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13 No-Nonsense Tips For Having Sex With Someone Who's A Virgin
13 No-Nonsense Tips For Having Sex With Someone Who's A Virgin
The first time you have sex with someone can be nerve-wracking, especially if you're a virgin. When you have sex with a virgin or someone who's really inexperienced, you're helping to shape their whole sexual world view.
We hear a lot about men who repeatedly take the virginity of women they sleep with, but for some women, it's something they're into as well. But that doesn't mean it doesn't come with responsibility.
For women who take a man's virginity, the things she does will stay with him forever, in good ways and bad. Popping someone's sexual cherry shouldn't be taken lightly, especially if you're not a virgin yourself. Virgins learn from experience, and your time together will set their sexual standard.
On the other hand, the whole thing may end up being awkward and strange no matter how prepared you might be. Here's what you need to know about having sex with a male virgin.
1. Some men lie and say they’re virgins so you think they’re free of disease: For your own safety, never take anyone's word that they're clean. You can still get a sexually transmitted disease even without having intercourse. The "I'm a virgin" excuse doesn't work.
2. Supply anything you might need (condoms and lube): Many times when someone is going to have sex for the first time, they're not usually thinking about what they'll need for the encounter.
3. Everybody always remembers their first: It won't matter how good or bad the sex is, your virgin will remember you and everybody likes feeling memorable.
4. There are different kinds of virgins. Some virgins may be completely inexperienced while others have done everything but intercourse. Some people consider themselves virgins if they've never had anal sex.
5. Don't be afraid to give directions: They don't know what they're doing, no matter how much porn they've watched. Besides, you need to have fun too, unless being the sex instructor gets you off.
6. Enjoy how nervous you make them feel: As the devirginizer, you're about to make someone's dream come true, so revel in it.
7. The encounter may be over too quickly: Everybody knows that the first time can be over fast, so bring a vibrator so you can have a happy ending yourself.
8. A preference for younger men can be beneficial: There's not a lot of 40-year-old virgins out there, but luckily an appreciation for younger men and being someone's first go together well.
9. Virgins may hide their insecurity with over-confidence: The both of you know that he doesn't know what he's doing, so if he wants to pretend to be a womanizer, don't burst his bubble — just go on doing what you'd normally do.
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10. Take control of the situation: Nine times out of ten, he's not even going to know where exactly he should put his penis, let alone how to get you ready.
11. There's a good chance you'll never see each other again: They'll no longer be a virgin, and they've had a witness to one of their most vulnerable moments, it can feel weird.
12. Be patient and gentle if you're with an anal virgin: Not everybody has the patience to deal with a virgin, and along with that patience is the willingness to take your time and explain what's happening in hopes they'll remember some of your good instructions.
13. Seeing your partner's reactions make it all worthwhile: When one woman was asked in a piece on Broadly about the turn-ons of taking someone's virginity, she said, "Begging, the lead-up to the actual act, seeing someone go through the emotions, and seeing a man's body shake in anticipation."
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Karen was baffled after she tried to have sex with several boyfriends who all told her the same thing – that it was ‘like hitting a brick wall’
IMAGINE a world where sex didn’t bring you pleasure, it brought you pain.
That was the reality for Karen Buono who was a “virgin” until she was 32 because she suffered with an agonising condition made doing the deed impossible.
The now 35-year-old spent most of her life suffering from a painful condition called vaginismus, which causes the muscles of the vaginal wall to involuntarily constrict upon penetration.
Not only was Karen unable to have sex, she also couldn’t use tampons or go for a smear test without unbearable pain.
The school teacher from Wesley Chapel in Florida, USA, was baffled after she tried to have sex with several boyfriends who all told her the same thing – that it was ‘like hitting a brick wall’ when they attempted intercourse.
And after several failed attempts Karen said she gave up trying to have sex.
It wasn’t until she was 31 that she was officially diagnosed with vaginismus - after years of thinking it was all in her head.
