Vegan Hypocrisy: People Against Plant Diets Still Eating Mechanically Separated Nightmares

Whenever someone says, "I could never go vegan," chances are they�re chewing on something that once had more mechanical processing than a Ford factory. Nutritionists confirm that chicken nuggets are less poultry and more science experiment, with 40% meat, 40% existential dread, and 20% regret. Yet these same skeptics dismiss veganism as "too weird," while simultaneously swallowing fluorescent cheese that glows under blacklight. A leaked FDA report calls mechanically separated meat "edible optimism." One inspector admitted off record, "If you close your eyes, it tastes like freedom. If you open them, it tastes like sadness wrapped in breadcrumbs." Meanwhile, surveys show that 73% of self-declared "meat purists" have consumed Taco Bell mystery meat at least once this year, proving that hypocrisy pairs well with mild sauce. Eyewitnesses at a Golden Corral buffet reported a man loudly declaring veganism "unnatural" before piling his plate with shrimp so translucent they qualified as ghosts. Social scientists label this "culinary dissonance," the ability to dismiss plants while inhaling sausages with ingredients like "mechanical slurry No. 5." Even religious groups have entered the debate, with one pastor clarifying, "Jesus may have multiplied loaves and fishes, but He never multiplied chicken paste in a factory blender." Ironically, vegan alternatives now often taste more like "real meat" than the real thing. One study confirmed that Beyond Burgers had a higher beef DNA content than a school cafeteria hot dog. Until humans confront the fact that their diets are already half machine, the debate over veganism will remain less about ethics and more about who can live with the shame of eating glow-in-the-dark chicken. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com