Vers Top Urban Dictionary
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Vers Top Urban Dictionary
( versatile bottom ) Someone who normally is bottom, receptive partner in sex and imagines they are also capable of being a top.
I am a bottom vers looking for a total top
someone who likes to bottom but is willing to top if the other party is wanting
Last night I hooked up with this Vers bottom guy, he had such a great ass and I asked if he was willing to top me . Such a wild night
What it Means to Be Top, Bottom, or Vers
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Welcome to Down to Find Out , a column in which Nona Willis Aronowitz addresses your biggest questions about sex, dating, relationships, and all the gray areas in between. Have a question for Nona? Send it to downtofindout@gmail.com or fill out this Google form . (It’s anonymous!)
I see a lot of "bottom" "top" and "vers" online and on dating apps, but if you're a virgin, and still haven't had sex with someone, how do you know? Should you just try both, and then know? And do these three terms only apply to anal intercourse, or is it other forms of sex too?
There’s little on this great green earth that’ll make you feel more on the spot than having to choose a label for yourself. Especially if the criteria of those labels are based on something theoretical, like the future sex you’ll be having. Your stress is totally understandable, but I come bearing some great news: It often takes a while, sometimes many years , for gay and bisexual people to self-identify as a “bottom,” “top,” or “versatile” (vers for short).
I’m not just saying that as a hunch — there’s actual data on the subject. In a recent survey published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior , researchers found that “men’s sexual position self-label was learned over a 15-year timespan.” For many, choosing a label is a slow evolution that has “enormous complexity.” In other words, even thirtysomethings on these apps may not totally know their preferences yet.
When I called up my friend Rich Juzwiak, a fellow sex advice columnist over at Slate , this study was the first thing he mentioned. You should take comfort in the fact that “there’s clinical evidence that it’s a process,” he told me. It’s “the norm to be unsure and figuring it out.”
So, how do you go about figuring it out? First, let's talk about what these labels mean . Generally, a bottom is the receiver, a top is the giver, and vers is someone who does both. These terms, while often applied to anal sex, do apply elsewhere, and aren't reserved for men who have sex with men. When it comes to penetrative sex, being a top or bottom often refers to who is penetrating and who is being penetrated. But for non-penetrative sex these terms might refer to a power dynamic. All that said, there's no strict definition of any of these things, and they might mean different things to different people— when in doubt, ask!
In terms of penetrative sex, Rich recommends taking it slow and not jumping right into intercourse for the sole purpose of giving yourself a label. “You’re not required to have anal sex before you’re ready,” he says. “It’s totally socially acceptable to just have oral sex or make out or jerk off.” Anal sex is a vulnerable act that requires preparation, Rich says, so it’s not unreasonable to make that clear with your partners. And of course, you don’t have to have any kind of sex at all if you’re not ready.
Gay dating apps, especially known hookup apps like Grindr, can be blunt and transactional places where rejection is common, Rich warns: “You kinda have to have a thick skin and not take it personally.” But the great thing about these apps is that they set up a space to talk about your limits before you meet up with someone. Some guys might not be interested in a slower, intercourse-free encounter, “but it’s better to know that upfront than being in a situation where you feel pressured or coerced.” Make sure that your partner knows you’re new at this, and that you might require some patience.
Meanwhile, even if you don’t yet know your label, try to be as specific as possible about what you want during sex — even if that means being clear about your inexperience. Once you’ve done some exploration at your own pace, you’ll gain more clarity about the type of sex or positions you prefer.
How do you increase the length of intercourse and not come too quickly? How long should men last in bed?
There is no set length of time men “should” last in bed — it really depends on the vibe and the person you’re having sex with. Contrary to popular belief, there’s no reason on principle that you should try to last as long as possible, especially if everyone’s mood or time constraints call for a quickie. (Many a vagina and butt have gotten sore from intercourse that goes on too long.) Still, coming very quickly during intercourse is a super-common anxiety, especially among younger people whose penises are in tip-top shape. So let’s talk about it.
There are definitely some things you can try, like condoms , edging , masturbating before sex, or the “ squeeze technique .” Aside from these tips and tricks, though, two good general rules are to stop rushing and start communicating with your partner. Try to take the focus off your penis and intercourse for a little while during foreplay. You might be tempted to delay orgasm by dissociating with unsexy thoughts, but try to stay present and just enjoy your partner’s body first; if you feel yourself getting too excited, you can always shift to pleasuring them. And since it never feels great to be silently worrying about these things during sex, clue your partner in, even if it’s with a simple, “Hey, let’s take it slow tonight...I want to make this last.” I feel like I say this in every column, but it goes such a long way if you can feel safe, relaxed, and cared for by a non-judgmental partner.
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Urban Dictionary may have originally started as a joke, but the online authority of all things slang is now a legitimate source on what popular sayings mean — and a ton of the words published in their pages are commonly accepted vernacular.
