’d have sagging skin as a result. So I was still scared that men would find me unattractive. Also, once you get to a certain age, people will wonder what’s wrong with you if you’re still a virgin. Yes, even if you’re female. A lot of guys think that a girl is going to get super attached if she’s a virgin. Or they assume you’re prudish or super religious. (Neither applies to me.) As a result, when I lost my virginity (drunken one-night stand), I didn’t tell the guy because I was worried he might not want to sleep with me.”

• “I’m a 25-year-old virgin. Originally, it was due to religious reasons. As time went on, though, I never found a man I felt comfortable enough to lose my virginity to, one that I felt connected to and trusted. I want to have sex, but I guess I’m old-fashioned in that I really want my first time to be with someone I have an emotional connection with.”

• “I’m 31, and I’ve still got my v-card intact. It’s never even been close to getting punched. I’ve never been in a relationship or dated anyone. The closest I came was sort-of casual dating with a coworker that ended a couple weeks ago – we kissed once, but that was it. That’s another story though.”

• “26-year-old virgin reporting. Honestly, I was never very social when I was young. Also, my parents were Muslim, and I wasn’t allowed to date. Some rebelled against it, but I remained a good boy (hate myself for it now). I wasn’t very popular with girls, so I’m not sure how much being rebellious would have helped. I sometimes consider losing it to a hooker, but I’m not sure about it.”

• “I am a woman, and I was almost a 40-year-old virgin. As to the why, well, lots of reasons. I grew up in a very strict and religious setting, so I didn’t have sex because of that. Then for years, it was lack of opportunity. All it takes is rejection at a critical time, and your self-esteem is nuked. By the time I was 30, I just assumed that no one would want to ever have sex with me, so I didn’t even bother. Next thing I knew, I was months away from turning 40, and I’d never experienced anything sexual other than kissing and having my ass or boobs grabbed through clothes. I decided I needed to do something about that, so I did. I met a guy through online dating, and we had sex. He had no idea I was a virgin at the time – I mean really, who’s a virgin at 40? Apparently enthusiasm does go a long way, and all that theoretical knowledge can be put to good use. We had sex a week before I turned 40.”

• “I’m a 29-year-old woman with mild Asperger’s (diagnosed). It really hasn’t impacted me too much otherwise – I live independently, work full-time, dress pretty well, participate in a community chorus, do volunteering, and am currently in grad school. I’m average size and generally considered cute. I just have trouble enough making lasting friendships, let alone getting to sex. I’ve been on a few dates and have an online dating profile, but not much has come of it. I have a low sex drive, so it’s not a huge deal, but, yeah, I feel like a freak sometimes, and I feel bad for any guy in my situation, because where women get slut-shamed, men get virgin-shamed (which in many cases leads to resentment toward women). I wish there was a way I could just get this over with.”

• “I’m a 30-year-old virgin male. I’m not sure where to begin. I was never able to form any lasting friendships. My family moved a lot where I was young, and I found a way to get bullied at every school I went to. It was so bad that some girls pretended to want to begin a relationship with me so as to get me to let my guard down. Next thing I knew, they were telling everyone about the latest awkward thing I attempted, and I would never hear the end of it. Nowadays, I have huge trust issues. I became an adult, but I’m really an eternal t
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