Vietnam Massage Girl

Vietnam Massage Girl

By:

Evan V. Symon

Diem Phu Nu

April 19, 2015

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Prostitution is illegal in most of Southeast Asia, but there's a big ol' set of quotation marks around the word. Thailand and Vietnam are especially notorious as destinations for sex tourists. And since Cracked has developed a habit of interviewing prostitutes over the last year for totally official reasons and not at all because we need somebody to hold us while we cry, we decided to speak with Diem Phu Nu. Diem was a Ho Chi Minh City moped prostitute. A moped is the third most hilarious vehicle for a prostitute to use, behind a jetpack and the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
For poorer women like me, prostitution is seen as a fairly acceptable way to get income. I started when I was 15, not because we were starving and needed groceries (although I did help them out on expenses) -- I simply wanted some spending money, and part-time prostitution was a way to get it. I had a lot of English-speaking clients who wanted to take me to dinner as part of the escort experience, so I got free meals, too. It may seem tragic to you, but I was OK with it, and so was my family. The street caller who got clients for me was a family friend, and he looked out for me.
An unexpected fringe benefit: Many of my clients were talkers, and that wound up helping me out a lot in school. I got top grades in English thanks to all the practice I got with clients. You can study quietly in a library, or you can study while having sex and getting paid for it. Seemed like a better deal to me.
It's really only tourists who look down on us for it. One white woman passed me and an older guy holding hands in the street once and told us that "we should be ashamed of ourselves." But he was satisfying his sexual desires, while I consented and was getting money to save up for a moped. I certainly didn't feel ashamed or abused while hooking; I felt like I was 62 percent of the way to a bitchin' scooter.
You may think that starting work as a prostitute is as easy as dressing sexily and actually accepting those lewd offers the guys are yelling at you anyway. But without a "caller," you'll be lost. Callers are basically those guys who twirl around big arrow signs to get people into mattress stores and pizza joints, but for sex workers. No, they don't dance on the street corners while spinning vagina-shaped signs -- they call out to passing tourists and carefully screen prospective clients. Each one knows what the prostitutes they represent can handle.
For example: They'll avoid pairing most of us with heavyset people. Many Vietnamese women are small, so a large, heavy man will be a problem. If the client persists and asks for us specifically, they will have to meet us for dinner rather than riding with us straight to the destination. That's not because we hate them -- fat tourists on mopeds are more of a physics problem than a moral one.
The established callers all have their own turf, and they'll chase away any unrepresented prostitute they see working their area. Other areas are absolutely filled with moped-straddling hookers already, and thus the market is as saturated as ...
I'm not going to finish that analogy, for all our sakes.
Prostitution sounds like a pretty straightforward business:
1. Direct "tab a" into "slot b."
2. Collect money.
But, at least in my city, a surprising amount of thought goes into pairing each customer with the best prostitute for his wants and needs. We're a service industry, and just because we're literally servicing our customers doesn't mean we phone it in.
Say the client gets waved over to a caller. It's not like a taxi stand, where you hop into the first available opening. The caller and the client speak for a while first. Sometimes clients have specific wants -- anything from a classy escort experience to hardcore BDSM. Then their preference is divided into age, figure, sex, and ethnicity. It's like building your own video game character, only you get to fuck it once you're done.
After the caller finds out exactly what the client wants, only then does he contact the most fitting available prostitute. For longer negotiations, the caller might even stop at a drink stand and treat the client to some booze. The customer gets their free drunk on, while the street caller talks it over with the girls until a decision is reached upon who, exactly, is the best prostitute for the job at hand .
Many massage parlors here are fronts for sex. There's no dinner, no conversation or getting to know each other a little first -- just straight to the "show." That's why the more traditional prostitutes in Saigon see massage girls as whores. ( Ed. Note: If you're confused by that distinction, join the club. ) Of course, I'm sure the massage girls think we're whores because we don't even throw a friendly massage in first.
When the caller for a moped prostitute and a pamphlet girl for a massage parlor get too close, things can explode. And not in a sexy, euphemistic way. Callers will knock the pamphlets out of the girls' hands; the girls will kick over the bikes of a rival. There's a parlor very near my room, and full-on fights over clients aren't at all uncommon. It's like a parody porno of The Warriors out there.
You don't want to know what the prostitute version of Luther sticks to her fingers.
Prostitution is not only an expected part of the culture here, but a huge aspect of our tourism industry. Yes, prostitutes can be arrested, but only when they are found to be part of a trafficking ring or are committing another crime while doing it. Otherwise, it's winked at heavily by law enforcement. In fact, the police do more than look the other way -- they protect us better than any pimp could. I mean, you won't see "Ho Chi Minh Police: Way Better Than Pimps" emblazoned on their badges or anything, but they have our backs.
We have each other's backs, too. If someone tries to go to a moped prostitute's apartment, they'll find that all of the neighboring apartments are also filled with prostitutes, as well as an owner who can come and pin down the abuser. Clients who get aggressive can look forward to being dogpiled by call girls, and while that does sound like a hell of a lot of fun, I can assure you it is less so in practice.
The police have no qualms with punishing tourists caught abusing women, and they can totally be reported to American authorities. One of my customers threatened me with a pocket knife when I was 16, and after I yelled out my code word, there were police on the scene in a couple of minutes (Without so much as asking if I was a prostitute, let alone arresting me).
The man was deported the next day, and last I heard, was arrested on arrival in the United States. There's this misconception that sex tourists can do whatever they want in other countries with impunity, as though that country wouldn't protect its own people over a sexually-frustrated rug salesman from Albuquerque.
NOTE: Diem retired as a prostitute shortly after our interview and opened a moped accessory shop in Ho Chi Minh City.
Evan V. Symon is the interview finder guy at Cracked and asked over 40 prostitutes before finding one willing to talk with him about being a prostitute. If you have an awesome job or experience you would like to talk with Cracked about, hit up the tipline at tips@cracked.com
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Happy Ending Massage in Saigon