As raunchy as it can be at times, Urban Dictionary has gone mainstream — I mean, it’s even used in some courtrooms to define culturally acceptable slang terms. Doesn’t get much more legit than that. Of course, being the crowdsourced slang resource that it is, none of the words were actually invented by Urban Dictionary. However, many (including some of the words below) have since been added to more traditional dictionaries — and others may have been in old-school dictionaries first, but the peeps at Urban Dictionary just defined them better.
In honor of our ever-changing English language , here are the big pop culture words we think everyone needs to know .
Warning: Some strong language ahead (NSFW)
1. A crapella — singing (badly) while listening to music through headphones
2. Ann Curry-ed — being fired unexpectedly and/or without cause
3. Askhole — an individual who asks ridiculous, obnoxious or irrelevant questions (this is often chronic behavior)
4. Awesome sauce — something that is more awesome than awesome (awesome topped with awesome sauce)
5. Baby bump — the protruding abdominal region of a woman when she starts to become noticeably pregnant (often creates speculation a woman is pregnant even when it’s the result of bloating or the way clothes fall)
6. Badassery — actions or behavior that are amazing or unbelievable; the act of being a badass
7. Beer me — please, get me a beer (can also be used figuratively to ask for anything to be passed or retrieved for the speaker)
8. Bitchy resting face — the state of a face while not emoting in which the individual looks hostile or judgmental
9. Bitcoin — electronic currency that can be transferred securely without the need of a third party (such as a bank or PayPal)
10. Blamestorming — usually in a business setting, the act of attempting to identify who was to blame for a failure or problem, rather than trying to brainstorm a solution
11. Boomerang child — a child who moves out to start his or her own life, then returns home to live (often as a result of the economy, but possibly due to irresponsibility of some kind)
12. Bromance — 1) as a noun or adjective, two heterosexual males with such a close relationship they appear to be romantically involved; 2) as a verb, the act of attempting to become closer to a fellow heterosexual male (usually through acts similar to romancing a woman, such as flattery, gifts and spending alone time)
13. Bropocalypse — a large gathering of adult males with the sole mission of getting drunk (such as at a fraternity party)
14. Bye Felicia — exclamation used when a person announces they are exiting, but other people in the area don’t care; adapted from 2005 film Friday starring Chris Tucker and Ice Cube
15. C-note — a $100 bill (where C stands for centum , the Latin word for 100)
16. Cock block — 1) referring to a slang term for male genitalia, the act of preventing a man from getting somewhere (getting to know, getting a date or having sexual relations) with a man or woman he is interested in; action may be committed by a male or female; 2) in traffic, to cut someone off
17. Cougar — an older woman who prefers the romantic company of much-younger men
18. Crackberry — a slang term for a mobile phone brand (BlackBerry) that implies its user is addicted to the device
19. Crunk — 1) a replacement for foul curse words (popularized by a joke on Conan O’Brien); 2) a combination of crazy and drunk , meaning crazy drunk (may also refer to people who are high); 3) a style of rap music popular in the South; 4) something at a high level (e.g., volume) or something awesome; 5) to have a good time
20. Cyberslacking — using one’s employer’s Internet and email for personal activities during work
A version of this article was originally published in January 2014.
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More stories to check out before you go
Urban Dictionary may have originally started as a joke, but the online authority of all things slang is now a legitimate source on what popular sayings mean — and a ton of the words published in their pages are commonly accepted vernacular.
As raunchy as it can be at times, Urban Dictionary has gone mainstream — I mean, it’s even used in some courtrooms to define culturally acceptable slang terms. Doesn’t get much more legit than that. Of course, being the crowdsourced slang resource that it is, none of the words were actually invented by Urban Dictionary. However, many (including some of the words below) have since been added to more traditional dictionaries — and others may have been in old-school dictionaries first, but the peeps at Urban Dictionary just defined them better.
In honor of our ever-changing English language , here are the big pop culture words we think everyone needs to know .
Warning: Some strong language ahead (NSFW)
1. A crapella — singing (badly) while listening to music through headphones
2. Ann Curry-ed — being fired unexpectedly and/or without cause
3. Askhole — an individual who asks ridiculous, obnoxious or irrelevant questions (this is often chronic behavior)
4. Awesome sauce — something that is more awesome than awesome (awesome topped with awesome sauce)
5. Baby bump — the protruding abdominal region of a woman when she starts to become noticeably pregnant (often creates speculation a woman is pregnant even when it’s the result of bloating or the way clothes fall)
6. Badassery — actions or behavior that are amazing or unbelievable; the act of being a badass
7. Beer me — please, get me a beer (can also be used figuratively to ask for anything to be passed or retrieved for the speaker)
8. Bitchy resting face — the state of a face while not emoting in which the individual looks hostile or judgmental
9. Bitcoin — electronic currency that can be transferred securely without the need of a third party (such as a bank or PayPal)
10. Blamestorming — usually in a business setting, the act of attempting to identify who was to blame for a failure or problem, rather than trying to brainstorm a solution
11. Boomerang child — a child who moves ou
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