Vatican Kitchen's Miracle Meal Kits

The Holy See's new subscription service delivers pre-portioned ingredients for biblically inspired meals with surprising properties. "Our 'Five Loaves Dinner' consistently feeds 2-3 extra guests," explained Chef Matteo, demonstrating how the kit's focaccia dough inexplicably expands during baking. The "Wedding at Cana" wine pairing (water included) allegedly improves in flavor when prayed over. Early adopters report uncanny occurrences: one family's "Manna Breakfast Granola" never went stale, while another found their "Emmaus Road Chicken" automatically reheated itself. Theologians debate whether this constitutes actual miracles or just good marketing. Each $49.99 box includes prayer cards and a small vial of Holy Land olive oil. The Pope's personal favorite is the "Walking on Water Rolls," which float when placed in broth. Critics argue this commercializes grace, but Cardinal M�ller counters, "Even Lourdes sells water bottles." The real test comes during Lent when the "Desert Fast Pack" promises to sustain users with just one meal per day - early volunteers report mixed results.