Last updated: February 26th, 2021
| in Asia | Saigon | Vietnam | Vietnamese Girls

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There’s no doubt that Saigon is the best city in Vietnam to meet sexy local ladies, and the massage parlors are among the most popular types of places to do just that – no matter whether it’s 3pm in the afternoon and you don’t really know what to do or 10pm at night after a couple of beers in the bars on Bui Vien Street.
There are many reasons why the happy ending massages are so popular – they are discrete, means other people don’t see you in public like walking hand in hand with a hooker you just met in a bar, they offer a great value, means you can get an hour of relaxation, massage and happy ending for like 30 USD, and the girls working in these parlors are arguably among the hottest and thinnest you can imagine.
It’s just great to have the option of paying a certain amount of money and then get spoilt with a nice and young Vietnamese lady for some time, and after that just leave the place and go on with your day – without all the dramas that often occur when you bring a girl from the nightlife back to your hotel room.
In this guide I’ll give you the complete overview of happy ending massages in Saigon – there are 3 different types of places you can go to:
Probably the most popular type of happy ending massage in Ho Chi Minh City. The Dai Nam Hotel (left picture) for example, has a spa on the 4th floor (just ask the hotel staff and they will tell you where the elevator is) and once you reached the lobby, you can choose a service from the menu – a “Hot Stone Massage” for example costs 270k.
You then go to the dressing room, take off your clothes and put a towel around your body. You walk to the spa area where you can use the sauna, steam room and relaxation area. It’s all a little narrow and small (typical Vietnamese building), but still good enough to relax for a while before taking a shower and following the male staff to your private massage room.
One minute later your massage lady will come in – they have young, white skinned, thin, and mostly very attractive girls working in there. And even better: They are well trained in performing the massage. All massages end with a hand job (except the foot massage), and afterwards she will give you a piece of paper where you write down the amount of tip – 300-400k is what most people give. You then shower again, get dressed and pay your bill at the lobby.
Next are the massages in “Little Japan”, a small area in District 1 full of Japanese restaurants, girly bars – and naughty massage salons. Unlike the hotel massages (see above) where you often wouldn’t even know that young Vietnamese girls are giving hand jobs to horny guys inside – here in Little Japan it’s much more obvious:
The ladies are actually standing or sitting in front of the salons, trying to attract customers. They’re pretty hot. So the clear advantage here is that you get to see the girls before choosing the massage. However, in case you really want to choose a particular girl, the price is slightly more expensive – 400k instead of 280k. And as usual, you will need to pay a tip for the happy ending (about 400-500k).
There are more than a dozen of these massage salons in Little Japan and also a few more outside on Le Thanh Ton Street (see map below).
And then there are also the small massage salons spread all along Bui Vien Street (left picture) and Thi Sach Street and Dong Du Street (right picture) in District 1.
These places are very tourist oriented, and I don’t really recommend them. They may offer cheap massages (about 200k), but then it often turns out that they have no idea how to perform a decent massage, and after 20 minutes or so they start asking if you want “special service” and try to get as much tip from you as possible.
Maybe you are lucky and find a nice girl, but the places described above offer definitely a much better value for the money.
I have marked the Hotel Massages with the blue pin , the Little Japan Massages with the pink pin and the Small Massage Shops with the yellow pin .

