Vagina Wax
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Vagina Wax
TIFU by trying to wax my own vagina
TIFU by trying to wax my own vagina
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In an effort to be sexy and save money I decided to wax my own vagina. I researched it online and watched videos and I've had them done professionally since I was 15. I figured if my Puerto Rican high school dropout bikini waxer can do it, then so can I. I took a Xanax and applied the wax and ripped. Easy peasy! It didn't hurt and the hair was actually coming out. As I was applying wax to the innermost sensitive area of the vagina my husband came in the room. I was half kneeling half planking over my makeup mirror in a sports bra and nothing else while applying the wax with a tongue depresser. When he came in I screamed "DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!" And tried to do a barrel roll behind my makeup vanity so he couldn't see me. As I did this the tongue depresser lodged itself in between my downtown lips and the wax stuck to both sides of the tongue depresser, which was now lodged firmly into place. If you don't know anything about bikini wax it dries very quickly. I tried to open my legs but the tongue depresser was stuck to both lips and there was nothing I could do. So I figured my best bet was to breathe deeply and rip it as fast as I could. I am currently writing this in the lobby of Urgent Care while wearing an adult diaper because I ripped a two inch section of flesh off of my vagina and am bleeding rather profusely. So please, men and ladies, if you're going to get waxed find your nearest Puerto Rican high school dropout and let them rip your hair off for you.
Edit: guys and girls thanks so much for the gold. It means a lot to me. I've now been gilded for a) appearing in a Glory Hole while resembling Deb from Dexter and b) for maiming my vagina. I love you all, I'm going to go home and sit gently on a bag of ice. I'll be back tomorrow to answer your questions and apologize to the people of Puerto Rico.
Second edit: So sorry for offending anyone from Puerto Rico, I was just stating the fact that my waxer has told me multiple times that she is a Puerto Rican high school drop out. Also, I live in Miami, it's very common to get bikini waxes starting in high school. I would not get a Brazilian wax (please don't get offended that I wrote Brazilian), just a simple bikini line wax where you leave your panties on, so I wasn't spread eagle in front of a random stranger. And as stated previously, I went to a reputable salon, not some van with tinted windows and a sign that said "free waxes for young teen girls!" To answer the question "why did you freak out if your husband saw you?" If you've never seen someone wax themselves it looks like a gorilla crime scene. There are sticky strips covered with hair and tiny specks of blood on the towel you sit upon while sweating and yanking large patches of fur off your choocha. It's just not cute. It has nothing to do with my husband, I just want to feel sexy and that's not a sexy time for anyone to see. It's uncomfortable, awkward and tear filled. I mean I guess that turns a lot of people on, but I prefer to surprise my husband with a nice, trimmed clam friend to eat rather than let him see the de-bearding process.
Third edit: if you guys liked this I have some more horrifying stories that I can share with you. None of which involve any ethnicities or races!
I have a dick and that made me hurt. Hope all goes well for you!
It wasn't as bad as the time I took a power drill and accidentally drove it through my entire thumbnail. Hurt much less than that. I'm sure it'll be fine.
I have a dick and that made me hurt. Hope all goes well for you!
Oh God, can you imagine how this whole thing went down from the boyfriend's perspective? He probably went into the room to look for his phone or something and as soon as he opened the door he was greeted by a screaming half-naked lady diving for cover behind a vanity via commando roll. Then, as quickly as she disappeared she resurfaces and before he could even identify the object wedged betwixt her lips, OP reaches down and rips it out like it fucking Excalibur with a blood-curdling shriek that will haunt his sleep for the rest of his life.
thank you, dear stranger! I'm finally crying from laughter in a quiet office
"I..... I don't understand... I just walked into the room and she ripped half her vagina off"
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!! Well done internet stranger....I cried!!
Otherwise known as TIFU trying to get my phone.
I'll take "Anecdotes you don't want to read while eating a steak dinner" for $1000
I would never read this subreddit while eating dinner. That's another TIFU post.
Lucky you weren't eating roast beef. Rare.
You're brave posting that on here, I would have remained tight lipped on the situation.
I remain tight lipped as well as they are still stuck together.
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