And after discovering a doctor who specialised in treating the condition, Karen was completely cured after just four months of intense physical therapy and was finally able to have sex with her “very patient” husband Joe Johnson, when she was 32.
The teacher said: “I knew something was wrong with me after I tried to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time when I was 16.
“I had never even tried to used tampons before that, so this was the first attempt at penetration.
“But no matter what we did, he just couldn’t get it in. It was so awkward.
“I thought it might have just been because it was our first time. So we waited a bit and tried again.
“But we couldn’t do it. He said it was like hitting a brick wall and there was just no way he could get it in.
“So we just gave up. But then the same thing happened with other boyfriends when I was in my twenties.”
Karen turned to alcohol to try and relax her muscles – admitting she used to get really drunk before attempting to have sex.
“I desperately wanted to have sex. I was dying for it, but I couldn’t,” she recalled.
“So I just told every partner I had that I wanted to wait for marriage, but that wasn’t true at all.
“When I was 25, I’d had enough. I paid $4,000 (£3,000) for my doctor to put me under anaesthesia to see what was wrong with me.
“But they said everything was fine. I was dumbfounded.
“So I just thought it must be all my fault. That it was all inside my head.”
One doctor told Karen about vaginismus but she claims she was told there was no cure.
Desperate, she looked for more information online and bought a set of dilators to slowly help her muscles relax upon penetration.
But without any direction or proper knowledge on how to use the dilators, Karen struggled to use them properly.
It wasn’t until she saw a pelvic floor expert Dr Lynn Deang when she was 31 that she was finally diagnosed.
“After just four months of therapy with her, I was cured. I could finally have sex for the first at 32 years old,” she said.
A PAINFUL CONDITION THAT CAN RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE
Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.
It can disrupt or completely stop your sex life, and can lead to distress, a loss of confidence and relationship problems. It may even prevent you starting a family.
The condition can also make gynaecological and pelvic examinations difficult or impossible.
The symptoms can vary from one woman to the next.
Some women are unable to insert anything into their vagina because it closes up completely, while others can insert a tampon but are unable to have penetrative sex, and other women are able to have sex but find it very painful.
Many factors can play a part in the development of vaginismus, although it’s not fully understood why the condition happens.
Factors can include: thinking the vagina is too small, relationship problems and fear of pregnancy.
“It was one of the best days of my life. I was so happy to finally lose my virginity and have sex with the man I love.
“I honestly didn’t think the doctor would be able to help me, but I had nothing to lose so I thought I’d give it a go.
“She promised me I’d be able have sex in four months. I was thrilled. I’d waited my whole life, so four months was nothing.
“For the first two months, I saw her twice a week. She didn’t even get near my vagina at first, it was all just breathing techniques and relaxation exercises.
“Then she would try to insert a cotton bud. It was hard at first, but then it finally went in.
“She would just let that sit in there for about 20 minutes.”
Over time they began work with dilators and Karen used them every night at home on her own.
“And then one night my husband and I were making out on the couch. I looked at him and said ‘do you want to try?’,” she recalled.
“It worked. I finally had sex. I couldn’t believe it. I rang my doctor straight afterwards to tell her what had happened.
“I felt so proud. I felt like I’d just won a race of something that I’d been training for.
“Over time, we did it more and more. It took about a year for us to really get into the groove of things.
“After about a year, sex became really amazing and pleasurable the way it is supposed to be.”
Joe proposed to Karen a year ago, and the newlyweds tied the knot in April this year.
And after an “incredible” honeymoon in the Caribbean, the loved-up duo are now trying for a baby “as often as they can”.
Karen said: “I invited my doctor to the wedding because none of it would have been possible without her.
“There are women out there suffering from vaginismus in silence,” Karen said.
“You can never give up. There is hope. It’s not all in your head. The condition is real, and it can be cured.
“I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”
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