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Vietnam massage is with no doubt among some of the best experiences you’ll have in Asia. Traditional massage in Vietnam are hands down one of the best things about traveling in Vietnam . Massages in Vietnam are varied, cheap, fulfill and relaxing, and it comes with different method. Surely we have been told that Vietnam has an excellent fresh food, paradise beaches and the friendly smiling people that will melt your heart. All that is true but we must highlight Vietnam culture of Spa, karaoke and massages that lighten the entertainment part of your stay in the land of the blue dragon. I have to confess that I have given myself the best foot massage ever in Hanoi and also in Hoi An. God massage and spa parlors are easy to be found and when you got for a massage, it generally comes with ancestral healing therapies, the use of organic oils and homemade ointments, consolidate Vietnam as the one of the best Asian Capital for spa and massage therapy, and of course it is not surprising.
How much can a massage cost us? What kinds of massages are offered in Vietnam and where to go to get the best and reasonably priced massage therapy? The prices will depend on the massage place and the variation of the massage or treatment you will choose to receive, one can simply walk into a cheap charley massage shop that are doing a simple foot massage with 150.000 VND for an hour while if you expect something more than that, you may find an incredible expertly designed massage service that includes healing, therapy, head massage, face scrubbing and more and you may pay something around 400.000 VND. Given that in any Spa or massage center in Vietnam there are different types of massages, it is important that you know what they offer and what you expect of, so that you can choose the one that best suits your needs. In addition, Vietnam massage is a quite energetic and therapeutic healing method that can last between one and two hours. The traditional massages in Vietnam are involving the masseuse hands, knees, feet and elbows to perform the massage techniques. In this case, no type of oil will be used, to define it in a more specific way it would be like a relaxing massage for both body and feet.
Traditional Vietnamese massage, or generally massage in Vietnam is a panacea to health benefiting therapy that is working more on your muscles than just stretching them, this is pretty much inspired from traditional ancient Chinese muscle therapy and is a massage method practically unknown to most people, because until tourism booming in Vietnam it was practiced exclusively in Buddhist temples and Thai chi practiced centers across Vietnam. Vietnam massage dating back to the ancient time as its origins seem to lie in the culture of ancient champa. Vietnam massage includes a series of calibrated pressures, muscle lengthening and kneading around the soft tissues to the conjunctive layer. By stimulating acupuncture points through the “sen” lines, the energy lines, you can eliminate or adjust energy blockages in the body and internal organs. Massage allows the reactivation of all anatomical and functional systems, Vietnam massage stimulates the immune system, induces calm and relieves pain.
In practice, massages in Vietnam for those who have never been to Vietnam is still considered as something more entertaining and sexually involved than just a traditional massage. Many people wonder, “But is it true that Vietnamese massage is also a sexual practice?” Answer: Vietnamese traditional massage is normally a real massage with no sexual activities involved. Actually, you don’t have to mix things up, as there are two kinds of massages in Vietnam: it depends on the massage center where you go, especially in the area where you are, or even on the way the room is structured (if supported a certain degree of privacy in an environment that “helps”). In tourist areas the “optional” opportunity is very often sexual in nature, especially in red light areas, although it is not to be taken for granted and it is 100% against the law, so, we strongly advice you to not looking for something like that.
How to distinguish a serious therapeutic massage for a more “free” one? It is not very difficult because in a normal massage in Vietnam you will have something formal and not suggestive. Massage in Vietnam;s biggest cities such as in Hanoi, Saigon, Danang, Nha Trang is a fundamental and serious business and the centers and spa shops only offers pure massage with other side services such as nail work, washing hair, skin care and many other small beauty jobs. Anyway, when in Vietnam, do not miss the true relaxation, and the pleasure of the traditional massage, In Hanoi and Hoi An it is worth in addition to traditional Vietnamese massage there is a wide range of high-end massages level: such as specific foot massage, massage with “compresses” of aromatic and relaxing herbs or massage with perfumed oils.
It is illegal and not publicly shown anything about Happy ending massage for the red blooded men who are looking for the soapy massages in Vietnam. A very classic way of massage is always thinking around the happy ending massage in Vietnam, however, not the one that comes with a happy ending, at least in Vietnam, but the one that is understood to be therapeutic and provides thousands of benefits that almost nobody knows what they are for. Everyone who visiting Vietnam expects to be able to tell that they have massage in Vietnam. However, what you need to understand is that not all massage parlors you see are professional centers with real massages. You just have to shop around the Hanoi old quarter to check and pick the one massage shop and ask what are they offering first.
The happy ending massage in Vietnam are not that hard to be found, however, as I mentioned above, it is illegal and you may be disappointed when you compare it to neighboring Thailand and Cambodia. Walk around, find massage shops and ask them about the services and try your luck. Even though you can find massage salons anywhere in Hanoi, Saigon, Sapa, Danang and other cities, some massage in Vietnam allow you to choose the girl. Prices are u
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