Very Submissive

Very Submissive
© Copyright 2022. All Rights Reserved.

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.

There is a widespread belief that women enjoy submissive sex. And, although we will explore this subject in the following article, we should first note that both sexes, and all individuals, for that matter, have a neurological potential of liking both dominance and submission in sex.
That said, it is also the fact that women seem to still enjoy the submissive sexual role. So, let’s see why it is so, from a psychological standpoint.
Both men and women fantasize, that’s not a secret anymore. They both have attitudes about what they like and what not. Both genders have fantasies that they will fulfill at some point and some that will remain just that.
When it comes to the content of these sexual fantasies , what men and women get aroused by can be very similar, such as enjoying a vignette in which there are elements of sexual domination.
Although there are similarities that we wrote about among men and women, there are also very important differences. The most important ones revolve around how socially dominant individuals relate to force fantasies. Socially dominant men seem to also enjoy fantasies in which they dominate women.
However, women don’t differ in how they rate fantasies in which they dominate men based on their social standing. Both powerful women and shy housewives would rate a female domination fantasy similarly. But, when it comes to fantasies about them being dominated, women reveal a significant difference that is associated with their influence in the society.
Women of power or generally dominant women seem to enjoy fantasies of a tad forceful intercourse more than other women.
These fantasies may remain in their heads or play out in real life . They may include rather gentle dominance of their male partner but can go as far as fantasies of rape.
Women’s fantasy of being forcefully taken and seduced is interlaced with the fact that such mate would be probably genetically very well predisposed to give them healthy and strong children.
But, these evolutionary assumptions aren’t really that applicable to modern women anymore. They are especially unsuitable to women who are socially dominant and need no such thing as a big protector and a provider.
So, how would we then explain this experimentally confirmed fact, when previously given explanation doesn’t do much to help us understand this phenomenon?
Interestingly, experiments might reveal the mechanism behind this fantasy of dominant women. And the results reveal a logical, but unexpected explanation.
There are different explanations of why an, otherwise very confident and seemingly strong, the woman enjoys becoming dominated over in bed.
Some psychologists, especially those of dynamic schools of thought, might be prone to explaining this by introducing intricate subconscious tendencies towards self-destruction, things like penis-envy and so on.
Nonetheless, it seems that an explanation of what appears to be a paradox is much simpler than that. It’s not a paradox at all. Unlike how degrading such sexual intercourse might appear to some, to powerful women, there’s an entirely different perspective. Such encounters actually serve to confirm the dominant woman’s desirability.
In other words, a woman that enjoys a man dominating over her in sex actually interprets this behavior as the manifestation of how attracted he was to her .
He couldn’t resist her. She was that beautiful and sexy that he just couldn’t help himself, he had to have her, be it by force.
She’s successful in her career, socially dominant, and now she’s also sexually desirable, as a demonstration of feminine power.
When it comes to the discussion about submissive sex for women, the feminist movement might and usually do protest. The idea of a woman being dominated over by a man opposes the core of feminist philosophy. Women should be independent and powerful in every aspect of their existence, including sex.
However, as we presented above, the lure of submissive sex for women might be actually in accordance with what feminism propagates; or, at least, not in opposition to it. Yes, the man forces himself to a woman. But, there is more to feminine power than sheer physical force.
In other words, what women enjoy about being submissive in sex is actually empowering from the other perspective.
A perspective of feminine desirability and thus female power. This is confirmed by the fact that fantasies about sexual submission excite socially powerful and dominant women the most, and that they interpret male domination as a proof of their irresistibility.
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© Copyright 2022. All Rights Reserved.
10 Signs of a Submissive Wife: Meaning and Characteristics
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9403141/ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516677060 https://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Eric-Berne-ebook/dp/B005C6E76U/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1646043287&sr=8-1 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407515574466 https://dictionary.apa.org/submission https://www.routledge.com/What-Predicts-Divorce-The-Relationship-Between-Marital-Processes-and-Marital/Gottman/p/book/9780805814026 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26324.Social_Intelligence

Annes passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.
She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you dont have to do it alone.

