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13 No-Nonsense Tips For Having Sex With Someone Who's A Virgin
13 No-Nonsense Tips For Having Sex With Someone Who's A Virgin
The first time you have sex with someone can be nerve-wracking, especially if you're a virgin. When you have sex with a virgin or someone who's really inexperienced, you're helping to shape their whole sexual world view.
We hear a lot about men who repeatedly take the virginity of women they sleep with, but for some women, it's something they're into as well. But that doesn't mean it doesn't come with responsibility.
For women who take a man's virginity, the things she does will stay with him forever, in good ways and bad. Popping someone's sexual cherry shouldn't be taken lightly, especially if you're not a virgin yourself. Virgins learn from experience, and your time together will set their sexual standard.
On the other hand, the whole thing may end up being awkward and strange no matter how prepared you might be. Here's what you need to know about having sex with a male virgin.
1. Some men lie and say they’re virgins so you think they’re free of disease: For your own safety, never take anyone's word that they're clean. You can still get a sexually transmitted disease even without having intercourse. The "I'm a virgin" excuse doesn't work.
2. Supply anything you might need (condoms and lube): Many times when someone is going to have sex for the first time, they're not usually thinking about what they'll need for the encounter.
3. Everybody always remembers their first: It won't matter how good or bad the sex is, your virgin will remember you and everybody likes feeling memorable.
4. There are different kinds of virgins. Some virgins may be completely inexperienced while others have done everything but intercourse. Some people consider themselves virgins if they've never had anal sex.
5. Don't be afraid to give directions: They don't know what they're doing, no matter how much porn they've watched. Besides, you need to have fun too, unless being the sex instructor gets you off.
6. Enjoy how nervous you make them feel: As the devirginizer, you're about to make someone's dream come true, so revel in it.
7. The encounter may be over too quickly: Everybody knows that the first time can be over fast, so bring a vibrator so you can have a happy ending yourself.
8. A preference for younger men can be beneficial: There's not a lot of 40-year-old virgins out there, but luckily an appreciation for younger men and being someone's first go together well.
9. Virgins may hide their insecurity with over-confidence: The both of you know that he doesn't know what he's doing, so if he wants to pretend to be a womanizer, don't burst his bubble — just go on doing what you'd normally do.
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10. Take control of the situation: Nine times out of ten, he's not even going to know where exactly he should put his penis, let alone how to get you ready.
11. There's a good chance you'll never see each other again: They'll no longer be a virgin, and they've had a witness to one of their most vulnerable moments, it can feel weird.
12. Be patient and gentle if you're with an anal virgin: Not everybody has the patience to deal with a virgin, and along with that patience is the willingness to take your time and explain what's happening in hopes they'll remember some of your good instructions.
13. Seeing your partner's reactions make it all worthwhile: When one woman was asked in a piece on Broadly about the turn-ons of taking someone's virginity, she said, "Begging, the lead-up to the actual act, seeing someone go through the emotions, and seeing a man's body shake in anticipation."
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Can You Get an STD From Having Sex With a Virgin?
Verywell Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Ⓒ 2021 About, Inc. (Dotdash) — All rights reserved
Elizabeth Boskey, PhD, MPH, CHES, is a social worker, adjunct lecturer, and expert writer in the field of sexually transmitted diseases.
Medically reviewed by Jessica Shepherd, MD on April 03, 2020
Jessica Shepherd, MD, Verywell Health's Chief Medical Officer, is a board-certified women's health expert and nationally-recognized speaker addressing physical, sexual, and emotional health.
There's a myth that just because someone is a virgin that sex with them is automatically safe. Even if it is a virgin's first time having what they define as sex, it doesn't mean that they have never been exposed to a sexually-transmitted disease (STD). There are several ways that virgins can become infected with STDs.
To many, virginity means never having had any sexual contact—but that is not everyone's definition.
Many consider themselves to be virgins if they have not had penetrative (penile-vaginal, penile-anal) sex, even if they've had oral sex or skin-to-skin genital contact. Furthermore, definitions of virginity based on heteronormative assumptions may not be valid in different social/cultural groups.
Sexual encounters can represent varying degrees of interaction and exposure, whether they involve the penis, vagina, mouth, anus, fingers, or sex toys, and whether they are female-male, male-male, or female-female. All of these encounters are risk factors for acquiring an STD.1
Given the range of interpretations of the word virgin, simply being told by a partner that they are one tells you nothing about their risk profile.
Virginity is a cultural definition—not a medical one. Even if a person has never had penetrative sex, it is possible that they may have been exposed to an STD. All sexual encounters warrant the use of safe sex practices—not a reliance on assumptions.
Sexually-transmitted diseases are passed from person to person in a variety of ways.
Some people are exposed to their mother's STDs during pregnancy or birth.2 It is also possible to become infected with diseases, such as human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), through non-sexual risk behaviors. For example, injection drug use is a risk factor for most bloodborne diseases.3
Intimate activities that include genital skin-to-skin contact can transmit genital herpes, syphilis, and human papillomavirus (HPV).4 These organisms can be present on the skin in sores, warts, or even in the secretions (vaginal or penile) of those who are not symptomatic.
Many individuals acquire oral herpes through casual contact with the saliva of their family members (such as kissing on the mouth or sharing eating and drinking utensils).5 This can then be spread to the genitals through oral sex.
As a result, for example, a person who has not had vaginal sex may acquire genital herpes by receiving oral sex from a person who has oral herpes. A person who has not had anal sex may acquire it through oral-anal contact. Even if asymptomatic, they may then transmit herpes to a vaginal or anal sex partner.6
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis can also be transmitted by oral or anal sex. These organisms may infect the mouth or throat during oral contact with an infected person's genitals or anus. Then these diseases can be passed to the genitals of a partner who receives oral sex from the person who has an oral infection.1
STDs can be acquired through unprotected anal sex. Just as they may be transmitted through vaginal sex, STD-causing viruses, bacteria, and parasites can infect the anal and rectal tissues. As well, bloodborne STDs such as HIV and hepatitis are a risk with anal sex.4
Hand-to-genital or hand-to-anal contact can spread HPV.7 A variety of STDs can be spread by sharing an inserted object without cleaning it well between persons. The STDs that can be transmitted this way include chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, trichomoniasis, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HIV, and bacterial vaginosis (BV).8
Contrary to some popular myths, people can get pregnant the first time they have sex.9 In addition, sleeping with a virgin won't cure your HIV or other STDs.
When it comes to sex, it's better to be safe than sorry. Assuming you're at risk of STDs or pregnancy is safer than not taking those risks into account. That's true even when it's two virgins having sex.
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Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. STD risk and oral sex - CDC fact sheet. Updated February 27, 2020.
Taylor AW, Nesheim SR, Zhang X, et al. Estimated perinatal HIV infection among infants born in the United States, 2002-2013. JAMA Pediatr. 2017;171(5):435–442. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2016.5053
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Sexually transmitted diseases. Updated March 9, 2016.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Genital herpes—CDC fact sheet. Updated August 28, 2018.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Genital herpes—CDC fact sheet (detailed). Updated January 31, 2017.
National Health Service. Are sex toys safe? Updated October 12, 2019.
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Verywell Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Ⓒ 2021 About, Inc. (Dotdash) — All rights reserved
Verywell Health is part of the Dotdash publishing family.
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