Vintage Mommy

Vintage Mommy
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Mother to one lovely son and our future olive baby.
I’ve been having a rough time emotionally lately.
My sex-drive has been super low ever since I gave birth to Eric three years ago. I had post-partum depression for the first three months but libido just never increased.
So low sex-drive has been hard on the both of us. My husband has accepted the fact that I am just not into sex like I used to be but I feel awful about it. I feel like a really crappy wife.
And now that we’ve moved into our own home, he doesn’t sleep in the bed with me anymore. I already felt sort of lonely because we don’t always talk and he doesn’t make an effort to really engage in any activities with me but now I just feel really shitty. Like I don’t know what to do and my low-sex drive is the root cause and I don’t know how to fix it.
And now I am pregnant with our second child. We only had sex one time that month and I got pregnant… Anyway I just feel really lonely and like I am the cause of all of our emotional distance.
I just want to feel sexy again. Like I did before I was married and had children. I want to feel wanted, mostly emotionally, but physically too because I want him to sleep in the same bed with me.
I don’t really know how to fix me. I am getting really frustrated with myself.
With my first son, I had it easy. No running to the bathroom due to nausea, no weird food aversions, no fatigue.
For the past month I had severe nausea with occasional vomiting and severe food aversion. To all foods. Just the look of food made me want to go hide in a corner. So I rarely ate anything except crackers and water while trying to stomach my prenatals.
I was even more tired than normal, feeling awful, sick, exhausted. I kept hydrated but was struggling with feeling extremely hungry and extremely nauseated. I had to take an entire week off to get through the nausea and hope that I would get the rest to recuperate!
Today, finally, I felt almost normal. I struggled with breakfast but was able to eat a really good lunch and actually ate something good for dinner without gagging. I did run to the grocery store and that left me out of breath this afternoon but I managed to get through my day!
It’s weird because I don’t look SUPER pregnant yet and at Target I felt like everyone was wondering why I was walking so slow and out of breath because I look fairly young and healthy.
It reminds me of how my mother must feel. She has suffered from UC all of her life that has left her chemically dependent and unable to enjoy a normal and healthy life. On the outside she looks healthy but her insides scream something completely different and it’s a struggle everyday for her to get through.
She doesn’t complain as much as she used to when she was younger - probably because she realizes it will never go away and no one really understands how awful she really feels. So she continues to smile anyway and take life one day at a time even though it’s very hard.
While my nausea and fatigue are light years behind how my mother always feels, I have a better understanding of how she feels and I think I can better understand her as a person and my mom is actually really and incredibly amazing.
nausea and diarrhea. this baby is going to be a girl. i just know it. but i want a girl so BRING IT ON PREGNANCY.
I also have a cold thats lasted for almost 4 weeks and I believe it has turned into a sinus infection. Yay me.
Also, I just threw up. Partly the nausea, mostly from an awful, no good, very bad day at work. works. cause I work two jobs.
#nevergettingpregnantagain #twokidsisenough #ewegrossvomit
So I’ve got an appointment/consultation with the CNM’s over at a free standing birthing center today. I want a natural, unmedicated childbirth this time around. My son’s hospital birth wasn’t terrible but throughout the pregnancy I never felt like I had a choice to do things my way. When I did try to discuss my plan with my OB, she didn’t really say anything at all. She just wrote it in her file.
Then a few days prior to my EDD, she said we should do an induction and then scheduled me for one even though I wasn’t really sure about it. She said it was because I was probably going to be late. When I look back on it, she induced me TWO days after his due date. TWO DAYS. That’s not late at all.
I felt so stressed out the entire pregnancy last time. I was always feeling guilty and nervous and excited for my son to arrive but absolutely terrified for his arrival and so I really wasn’t looking forward to it, to be honest. I think all of my negative emotion really played into my body not wanting to relax and dilate.
I really that to change this time around and I know my feelings are obviously different about this pregnancy because this time around I’m married and we have a place of our own and I can actually do things my way (with my husband’s say, of course) rather than having everyone else’s feelings and concerns nagging at me all the time.
And this time I am actually REALLY excited to tell our friends and family! I ordered this super hipster shirt for our son to wear on vacation as the way of announcing his baby sibling’s arrival! :P Except our son’s shirt says “I’m GOING TO BE a big brother.”
Anyway, husband only says I can have a birth center birth with midwives if it ends up being cheaper than a hospital birth (o_O). Our insurance should cover them because they are CNM’s but it’s going to be a matter of in-network vs. out-of-network expenses. We’ll see. I’m rooting for what I want, obviously.

Turns out leash kids aren't a new phenomenon. / General Photographic Agency/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
London Stereoscopic Company/Getty Images
Otto Herschan Collection/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Henry Guttmann Collection/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Edward S. Curtis/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
General Photographic Agency/Getty Images)
General Photographic Agency/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Chalil Raad/Three Lions/Getty Images
Victor Kayfetz/Three Lions/Getty Images
While you celebrate your mom, take a look back at mothers through the ages.
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