“What does a woman want?” So asked Freud and Mark Epstein, another contemporary psychiatrist answered,” she wants a partner who cares what she wants.” Deep down, we all want to be understood and listened to. But how does it relate to a submissive wife? What does she want?
Being submissive temporarily can be a choice, but to be called a submissive wife, you need to be the one accommodating your partner’s needs all the time. It can be a marker of under-confidence and security or other problems in the relationship.
Compromise is a part of most healthy marriages, but being submissive is different. Being submissive over a long period of time can be unhealthy for the individual and the relationship. So, let’s look at the signs of being a submissive wife and its impact on them.
Being submissive in marriage is more comparable to a boss-employee relationship. If you’re not saying what you really mean or asking for what you need, you’re denying yourself as a human being.
This is as far from healthy teams as can be experienced. Additionally, this research shows that the signs of a submissive woman are often associated with a range of psychological problems.
So, what signs can you expect from a compliant and sexually submissive wife? Overall, you’ll see someone who’s subservient and always looking to please. This usually comes with little or no autonomy, self-doubt, and powerlessness, as explained in this paper .
Of course, you also have strong women who show the characteristics of a submissive wife due to various societal and family pressures. Essentially though, they’ve decided to take on the life of a submissive wife willingly.
Their approach will be different because they’ll still ensure they get their way and what they want by operating from the sidelines. This is simply another game to live in peace and get their needs met but you’ll still see the signs of a submissive woman.
So, in this case, the signs of a submissive woman are when the partner seems in control but actually, the woman is making all the decisions. Either way, is this the way you want to play your life, based on deceit?
We all play games with people to get what we want based on our experiences, upbringing, society and any other influences we might have been subjected to. Through every human contact, we experience feelings and sensations and the idea is to keep everything in equilibrium.
Some people believe that you need the characteristics of a submissive wife to keep that equilibrium. The danger with focusing only on those signs is that you miss the big picture.
Families are a system unit and an extremely submissive wife also has needs and desires. Suppressing those completely can, and does, negatively impact children.
Psychiatrist Eric Berne calls the signs of a submissive woman the behaviors of a harried wife in his book ‘ Games People Play .’ He explains that a submissive wife or harried woman’s role is to play ten or twelve different roles ranging from mistress to mother, housemaid, cook and many more.
Berne points out that those roles often conflict and cause the wife’s stress and anguish, which only increases with time. The signs of a submissive woman gradually evolve from appearing balanced to one who breaks down from the pressures of trying to be too many people she’s not.
Of course, a submissive wife might have the energy to keep up the game her whole life. In that case, she’ll find a way to vent and find the nurture she needs as a human being.
The children are usually in the front line and can be forced to become the confidante and supporter that most women expect their husbands to be.
Some might argue that the characteristics of a submissive wife come from someone who’s self-aware and who’s willing to give way to their partner. If this is done sporadically, then this is more accurately called compromise.
On the other hand, a submissive wife who’s constantly compliant and obedient actually negatively impacts her ability to function socially, as detailed in this research . The same paper demonstrates that living the life of a submissive wife also leads to lower marital quality.
Many wives assume the role of the submissive wife under the pretext of maintaining peace and compromising for the collective good. They may do this to maintain a friendly attitude and adhere to the traditional definition of what it means to be a wife or because of a dominating husband.
If the submissive behavior is extreme and long-lasting, it can affect the happiness and confidence of the wife. Therefore, it becomes important to identify signs of a submissive wife.
Here are some of the typical external signs of a submissive wife are that she:
Mutual compromise and reasonable adjustment levels are a healthy part of all relationships. But suffocating submission at all times is harmful.
When you see someone who is submissive, check to see what’s going on below the surface though? Many imply that submission is the same as a compromise but it has to go both ways to build a healthy marriage.
‘Submissive in a relationship’ means to put your desires lower than someone else’s. And if only one partner is doing this repeatedly, that is unhealthy. You can expect to see some or all of the following characteristics of a submissive wife in her inner world.
The expectation is that you will follow your husband to meet his goals. You support his career by putting your career on hold. Overall, the signs of a submissive woman are that she follows quietly without opposition.
The signs of a submissive woman often come with passive-aggressive symptoms. Suppressing desires and opinions doesn’t make them go away.
The characteristics of a submissive wife often include indirectly sharing negative feelings. They haven’t gone anywhere just because she’s trying to comply.
To recognize a submissive wife, listen to how much she justifies serving her husband. She’ll find many so-called facts in her belief system handed down through family or religion.
Other signs of a submissive woman are that she justifies giving in as being kind to her husband. Although kindness is based on equality, submission is dependent behavior.
The characteristics of a submissive wife overlap heavily with codependence. Although, submission is more wilful. Nevertheless, the mind is denying its true nature and you’ll see reactivity and mental strain at some point.
The many signs of a submissive woman often come from low self-esteem . After all, if you believe in yourself, you wouldn’t let someone dictate how you live. So, the characteristics of a submissive wife are that she suppresses her needs and emotions.
Interestingly, some of the signs of a submissive woman come across as superficial because she’s playing a game. It comes back to the many roles expected of her. All these make the characteristics of a submissive wife in opposition to her true nature.
You can easily recognize a submissive wife from the way she holds herself with hunched shoulders and a quiet demeanor. Ultimately, a submissive wife’s characteristics make her feel like a servant who’s constantly bowing to someone else.
If you’re constantly waiting for someone to decide what you should do, your confidence will decrease with time. You’ll constantly be second-guessing yourself as you try to mind-read your partner. That’s why the signs of a submissive woman often lead to self-doubt.
A submissive wife’s role can trigger her to become manipulative in some cases. She’s still a person with wants and needs meaning that she might find more opportunistic and cunning ways to meet them.
So, you might see the characteristics of a submissive wife as someone who is smiling and charming when her husband is around. When he’s not, her guard is down and she might portray someone resentful who takes it out on her children or others around her.
Listening without saying anything is one of the common submissive wife personality traits. Their expected role is to comply and not argue back. The house will be spotless, dinner will be ready at all the right times and all this, with a silent smile.
The American Psychological Association defines submission as “compliance with or surrender to the requests, demands, or will of others.” Interestingly, the page tells you to compare the definition for dominance, including control. This naturally pairs with the characteristics of a submissive wife.
Control is not a word associated with a healthy marriage . Being submissive in marriage necessarily goes with having a dominant partner, no matter how subtle their behavior. Over time, other submissive wife personality traits will appear through the cracks.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in his book ‘ What Predicts Divorce? ’ says that if we have an unmet core need, we will have an unhappy marriage . The frustration builds because the submissive wife’s rules have denied her natural desires and either the marriage or she breaks down.
The signs of a submissive woman revolve around suppressing her core needs and desires. Otherwise, we would be talking about compromise and respecting each other’s wants and goals in life.
Gottman lists seven factors for a healthy marriage, one of which is conflict management . You might assume that the submissive wife’s rules should stop all conflict and yes, on the surface, that’s potentially true. This is not managing conflict but simply ignoring one partner’s thoughts and feelings.
On the contrary, you should be listening to each other, trying to understand each other and finding common ground together. None of this points to the characteristics of a submissive wife.
To learn more about Dr. John Gottman’s notion of what it takes to maintain a happy marriage, watch this video:
Genuine rapport with mutual empathy feels good. On the flip side, a compliant and sexually submissive wife represses her desire to serve someone else. Perhaps on the surface, only the husband benefits. Then again, do men want to marry women who aren’t true to themselves?
Inside and outside the bedroom, shared attention is the baseline for strong rapport and closer connection, as psychologist Daniel Goleman explains in his book ‘ Social Intelligence .’ You also need warmth and coordination to develop a strong bond .
Of course, you can fake it through the characteristics of a submissive wife. Nevertheless, this jeopardizes the harmony of needs and motives your need for a healthy partnership . This leads to potentially disastrous mental issues or creates children with their own set of issues.
Children look to their caregivers to role model attachments and relationships. If they see one of them ignoring their needs and desires to serve someone else, they could become people-pleasers later in life.
Moreover, those children don’t learn the tools to express their own needs and emotions. This creates more submissive people who can even go over to codependency.
Instead, work to establish your boundaries and build your self-esteem to be more assertive while staying compassionate in your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with compromise as long as it’s mutual.
Conflict is how we grow and develop as a couple. Denying that by letting one person always have their way, is denying yourself the full breadth of human experience.
Discussing the characteristics of a submissive wife is controversial for many because our opinions are embedded in our beliefs that have been influenced by society, religion and family. Regardless of your beliefs, try to be open to companionate marriage and social connection rather than assuming that being submissive is the only option.
We need teamwork and compromise in a healthy marriage and everyone will define that differently. Nonetheless, don’t mistake love for service, though and remember that loving another starts with our self-love. That includes standing up for your opinions, needs and desires.
Work with a therapist to help you get the life you deserve where both a healthy marriage and your needs are met. The two are not exclusive. To be loved is not to be dominated but to be accepted as you are and not as others want you to be.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

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